Tied Up in Knotts Ch. 11

The rollercoaster of anxiety, excitement, and fear I felt leading to Penn's arrival was nothing compared to the day of.

My fingers drummed nervously against the door panel as the taxi driver weaved in and out of traffic. Thai driving always had me on edge but this time it was for a completely different reason. In the short time since we'd become friends, he'd managed to root himself so deep it felt like I couldn't breathe without him.

Yes, he'd become my respiratory system. Just like we take breaths without thinking, Penn had managed to embed himself in my life. But for all the happiness and excitement, there was also fear and anxiety. There were lots of little things we never talked about. That would all be coming to an end.

Then there was Cam. She was something I tried not to dwell on. I'd casually brought her up a few times. I had to. How could I call myself a friend if I pretended, they weren't married and potentially going through something big? He either gushed about her or breezed to another subject, saying he couldn't talk about it just yet.

The cabbie dropped me off at arrivals and I made my way inside the airport. I spent the hour before his arrival playing emotional ping pong. One minute I wanted to damn the consequences and throw myself at Penn. The next minute I was chastising myself for being reckless and irresponsible.

How could I do to her what had been done to me and not live with that regret for the rest of my life?

But—I wanted him. Possibly, was even in love with him.

But—he had someone. If I was right and there was something between us, then he needed to deal with his baggage in a respectable manner, on his own, and I'd needed to be patient.

It was all hypothetical anyway. I wasn't stupid, actions painted a pretty clear picture of what was happening. But Penn and I had never talked about it, or us, or whatever might be between us. Hell, maybe I was romanticizing it all in my head like some pathetic loser.

I needed to slow my roll before I planned a future that didn't exist.

I looked at my watch and saw there were twenty minutes before he arrived. Just enough time to use the restroom. I laughed when I saw myself in the mirror. I looked like a show pony. I had gone all out for his arrival. Until a few days ago, my body hadn't seen a razor since I had boarded the plane in Portland. I looked like Grizzly Adams.

I went to a highly recommended hole-in-the-wall barber with the promise he'd do me right. I hoped on all that was good in life, that it wasn't a double entendre.

It wasn't.

The end result was more Hollywood than I could've guessed an old man in a tiny shop was capable of. It put the pre-Thailand haircut Kelsea gave me to shame. It wasn't something I would've chosen but it wasn't bad. My beard looked night and day better. He trimmed it from a six-month beard to something more respectable. Short, trimmed, but natural.

I knew Penn would notice the difference. Even when I lived in Lincoln and took decent care of myself, I never looked this maintained. I smoothed my shirt and scanned the crowd, constantly looking at the bag tags to see if any said PDX>BKK. That would tell me if he was close. Finally, I saw him.

He was finally here and I had no clue what to do. I stood on the balcony of the second floor as he rode the wave of travelers up the escalators.

I wasn't the only one who had cleaned up. He looked as fresh as I'd ever seen him. He might've been one of the most attractive guys I'd ever met but he'd never been fashion-forward. He always had the same standard haircut and alternated between newer work clothes and older work clothes.

The new Penn, the one coming up the escalators, he stole my breath. It should've been a sin to look so good. His jeans weren't his standard-issue Levi's and the black V-neck he wore was new and fit perfectly.

While he stepped off the escalator and scanned the room, I snuck up from behind and grabbed his pack, making him stumble.

"Is this all you packed?" I repeated the words he had said to me all those months ago.

It took him a second, then he smiled. I'd never experienced a better greeting. His expression—I never knew you could smile from your soul.

"Nay," he whispered my newly appointed nickname, that made me feel all sorts of good inside, before wrapping me in a desperate hug.

The world moved around us. It was perfect. He felt so damn good in my arms...so good I never wanted to let go. I dug my face in his neck and breathed in his scent. It was something I missed. No matter what he did, he smelled good.

"How was the flight?" I asked and I nodded for Penn to follow me. I grabbed his luggage and we made our way through the airport to the taxis.

"Long, subpar food, not enough legroom, you know—the norm," he laughed. "But, hey, I'm here!"

"That you are," I cheered. "What do you want to do first?"

