To Hire a Cheerleader Pt. 03

Chapter Seven

Tori's week-end was a strange combination of happiness and trepidation. She completely enjoyed the time that she spent with her dad. Paul took her to the famous Pier 39 and she did all the tourist - like things. She ate the largest strawberry she had ever seen, she rode the carousel, she saw Alcatraz and even bought some psychedelic fingernail polish. When they got back home, Tori convinced her dad to invite Stella to join them for dinner on Sunday and this time Tori went with them. It was so much fun to see the two of them flirting and teasing one another. Tori truly hoped her dad didn't let Stella get away.

But whenever her dad mentioned her job, Tori felt her shoulders tighten in tension. Then she would find herself thinking about Jake. In fact, every time her mind wondered, Tori found herself thinking about Jake. She hoped that they could work out their differences soon, because, the way it was, she was spending way too much time worrying about him. She figured that once she had their relationship ironed out, then she would quit thinking about him so much. At least that was her plan.

On Monday morning, Tori found herself thinking about Jake again, as she put on one of her new dresses and added her open toed sandals. She found a barrette from some past time period of her life and managed to use it to enhance her haircut. She even used a light touch of make-up. Looking in the mirror, Tori liked what she saw. She realized that she was glad Jake wasn't blind because maybe he would like what he saw when he looked at her, too. Tori shrugged off the thought and headed to work.

After Tori let herself into Jake's house, Beatrice handed her a cup of coffee as she passed the kitchen. When she got to her desk, there was a pile of work waiting for her. On the top of her stack of paperwork, there was a note from Jake, asking her to come to his office first thing.

Tori made her way down the hall and knocked on the door to Jake's office. She heard the muffled "Come in." The room was still all dark except for the computer screen, but Tori was familiar enough with it now to be able to confidently move over to the chair she used.

When Tori was seated, Jake said, "I want to apologize about last week. I didn't handle your concerns well. I wasn't expecting you to catch on so quickly. That's not a reflection on your ability to deduce the obvious, it was merely my own way of convincing myself that it was possible to interact with another human being again. I had planned on telling you when the time seemed right. First, I wanted to give you the opportunity to get to know me a little better, though. But I shouldn't have lied to you. I made you feel like I was toying with you and I'm sorry."

Tori sat quietly, wondering if she was supposed to respond yet. She certainly didn't want to say that what he had done was ok and all was forgiven. But she also didn't want him to feel too badly. She really did want to be his friend and she didn't want that relationship based on shame or guilt.

Going over the options in her head, Tori finally settled on what she wanted to say. "Jake, maybe you could tell me what it is that you wanted to tell me eventually. That way, I would know what it was that you wanted me to understand. And I wouldn't be left in the dark - so to speak."

There was a sigh that seemed to be torn from Jake's heart before he spoke again. "Tori, I don't know where to begin. It's an ugly story and I don't really want to tell it. But you deserve to know why I am the way that I am. Then you can decide if you want to keep working here.

"When I was a kid, I can remember my mom and dad screaming at lot at each other. I can even remember my mom and I sneaking out of the house one night to run away. But my dad caught us. Over the years, my mom had more broken bones and claimed to have walked into more doors than I can even count. Then, when I was eight, my mom left to go to work one morning and she never came home. That night, my dad hit me for the first time, telling me that it was my fault that she had left.

"Without my mom being there to protect me, my dad started using me as his punching bag. As I grew older, the abuse got unimaginably worse. Then, when I was sixteen, after a particularly bad night of my dad and his buddies using me to relieve all their stresses from the work week, I woke up to someone knocking on our trailer door. When I crawled over all the passed out bodies and opened the door, I felt like I was looking at an angel. There was this woman standing on our front steps. She was older, beautiful and had the kindest eyes I had ever seen.

