To be Loved... Ch. 02

First off, thank you for reading this. It really wasn't a story I felt like continuing, the over all opinion of the first chapter is that it didn't have enough build up. Hopefully now readers will understand why I wanted to start with a sexual encounter.

This is also a first person perspective as all the rest of my work.

Thank you to the sexy C for his "stalker talk" advice.

Sin xoxo

Monica

My hands won't stop shaking as I pull up in my driveway, my breath is panting out like I ran the whole way home. I suppose that's that now. I won't be going back to that gym, no matter how much it hurts it's time to let go and leave it's time to add finding another one to my huge list of to do's.

Shaking my head I grab my bag and head inside, I know my mum is still going to be up and it will be my last chance to talk to her tonight before I head to work, I don't want her to worry over me. I calm myself the best I can as I walk up the steps stopping to collect our mail on the way. Shit more bills, always more bills my wages barely cover everything as it is. I'm going to need a plan or some fast cash to get us out of our slide to bankruptcy.

Deep down I know what I have to do. It's the last thing in my life I ever thought I would sink to. To me it will be as bad as selling myself on the street corner. The level of disgust in myself for even considering it is hitting a all time high. I'm going to have to do private dances. Rub my body all over strange men. Feel their breath on me, even their hands maybe. The whole idea has me shuddering in my skin. Being up on stage isn't so bad most nights and the members of the club are mostly respectable. They keep the cat calls and dirty comments to a minimum not wanting to face the wrath of the club's head enforcer, Seth my friend Dee's boyfriend. He is extremely over protective of his girl and everyone important to her including me. The day she rang me up crying about him on the phone and I offered her my granddad's cabin for the night changed my life.

That day I lost my job. That day my mum was told her cancer was back. She spent 5 years free. I should have spent more time with her, I should have taken her on a cruise ship, to see the pyramids. Anything to make that 5 years special. I wasted the time instead trying to crawl my way up the ladder of a failing company. To concerned about a career and stability, something neither of my parents had. My dad would personal train guys for cash, he pedaled steroid's and performance enhancing drugs on the side and my mum would clean houses on rental exits. They both grew to resent the other and it made my childhood even more bitter then it had to be. We were poor, trailer park poor.

I grew up to resent the life they had, that I was forced to live because of their fuck ups., I made myself the promise of my career would come before everything else because a career offered stability. Look how they turned out, my mothers dying and I'm going to have to sell my body to be able to keep a roof over her head. Fuck my life.

I head inside, calling out as I go. Listing to my mum ramble on about her home help nurse. I fix us both a snack and sit down across from her at the table to pick on mine.

"Was that boy at the gym again?" Her words have me flinching in my chair. It was the worst mistake of my life even mentioning the cute guy at the gym to my mother. I thought after years of marriage to my dad she would have thought it was a good idea. Instead she jumped down my throat and ripped me to shreds. Laid out ever single one of my dad and the men like he was faults. The list accumulated to be of epic proportions and if I dare to disagree she ignores me for days. Much like she used to do over my very first boyfriend I met at that same gym.

I lie I'm not proud of it but the last thing I need is for her to throw a version of a tantrum that will delay me heading to work, her medications and sleeping. "No, I didn't see him at the gym." It's always best when lying to her to keep my response to a minimum and move the subject along.

I stand from the table and grab the plates and head back to the kitchen calling out around the corner. "So did your nurse bring you another book today?" This is my one fail safe way of changing the subject. My mother loves romance novels, the trasher the better. She will read them over and over until the covers fall apart and random pages stick together.

"Oh yes she did, so far it's wonderful." She then starts to go into her own personal review of the book listing all the highlights and things she will change following me into the bedroom as I pack my bag for work. I shuffle her back to her bed tuck her in and put her three current books beside her.

I make my way across town relatively fast and end up the first dancer here which is perfect for me, I need Loretta's unconditional attention for a short while. Heading down the stairs to the office I softly knock on the door hoping as I hold my breath I'm not interrupting the couple on the other side. Both of them very much in love with each other are frequently caught by staff making their own kinky kind of love all over the club, and the odd time in public.

