TJ Ch. 13

She chuckled and said, "Fuck you. You're such an asshole. How does Sean put up with you?"

"It's my charm and wit. Plus, I'm good in bed."

She only shook her head. We sat out there for about forty minutes talking about nothing and anything that popped into our heads. I figured she would talk to me about anything serious if she wanted. Finally, I couldn't hold in the yawn and stood, gave my friend a hug and a kiss on her head, and told her I would talk to her in the morning. She smiled up at me and said, "Thanks for...well...thank you. You're a good friend. I'm glad we met."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't get all mushy on me. I'm a selfish, narcissistic, asshole who only looks out for myself. Don't go spreading rumors about me."

"Uh huh, sure. Keep on believing whatever you want. I've got you figured out. But don't worry; I won't tell anyone."

"You shut your whore mouth," I laughed. "But, seriously, remember what I told you the other day. If you need someone, I'm here."

I made my way back inside the house and up the stairs. When I entered Sean's bedroom, he rolled over, opened his eyes, and asked, "Hey, what's up? Where did you go?"

"I couldn't sleep earlier and was looking out the window. I noticed Stacey sitting outside in her backyard, so I went out there to keep her company."

He gave me a sleepy smile and said, "Well, come back to bed. I miss you holding me."

"How could you miss me when you didn't even know I was gone until just now? And besides, didn't you go sleep with you holding me?" I asked skeptically.

"Don't question me. Get your ass back in bed and cuddle with me," he playfully demanded.

Since Robert made me put a lock on my bedroom door and Jacob never came upstairs, Sean and I have been sleeping naked. So, I stripped off my shorts and crawled in bed next to Sean. I faced away from him and felt him move behind me. He placed a kiss on the back of my neck and whispered, "Close your eyes and go to sleep. I love you."

I let out a satisfied sigh and said, "Mmmm, I love you too. Good night."

A few hours later, I woke up in a different position. Sean was on his back, his left arm still held me, while I had my head on his chest. He was gently rubbing circles on my back and I was running my fingers across his chest, feeling the sparse hairs that grow there. When he realized I was awake, he rolled over so he was on top of me. He was smiling down at me, resting his weight on his elbows on either side of my head. Just as he was going to kiss me, we heard both of our phones signaling we had a text message.

We both had a message from Stacey.,

"Can y'all meet me in my backyard ASAP? It's an emergency."

As we were pulling our shorts on and finding clean shirts, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Sean yelled, "Yeah, come in."

Josh and Kevin entered the room holding their phones. Josh said, "We just got a weird text from Stacey asking us to meet her in her backyard. Do y'all know what's going on?"

I shook my head. "No, we have no clue. I know she was okay last night. I couldn't sleep and noticed she was awake and outside; so, I went out and hung out with her for about forty-five minutes."

We headed downstairs, out the backdoor, and through the gates into Stacey's backyard. We found her sitting at the patio table next to Jarrod. As soon as I saw her, I knew something wasn't right. She had tears streaming down her face.

Jarrod pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. He whispered something to her and after she nodded, he stood and crossed over to us. In a low tone, he said, "Sometime last night or early this morning, John was brought to the hospital. Stacey's aunt called about an hour ago to let her know. She's supposed to call back when they have more information. So far, all they know is he was pushed out of a car and left outside the ER's doors. He was unconscious and unresponsive. They said something about a possible heroin overdose, but they aren't sure."

I stood there trying to figure out how I felt about this information. Josh went over to Stacey and pulled her into his arms, and they were both crying on the other's shoulder. Kevin went and stood behind him and placed a hand on his back, slowly rubbing soothing circles. Sean looked dumbfounded and sat in a chair. Part of me wanted to shrug and say something flippant like, "He was the dumbass who used heroin," and the other part of me wanted to walk back over to Sean's and pretend I didn't care. In the end, I just stood there watching the others. The only thing I could really feel was a slow rising anger coming up from the pit of my stomach.