"This lady took one look at me, then a look past me at the scene behind me, grabbed my arm and pulled me to her car. After we climbed in, her driver sped away like demons from hell were chasing us. Turns out, this woman was my grandmother - my mom's mother. She had been trying to find us for years. I told her about mom leaving and she just snorted her disbelief. Apparently my grandmother thought my dad had killed my mom and hidden her body.

"My grandmother had legal custody of me before the day was out, even though it was a Saturday. The woman was wealthy, powerful and loved me. Life changed completely for me. Instead of cowering in fear or having to lie about what was happening to me, suddenly, everything was like a fairy tale come true. I had a safe home to live in, a grandmother who loved me, new clothes to wear and I was going to school regularly for the first time in my life.

"It was on the way to school one morning that my dad managed to ruin my life. My grandmother had pressed charges against him, so he was running from the law. As I walked down the street toward school, a car pulled up beside me and my dad yanked me into it. Since I was headed to school, nobody missed me for the entire day. Which meant that for almost eight hours, my dad was free to do whatever he wanted to me. And what he wanted was to disfigure me as much as possible.

"By the time the authorities found me, my dad was long gone and I was almost dead. My dad had broken my arms and legs, he had cracked my ribs and crushed the bones in my right hand. But the worst damage was done to my face and chest. He had not only beat me, but he had also used his hunting knife on me. The day is a vague memory for me, but I can still hear him say that he really doubted that my grandmother would want me if she couldn't stand to look at me.

"Thank God, my grandmother was as politically networked as she was. When she turned up the heat, not only did they find my father, but they found my mother as well. At least they found her body. Apparently my dad had killed her all those years ago and buried her behind the house we were renting at the time. Combined with the charges of attempted murder, my dad was sentenced to death. Before the state could enact their punishment, though, a couple of guys from the prison carried out my dad's sentence. Seems he thought that everyone would be as easy to beat up as a frightened kid. His mutilated body was found in the showers.

"A few years later, my grandmother died, leaving me her entire fortune, but it didn't change what had happened to me. Even with all of that money, I couldn't change the fact that my face was grotesquely disfigured. I have it on the best authority that the scars are unbearably hideous. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror any more, let alone subject another person to seeing me. That's the reason I live in darkness, Tori. I don't want to have to face my reality in the light of day.

Tori sat in shocked silence. In her wildest dreams, she would never have guessed Jake's story. He was so successful and accomplished. "Jake, how did you do all that you have done? How did you go to school?"

Jake sighed before answering her. "I used to go out in public - at least if it was dark enough, or I had a big enough pair of sunglasses. I managed to get through school and passed the bar by sitting in the back of classrooms and convincing as many professors as possible to let me do the work on my own and turn it in without coming to class. I did it all without realizing that there was no way I could go into a courtroom and expect a jury to listen to me when I couldn't even stand to be in a room with the lights turned on. I can just see it now, 'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, would you all mind if we turned off the lights in the courtroom while we put this accused mass murderer on trial?' That's when your dad stepped in to help me find a way to use my education to still make a difference. We've been working together ever since."

Tori knew that Jake now expected her to say something sympathetic and comforting, but for the life of her, she couldn't think of what that might be. She had never been faced with someone who had experienced anything like what Jake had just explained. The depth of depravity that he had been forced to live with was something that Tori had only read about in horror stories. And now she needed to respond to Jake. What was she supposed to say?

After a few moments of silence, Tori was surprised to realize that she was growing angry. Angry at Jake's father for taking away Jake's childhood, angry at all the people in Jake's young life who turned their heads and didn't help him, angry at the surgeons for not being able to heal him, but most of all, angry at Jake for giving up. She felt her emotions bubbling up and realized that she had no intention of showing pity for Jake. She didn't want him to stay in the dark. She wanted him in the light, and she would be damned if she wasn't going to try to get him there.

