All Comments on 'To Tell, or Not To Tell'

I had an almost exact situation many years ago, before my children were born and my wife was out of town. I didn't go looking for it but I let it happen with the mood I was in and a few (quite a few) drinks. The next morning,

at the woman's apartment, she asked me if she was going to see me again. I wondered why she would ask since

I didn't really feel that I was very good and neither of us was emotionally into it. I told her I didn't think so. I drove home and walked in still wearing my suit from the day before, hoping the neighbors wouldn't notice

or not think or care to comment. I never told my wife and never strayed again. I'm glad I remained reticent.

I learned a lesson for myself how good I had it.

You made the right call!

5

Oh! You just don't know what your wife didn't tell you. As a rule, the wilds of the female soul are much more ornate, dramatic and confusing. They can inflate their fleeting sexual sympathy to the scale of a Shakespearean tragedy and, succumbing to false illusions and expectations, easily blow up a marriage. Just because it seemed to them...

Damn, go for a philosophy homework now!

The second Today!

And of course, there is no simple answer: yes or no, true or false...

The human being is made of principle, morality, behavior which is specific to him, which is built and evolves throughout his life.

It's very nice this little theory but there is a point that raises questions and therefore we never have the answer.

The problem is: At the moment you decide to hide the truth, you do not know how you will act, the actions and the consequences that it will produce over the next say 25 years.

For example: you failed once, who says you won't fail again? That you didn't catch any disease? That she got pregnant and that 15 years later a child arrives at your door....

What is this question about confessing? Just dont cheat. And maybe dont blame your job. If the job turns your private life to shit then look for another one. Everything else is just an excuse.

Damn Regguy, I have 2 things to say:

- 1) you took the easier path by making the man the cheater although man or woman, cheating is the same, but a woman would be shot down more easily.

-2) you forget that half of the guys here are not composed normally and like when their partner fucks somewhere else. They would even be angry for not having been able to watch (the bull, the BBC...) and for jerking off in front of the show.

Never woulda said a word. D

Confession may be good for the soul, but definitely not for the marriage... :)

No rating from me, for two reasons. One, I do not discern much of a difference between two stars and three, insofar as providing the author of any feedback that may be of future benefit. When issues between the sexes are involved, I rely on one simple concept that will keep you out of ‘trouble’ in most any scenario:

NEVER tell a woman about another woman. Terse, and to the point. NO exceptions. Universally applicable to both genders who may be doing the telling, but cannot be construed to become ‘never tell a man about mother man’ simply does not work. Think about it.

For the woke pronoun folk who do recognize biological gender, do not take offense. I paraphrase a line from the movie “The Departed:” You are a black guy living in Boston. I don’t have to tell you how fucked up is the situation in which you find yourself.

ah. a happy story ending for the cheater...

he should have been man enough to let wifey make some decisions.

stupid coward. if so cowardly to face wife's reaction then he shouldn't cheat.

clever pretend the weekend never happened. what a novel get out of jail card.

The only reason to relieve yourself of the selfish act of cheating on your spouse is another selfish act. Two wrongs NEVER make a right. The "penalty" for your infidelity is to carry that guilt around for the rest of your life, not destroy someone else (or family). 5*

Would have not said anything and hoped to god sam never said anything or showed up pregnant.

good realistic story; reaction depends on how you view a one and done cheat

A story that occurs in real life too many times, as I experienced a similar situation in my past. I carry the guilt even now, nearly 30 years later.

My position is that if it was TRULY a one-night stand, and will ABSOLUTELY, 100% NEVER repeat it, then you should live with the guilt. Confession might ease YOUR guilt, but it just dumps a load on your spouse's head.

An interesting, well-written, and thought-provoking tale. It’s an interesting question, with no perfect answer. Given that married men are statistically more like to cheat, it’s nice to see the question posed here.

He did the right thing by keeping the secret. Yeah, honesty is the best policy, but sometimes honesty can kill a good thing. Good story.

Lol trust me she’s bounced on a dick or two if she shuts you out over your job. Putting herself into another pair of shoes, already isn’t her forte

Given that exact setup and premises —- no, I would not have told her. What I MIGHT have considered doing is to have written a confession right away, dated it (maybe by including the receipt from a restaurant at the time), and then store it away somewhere OFFSITE and secure. Then….IF by any slim chance the incident gets discovered, beg forgiveness in part by producing the confession with the rationale for why you didn’t volunteer it at the time..

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Might not be enough. But, IMHO, would be less risky to tne marriage than just confessing out of the blue.