"Shower and nap. It feels like a week since I've slept." And it probably had been a week since he slept.

The ride to the apartment was tense and awkward. I had to put my hands in my lap to stop me from touching him. It seemed he had to restrain himself also. There was so much known between us, but left unsaid, that neither of us knew how to behave.

Every accidental touch was stroke inducing. If that wasn't bad enough, we kept catching each other's eyes. It was all so...juvenile. And I loved it.

I showed him around the flat then sent him to the shower. Sleep accommodations were nil, which meant that we'd be sharing a bed. It was something we'd done half a dozen times before but suddenly made me nervous. Things were different. Words had been started but not finished. Intentions had been implied.

I was setting an extra blanket on the bed when Penn walked in the room. He was freshly showered in athletic shorts and an old, ripped shirt. The whole thing made him look as delicious as ever.

He wiggled his phone. "I set the alarm for forty-five minutes. I just need a quick nap and then we can do whatever." Penn crawled on the bed and covered himself up without a second glance. When he drifted off, I got up and turned off his alarm. Jet-lag was something I was familiar with and he needed more than forty-five minutes.

The list of things I could've done while he slept was a mile long, instead, I laid next to Penn. I had missed him so much, more than I ever imagined possible. Him napping allowed me the chance to soak him up after being apart for months without feeling stressed or pressured.

I ached to reach out and run my fingers down his jaw or trace the masculine profile of his nose. I bit my lip when his lips parted so he could snore ever so softly.

It wasn't the right time to want him as bad as I did. But then again, I wasn't sure there'd ever be a good time.

I was waiting for the judge to make my divorce official. Then the unacknowledged ball would be in Penn's court and I had no clue what to expect from that.

Every time we'd FaceTime and every time we texted; I was desperate to lay it all on the table. I wanted confirmation that I wasn't crazy, that I wasn't imagining the spark between us. But no matter how much I wanted to; I couldn't initiate the conversation. If Penn felt the same then he'd make the choice on his own without my input. Whatever he did, it couldn't be because of me or something I said.

I felt my eyes grow heavy as I watched him sleep. An hour and a half later I woke feeling like a million bucks. My whole fortune, lying next to me. I snapped a picture of the sleeping beauty and posted it to social media with a caption parody of Ying Yang Twins: Get Low.

'To the window, to the wall. To my comfy bed, I crawl. Down this big long hall. Ahh sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.'

I laughed as I posted it. If he had social media, he'd appreciate it. His family did, though and I knew they'd get a kick out of it.

He finally woke a few hours later. It was like watching a bear wake from hibernation; slow and difficult. He tried so hard to open his sleep riddled eyes but it was too difficult. He couldn't do it. He lay motionless for a minute before trying again. He blinked and stretched and changed positions before settling back into a light sleep.

I propped myself on my elbow and watched him repeat the cycle as he slowly came to.

"I'm so fucking tired," he yawned and pulled the blanket tight around him so he could go back to sleep.

"No, you don't," I chided when he tried to close his eyes again. "You've been asleep for three hours and now it's time to get up or you'll never get over the jetlag."

"Three hours? More like three minutes."

He groaned when I pulled off the blankets but reluctantly sat on the edge of the bed and tried to get his bearings. I had to do something; I couldn't watch him be so damn cute.

"Get up and I'll introduce you to the roommates."

****

"So, this is Penn?" John's voice was too suggestive and I wanted to punch him.

"So, this is the guy who pressured you to move halfway around the world on a whim?" Penn shot back.

"The one and only," John puffed out his chest with pride.

I whacked his stomach and laughed. "I don't think he meant that as a compliment."

"No matter," John waved us off with a sly smile. "I have no regrets. Let me introduce you to the pressure committee, for without them, Nash wouldn't be here today."

John took over the introductions as Penn charmed his way through my roommates. He was easily a decade older than the twenty-somethings but he blended seamlessly. There was something about him that you couldn't help but be drawn to. Everyone was smitten.

We invited them to dinner but they declined. I think they knew it was a courtesy invite and I'd murder them if they actually came with us. I hadn't said much about Penn but they weren't stupid. You didn't survive living in another country without some level of self-preservation.