"Jacob Rhodes," Tori said, in a stern voice, "You have lived through hell and you are letting the evil that was your father continue to dictate your life. Do you really think that the people in your world would have that big of a problem with what you look like? Beatrice and George aren't here because you pay them well. They are here because they love you. My dad isn't the kind of man who would let how you look affect your relationship. I don't know who else you have contact with, but I can't imagine that all of the people in your life are so shallow that they would be put off simply because you bear the scars of some hate filled devil."

The silence that filled the room was thick with tension. Again, Tori was pretty sure that she had gone too far. She seemed to be making a habit out of doing that with Jake. She couldn't give in now, though. Jake had to make the next move and she had to wait him out until he did it - whatever it would be.

Several minutes passed before Tori heard Jake clear his throat. "Well," he said slowly, "That's the first time I've ever gotten a response like that out of someone after hearing my story. Tori Banner, you are something else. Has anyone ever told you that before?"

Tori could feel the blush rising on her cheeks, even in the darkness. "No, Jake, there haven't been a lot of people in my life who paid enough attention to me to get to know me that well. You aren't the only one who has lived your adult life trying to be invisible. I have spent years blending into the background. But I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to waste my life hiding. I know that I can't make your decision for you, but I don't want you to hide either. If you won't come out on your own, no one is going to force you to, but you are just going to grow lonelier and lonelier as life passes you by. It's your choice, Jake. But if you want me to help you figure out a way to come out of the closet, so to speak, I can't think of anything I'd like more."

It seemed that Jake was weighing Tori's offer. He didn't respond immediately, but finally he said, "I think I would like that. I kind of had in mind how I wanted our working relationship to develop over the next few weeks, back before you figured things out too quickly."

Jake's quiet laugh at that point let Tori know that he was not complaining, rather he was teasing her. He continued, "I was thinking that I would like to start by coming to your office to go over our work together. I can't . . . I'm just not ready to come in there without covering my face somewhat, though. I hope you understand."

Tori was so pleased. "Jake, that's more than enough to start with. Just getting you out of the dark will be a huge step." Without thinking too much about it, Tori jumped up and moved quickly around Jake's desk. The glow from the monitor gave her enough light to know exactly where he was sitting. She bent toward him and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him to her. "I'm so proud of you!"

Tori's hug seemed to catch Jake off balance. Before he had a chance to pull away, Tori was touching him. She felt Jake's body start to relax for a brief second before he tensed up and backed away from her. It occurred to Tori that Jake probably hadn't had a lot of touches over the last twenty years. Although she let him escape this time, she made a mental note to make a point of touching Jake. He would never be ready to go back out into the world if he wasn't used to touching people.

And Tori was convinced that Jake should get back out into the world. She didn't know the extent of his scars, but she was willing to bet that some carefully controlled experiences would go a long way to restoring his confidence. Then, when he built up his own faith in himself, he could face others, not allowing them to have the power to hurt him by their actions or their reactions. Tori was just figuring all of this out for herself and she was kind of glad to have a friend who would be growing with her. There was a lot to learn and it would be much more fun with a buddy.

Chapter Eight

For the next week, Jake made a point of coming to Tori's office every day. They would spend an hour or so going over facts and theories, then they would sit and just talk with one another.

Now that Jake had told her the truth about himself, he was uninhibited about telling her his life stories. He told her about moving from place to place so often as a youth. She learned that he had never gone to school for more than a few months at any time. And even when he had managed to go to school, his dad made doing homework impossible, so he had never had very good grades. It was amazing to Tori that he could have had that kind of background and overcome it to make it through law school. Jake laughed and admitted to her that he had let his grandmother pull in some favors to get him into college. He had taken it from there and done very well, but he told Tori that he had known that, on his own, he would never have been able to get into a university. Tori enjoyed learning about his life and began to see more and more of the man that he really was.

Tori did her fair share of talking as well. Although she didn't have as much factual history to tell Jake, he seemed to enjoy her stories about the crazy things that had gone on in her family. Tori was pleased that Jake complained everyday when it was time to get back to work. He claimed to want to sit and talk with her longer, and that made Tori feel very special.

