All Comments on 'Thomas Hunter'

Thanks?

That last line nearly choked me! Well done. Full marks. Thanks, Randi.

Good little flash story. Carbon monoxide is said to be an easy way to go to sleep and not wake up. It's victims also exhibit cherry red skin. What did our man see in the cemetary? Since he noted the abnormally red complexion, was she already dead? Was the red caped fellow Satan himself, taking the souls of an adulterous wife and her lover? Again, a good story. Kind of a dark night in LW, ain't it?

Certainly you missed telling of one of the patrons of the Brewer's Droop, none other than Whisky Dick!

R.

Well done. More please.

A well paced and compelling narrative. Like a short from a Dennis Wheatley.

4*

Good homage to Robert Burns :D

Just a couple of nits to pick, have to maintain by cred!

Why did he call out her maiden name, Cathy Sark?

How did the police find him so quickly to notify him? Even assuming she and her lover were even found that early, who could have known where he was staying?

Okay, that out of the way, I had my suspicions right away that the "friend" was a male friend.

I liked "Rabbi Burns"!

Seemed like an abbreviated report rather than a story. A little more depth is needed in my opinion.

Thanks for your hard work but this one isn't for me.

No way you would get a police response like that in that time frame as he stayed in a non disclosed location . In a rural area. My question to the author is, how is that possible. It would be days and possibly never would they know his wife died .this part just doesn't work. If he called home or called a friend he was going home maybe someone local would know otherwise just impossible.

it is too bad you didn't have a gifted 2 where we find out what happens to heather and Donnie Robbies father could introduce him to Donnie at a restaurant where Donnie and heather are out for the night he could be introduced as Heathers other man who she was gifted to then let the fun begin

God, I hate the moderated comments!

You probably didn't see my comment where I asked that same thing! At best, after his home office is open, assuming they somehow know where he works, they may be able to get his itinerary, but there's no way they're going to be waking him up!

The police are able to locate you if you use your credit card.

Is there a second part? The whole apparition of his wife rutting on a tombstone just to find out she was probably already deceased while bonking some other bloke? Are the threats given to me all those years ago about heavy binge drinking and sober up night breakfast at IHOP finally making my mental faculties fail? I'm confused.

Flesh it out and resubmit it. Beginnings of a great story.

I love the rabbi Burns bit, I cracked up although I guess it wasn't the Scottish Burns but the satanic 'burns' Ha Ha !! I love your sense of humor anyway. Thank you

Very mysterious and other worldly.

A nice chuckle at the end.

Lue

Ps: It pains me to agree with SB, but his comment "God, I hate the moderated comments!" is one point of furious harmony twixt me and he.

Yes, the police may have been able to find him by his credit card, BUT...

First, they have to find the victim. I suppose the deaths MAY have been discovered during the night.

Second, they need to know her husband's name. Unless it was a mistake, she was using her maiden name, "Sark," so how do they know to search for a Thomas Hunter?

I find it much more likely that he would find them waiting for him at home rather than waking him up at 7:30 AM at a remote guest house!

No end, no clarification no nothing. Poor story. Unworthy crap Fredoberto. Have read much better stories by you.

I don't, and I didn't. But thanks for the contribution.

It’s too deep for me, I think.

Makes no sense. Who or what was Rabbi Burns supposed to be?

jtaylor

My personal take was that it was a play on "Robert Burns," the poet, as this story was a play on his poem, "Tam o'Shanter." I don't claim any great knowledge of literature, I was educate on this by blackrandl1958.

Like others, it's been a while since I read the referred-to poem, but you included enough clues that it rang a bell. One would think those who didn't remember the piece could follow your hints and use their favorite search engine, but I learned a while ago that LW is no place for subtlety.

Thank you for this!

GA.

Great punch line!

I don't know Robert Burns

and his work.

But that didn't stop me

enjoying this story.

We've seen here in Literotica

a lot of stories connected to poetry.

More songs than poems,

but to me all enjoyable.

I applaud the fertile minds among us,

who take the time to connect

different artforms and share it with us.

Hat's off to you all!

Thanks Fredoberto for introducing

Robert Burns to me.

And thanks for your story.

Top ratings from me.

Inspirational tale reworked

Looked up the Robert Burns poem and re-read the story. That's some good stuff.

AND ... We-The-Readers now know why the pursuing ceremony participants did not (could not) catch and do Hubby in. They would have to go through running water! Cute!

Rabbi Burns could be:

1- a Jewish cleric reading a torah written on sheepskin; or 2- a mispronounceation of "Robbie Burns."

I'm just sayin'....

For some reason some readers cannot suspend disbelief over small matters for the sake of the story. What does it matter that that the cops show the next morning!?!? It was _necessary_ for the story that they do. ERGO, they did.

And a nice send off at the bottom of your submissions. I've favorited this story and you as an author.

Awaiting your 2020 submission(s).

I was not familiar with Robert Burns, nor his Halloween poem before reading this story. After dragging myself through the translation (I don't speak 18th century Scottish), my opinion is that Fredoberto's story is incredibly better than the Halloween poem, and reading the poem adds absolutely nothing to the story. I found the story interesting and well paced. However, I am clueless (possibly just clueless overall) how this story relates to the poem, other than in the most vague way. If you are not into old Scot poetry, just enjoy this story and skip the "Halloween" poem.

⭐⭐ 1/2

Original - 4*

Rather excellent

Always love timely karma..

Very well written and a nice tale too boot.

Sergeant Sculder and Constable Mully.: the truth is out there.

SHR

Lot of tasty little Easter eggs buried in this story. Very enjoyable read. Weel done, Cutty-sark! 5*

Well written!

Ah... Robbie Burns!

Carbon Monoxide Poisoning is way too easy of a death. At least she’s going to suffer for all eternity.

/

ZK