Three's Company: Jack's Magic Dick!

Three's Company Tribute

Episode One: Jack's Magic Dick

By Richardickensalcoxxx

"...Down at our rendezvous...."

"Three's Company too!"

Larry met the most amazing woman in Lana Shields but as he began giving his friend the latest updates, Jack was just not paying much attention. He was too busy changing his torn bellbottoms. Jack had gone through some kind of scandal at work with mister Angelino. He somehow managed a smile and let Larry describe how his dates with Lana kept getting better and better.

"Oh, come on Larry, you!? Going steady with an older woman?! Lordy! Lordy! Lordy ...Lordy! What is the world coming to!!" Those were still Jacks words even after a few months from when he first heard about the relationship.Jack didn't know what he was missing. A total lioness in the sack; Lana always let Larry lead and took him to the edges of forbidden MILF pleasure every night.

Now, after much more convincing, Jack was almost starting to believe that Larry had finally found love. Lana was the notorious cougar that Jack never had time for. Larry wondered if, secretly, Jack was grateful to him for getting her off his back. But she turned out to be one of the gentler women Larry had come to know.

He didn't intend on going back to having more adventures and, as the conversation with Jack deepened, Larry realized that he was quite infatuated.

"Larry, you're doing just fine! You are a softie deep down, everybody knows! It looks like you and Lana were made for each other from what I am hearing!"

"I'm telling you, though, Jack. No tricks up my sleeve with this one!"

"I doubt it with a woman like Lana. Good for you, Larry!"

Larry went on to talk about just how intimidated he was at first. He was so used to being the aggressive one in the relationship. Lana was much more confident than the average woman he went out with, and much older. As he carried on in trying to give Jack more details about what a fun-loving and wonderful woman Lana was, Jack was still a bit scattered.

Larry Dallas slowly began realizing that he was not being such a good friend and asked Jack to tell him what was actually happening that he was so upset. He had been ignoring the fact that his friend was having a bad day but not before Jack asked him about the concert.

"Are we still going to see Hall & Oates and The Who with Janet and Chrissy at the end of October?"

"I have the tickets but will you be able to get mister Angelino to give you the night off?"

"Mister Angelino is probably making me scrub the wall of the restaurant again but I'll talk to him. I caught all these teenagers spray-painting it with obscenities!"

Larry learned that Jack was upset because he had discovered some kids vandalizing the restaurant. Mister Angelino lost his mind. Jack only saw one of them before she ran away, laughing like a hyena. The rest sped across the street in all directions. Soon mister Angelino would have to pay for the wall of the restaurant to be re-painted rather than give Jack another raise, Jack suspected.

"I don't know Larry. It sure is a sign of the times when you catch girls vandalizing the neighborhood like that!"

"Did you chase after them for very long?"

"Mister Angelino made me chase them while he just stood outside going completely crazy!! I think he was yelling at me more than he was yelling at them!"

"Did any of the neighbors come up with anything?"

"I got a good look at one of them. She was laughing in my face and basically let me chase her for blocks!"

"Kids Today... Huh, Jack?!"

Eventually Jack got over it and the kids were never caught. In the following few months the restaurant started getting more favorable food reviews from restaurant critics. Jack began inviting Larry to come down and eat there with Lana more often. Lana looked so beautiful that mister Angelino even let Jack take the rest of the night off when the couple dined there.

Angelino thought he could flirt with her and he became jealous of Larry when Lana told him she was seeing Larry regularly. Angelino could barely hold back his envy upon hearing about how Lana and Larry were an item and going on so many fun dates and adventures. Whenever Larry wasn't looking, mister Angelino would ask Lana why she was wasting her time on someone like Larry Dallas.

Lana even made sure that Angelino tripped over a chair. His suit had to be dry cleaned for meatball stains. Secretly, restaurateur Frank Angelino was a rake and hoped he could take Lana away from Larry like the many other women he seduced.

It was always a good time to be Larry Dallas, but especially now. The couple were becoming exclusive. Lana even turned away some of her old suitors and was going to introduce her two daughters to Larry. It was through her that Larry, Jack and the girls were going to the Greek Theatre to see Hall & Oates and The Who.