For the first few days, Jake wore a face shield into Tori's office. It was basically a ski mask made out of breathable cotton weave. On Thursday, he surprised Tori by wearing a new mask. This one was like the type doctors wear in the hospital. It hooked behind his ears with elastic bands. Tori kidded him that he looked like a dentist and Jake laughed at the idea.

With each step along the way, Tori was secretly thrilled to be able to see more of what Jake looked like. With this new mask, Tori could see Jake's hair for the first time. It was thick and black and hung down his back on a ponytail. Tori realized that he probably hadn't had it cut in years. She wondered what it looked like when it wasn't tied back. And she was really surprised at how much she wanted to run her fingers through it. Tori was enjoying each new little piece of Jake that she was being introduced to.

Tori found herself constantly wanting to know more about Jake. She woke up every morning to thoughts about Jake. She wondered what he was doing and if he was grumpy when he first woke up in the morning. She thought about him as she ate breakfast, picked out her clothes for the day, brushed her teeth, put on her shoes, walked to the car, sat in the car on the way to work - ok, if she was honest, she thought about him all the time! Even when Tori noticed that the thoughts were, more and more often, of a romantic nature, she just shrugged them off, putting them down to errant hormones. She was certain that she and Jake were only friends and that it would be best to stay that way.

Tori had made another date with Stella and they had picked out more new clothes for her. Tori found that when she felt confident and attractive, she ended up getting a lot of attention from strangers. She had always expected people to make negative comments about her weight if they noticed her. Now, she found that most people seemed to not even notice her size. They seemed much more interested in who she was and, rather than looking past her body, people seemed to see her body as an important part of her. Tori mentally kicked herself for the years she had spent worrying about what others would say.

It was exciting to be noticed. Tori was living out her desire to be a visible person. She had spent years worrying about impressing other people - and she had shied away from that thought. The funny thing was, though, that now that she was making favorable impressions on others, the only person, other than herself, that she really worried about impressing, was Jake. And that was ok, because he was her best friend.

Tori didn't need to worry about impressing Jake too much, though. Every day, he told her how much he liked how she looked. He even confessed that he had snuck out of his office each day of the first week that she had worked for him, in order to watch her early metamorphosis. At first, he had only wanted to know what she looked like and how she worked in her office environment. But then he had wanted to watch the changes in her. He admitted that, when she came in on her second day of work, looking so different, he had almost not recognized her. She laughingly told him about her dad's reaction. Jake said that at least he was in good company, then he once again told her how much he liked the dress she had on at that very moment. He was obviously being impressed!

Chapter Nine

By the time Friday rolled around, Tori was really dreading not seeing Jake for the whole week-end. She realized that she was enjoying her time with him much more than she had expected.

Jake had made a habit of sitting with Tori as she ate her lunch every day. Tori realized that Jake was still not ready to take off the mask, and, since there was no way he could eat with it on, he simply sat and talked while she ate. She assumed that he ate later, when he was alone. When Jake came into the kitchen and joined her at the table on Friday, Tori wasn't surprised. Instead, she was very pleased.

After a few minutes of small talk, Jake said, "Tori, I want to make you an offer. If you think I'm out of line, just let me know and I'll not mention it again. But it seems ridiculous for you to be paying rent on your apartment when I have so much room here in this house. I was wondering if you would like to move in here?"

Tori couldn't believe her ears. She sat, staring at Jake without answering him. Thoughts were running through her head at an alarming rate and she was trying to catch some of them to make sense out of what Jake had said. Frowning with the effort, Tori asked, "Why would I do that?"

Jake's eyes twinkled at her above the mask. "Well, gee, what did I just say? I have a lot of room here. You are paying way too much rent. And I would like for you to live here. Is that enough reasons, or should I come up with some more?"