I tried my best to keep the anger at bay, but I didn't think it would take much to set me off. I hoped nobody lit the fuse, because I didn't want to take my anger out on any of my friends. However, the longer I sat there, the shorter the fuse got. I was getting pissed at Josh for crying over some dumbass who decided to run off and use heroin to deal with life. I was getting pissed at Sean for giving a shit about John. I was getting pissed at Stacey for dragging us out of bed this morning because of John. I was getting pissed at everyone sitting at the patio table because they were all upset over someone who went out of their way to try and hurt me, someone who said mean things about me to anyone who would listen, someone who blatantly tried to steal Sean away from me. But, mostly, I was getting pissed at myself for having these thoughts, realizing how selfish of a person I really am.

I thought about the conversations Stacey and I had earlier in the week and the night before. I told her I would be there for her if she needed someone. However, when she did need someone, I was too absorbed in my own feelings to be there for her or anyone else. The realization only made me feel worse. The worse I felt, the angrier I got. I knew I needed to get away from everyone right then or run the risk of snapping at someone and saying something I didn't mean and couldn't take back.

I was pulled out of my head when I heard Kevin say, "Okay, we'll go and get cleaned up and you do the same. Why don't you give us an hour then come over?"

Everyone started standing up. Jarrod and Stacey went inside through the patio door while Sean, Kevin, and Josh headed for the gate. I still hadn't moved from where I was standing. When they arrived at the gate, Sean turned back to me.

"Well, are you coming or not? Don't just stand there looking pissed at the world. We gotta get ready." he asked in what sounded like an irritated voice,

"Why are you acting like someone pissed in your Cheerios? Would it have killed you to tell Stacey you were sorry or something instead of glaring at everyone? Why were you even acting like that in the first place?" Kevin said,

I couldn't believe the way Kevin was speaking to me. I looked to Josh for help first, but he was glaring at me. I turned to Sean and looked at him expectantly. He didn't do or say anything.

"I wasn't acting any way. I can't believe y'all are acting so upset over someone who went out of their way to hurt me. He's the one who went and did drugs and pushed everyone away. As far as I see, he got what he deserved."

"Can you really be such a heartless, selfish asshole not to care that someone we know is possibly dying right now? Can you really not at least feel something for Stacey, who could be losing her cousin?" Josh asked with tears in eyes,

Kevin spoke before I could respond. "I thought the whole narcissistic thing was an act, but I'm not sure now. That was...wow! I cannot believe someone I consider such a good friend he's almost a brother would say something like that. I can't be around you right now.

I suddenly felt like everyone was ganging up on me. I lashed out. "Fuck y'all! This is fucking bullshit. I'm not allowed to feel pissed because everyone is boo-hooing over someone I can't fucking stand? Y'all do whatever the fuck you want." I turned and went into the house. I went upstairs without stopping.

As soon as I was in Sean's room, I sat on his bed and started crying. Finally, about five minutes later, Sean walked in the room. He didn't sit down next to me. Instead he sat on the other side of the bed and said, "Everyone is upset because someone we know, someone our age, almost died last night. We're upset because a good friend of ours came close to losing her cousin, who she loves despite what he's done. I can't believe you can't understand that. I think you should head home or something..."

"You don't want me here?" I asked, trying like hell to keep the hurt out of my voice. I was so pissed off, at what? I didn't know for sure and I didn't want to be where I wasn't wanted. We all know my issues with being unwanted. So, I stood up, didn't tell anyone "goodbye", didn't grab my backpack, walked right out the bedroom door, down the stairs, out the front door, got in my car, and drove away; ignoring Sean calling for me to stop and listen to him.

I wasn't sure where I was heading. I just knew I was fucking pissed and didn't want to go home. Next thing I knew, I was pulling into a parking space at the hospital. Without overthinking anything, I got out of my car and went in the front entrance. I didn't know if John was in ICU, the emergency area, or if he was in a regular room. I walked past the main desk area and headed to the elevators.

I went up to the second floor and came across a waiting room. There was a woman speaking on her cell phone in there and without intending to do so, I overheard her say, "He's lucky. He's going to be okay. He was only unresponsive when he arrived, not in a coma. I'm just not sure what's going to happen now. He's being kept for observation. He should be released tomorrow, probably. Yeah, he's in room two-twenty-five. Okay, talk to you later. Thanks."