Jack was coming to understand that Lana had a tender nature deep down which she guarded with a rough exterior. He would be surprised to learn that she didn't really "put-out" nearly as much as everybody else assumed. It took Larry a lot of time to get her to go to bed with him.

Just when he was ready to give up she gave in. Larry had been her only lover in a few years. Most of the men that flirted with Lana ended up as her friends, or just like Angelino. Lana had been working as a fashion buyer for almost ten years. She was now finally building long-standing relationships with some top brands.

Larry had been around some of her foxy girlfriends too. He tried asking some of them for their phone numbers initially but they wouldn't even give him the time of day. Lana's daughter from her previous marriage, Darlene, lived with her. One of two daughters. The other one, Meredith, lived with Lana's estranged husband.

Meredith, Darlene's older sister, was very bookish from the pictures Larry had seen. He learned that Meredith was in the custody of her Pentecostal father in Missouri. She was studying at a boarding school for most of the year. Lana had not really spent time with her since her divorce. Darlene had chosen to remain with her mother and they only got the occasional visit or phone call from Meredith.

Larry's real troubles with Lana began to occur around the time that Lana's daughter Darlene turned eighteen. Darlene began getting into lots of trouble in high school, including accusations of bullying on her part. She probably did so because she was so outgoing, beautiful and more than a bit loud. It was getting out of control which was why Lana all of a sudden stopped paying attention to Larry's needs.

As a single mother with a prosperous career she was finally making enough money to spend more time with Darlene. Lana was also facing losing her if nothing was done. She was afraid that Darlene would drop out of school or run away to join the armed forces since the kid was desperate to be on her own.

From what Lana was telling Larry about her daughter she sounded sure of herself but just had too many distractions and no coping mechanisms. Larry thought Darlene certainly had the temperament to be in the military. She was, of course, beautiful like her mother; only the brattiest person he would ever come to know.

She needed the discipline factor in her life. The sex sort of stopped with Lana, or rather, was put on hold.

Lana was going to make sure Darlene transferred to another nearby high school to finish off her senior year. It was on her eighteenth birthday that she was officially introduced to Larry by her mother. Meredith also happened to be visiting with her mother and sister for a few weeks, so Larry met both of them. They tried Angelino's, but it was completely booked so they went for seafood instead.

Everyone knew that Lana wouldn't introduce her boyfriends to her daughters until she was sure they were serious about a relationship. Later on Larry understood why the sex had been good. Lana was probably stressed out over her ex-husband's threats to take Darlene away. Lana had obviously been blowing off steam with Larry every night.

Although Larry predicted that he was going to get along fine with Darlene and Meredith, it was just the opposite. He became the target of endless practical jokes. Darlene sent the cops to his house in the middle of the night by tripping the fire alarm system in the building. She also snuck into his apartment when he wasn't there and flooded his bathroom. Meredith wasn't much better because of religious background.

When he spent nights with their mother Darlene paced around all night, brought friends over, or ruined the mood with loud music. Darlene even walked in on them as they slept and tossed Larry's clothes through the windows.

He loved Lana, so Larry decided he would put up with whatever Darlene was dishing out in hopes of winning her, Meredith and Lana over. He even offered to take Darlene and Meredith to see Blondie and David Bowie, but nothing seemed to work.

After trying just about everything to remedy the situation Lana started paying for voice lessons for Darlene. This was before school started. Her teachers said it would be a good idea to offer Darlene more activities: like sports, singing and dancing classes so that she could fit into the new school.

Darlene started playing music with some other girls from her new school. It was strange for a young lady to finish off the last year of high school at a brand new school. After a series of make-overs by Lana, Darlene's transformation into a young woman was mind-blowing.

She had shed her baby-fat and turned into this amazing Betty Boop brunette with the fittest porcelain beach body Larry had ever seen. Larry thought that her mother was far more of a knockout, but he started noticing the little brat.

In time, Darlene transformed her body so much that she looked like a doppelgänger for her idol, Joan Jett. Larry didn't know how Darlene made herself look that amazing. Luckily, though, he was in love with her mother and not with Darlene. Larry always tried to reach and talk to her but Darlene would not even try to relate to him.

