All Comments on 'Thunder Snow'

Fabulous, wish all hypocrites could be turned on like this!!

Despise the format. Storyline is way to disjointed, does not flow. Correlation of the topic to sex makes no sense.

Cuz after all, it's those "virgin church girls" that are the most fun to deflower. As though Christian women have no sexual desires. Foolish concept.

I loved it.

I recall, with some great pleasure, the touch of a young virgin church girl - from my own youth.

Yeah - this was great.

I liked it.. Easy to follow, and illustrated the sexual tension and the changing of decisions as the tension grew.. I gave it a 5 . I really think the only thing missing was Michelle feeling the swelling and pulsing of his explosion also..

First of yours I’ve read, I thoroughly enjoyed this, thanks!

oHHHH very nice. So realistic and plausible. Keep up the good work

A little variety in what body parts are called is welcome, but I got whiplash from three sentences that referred to Antonio's dick, boy bone, joystick, cock, rod, pole and candied sucker. Then there are the cutsie rhyming descriptions: recumbent roundness, lower loins, pouting pussy and frilly folds. The wording carried throughout the story, which seemed to be more interested in wordplay than storytelling. I liked the core of the tale, but would like it better if the wording wasn't so baroque.

Know virtuous church girls are like spaghetti girls-when they get wet they bend.

One thing unclear-did/does she have a full muffin? Thinking it most likely, since she's not supposed to be fiddling around 'down there', esp with a razor.

Liked it a lot, esp the surprise at end.

Very enjoyable but some of the wording read like it was written in Victorian times. It resembled a sexy version of a Mills & Boon novellette for aging spinsters with six cats. No-one uses twelve different terms to describe their vagina. 4 stars but could have been five.

I don't understand. I was looking for Lesbian sex and this one comes up. This is not the first story I have found under the wrong label. Are not the Moderators checking the stories?

A appreciate the author's response to the comment that the wording is too baroque. The story is from the point of view of a strictly brought up young woman with a strong religious background. What we are interested in is how she abandons all her teachings in the pursuit of carnal pleasures. What she feels and what she thinks are of the essence. As she is described, she likely has almost no vocabulary for sexual body parts. The multiple names for sexual organs and related wordplay might be appropriate in a different type of story, but don't fit the journey we are undertaking with this young woman. Wordplay can be effect in the right story - in Flowering Flatmate Friendship by "darrenr", right from the title the story has lots of fun with wordplay, in a setting where the words are said out loud as a part of a very funny sequence of a young man being teased by two experienced women.

Several readers have made specific style critiques and provided examples, that as the author, I believed were worth considering. I've taken some of those comments to heart and submitted and edited version of Thunder Snow. Honest opinions are appreciated.

Yet I remain guilty of an indulgent fondness for wordplay and alliteration - perhaps too much so for more the tasteful and discriminating readers in this forum. My approach to writing and sex often incorporates some whimsy, lightheartedness and almost always a dose of punnery. Where to draw the line in choice of body part descriptions and cutsie rhymes is a difficult decision, but as has been noted, I tend to go for baroque.

On some matters of style I can not recant. -Sandy

Frankly, I'm gobsmacked by how you capture/express her wonder and delight born of innocence These excerpts were captivating:

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"I had heard about the amazing masculine sex organ - gift and curse; it could and would grow from small and soft to long and hard at the mere sight of an attractive woman. The penis could and would dispossess a virtuous man of his disciplined mind and turn him into a fool. How does this dangling thing between a man's legs exert so much control? And what would happen if a female just touched this thing of mysterious masculine power? Maybe touched it just a little?"

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"The resting stalk beneath my curious hand crawled over his loins, rising, inflating and pushing into the heart line of my palm. Antonio's organ rapidly increased in size. With tentative strokes I played with it changing shape. I was amazed at the way it came to greet me, expanding into my grip. I was mesmerized by its manly magic; moments before it was soft and pliable, but now it was thick, stiff and getting longer and stronger. I think every girl secretly desires to have the power to inspire a guy's erection. I was more than desirous, I was intoxicated by what was unfolding in my own hand. This power to inspire a flaccid penis to change almost instantly into a potent hard-on didn't go to my head - it went straight to my virgin nether region."

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Just my opinion, but I urge you to just keep listening to your own inner voice guiding your writing. The result is captivating, and frankly, your work is so good that after a read of yours, my shorts are wet of cock drool.

What a wonderful change from the usual dialog in so many Lit stories.

So many commenters forget that most stories are fiction, and the authors hopefully writing what "they" want to write, not necessarily trying to satisfy the style of each & every reader.

I loved the thoughts of the young girl as she broadened her knowledge of sexual interplay.

Thanks for submitting this most welcome change of pace!

Cheers & hope to read more unique stories in the future.

I'm TooTall near Dallas and your writing voice is true, a bit edgy, and compelling. Your "set-up" to the events were mostly credible, and coming from this ex-minister, believable. You have a gift and your style sucked me right into the opening drama. I kept reading to see what would happen next. The four block walk was a creative touch. Kudos, Kiddo. Boy, howdy, you did great.