Three's Company: Jack's Magic Dick!

It was supposed to be up to Larry to drive everybody home. Janet and Chrissy took a cab home before the show ended because they had to go to work in the morning. Jack and Lana rode back in Larry's car, with Larry.

Larry stopped by Lana's house first. He had no idea if Darlene was home or not. Jack wasn't even supposed to come in but he had to use the bathroom. He could no longer hold it. Larry assumed that Jack had to take a good 'ol fashioned, massive, drug infused dump.

"Come on in, buddy. I'll just take Lana to her room and then I'll drive you home"

Larry watched Jack clumsily wander into Lana's bathroom on the lower level. He slowly led the way in the dark with Lana hanging onto Larry's arm. Steadying her, he helped her climb up the stairs.

"Come on, honey," Larry muttered; planning on lulling her to sleep upstairs. Lana just mumbled incoherently asking for him to check on Darlene. There was a huge Harley outside so there was probably someone with her in her room. As Larry reached the top of the stairs he heard the young man's voice.

"The best part of tonight was finding out that your hair color is natural! I'm leaving now, baby!!"

"Gotcha!! I can't believe that you really think that this hair color is natural!!!"

"I gotta use the can before I go home!!. Looks like your old lady just got back!"

Larry shook his head and let himself into the master bedroom. He switched on the light switch but Lana tripped and quickly toppled over on the corner of her huge bed.

"Oh, God...nice," Larry cried, staring at her bum with half her body slumped down over the bed. Lana possessed an amazing pair voluptuous ass-cheeks; not to mention she had dancer's legs. Larry could see the swell of them under those tight glitter jeans of hers.

"Lucky me!" Larry said to himself as he began tugging them off. Lana's ass popped out of her pants in just a lacy thong.

Meanwhile, Jack was having an amazing experience on the can; poophoria. All the drugs he consumed that night made him feel like he was back in the womb.

But Jack had to have a pause from the experience as soon as he started hearing some hollering, screeching and what sounded like scratching on the other side of the door, it was terrifying. He assumed it was a cat or something trying to get in but he was obviously having LSD hallucinations because Lana didn't own any pets.

"Oh, will you knock it the hell off!!! Piss off cat, how many cats are meowing at me out there!!! Damn you!! Don't make me come out there and kick your asses!!" Jack cried right before the drugs took hold of him again making him nod out.

Darlene's boyfriend stepped away from the door as soon as he heard the voice of a grown man yelling from the other side. He was so taken aback that he got out of there as quickly as possible.

"Darlene, I'm leaving. Looks like the guy dating your mom is zonked out of his fucking mind!!"

Larry could hear some commotion downstairs. He had managed to get Lana into her sexy pajamas but now was busy holding Lana's hair back as she puked in her toilet in her bathroom.

Jack had fallen asleep on the toilet when Darlene decided to burst out of her room in order to find out what was going on. She assumed it was Larry in the bathroom.

"I'm coming in, Larry. Sorry if you can't handle looking at a real woman but I need a goddamned shower," She pushed the door open and sashayed inside of the bathroom with Jack. She was only wearing a bikini and her blue Converse.

Although he really couldn't see all that clearly, he was happy the drugs were starting to wear off. Jack saw this gorgeous woman step into the bathroom in her bikini. She wore a two piece bikini inspired by Peggy Lipton from the Mod Squad.

She was so good looking that he almost sobered up entirely just from the excitement of being in her presence. He thought that she looked like the sexiest and palest woman he had ever seen.

Likewise, Darlene was taken by Jack's puppy-dog looks She was surprised to find that it wasn't Larry in there but adjusted almost immediately. Something else caught Jack's attention about this girl. She looked very familiar. The way she started to laugh combined with the way she posed triggered a memory.

"You!!! You and your friends spray painted my restaurant!! It's you!!!!"

"Oh..yeah! That's right, you're the dork in a chef's hat I outran for two blocks!! The one who couldn't run worth a shit with your boss yelling at you! Gotta love it!!"

"So, you're Darlene!"

"Yahh, so?" She said, yawning. Not even flustered to see that the dork from the restaurant was in her house, possibly psychotically drugged.

"I knew she would dump Larry!"

"Larry's upstairs. I'm not dating your mother!"

"Sooo, you're Jack Tripper?? Thanks for setting up that interview at the Naval base!! My mom has a crush on you, you know. I didn't notice you were this cute in the restaurant. I'd wanna date you too if you weren't such an idiot like Larry!! Mom needs to stop going for pussies! Grow a pair!!"

"Alright, that's it! I'm gonna' have to teach your little ass a lesson compliments of Jack Tripper; United States Naval officer, member of the boxing team and California Karate champ!!"