Darlene's adjustment period at her new school produced both good and bad results. She thought more seriously about joining the navy and becoming a hospital corpsman, started to work harder and exercise. Her grades improved at her new school.

On the other hand, when Larry would pick her up with her garage band after their auditions all he would hear were things like,"So, what the fuck is this rusty piece of shit supposed to be, a car!? Can my friends and I borrow it sometime?"

For the entire ride home she wouldn't say another word when Larry refused to let her borrow the car again and again. She would slam the door to the car in his face. On another occasion she and her friends took the car and almost hit Larry with it. He knew that they were doing drugs in bathrooms and having lots of sex. Punk had arrived from England and was all over Santa Monica Pier and Venice Beach.

As the school year moved along though, things got a little less complicated. Larry began feeling optimistic about life. The sex was sort of regular with Lana. Jack and he were still party buddies (minus the lady-killing), Larry had even introduced Jack to a waitress from a club near his night job. Work had dried up for Larry at the used car dealership.

He couldn't have Lana paying his bills so he began working as a bouncer at a seedy night club called Hump Day. Lana never knew. Larry worked hard and was able get his priorities in line. Lana was worth it but maybe he was just falling deeper in love with her. Lana had always been way too hot for him so it was worth it to try a little harder.

When Darlene started playing more with her rock band Larry understood that it was probably just raging hormones. It was difficult to believe that Darlene would not go through a rebellious phase.

One fine day Larry was invited over for lunch at Lana's. He wore his bellbottoms and his new super-fly shirt from working extra nights at the club. Darlene came down from her room wearing a pair of skin-tight scarlet corduroy pants and a skimpy floral placket silk shirt; her lean apple-like ass wiggling as she walked down the stairs.

The fabrics that Darlene wore clung to the outline of her full breasts and hips like a second skin; revealing a delectably curvy body underneath.

Larry sneaked a couple of glances Darlene's way but still thought Lana was far lovelier. Lana was becoming everything to him. Darlene mentioned that she was dating a boy with a motorcycle and Larry thought "at least she should be out of the house more."

Her mother started complaining to Larry that afternoon because Darlene's new friends smoked pot. Larry didn't think it was that serious. Not until much later when one of Darlene's friends was fired from Larry's club for doing drugs and lying to her teachers about working there.

That friend was also suspended from school. Suspecting that Larry had something to do with it, Darlene outed Larry as the bouncer at Hump Day.

The latest bit of drama had to do with Darlene giving herself a shaggy bob cut. She had the most beautiful long shiny straight hair and her mother didn't approve of her chopping it all off.

Larry managed to be the peacemaker once again. After this particularly nasty fight in the house he scored some points with both ladies. Darlene even smiled at him for about two seconds which was quite an accomplishment. He had used some of the 'ol Larry charm ladies couldn't seem to get enough of during his "swinger days."

Eventually, though, Darlene also loved seeing if she could get Larry's attention by competing with her MILF mother. She walked around the house wearing skimpy clothing; side-boob tanks, spaghetti tops, daisy dukes and short shorts that left little to the imagination.

She could be found working out in front of the TV shaking her heart-shaped ass and thrusting her breasts into the air against her Yoga crop tops while Larry tried to concentrate on reading the Santa Monica Mirror. When Larry would tell her to put some clothes on she would laugh at him.

Larry was called in on more and more emergencies. One day he drove in to see what the latest problem was. This is when he learned that Darlene and the members of her new band inspired by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts were getting high. Before that she had just been this annoying menace, running around and talking loads of trash.

Darlene even managed to get suspended from her new school. Larry was surprised when Lana asked him to go and get Darlene. Darlene was sent home in orange velvet bellbottoms that outlined her lithe, long legs. Larry thought her raven black hair looked super cool; like Joan Jett or Deborah Harry. Hotter, because Joan and Deborah had small breasts. Darlene inherited Lana's.

It took all the courage Larry had to stand up to her as she cursed at her mother and both women threw pillows at each other in the living room. As a result, Darlene was sent away to stay with her father for two months.

Larry was pleased because he got to spend his weekends barrel-rolling Lana and getting blowjobs from her in his car before work. Larry felt that his relationship with Lana was back in gear until Darlene was preparing to fly back.