I don't know why, again, but I found myself walking to room two-twenty-five. When I entered, John was laying in the bed hooked up to IV's, a heart monitor, and all other sorts of things. His eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping. I glared at him for who knows how long. I knew his mom could come back in here at any moment and wonder who I was and what I was doing. I didn't even know what I was doing at the time. Finally, his eyes opened and about bugged out of his head when he noticed me standing at the foot of his bed.

In a hoarse voice, he asked, "What are you doing here?"

"You know what? Fuck you! Who do you think you are? Huh? You've thrown your life away and almost died because you're a selfish, stupid, fucking...Ugh! I can't fucking believe you've got everyone...every single fucking one of my friends worried about you."

"Why don't you fuck off and go back to living your perfect fucking life where you get everything you want with your perfect fucking boyfriend? You don't even know how good you've got it! You walk around like your shit doesn't fucking stink and like you're so much fucking better than everyone else. And you expect everyone to fucking love you and do whatever the hell you want."

"You have no fucking clue what you're talking about," I scoffed. "My life is far from perfect. Back in June, the people who I thought were my parents were killed in a wreck. I then found out everyone I thought I could trust and who supposedly loved me had been lying to me my whole life. I found out my brother is actually my father, my nephew is really my brother, and my parents were actually my grandparents. Then I had to move from where I had lived my entire life down to this fucking shithole of Southeast Texas and start my senior year at a new school not knowing anyone except my brother. Oh, and right after I found all that shit out, the guy who I had been hooking up with for the past three years and who told me he wanted more with me as I laid in his arms crying over my parents' death kicked my ass and said some of the most hurtful and hateful shit I've ever heard. So, don't tell me I have a perfect fucking life. Besides, what does it matter to you? You threw your life away and dropped out of school and started shooting up heroin. Why? You stupid fucking shithead. Why do I even fucking care? I can't believe I'm standing here crying over you. Why did you drop out? Why did you choose to go off and start using fucking heroin? You're a fucking dumbass. You need to get your shit together."

Before I could rant any further, I heard someone speak from behind me,

"What's going on in here? John, who's your friend?"

I spun around and the woman from the lobby was standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say all of that. And I'm not his friend."

"By all means, please carry on. Maybe you'll get through to him. You pretty much told him everything I wish I could've. I'm Robin Naples, John's mother," She laughed as she extended her hand to me.

I reached out and shook the offered hand. "I'm TJ Kennedy."

Her smile got bigger.

"No, you weren't lying. You're not his friend. But you may be who he'll listen to."

From the bed we heard, "Fuck! Don't you think I know I've fucked up? I don't need you coming in here and pointing out all my fuck ups. Just leave me the fuck alone."

"Shut up, now! I may not like you, in fact I pretty much despise you, but that doesn't mean I want to see you kill yourself and ruin your life. Just don't hit on, speak to, look at, be around, or think about my boyfriend and we'll be fine. I love Sean with everything I have in me. I don't need you trying to, and miserably failing at, stealing him away. So, get your ass back in school and stop the bullshit with the drugs. It's fucking, umm sorry Mrs. Naples, stupid." I barked out,

"Please, call me Robin and I agree, it is fucking stupid. I'm not sure if he'll be allowed back in school."

"Don't I have any say in any of this?" John asked petulantly.

In unison, Robin and I answered, "No!"

I turned to John's mother and said, "Let me call my b... Robert and see what I can do about school."

I pulled out my cell phone and call Robert. He picked up and sounded worried, "Teej? What's going on? Sean, Kevin, Josh, and Stacey were just here looking for you. They told me everything going on with John and what all you said. Come on home and we'll call them back and y'all can talk..."

"Robert," I interrupted, "shut up and answer a question for me. If John was willing to work his ass off, apologize to Lori and you, and promise not to fuck up again, would you let him back in school?"

Robert was silent for a few moments before he asked, "Teej, why are asking me about John? Where are you?"

"Just answer me please. I'll explain everything."

"Yeah, I didn't file the paperwork for his withdrawal yet. I was going to do it Monday. But, he has to be in In-School suspension for a week and formally apologize to Lori. And don't think I didn't notice his arms while he was in my office. Weekly drug tests until I say differently. That last part isn't official, I'll pay for the tests myself. And you two have to at least try not to kill each other."

