Tied Up in Knotts Ch. 03

I was behind where I wanted to be in my training schedule for the Seattle marathon but I wasn't worried. I'd been running for years and could hold my own without much effort. Still, I wanted it to be my best time since it was a qualifying race for the Boston marathon.

It didn't matter. The time had come. I packed my stuff and started the drive to Seattle. I ended up making great time. Record breaking, even. But it came at a price.

A rift between Lee and I.

An hour before we were supposed to hit the road, Lee told me he couldn't go.

"Please say something, Nash," Lee pleaded while I sat at the counter, trying to reign in my emotions.

There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but since they were all out of anger and hurt, I stared at the window instead. This wasn't just a random race; this was my qualifying race. I needed him there.

"You know I would go if I could. Supporting you is the most important thing in the world," he said, touching my shoulder affectionately.

I shrugged him off and walked toward our room. "The second most important thing." There was no point in waiting another hour to leave. I could start the drive early and beat the traffic. All my things were packed. I grabbed my suitcase and walked through the house with Lee hot on my tail—begging me to stop. I turned and faced him with a cold, emotionless expression.

"You've known about this race for months. You know what it means to me. You could come if you wanted. You're choosing work. I have every right to be upset about this."

I leaned in to give him a kiss goodbye. No matter how angry I was, I'd never leave without a proper goodbye. That wasn't enough for Lee, he tried for more. More than I could give, so I pulled away.

"Nash—" he sighed from the front door. I got in my truck and pulled away. If I had left him high and dry, I would've gotten the silent treatment for a week.

****

I barely remember the five-hour drive to Seattle. I was torn between being upset that Lee bailed on me and being understanding because that's who I was.

I was so worked up I had to force myself to eat a solid meal. I needed it if I was going to give my best performance. I finally managed something. It wasn't as balanced or high in calories and carbs as I wanted, but it was better than nothing, which is what I usually eat when I'm upset.

I waited until I'd settled in for the night before sending Lee a text, letting him know I made it to the hotel. He tried calling but I wasn't emotionally there yet.

Sleep left something to be desired. I kept looking at the clock thinking, if I fall asleep now, I'll sleep this long—

I finally slept. It wasn't great. Not the quality or quantity I needed before a race. I still felt funky, held back by the fight with Lee. I tried to fake it but, after getting ready for the race, alone, and arriving at and registering, alone, I was still overwhelmed by hurt and disappointment. It was hard watching the crowd of people holding signs and cheering for their loved ones while I had no one.

When the shot went off, I channeled my anger into fuel and I ran. Much like I did after Paul upset me and I ran to the ball field. I ran harder than ever. Harder than I probably should have. The first seven miles passed with ease, after that, I started feeling the burn. I could feel it in my legs, and my breathing was getting harder, but I was making great time. I was keeping pace toward the front of the group.

The further I ran, the more I thought about Lee bailing on me. The way that minds do, I started thinking about non-existent, hypothetical situations.

What if Lee bailed on Boston?

That hypothetical question was enough to keep my anger tank fully fueled. I knew he wasn't bailing on Boston, but he could...and in my head, he was. What would stop him? Clearly not work. I ran harder as I conjured up scenarios where Lee told me he could go along with a list of outlandish reasons why. I knew I should have stopped myself from going down that dangerous rabbit hole, but I didn't. I let my mind run undisciplined as the miles blurred.

There were a few rough miles where I debated about slowing down. But I kept on. I felt nothing except the chill in the air biting my skin as I pushed myself, mile after mile, toward the finish line. There were stretches of time that I thought about nothing and other stretches where the unhealthy lies I let live in my head looped on a constant replay.

In the end, I got third place in my division.

The finish line was crowded with people, signs, and cheering. Little kids sitting on shoulders as they waited for their moms or dads to come to view. So many people were there, all of them cheering for someone.

I had run lots of races alone, this was nothing new. But I always went into it knowing I wouldn't have someone at the finish line. I was okay with that, truly. But this was different, I thought I'd have Lee.