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4 ****

I would have asked Mr. Peterson, to remember me if Toledo ever goes down again. No sense sending someone who doesn't have previous knowledge of the equipment and how to adjust the Hard Drive.

Pretty real

NEVER tell anyone. Divorce the wife and move on with your career. Not a happy ending kind of guy. When the wife disrespects you, pays more and more attention to whatever, it's time to cut the cord and move on.

Nice little story. It is a dilemma besides the selfishness of his infidelity, Dan compounded it by not getting tested for STDs - exposing his unsuspecting wife to potential harm. On the one hand Dan was able to avoid a repeat and be a good husband, on the other this erosion of honesty is exactly how serial cheaters get their start. In addition he is taking away Amy's agency in deciding if she wants to stay with someone who has disrespected her. Even though she wasn't the best wife at the time, she had the wherewithal to recognize her errors and apologize - she is the better spouse.

I'm curious how the commenters feel about this story. Understandably (and correctly) there is a great deal of anti-cheating in the comments, which should go against Dan. Unfortunately, there is also a great deal of hypocrisy and misogyny in the comments, where if Amy had cheated - it would be treated as high treason but Dan's sin would get a slap on the wrist. I hope the first group prevails.

Regardless, it was a good thought exercise - 5*

Shit happens

And we have to live with it

You spin a good yarn and I think he made the right decision by keeping his infidelity a secret. Mostly because his children were young and the marriage in a shaky ground. Bear in mind he was badly mistreated by his wife for reasons he cannot control like be send away to fix an urgent company problem. The wife response was immature, self-centered, and rather cruel. She was teaching him her own brand of an immature kind of a lesson, when he needed her understanding and support. Sadly, his sexual needs at that moment were high due to lack of intimacy in the marriage, his pride and self-worth had been damaged by the combination of work's related demands and his wife's intransigence., and so his natural defenses were down, and then came Sam. She was attractive, young and gave him some human support including some sex. He needed it. He took it. He has to learn to live with it. He was like a drowning man, who found a lifesaver belonging to another ship and took it. Can you accuse him of theft for taking it? Thanks for the story.

Hard question. Generally speaking, the moral event horizon is at the cheating to begin with.

Short but not too bad. Although, the male lead was a bit shallow, somewhat thoughtless and a bit of a coward. Keep on writing....

His wife was pelting him with scorn and rage just because he missed a silly BBQ with the inlaws; imagine what she'd have done if he'd confessed to the tryst. What he did was purely wrong, no excuses, he knew better than to go in for a nightcap.

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However, this was a one-time, unintentional thing, they don't work together often, and he already feels bad over what he did. There's NOTHING to be gained from telling her. The wife has proven she has anger issues and she's a bit narcissistic to boot: problems are judged only by how they affect HER.

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There's always hope for a person that still feels guilt. If they listen to the guilt and learn from their mistake, they'll probably be okay. If they ignore the guilt and eventually no longer feel it when repeating the same mistake, then they're lost.

Mr Brooks wrote, "My position is that if it was TRULY a one-night stand, and will ABSOLUTELY, 100% NEVER repeat it, then you should live with the guilt."

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And the guilt will fade over time.

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In this story, the MC fucked up, but telling his wife would be an all-time, royal-flush fuck up. No matter what you think your wife's reaction would be, you might be wrong. She might forgive, but she'll never forget.

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Confessing that you screwed around, even if it was just a one-night stand, is effectively a hall pass for her, and you have to accept that; are you ready to do that?

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Of course, making that confession just might get an answer like, "Thank God, 'cause I've been so worried that you'd find out about me screwing George!"

Swallow the guilt and pray for one time.

Cheat too. The question is would be forgiving if she had cheated.

I liked the story, but if it was me I would have told. Sorry, I'm kind of a believer in the camp that even withholding information that should have been brought out is a lie and I just don't want to be lied to. I would rather be known with the character of one that will bring you bad news if it arises instead of someone that will lie to you.

If it was a woman, we would call her a cheating cunt. So this is a cheating dick I guess.

Well done. I'm not a writer. They always say, "Leave them wanting more." So over-doing it is bad, but a bit more would have been nice. Like, why was the wife like that all month?!? And No, you shouldn't tell her, because there should not BE anything to tell. Dumb move. Save Sam as a fallback if you divorce.