"Come in." Loretta's perky voice calls out. Not a day of knowing her has she ever showed me a nasty side. I seriously don't believe she has one to be honest. Life was pretty fucked up for me but from what I've been told about hers makes me thank god for it.

Opening the door a crack I poke my head in to see Loretta perched in Miki's lap.

"Hi, you got a second to talk?" I grin at the loved up pair. Seeing the two of them gives me hope for myself one day.

"For you Miss Monica we always have time." Miki's voice holds that sensual note that leads me to think I have interrupted.

"OK, as long as your sure. I umm, I need more money. Can you put me on the lap dance list?" I blurt out before nerves take me.

"Are you sure honey? I know you don't want to go that far, we can lend you the money if you need it that bad. I don't want you doing anything you aren't comfortable with." Loretta reaches across the desk to touch my hand in comfort, sympathy seaping from her eyes.

"No, no, its fine really, I need to do it this way, I don't feel comfortable with taking money off you guys, I don't know when I'd be able to pay it back. Besides its to much, you guys have done to much for me already." It's true they have, they helped me find a reasonable priced home help company and gave me a job, they even pay my gym membership to keep me in shape.

"How about a auction? For a one night only dance?" Miki suggests. "We can type up a flyer for the members right now and Seth can pass them out on the door."

I sit and think about it for a minute, the idea is a lot more appealing then the thought of having to do regular lap dances, but I don't see how it will get me enough money. I broach that as the only flaw. "Umm, but it's only one dance. That's not going to be enough money."

They both look at each other than at me, Loretta giggles and Miki chuckles.

"It will be enough Honey, I promise." Loretta giggles some more.

"Um, OK then I'll go get ready for my first set, just tell me where to go when you two figure it out." I shrug, I trust them both and if they think one dance will get me enough money I'm sure it will.

I head up stairs to change...

Like

I clench the flyer in my fist. I know she needs money, I know about her mum, I know its why she dances. I just can't fucking stomach that she has to put her self through that shit. Even if it's just one dance, even if I should hate her she still means something to me.

I cock my head to the side and listen to Dee beg my cousin for his help.

"Please, please do it for me? I want it to be someone I trust and I can't trust anyone more than you." She looks at him batting her eyelashes and pouting her lips. This girl knows how to work her man and the site almost makes me laugh.

I rub the stack of cash in my jacket pocket, I had been saving it to use on some new equipment for the gym. But I can see right now that's not going to work. I'm gonna need to spend my cold hard cash on a lap dance.

Seth sits with his mouth shut his eyes burning into mine, people say the can tell we are related just by meeting both of us. Suppose that fucked up genetic puddle we crawled out of really did a job on the both of us. He stalked his girl, now I'm doing the same.

Cocking my head I tilt it towards Dee, pretending to be oblivious to what's going on. "What's up Dee, she a friend?"

"She used to be my boss, she really helped me when my x left. She's also one of my best friends. I can't just stand by and let her be sold to anyone, I wanted Seth to by the dance and we can just turn the lights on low for it. She'd never know." Turing to face me her bottom lip starts to quiver as her eyes well up. Seth of course starts to growl deep in his chest his normal reaction to anything that upsets her.

Before I can rethink it I yank the wad of cash out of my pocket and slam it on the table. Ten thousand, she's worth every cent to me and more.

"I'll do it." I mutter.

"Are you for real?" Dee squeals at the top of her lungs.

I nod my head. As far as I'm concerned nothing is left to be said, in a very short while my girl is going to be grinding herself all over me in the dark. This time she can't get away from me either.

With a quick nod I move off further into the shadows. I do the same thing every night. My days are spent fixing things around the gym, my nights I spend watching her work out and dance. I know she doesn't like me as a person, she really can't stand me, I represent everything she hates, not because I take care of myself and keep in shape like her dad did but because of my attitude. She thinks I'm a womanizer and a deadbeat, but that's OK, she doesn't need to like me... She's still mine even if she doesn't recognize me now.