The trouble began again when Darlene got back to Santa Monica. Larry felt good because his love for Lana had not changed. He would not really pay much attention to Darlene beyond the occasional gaze at her tight ass, sensual bee stung lips and her punk rocker tits which she brandished around with no bra under her t-shirts (she had burned all of them).

Darlene really started taking Larry's adoration for her mother as a challenge. She began to openly enjoy flirting with Larry. On a night when he slept over he awoke up to a feeling of someone crawling on top of Lana's bed. When he looked up; there was Darlene at his feet only wearing some lingerie and red lace thigh highs that she and slutty friends procured for their concerts.

It looked as if she was looking for his cock. Shocked, he received a wet kiss from her. Larry enjoyed it until he realized he was not dreaming.

He pushed her away as she tried to smooch him with more wet kisses. Larry looked on at her smile as the rage within him began simmering. He lifted his bare foot kicking her lightly on the side of the head. Larry also managed to give Darlene a good slap on the bum as she toppled over.

The little brat ran out and slammed the door to her room. When Lana woke up from a profound dream Larry managed to come up with the excuse that Darlene was probably sleepwalking, or something. Larry knew that it was just a matter of time before there were real problems. He had to get rid of her but what could he do now?

Larry reminded himself that Jack had served in the Navy. Jack had already been asked for help since he knew officers at the Naval base in San Diego. Even that wouldn't come soon enough, though. Jack would have to follow up with his old Navy buddies.

As Lana was busying herself making sandwiches in the kitchen one day, Larry decided to go into Darlene's room to scold her for maxing out her mother's Sears credit card. Lana told him that the bank had cut the card in half. He was so mad that when he walked in he didn't much care that she was taking a shower. Larry curiously peeked in, opening the shower curtain just a bit.

He had a chuckle watching her dancing in the shower. He appraised her amazing pink nipples from the side. Her ass looked like it had been carved by Michelangelo himself under the running water. That is until Darlene slowly turned around meeting with Larry's hard gaze just as he was about to leave.

"Larry!! I'm gonna fucking kill you!!!"

Darlene told on Larry afterwards and Larry spent the afternoon weeping on Jack's shoulder like a baby.

"It's over! I had it, Jack!!"

"Hang in there, buddy"

"I mean it. I am considering breaking up with Lana!"

"Looks like she did it for you"

"No, Jack. I told Lana what had happened in her bedroom with Darlene."

"So, she took you back?"

"Kind of. I mean. Lana still loves me"

"By the way, I heard back from my admiral friend. A rear admiral told him that Darlene called and met with him. So it's only a matter of time"

"She belongs in a barracks, Jack!"

"Yeah, maybe they'll know what to do with Joan Jett!"

"I don't know if I can stand much more of her!"

Larry explained to Jack that he also told Lana about another occasion when Darlene crossed the line. As he was sitting on the toilet she walked in on him in just her yellow panties, sandals and a crop top. She acted as if she had done nothing wrong and took all her clothes off and just walked into the shower.

"Wow, looks like the only solution would be to have sex with Lana and with Darlene!!"

"That's not funny, Jack!"

"Well, if you can't even take a shit in peace, what choice have you got?! I know I'm not takin' a shit at your house! Or am I? Maybe I can get Darlene ....off ...your back?"

"Stop kidding me like that, Jack!"

Well, then came that fateful night of the concert....

Jack was having a Harvey Wallbanger at the Regal Beagle as he and Larry waited for the rest of the gang and prepared for a night on the town. Larry was waiting for Lana and Jack had invited Janet and Chrissy. Larry was the designated driver and wasn't going to indulge in any substances that evening.

Jack, Janet and Chrissy were still notorious partiers though. Larry was used to not partying as much anymore since he worked as a bouncer and didn't like losing himself. Jack, Janet, Chrissy and Lana had three cocktails each and did so many lines of coke in the bathroom of the Regal Beagle that it was a wonder they could still walk by the time they got to the concert.

Watching all his friends get stoned and drunk out of their gourd, Larry knew he had to keep his wits about him. He was pretty sure Lana and the girls all dropped acid at the venue and Jack was not that far behind. At the concert event they attended Hall & Oates didn't even show until the very end. The Who only got to perform one song. The opening act was notorious for psychedelics.