The second I crossed the finish line I felt like my body was going to collapse. Every step felt like it would be my last; like I was walking on sinking sand. I barely remember the officials talking to me, the need to pass out was overwhelming. The second they left me alone I wobbled to a trash can and threw up. I was in trouble. Marathons are hard on the body and I hadn't eaten properly since leaving the house. On top of that, I pushed myself past the point of health. I knew better but I let it happen anyway.

Somehow, I got back to the room. A gift from God. I managed to draw a cold bath. It wasn't the ice bath I needed but it was all my shaky body could manage.

Naked, I laid in bed and tried to eat more food. I really disliked the catch twenty-two of running. You push yourself so hard you completely deplete your system until you're in desperate need of nutrition, but you're so fatigued you can't eat. You literally have no appetite. Every bite I took made me want to throw up. I decided to take a nap. I always felt better after giving my body a chance to recharge. Except, I didn't feel better when I woke up.

I was becoming increasingly worried that I had pushed myself too hard. I settled on a Seinfeld marathon and I nibbled on more food. Maybe I just needed more time. My stomach churned in protest. I tried to tune it out but eventually, it became too much and I expelled everything into the bedside trash can. I laid with my head dangling off the side of the mattress in case I wasn't done. I didn't even have energy to make it to the bathroom.

I'd run a dozen or more marathons and never felt this terrible. I contemplated going to the hospital. At the very least, I figured IV fluids and anti-nausea medication would turn me around.

The pride in me decided to wait it out.

I needed Lee. I wasn't even mad at him anymore. I was mad at myself for getting so worked up about it. It was my fault that I was lying in bed, naked and afraid. I grabbed the phone that was lying next to me and, ignoring the many notifications, called Lee.

"Nash," Lee's voice was quiet and full of regret and concern. He knew he was standing at the edge of a frozen lake and one step in the wrong direction would break the ice. He wasn't the only one standing on that lake. I was there too, on the opposite side, and hearing his voice was enough to shatter my already fragile; broken and exhausted state.

"Lee," I whispered with my cheek pressed to the white hotel bed and tears welling up in my eyes. "I think I need to go to the hospital." Even I could hear the panic in my voice.

"Nash, take a breath," he said as he tried to calm himself down. "What's going on?"

Just then I felt another round of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks and I leaned over the bed and let it go. It wasn't much but it was enough to drain me of what little energy I had left.

"I don't feel good," I mumbled, and I didn't. "I feel like my body is dying. What if I ruined myself? What if I end up like Sam...or worse?" I said aloud. My head was still dangling off the bed and I could feel my hair as it dangled along with me.

"You're going to be fine," he said, though he didn't sound sure. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I should've been there. I'm on my way. Can you hold on for a few hours? Baby, can you eat something?"

Lee rambled on, trying to keep me on the line while he grabbed his stuff and flew out of the house. I mumbled that I couldn't eat, I was too tired. I was fighting fatigue and sleep had a powerful pull.

****

I woke to the sound of Lee's voice as he snuggled against me.

"Fuck. I really screwed up. You have no idea how sorry I am. The guilt, Nash, it's eating me alive. I betrayed your trust. What kind of husband am I?" he muttered his apologies against my shoulder as he stroked my hair. It took me longer than normal to fully wake and, when I finally did, I found his blue eyes begging for forgiveness. "I'm here baby. I brought food and drinks. I even drew you an ice bath."

Lee helped me sit up. I knew I looked like shit but it was confirmed by the look in his eyes, he was worried. He brought a specialty drink to help replenish my depleted system along with calorie and carb-dense post-marathon foods. I smiled when he handed me some anti-nausea medication.

I didn't end up going to the hospital. We stayed at the hotel for two days while Lee nursed me back to health. He had managed to find a flight to Seattle which meant we could drive back together. It took me longer than expected to feel normal and I wondered if I'd be okay to run in Boston even though it was nine months away.

Lee kept telling me that I shouldn't give up and he'd be with me every step of the way. He'd never miss another marathon again, especially not Boston. He'd be there to take care of me.

Lee fussed over me for the next week. Actually, he fussed over me every day until I left for camp. He even insisted that he should take some time off work during the summer so we could get-away. He kept suggesting places like Scottsdale...in July. I enjoyed hot weather but not as much as Lee; he loved to fry. Eighty-five degrees was plenty for me and anything over three digits was not a vacation, it was a death sentence.