Monica

My first set on the stage is hardly my finest work, I stumbled through at one stage, my nerves over later tonight haunting my performance. Every part of me feeling effected, my stance, my clothes and even my hair feels extra rebellious, not that it's a new thing for me my waist length inky hair adds to my appeal on stage but the amount of product I have to use to keep it even slightly tame a night borders on the lines of insanity. My extremely pale skin and bright green eyes earned me the nickname China doll. Which conveniently works as a great stage name. Except for today I feel exactly as fragile as my name sake. A tendon stretched to snapping point, a bundle of nerves on the verge of frying.

Huffing at myself I head backstage while the announcement comes over starting the auction. I can't watch, I can't listen, I don't want to see all those sleazy looks directed at me. My stomach rolls at the thought.

I sit and wait in the changing rooms, knowing it won't be very long until I have to head to one of the dark rooms in the back, to sit and wiggle in some unknown mans lap, to offer my body in private for him to drool over, to be nothing but a object.

I look up as the door open and Loretta walks in with a huge grin on her face. I can tell by the smile I must have sold for a good price.

She holds out a wad of cash to me dropping it in my palm.

"Ten thousand, and even better I've met the guy, well actually he's a regular and Seth's cousin." She smirks.

"What the living fuck? The guy paid ten grand for a lap dance. Is he ugly as fuck or what?" I blurt out in my shocked state.

Her laughter peals out in giggles that turn to belly chuckles. As she straightens to wipe the tears from her face she's still grinning. "The opposite, he's stunning in a manly way. Good looking, hell of a body, well spoken. To be honest his charming. Think Seth with a filter."

My jaw drops with every word she says. This is sounding a little to good to be true. "OK, so what's the catch?" I know something is up with this guy already.

"He has a few little requests, he wants only dim light, like really dim, and he's picked this out for you to wear, if both of those you can agree to then it will be fine. He knows no touching unless you ask, I will be in the hallway with Miki the whole time in case anything goes wrong." She lays out the terms of the agreement like this is a everyday occurrence for us.

I grab the box she's still holding and look inside to find one small ball of purple lace and a larger folded robe of purple silk. From what I can tell the outfit in the box is both very expensive and reveling.

I pause for a second it might be revealing and slutty but I wear the same type of stuff every night. Plus it will be really dark and it's not like I'm going to have to stand across the room and dance. He isn't going to be able to see much with me dancing in his lap. That's what I tell myself.

"I'll do it." I spit out before I change my mind.

Loretta nods her expression turning to a mix of both excitement and nervousness for me, that's one thing I love about her is her empathy for other people. She almost physically feels everyone's emotions.

"Take your time getting ready Honey, I'll be right outside waiting to walk you to him. Everything is going to be fine." With a quick hug she's out the door.

I strip and shower, smoothing my favorite cherry and vanilla skin cream all over my skin. I open the box and pull out the small scrap of lace. It's much worst than I expected, there is no back to it besides one small string for between my cheeks and around my waist. It's cut low in the front, with two sheer panels running down the front starting in a halter top behind my neck, the bottom section of the teddy even worst, high cut in the hips the material stretches tight around my stomach, the material is so thin its almost fully translucent. I can see every inch of my skin. My nipples on full display, the fabric clinging to my pussy lips pulling so tight my whole downstairs is on display. I can even see my clit poking out with nervous excitement. Throbbing away with it's own beat.

Luke

The room Seth leads me too is perfect just dark enough that she won't recognize me. I flick the lamp on off to the side and position myself in the shadows with a direct view of the pool of light it throws off. I still want to be able to see her even if it's just for a minute. I've been waiting for the chance to get her alone, one chance where she can't run away. I know she wants me, wants my body even if she can't stand me as a person.

My cock is throbbing thinking about the outfit I picked out, I know it's going to be hard for her to wear, all her stage clothes aren't half as revealing. I deliberately picked something that would unnerve her, something that would keep her on edge.

As I sit in the dark I let my memories of before take over

*****

She's was beautiful in a tomboy way, always wearing bulky men's t-shirts and track pants, her long hair in a messy bun, no make up but the cutest smile I've ever seen, not that it was ever directed at me though. Never would she look at me twice.