"Okay, I'll call you back in a few minutes and let you know what's going on. I need to go right now. Why didn't they call me to see where I was?"

Robert sighed and said, "Teej, they've been calling you nonstop since you left Sean's. Look at your phone. I'm sure you have quite a few missed calls and unanswered texts."

I pulled my phone from my ear and saw I did have fifteen missed calls and ten voicemails. There were also ten unread messages. Fuck! "Alright, I'll call them back and let them know where I am. I left Sean's in such a haze of anger...Well, I'll tell you about it later."

I hung up and looked at Robin. "That was the assistant principal and he said John can come back to school starting Monday. He'll have a week of In-School suspension. He will have to formally apologize to Lori, Ms. Simmons, and Robert has an unofficial request of a weekly drug test, which he said he'll pay for."

Robin's eyes glistened with unshed tears. She looked at me, then at John, then back at me and said, "He will be there Monday morning. Tell Mr. Kennedy I said thank you. Also let him know he doesn't have to pay for the weekly drug tests. He'll be taking one weekly at home, so I'll share the results with him. I know you don't like my son much, if at all, and from some of what Stacey has told me, I can't say I blame you. But thank you for what you did."

"As long as he doesn't go out of his way to try and get to Sean again, we'll be okay."

I was about to walk out of the room when John softly said, "TJ, wait a minute. Mom, can you give me and TJ a minute?"

She looked uncertain but patted my arm.

"I'm going to go call your cousin. I know she's waiting to hear you're awake and okay."

She walked out of the room already on the phone with Stacey. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned to John.

"Whatever you have to say, hurry up and say it."

In a whisper he said, "I didn't know all that shit went down before you moved here. I'm..."

"Don't you dare fucking apologize to me. That's not how this thing works between us and you know it. I'm not going to apologize for anything I've said or done before, and I won't for anything in the future. We speak truths to each other, and you know it. I don't like you; you don't like me. We'll never be best buds; so, don't pretend."

"Fuck off, T-Gay. I need my beauty rest, so get the fuck out of here." He smirked at me.

"Hell, you'll need a lot more than beauty rest. More like beauty coma if you're ever going fix...," I waved my hand at his whole body, "that."

He flipped me off and I returned the favor.

"Sit and spin, buddy. The ride's over at the elbow. Unless you're special; then I'll give you the shoulder. Now, I'm only going to ask you this once because I don't want to give anyone the impression that I actually give a flying fuck about you, but are you going to use again? If you are, be honest with me now and I'll leave you to fuck off and go hang out with druggie losers and try and kill yourself again."

His face hardened.

"You said we speak truths to each other. I need you to tell me some truths after I tell you some things. I know you can't think much less of me than you already do; so, that's the only reason you're the one I'm telling this to. You cannot tell Stacey or Sean or anyone."

I didn't say anything; I just sat in the chair next to the bed and looked at him.

"I met a guy on Grindr, and we hooked up the first time right after I moved here. We smoked a little bit of weed that night, but nothing else. But I did notice he had needles and baggies of some brown shit in his stash box. Then, after Sean finally called and told me to leave y'all alone, I hooked up with him again. I asked him what the brown stuff was, and he said, 'Something you're going to love. But you'll have to trust me.'

"I don't know why, but I agreed. When he pulled out a bag of syringes and a lighter, I almost changed my mind. But, honestly, going numb sounded too good to pass up. Every time after that, he would give me more and more and eventually I started passing out. I have some vague flashes of random people fucking me, but I thought they were dreams and he was the only guy I was with. I was wrong. Last night I thought it was only going to be the two of us. Right before I nodded off, there was a knock on the door and three or four guys came in and I heard one of them ask, 'Is he the fuck toy for tonight? He was good last time.' I tried to get up and leave, but my body felt too heavy to move. A few seconds or minutes later, I was gone.

"I guess those flashes were memories of me being semi-conscious. I'm assuming I didn't go into a semi-conscious state last night and when I didn't start coming around, they thought I had OD'd. So, they drove me up here and pushed me out the passenger-side door and took off."