All Comments on 'Three Women Open a Massage Parlour Pt. 01'

Great !!!!!

I like it. Good story

It was alright. The women in the story was basically Whores and I honestly can't say I think that's hot.

2 stars for me on this one Chris.

Great story. However…..the 3 women took a course in massage. In order to become a certified and liscensed masseuse takes hundreds of hours of classroom study and hands on practice. Need to study anatomy and physiology along with different massage techniques. This isn’t done overnight or in a few short weeks.

Delicious. I’ve written several chapters ahead. I hope you will keep up with my imagination.

cliffb26

Thanks for your hilarious comment. Your talent as a writer is being wasted, you should do some stories for Literotica. I'm sure that if you do then they all get 5 star ratings!

Fantastic, a 'mother and son' love, which takes them to the fullness of sex together - there can be nothing so fullfilling than this for each of them....

Excellent piece of work.

Great read. I love mom and son stories. The back part of your lifestyle with your friends and the build up is great

You could build from here or start a new one

I’m going to fallow you and read what you have

Look forward to the next trip

I realize Alison would not give much of a physical description of herself, as she is the narrator. But a little more physical description of Bianca and Carla might be nice. Did Alison get her money and the house from a favorable divorce settlement? Why did Bianca not receive a life insurance settlement, or had she already run through it? Just a little more information on Carla would have been helpful. When the three women were discussing their new business adventure, was it over coffee or wine? How do the three women know each other as Alison is 48, Bianca is 38, and Carla is 28? A twenty-year spread.

As for their new building, it seems unlikely that they would actually purchase it, as opposed to leasing. I understand the CCTV, but why is “reception” on the second floor? And how did the very first client know to ask for Alison? Had the women done some sort of advertising? There seems to be gaps in the story.

As for grammar and writing style, my biggest issue is not always understanding who is speaking. I realize that many times it is apparent, but sometimes it helps to clarify who is speaking. The pronoun “Son” should not be capitalized unless it is the first word of the sentence or if the speaker is directly addressing her offspring as “Son.” The same rule applies to the word “Mother.” Many of your paragraphs seem to be short and choppy. As a general rule, I would expect most paragraphs to be at least three sentences in length.

You might also improve your writing with the use of synonyms. You used the word “cock” 24 times. You might alternate it with other terms such as dick, penis, rod, pole, stiff shaft, member, etc. The same goes for the word “bottom.” You could use words such as “ass” or “butt” from time to time. And then the word “pussy.” You used it 32 times, and I don’t believe you ever used a single synonym, of which there are hundreds. Way too many to list. My only suggestion is to avoid the word “cunt,” unless it is used in a fit of rage. That really is an unnecessary term in polite language.

The grammar checking software “Grammarly” found 266 errors for “correctness.” That is about one error for every 31 words. Most of these are for comma splices, so I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on those. As the rules for comma usage are somewhat subjective. However, some of the errors seriously need correcting. I would suggest the use of an editor, either a live person or reliable software.

Finally, overall I liked the story. But I just found the incest between Alison and her “young” son (I assume you meant young adult son) a little forced and unnatural. The storyline was not well developed. Maybe it would have made more sense in the trilogy’s first installment to have Alison’s first “non-paying client” be Troy and not Brad. You could always introduce Brad to his mother’s bed later on.