****

"I feel stupid for thinking it would be more poverty-stricken than this," he said as we walked shoulder to shoulder around the city. "It's so modern."

"What were you expecting?"

"Stray dogs. Drug deals."

"I can take you to the shadier parts of town if it's drugs you're looking for."

"You've been holding out on me," he gripped his chest. "You know I came here for the drugs and so far, it's only been good company. What kind of crap is this?"

"Hey," I elbowed Penn and he doubled over for theatrics. "No one needs drugs when they're with me. I'm addicting enough."

"I can't deny that. I did fly halfway around the world for you."

We both laughed but inside I was stroking out. Maybe the words were innocent, maybe they weren't, either way, they were true. He had flown halfway around the world. For me.

So many races I ran without a cheer team and a dozen vacations I'd done alone. Never had Lee gone out of his way for me the way Penn did. Never would he have traveled to Thailand because he missed me. Penn loved me more than Lee ever had, even if it was only as a friend.

****

It was ten by the time we got home. The roommates wanted us to join their movie night but I wasn't much of a night owl and, despite the three-hour nap, Penn was tired from traveling.

Penn showered again and I followed. When I got back to the room he was in his undies, rifling through his luggage.

What a sight.

He never flaunted his body. He never wore clothes that gave anything away and never carried himself in a manner that brought him attention. He was a specimen. Not the kind you find at the gym; not overly muscled and cocky. No, he was strong and broad from a life of hard work. He had little tummy skin rolls when he crouched over, the kind that told you loved fried food and dairy. I wanted to pinch them...with my teeth.

He looked up from his luggage and smiled as he pulled out a small bag that held a bunch of random crap like his phone charger and headphones.

"Are you ready to snuggle?" I asked as I pulled the sheets down on my tiny, full size bed.

"I've been waiting all my life," he joked as he shoved his bag under the bed and stood up. "How do you want to do this?"

Straight face, straight face, straight face.

"I don't know, what are the options?"

"Well," he thought it over. "I can spoon you, you can spoon me, or one of us can sleep on the other's chest?"

All good options. "I like sleeping on my back but I'm also up for a good spooning. I'm versatile."

Just in case you're wondering, or, should ever wonder.

"Okay, yeah—" he looked a little awkward. "Lie on your back."

I made a big show of lying down then held the blanket open for him and smiled.

"Crawl on in, big boy."

He laughed lightly but did as he was told. We shifted around until we found a comfortable position, then he laid his head on my shoulder. It felt so right, like he was meant to be in my arms. The selfish part of me wanted to find a way to share a bed every night.

"Can I move my leg?" he asked.

"Make yourself at home."

Penn draped his leg over mine and his arm over my chest then sighed in content.

"Why haven't we done this before? This is surprisingly comfortable."

I nodded and adjusted myself under his weight. I was comfortable. Not just physically but emotionally, too. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, shifting his gaze in my direction.

"Everything. Being there for me after Lee, not pushing me, then pushing me. For being a friend, a real friend. For coming here."

"I guess," he shrugged against my chest. "Doesn't seem like a big deal from where I stand."

"Not a big deal?" I laughed. "We live very different lives."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, flying across the world is no big deal to you because it's what you know. Inconvenience isn't something your family takes into consideration when it comes to supporting the ones they love. Me? Well, I've traveled the world alone because Lee wasn't interested. I've run dozens of races without anyone standing on the finish line because it was too far to travel. I love my dad and I know he loves me back, but getting him to come to anything that supports me is like pulling teeth. The dynamic you share with your family, where everyone shows up no matter what, it's so foreign to me."

"You're joking, right?"

"Hey, I'm not complaining," I defended. "I think the way your family rallies is awesome. It's something I've admired for a long time. I'm jealous. Most of the time I don't mind doing my own thing, I enjoy it. But sometimes it would be nice to have someone go out of their way for me."

"This is ridiculous," he laughed. Not like haha this is so funny, more like—are you fucking kidding me?

"What?"

"Oh my God," he propped himself on his elbow and looked at me in the dark. "Nash, you have the entire town eating out of your hand. You always have. I can't speak for your dad or Lee but half of Lincoln would drop everything if only you asked. You could have a full cheering section at every race you've ever run if you really wanted. People would trip over themselves to support you."