I would deliberately use whatever piece of equipment that was near her, I wanted to get as close to her as I could, breath the same air, listen to her little grunts as she worked out, I'd push far more weight than my small frame could handle, she'd shake her head and roll her eyes at me clearly knowing what I was doing. Even that was a thrill in itself.

The first day I ever spoke to her was also the first day I seen my girl lose her calm and cry. She was training with her father Big Jim, he was ruthless, pushing her harder than he pushed any of his clients. He'd scream and bellow at her, forcing her on when she was beyond her max, even a runt like me could tell. She was benching, one rep max, Plate after plate went on the bar, her struggles getting more visible with each pair. Big Jim unracked her steady the bar and walked away, he left her to try by herself, left her to almost hurt herself, almost die with the amount he'd stacked on the bar. I remember clearly her gasp and the look of terror, how her face paled and her hands shook as she lowered the bar.

I watched as she struggled with all her might to get it back up, off her chest, she couldn't. Her face turned a shade between blue and purple, her breath wheezing. I jumped off the bench beside her and yanked on the bar the hardest I could. Driving with my knees and back, between the two of us we got it racked to the sound of her fathers laughter from across the room, sick prick thought it was amusing, thought his daughters struggles were entertaining. In that instant I can say I truly hated that man, hated his arrogance, hated his attitude towards her.

She didn't say one word, tears streaming down her cheeks, head hanging in shame she bolted out the door with me right on her heals. She ran around the building and collapsed to her knees vomiting up the contents of her stomach in jagged heaves. I leaned over her wrapping her thick long hair in my hands and pulling it away from her face and holding out a hand full of scrunched up clean paper towels.

She wiped her face and looked up at me, my heart stopped, my angel is finally seeing me. "Hi I'm Monica Jane, you can just call me MJ though. Thank you for helping me." She whispered, her throat was still contracting after her sudden stomach purge.

I stood stunned her voice was like honey, dripping over my skin, my cock jumped from its semi hard permanent state around her, to fully painfully hard. Making it's presences and appreciation of her known. I reach out my hand to help her up, pulling her in close to me as her legs wobble. Looking down at the top of her head I grunt out my name. To overwhelmed to say anything else. The girl of my dreams is pressed against me, my cock is throbbing even with the lingering stench of vomit in the air.

We both jumped apart at her fathers bellow telling her to get her ass inside and cleaned up, with one last lingering look she lowered her head and walked inside.

Her father propositioned me that day, had me start working for him, had me run his drugs. I would have done anything to get as close to her as I could and I did.

We dated, we were the cute early 20s couple that did everything together until the night we first fucked, the same night her father died and the same night she sent me to jail.

I'm snapped out of my reflection of the past by the door squeaking open.

My eyes snap up to watch her shuffle her way inside shutting the door softly behind her.

"Stand beside the lamp and take the robe off." I demand forcing my voice deeper than it's natural pitch. She may not recognize me now but my voice hasn't changed much after all these years.

I watch her slowly walk over to the lamps circle of light, her eyes focused on the ground as she reaches up and drops the robe off her shoulder's giving me the perfect view of her in the lace strip I picked for her.

I've never seen anything so sexy, she's filled out over the years, it's not that I hadn't notice how thick her ass is now in those booty shorts she wears every day or the little outfits she wears up on stage. This is the closest I've seen her to naked in 10 years. The swell of her hips merging into her tiny waist and flaring out again at her breast, the view of her has my fingers digging into my thighs. She has a classic hour glass figure now, full, soft and generous but not fat just womanly, nothing like the lean muscular frame she used to support. I guess the both of us have changed over the years, her body getting softer as mine got harder and thicker.

"Turn around." I grunt not needing to fake a deeper voice now, lust doing a decent job of making my voice sound foreign to my own ears. "Bend over." I grunt out a muffled curse word when she instantly does what I ask and more. She starts to sway her hips to the beat of the soft music coming from the hidden speakers, her legs parted, bent forward at the waist, the material between her legs stretched so tight I can see the impression of her pussy lips pressing hard against it, her cream gathering and turning the material even more transparent. I can see how aroused she's getting for me.