Regaining most of his strength and faculties, Jack commanded his extremities. Jack's nose flared in anger as he got up off the can with his turds floating in the water. He tried standing without realizing that his boxers and pants were wrapped around his knees. Jack fell flat on his face knocking himself out.

Darlene started to laugh uproariously; holding her belly. After walking toward him, she maneuvered around him and reached over and flushed the toilet. The sound of the flushing partially revived Jack.

"Uhhh...that rung my bell. Where am I? Larry...?" Jack moaned, slowly rolling over onto his back.

Darlene hadn't realized that he was still moving. As she stepped away, Darlene tripped over Jack's legs. She fell right on top of him. Jack felt her body landing on top of him and started getting aroused. Her incredible breasts had been squeezed against his chest.

Embarrassed, Jack just helped push her up, but his hands kept rubbing against Darlene's massive tits. He let go and she fell back on top of Jack, turning around. As she turned around on top of him his hands fidgeted and were still inadvertently fondling her breasts from behind.

"Hey, Jaaaack! Get your hands off my tits, you jackass!!!" Darlene demanded.

"Gawwd, sorry about that!" Cried Jack, pathetically. He partially meant it. But as he helped Darlene up, his hands started groping her ass as he pushed her body upward.

"That's my ass!!! Jack!"

"Oh! Lordy, Lordy!" Jack muttered.

Jack tried to get this body off of him but his hands were all over the most perfect ass he'd ever felt in his life. Likewise, when Darlene was still wriggling around, she realized that this feeling of Jack's hands on her tits and ass was the most interesting, fun sensation she had had in a long time.

Darlene finally rolled over on her hands and knees. When they both tried to get up at the same time jack and Darlene ended up butting heads.

"Okay! Okay! That really rung my bell! You're just too beautiful for me..."

When they finally both got up off the floor, Darlene gave Jack a slap on the face. Jack was still struggling to keep his pants up and he shrieked so loud Larry heard him from upstairs. Seeing Jack in so much pain made Darlene instantly regret hitting him so hard.

"You think that I'm that sexy?" Darlene asked meekly.

"Yeah, I'm sure men turn into idiots all the time when they see you," Jack replied, rubbing his face.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you. I mean..."

"That would be a great finding for science, I'm completely sober now. Why, You gonna' make that up to me?" Jack asked, raising his eyebrows.

Without warning Darlene began giving Jack wet kisses on the mouth. Her envy and dislike for her mother was enough for her to justify covering Jack with wet kisses.

Jack tried to fix his pants but tripped again as Darlene kissed him.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea...." Jack said trying to break away form her.

""I do," Darlene replied sort of punching Jack in the stomach.

"Just don't hurt me, little darlin'" Jack teased before he finally gave into his instincts to fuck Darlene's brains out.

Jack started furiously rubbing and groping Darlene's ass with both hands. Gripping and lightly slapping her flesh; Jack loved how it rippled inside of his hands. He buried his face in her neck and smelled her skin as he kneaded her pussy from behind. He rubbed at the crotch of her bikini bottoms.

The scent of Darlene's fresh youthful skin against him made Jack lose himself to his primal instincts. His pants kept sagging as he tried to catch up to her smacking lips. Before he even knew it, Jack's Hawaiian shirt was ripped open all the way and he was helping Darlene pull off his flares from his hairy legs, along with his striped blue boxers.

Soon, Jack started enjoying the tense sensation of his twitching cock being sucked and stoked by beautiful Darlene's hot bee stung lips. In a somewhat amateurish way she started sucking its wide length into the back of her throat again and again.

The raw intensity of how Darlene sucked cock had Jack arching his head back in ecstasy; baring his teeth. Jack made sizzling sounds as he cradled the back of her head. He took a chunk of her jet black hair and rammed his cock into her mouth.

"I'm gonna' do to you what my mom couldn't," Darlene teased. Peering up devilishly as she rose and they continued kissing.

Jack smirked, giggling back. He turned her body around by the shoulders. Then Jack gave her a light shove, pushing her. The shove made Darlene's legs do a sprint against the wall.

As he breathed heavier; Jack reached his hairy hand under her bikini bottom and yanked back until it was destroyed. Jack began mounting Darlene hard.

Grabbing her shoulders for more leverage. Jack swatted her ass watching her pale muscles ripple. He then started pulling her short hair back watching her body arch before starting to fuck her like a jack-hammer. Her amazing ass started thumping against Jack's bushy pelvis at the rhythm of his powerful thrusts.

Her large breasts were bouncing upwards against her bikini top. Jack untucked one of them and cupped it as he continued fucking her. Darlene started humming in ecstasy as Jack slapped her ass harder on both cheeks. He kissed her shoulders, nuzzling and sucking up her skin against his teeth, licking between her shoulder blades.