The truth was, I'd go anywhere he wanted.

****

For camp, we met at the Safeway parking lot on Saturday morning. It was total chaos as we gathered the last camp payments and health/consent forms. Then it was a seven-hour drive with two Greyhound buses with over a hundred eager teenagers. Like always, Camp was the best week ever. Yevo knew how to take summer camp to the next level.

When I got home, I took a few days off to recoup. As much as I loved hanging out with pre-adults for a living, seven days was draining. More so since I was still recovering from the marathon-from-hell.

Lee managed to wrangle a long weekend away from work at the end of June. It was a total surprise, too. He booked the trip, packed our bags, and got me to the airport before I realized something was up.

Four days on a quiet beach in California. It was perfect.

I barely kept my hands off him on the airplane. If the flight had been longer, we would have joined the mile-high club. Whatever resistance we had on the plane was out the window when we got to the resort. The second we stepped into our penthouse suite I was on him like an animal. We fought to undress the fastest.

Lee jumped up and wrapped his legs around my waist.

"I can't wait to spend this time with you," he mumbled between kisses. "I can't live without you. I love you too much."

I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. "There's never been anyone for me but you. Never will be."

I kissed his lips and he smiled. When I went to kiss him again, he pushed my forehead away with a smirk. "Enough with the lovey shit, I want you to fuck me over the couch."

Lee rarely talked dirty and I wasn't going to discourage something that turned me on. He even prepped himself while I watched. I don't know what had gotten into him, but I was a supporter.

I rubbed the head of my shaft along his ass, then slowly watched it bob against his puckered hole before disappearing completely. It didn't take long for me to sink my entire length into him. I pulled all the way out before pushing it back in. I went slow. I closed my eyes and relished the tight heat around me. In and out. He was demanding and I did everything asked until we were both moaning and panting in the middle of the living room. Lee was working himself when I heard him cry through his orgasm.

I kept pumping even after I came, hoping to come again. I could come two or three times before going soft but Lee stopped me before I could go too far. He was only good for one orgasm and hated being simulated after he came. He said it was uncomfortable and I respected that.

The weekend was perfect. If we weren't outside sunning ourselves or playing in the water, we were fucking—and I do mean fucking. For a guy who was never into slut play or base sex, he really went all out. I was a little worried by the time we got home. I knew he was holding on to guilt from Seattle but I didn't want him to do things just because he was afraid I was going to leave him. I'd never do that.

****

I was on my iPad, putting together a rough draft calendar of events for next year when Lee came home from work. He was smiling brightly as he tossed his jacket on the back of the chair and pointed his pistol fingers at me. "Guess who was at work today?" he asked, then blurted the answer before I could guess. "Ryan and Logan."

"Everything going okay with Joyce?" I asked, hoping she wasn't pulling one over on them.

"No, no, everything's fine, just some business paperwork," Lee quickly waved me off that subject. "But they invited us over this weekend. It's the big third of July party." He did a little dance in the middle of the living.

"I'm guessing you want to go?" I teased as I watched him bubble with excitement.

The third of July was a big deal. Logan and Abby lived on the lake and Len and Tia owned the lot next door. Every year they had a big party. The lake association put on a private firework show that outdid what the one put on by the City.

"What? You don't want to?" he asked, slightly annoyed by my lack of enthusiasm. "This is thee event, Nash. Of course I want to go, I've always wanted to go."

"It doesn't bother you that we're only being invited out of courtesy? You're their lawyer. We're not actually friends with any of them."

"No, it doesn't bother me. And you know what? We might actually be friends with them if you'd stop declining every invitation they sent our way. There's a ton of people that don't get invited, Nash. If they didn't want us to come then they wouldn't extend the invitation, but they did." Lee wasn't smiling anymore as he loosened his tie and unbuttoned his cuffs.

Lee only wanted to go to this party because it was a Knott/Lewis party and being invited made him feel good about himself. I doubt they'd notice if we weren't there. Not that Lee cared, he just wanted to be there to show off. It was the exact thing that irritated me about so many people. There wasn't a fiber in my body that was interested in going.

"If you want to go, then go, but I'm going to Nathan and Kelsea's."