"No way. If that's true, it's only because they feel obligated since I give so much to the community."

"No, it's not. You've always had this thing about you. You bring out the best in people. It makes them want to know you, to be friends with you, to be a part of whatever you're doing. Everyone loves you. I'm not surprised you've never seen it. I guess it's part of your charm."

"I think the jet lag's gone to your head."

"Remember the year you were asked to be a celebrity server at the annual Chamber of Commerce fundraiser?"

"Yeah."

"What do you remember about it?"

I thought about it. "It was busy and I pretty much fucked everything up. I spilled soda all over Cathy Robinson's shirt before dropping three full plates of food. The whole night was a nightmare."

"Sure, if by nightmare, you mean the most successful turnout, ever."

It was busier than expected, which was part of the reason I fumbled so much. Too much pressure.

"Nash," he laughed as he used his thumb to smooth the furrowed lines on my brow. "You had a line out the door of people waiting to sit at your table. Didn't you find it weird that you were slammed when the other waiters had empty tables?"

"They were more efficient at getting people seated, served, and out the door," I defended myself. "I'm a terrible waiter. I couldn't even bus tables when I was in high school."

"Maybe, but you were also the most requested waiter, ever. Hell, we tried to get seated in your section but the wait was too long, they made us sit at Rogers table."

"You're the Knotts," I teased. "Why would you want to sit at my table?"

"We might be the Knotts to some people but did it ever occur to you, that to everyone else including us, you're Nash Cushman?"

"No, never, not once," I laughed at his absurdity.

Here I was cuddled on a full-size bed with Penn Knott, one-third of the most sought-after trio in Lincoln. People fell over themselves to be noticed by them, to be invited to their gatherings, hell, they'd piss themselves just to be acknowledged. And he was telling me that they thought I was the desired one? It was a weird pill to swallow. Not a bad one, just strange. Like taking Aspirin and getting pop rocks instead.

Penn sighed and laid his head back on my shoulder. "Go to bed...Nash Cushman."

The way he said my name, like a teenage girl talking about the quarterback god, turned me inside out. How could I be Nash Cushman when he was Penn Knott?

****

I didn't know what time it was when I woke but it was dark. The only light was the glow of the street lights. Penn was awake. Not surprising since jetlag was a bitch. The surprising part was what he was doing.

His fingers traced the soft flesh between my belly button and hip bone.

Before my brain spun out of control, I tried to convince myself that it was innocent. He was awake with nothing better to do—nothing better to do than softly stroke my skin in the middle of the night. It meant nothing. Maybe he was in deep thought and didn't realize what he was doing.

Penn found my bullseye. It took every ounce of energy to not get an erection. There was one spot that left me defenseless and vulnerable to attack, Penn being the one behind enemy lines only made it worse.

There was something about being caressed in that area that sent me straight to level ten erotica. A small moan escaped followed by a full-body shudder. Like thunder following lightning. His hand stilled. Something I was both thankful for and disappointed by.

Just when I thought I was off the hook, he softly traced his fingers across my belly to the other side. If he thought the effect would be lesser on one side than the other, he was wrong. Before I could take a full breath of air my body was reacting to Penn's touch.

I should've stopped him, made a show of waking up, but I didn't. I didn't want him to go further but, God, he felt good to be touched.

He must've decided to test the waters. He stopped and let my erection falter before restarting again. He kept switching from my left hip to my right and back again. The whole while, I pretended to sleep while dying inside.

Eventually, he moved his science experiment to other parts of my body. Leg, knee, side, ribs, chest, you name it, he touched everywhere. I was so turned on by that point he would've gotten a reaction if he'd touched my nose. Still, nothing got to me the way it did when he touched my hips.

I could feel his own erection against my leg. I wouldn't say he humped me but he wasn't idle either. I was out of my mind with lust and about two seconds away from grabbing his hand and forcing him to touch me when he stopped what he was doing. I thought about telling him he needed to finish what he started, but he wrapped his arms around my torso and burrowed his face into my neck. Penn's breathing was labored and heavy. He held me so tight I worried for my own safety.