"Ahhhhhh, ahhhhh, ohhhhhhh. Bitch!!" Jack cried. His face turned red and his eyes bulged. Jack held onto her waist, his other hand on the top of her ass. His face looked like it was in a trance.

"Am I hotter than my mother, Jack?"

"Are you kidding?! Little girl, I noticed that juicy ass of yours from the moment you first ran away from me!!"

"Fuck me, Jack. Like a wild animal!!" Darlene's words triggered him past the point of no return as soon as they were uttered.

"Fuck yes, little girl. I'm so fucking close!" Jack said in earnest as he kept plowing her.

"Turn around on the Goddamned sink!" He demanded.

Her pale arms embraced Jack's muscular hairy body. Her long velvety legs briefly reveled her dark bush in between them as they wrapped around his waist. Her heels dinted his ass with the rubber soles of her blue Converse. She winced as Jack started plowing her unmercifully, fucking her so hard that her hands clung to the sink faucets and turned both knobs all the way.

Breathing heavier he wrapped his hand around her delicate neck. Jack began to squeeze, choking her as he jammed his shaft inside of her.

"God, you have got such a beautiful cock!!! Fuck me like a master chef! Make me come, Jack!!" she cried.

"You like daddy fucking you?!"

"Yesss, daddy! Ffffuck!! Oh my Gawd!!! Rape meee, dadddyyyyy!" Darlene began to cry. Darlene was bawling out and came as the bathroom sink started to overflow. His tush, still dirty from shitting was being rubbed by the soles on Darlene's Converse plimsolls.

Jack felt her holding onto his shoulders tight, then clasping her arms and legs around him as they both moaned. She knew at that moment that he was giving her young body her first real orgasms. Jack continued to plow her down until his balls were about to explode with his seed. Darlene's pale tits had popped out of her bikini top and her nipples looked like erasers.

The sink began creaking as Jack moaned and groaned into her face. Jack popped his tongue in her small shaking mouth until he filled Darlene's young pussy with thick wads of cum that started jetting inside of her. He could almost feel her cervix at the tip of his cock before he started unloading.

"You ready to have Jack Tripper's babies, sweetheart.? Brace yourself!" He cried as hairy legs buckled in excitement.

"Yes, daddy!!!!"

Before it went completely limp, the tip of Jack's hot cock had gushed out two to five giant loads of boilings semen. Jack moaned and in several short thrusts his sensitive cock began to cum again shooting the final spurts, having a full orgasm inside her and pressing his face against her porcelain breasts.

Jack shot every last drop into her her womb, he kept on thrusting his cock deep into her pussy until it felt completely numb. He let her long, pale legs drop from his arms after he was finished. Jack relaxed and eased his dick completely away from her pussy. Reaching over with his arm, Jack turned the faucets off and ripped a few sheets of toilet paper from the roll.

As he went to wipe his ass he passed out over the wet tiles. Darlene leaned in and flushed, her hairy pussy dripping with Jack's seed. Jack's cock was still twitching as he laid back on the floor and snored. Darlene smiled down over Jack as she reached for his bellbottoms. Then she reached into the medicine cabinet where she kept some of her spray-paint cans.

Larry had finally finished tucking Lana into her bed after giving her some herbal tea. He had been too worried about her to be aware of the other happenings in the "groovy bathroom" downstairs. He had become desensitized to problems not having to do with Lana. After closing the door behind him Larry lit a cigarette and hurried down to get Jack for the ride home. Larry peered into the flooded bathroom.

"What the hell's goin' on in there?"

"Take a shower now, little girl. Your mother is upstairs with a hang-over," Jack said.

"Yessir...officer!" Darlene replied as she slid behind the shower curtain," Jack simply gave her cute cheeks a light slap.

"Ready? Ready to head home, Lar?" Jack asked raising his eyebrows.

"What the fuck just happened here?"

"Old Jack just fixed all your problems!"

"You...didn't... just...fuck Darlene???" Larry asked with his eyes bulging.

"Of course I did! She just needed a giant monster fuck from Jack Tripper's magic dick is all. To get it all out of her system. I know how to fix these things!"

"Of course! What are friends for!!"

Of course that wasn't the end of it though. As Jack stumbled into his apartment later that night, Janet and Chrissy were all giggles. Jack didn't understand what was so funny until they asked him to turn around in front of the mirror because it appeared his brand new white flares were ruined.

As Jack turned around he noticed the bullseye spray-painted on his ass and gasped. Darlene had used the same neon red Krylon color. The same color he had been trying to blend out of the restaurant wall.

"Looks like she did it again!! Fuck!!!!"

THE END.

"...Down at our rendezvous...."

"Three's Company too!"