Lee threw his hands up. "You're kidding, right? Tell me you're kidding."

I shook my head. I wasn't kidding. Lee took a deep, calming breath in. He was frustrated. "Why would you go to Nathan's when we can go to Logan's? Logan's!" he repeated.

I looked at him like the idiot he was being. "Because Nathan is my friend, and I'm going to be a groomsman in his wedding. That's a lot more than I can say for Ryan."

"Well, I'm going to the lake—with or without you," he said, semi storming upstairs to the bedroom.

"Have fun!" I yelled in his wake.

If it was that important to him then he was free to go. I honestly didn't care. I'd happily hang out with my best friend and his wife if Lee was going to be in a sour mood the whole time. We'd been together long enough that we didn't have to spend every day together. I was genuinely fine with him going if that's what was important to him.

****

Of course, Nathan called me Thursday and canceled. I loved him but he was a flake. They decided on a last-minute trip to Gold Beach to ride the Jet Boats down the Rogue River. Lee assumed that meant I was going with him to the lake. When I told him Saturday morning that I wasn't going, he was pretty annoyed. We didn't fight over it, but Lee definitely gave me the silent treatment before leaving the house.

I used my new-found free time to clean the suburban out. It smelled from driving messy kids around. I stripped down and got to work.

The neighborhood was pretty deserted. Everyone had left town for the holiday, so I decided to forgo my earbuds and use the outdoor sound system up. Nothing says summer cleaning like Billboard hits from the early 2000's.

Knee-deep in stale food, candy wrappers and rocking out to Sk8ter Boi was exactly where I wanted to be.

I found a completely uneaten burger from McDonald's. I had no clue how long it had been there, but it was hard as a rock. I was about to toss it when I heard someone honk their car horn in a repeated concession. I jumped and quickly wiggled myself out from the tight-fitting third row.

Ryan was hanging out the driver's side window of his truck with a shit-eating grin on his face. Penn sat on the passenger side, looking uncomfortable.

"I never pictured you as an Avril Lavigne man."

I walked toward them until I was standing outside his window and shrugged, "What can I say, I've always had a thing for Skater Boys."

Both Ryan and Penn laughed. Ryan looked past me; taking note of my truck with all the doors open, the vacuum and cleaning supplies scattered around.

"So, this," he pointed toward my crap, "is why you're too busy to join us?"

I looked behind me at my truck, then back at Ryan and nodded. "Yep."

Ryan shook his head, letting me know that was unacceptable. "No. This won't do. Clean up your stuff and let's go."

I laughed. "Thanks, but I have to decline. Maybe if I get everything finished, I'll swing by for the fireworks."

"No, just come now."

"Why?"

He pursed his lips for a moment then relaxed, "Because your presence is wanted. Don't disappoint."

"Did Lee tell you to come here," I asked with a bit of annoyance.

"No—" he started, then stopped himself. "It's Independence Day weekend, it's a time to let loose and have fun. Why are you being so difficult?"

"I'm not. I'm minding my own business. It's you two that came to my house uninvited and it's you two who won't take no for an answer," I shot back. Ryan seemed a little frustrated but I thought it was kind of funny.

Ryan opened his door and got out, forcing me to take a few steps back. Before I knew it, he was shoving everything back in my garage and locking up my truck.

"Get in the damn truck," he demanded in a tone that was playful enough to make me smile.

"Can I at least get—"

"Truck!" he pointed. He used his body to block me from going to the house to gather things like shoes or clothes. I shook my head and laughed, but I did as told.

The backseat was full of food and beer so I sat bitch between Ryan and Penn. Not that I was complaining, not really, but they were fully dressed and I was not. I crossed my arms over my chest to cover myself. It helped, a little.

The short drive to Logan's was quiet, not uncomfortable, just quiet. I was relieved to see everyone else wearing swimwear.

"Look who's here!" Jane and Abby shouted when they saw me. Their fussing attracted a lot of attention.

"Held hostage against my will," I sang back, shooting a glare at Ryan, who seemed unbothered by his actions as he carried the beer to the kitchen.

"That's fine, we can work with that. Would you like something to drink?" Jane asked. "We have domestic, import, craft, wine, liquor, or bitch beer if you prefer."