Take the secret to your grave. If my wife cheated on me in one way I would want know so I could divorce. However, I truly feel since I don't know and I like how things are I would rather NOT know so we can continue on. Why mess up my life for what I would hope was a one time event? Would I want to live with a serial cheater? Would I want to know I am a chump paying her bills while some other guy got the benefits? Hell no! But if it was a one off event and I am getting all I want and see nothing wrong and didn't miss a beat? I would rather she never tell a soul.

Wife was a bitch, but you don't get a free pass. You should have confessed and let her make her choices. Lying and betrayal are never OK.

Really good story I had some opportunities like this is in earlier part of my marriage but I never acted on them ,some of my mates who i confided in said I was mad not to.When me and my wife have big arguments I do sort of think bollocks why didn't I ?But at the time it was always the thought of betraying and losing my kids that really scared me out of it ,I'm glad I didn't now because we have been married 30 years and I don't think I'm the type of bloke who could look her in the face if I cheated.Good read Reg

A "nice" bottle of 19 crimes? 🤣

Berringers too elitist for you?

Outside of that, Sam seemed pretty damn easy. As far as the conundrum, he betrayed her. And if she ever did find out he'd have to except the consequences of her response.

1 in 5 of married have had one affair , of those 8 % have had 3 or more , 5 % had more than 3 affairs. Most men and women keep quiet unless caught .

Excellent moral dilemma. The true question is who suffers the most. I have no idea what I would have done; on balance I think the MC made the right call.

What would he feel if it was his wife doing the cheating.

In your heart, YOU know whether it was a mistake you truly regret. If it is, forgive yourself, get right with your Maker, and turn it loose. Forgiveness is the greatest gift in the universe. In this case, it was the right thing.

Don't be a chump! STFU!

A one time accident is always more understandable than a planned thing. It is why some of the stories on here are unrealistic, a wife has a one time cheat,she tells hubby, and he goes nuclear. For a decent persin who has a slip, the guilt will haunt them and it is punishment. It is like the statute of limitations,which says the fear of being arrested is a punishment enough that those years of not knowing is enough.

Is a one time indiscretion worth destroying an otherwise good marriage?

In his wife's state of mind, IF he told her, she would divorce him and the kids would suffer the most. He can reasonably rule out any STD, so it was time to suck-up his guilt to preserve his family. Was he right NOPE, but did his wife repeatedly treat him right - NOPE, but he had a weak moment due to home stress and work stresses - still no justifiable excuse, butttttt.

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5*****, Hooyah, good story for a shitty situation, Salutes....

If he told her.divorce court for sure.

@sbrooks and reed richards,

By your comments you would be good if your wives had not told you if she had strayed.

If this was the wife that cheated she would have been ripped to threads in the comments. Since it was the husband everyone is like meh. Totally a double standard in LW as usual.

tralan69er wrote: "@sbrooks and reed richards, By your comments you would be good if your wives had not told you if she had strayed."

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I don't know about Mr Brooks, but my wife has never confessed to such, and I've had no reason to suspect that she cheated. I've never had to go through any angst or heartache about it.

So, what does that mean? Well, it means that I've never been divorced, never had to worry about child support or visitation or custody, never had to worry about supporting two homes rather than one.

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There are only two possibilities: Either you know that your wife has cheated, or you don't think that your wife has cheated. There is no you know she hasn't cheated, unless you have been keeping her chained up in the basement.

"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise." Thomas Gray

Dan needs to evaluate his priorities and weigh the possible outcomes. If Amy went back to the evil witch he left what will he do? Can he put up with the shrew he lived with before going on his business trip if she returns. How will his children fare if he is forced by a divorce to live with their mother? Since Dan and Sam were both responding to the loss of what the once held most dear how would the react if they could be together? So many questions to be considered...later.

Ultimately it was a one off, the only person that would be helped by confessing would be Dan, it would alleviate his guilt but devastate his wife and jeopardize his marriage. This is not a long term affair. Now as to would I want to know if my wife had a one night stand, only once, hell yes! That said, would knowing make me happy and make my marriage better....

Ok I’ll bite. I’m in the SBrooks school of thought. A one time mistake, live with the guilt. Thanks for Writing!

@sbrooks103x

My position is that if it was TRULY a one-night stand, and will ABSOLUTELY, 100% NEVER repeat it, then you should live with the guilt. Confession might ease YOUR guilt, but it just dumps a load on your spouse's head.

So you would be good if your wife cucked you as long as it was one time and never to do it again.

Based purely on her reaction to him having to take a work trip as demanded by his boss, the "moral dilemma" us a simple answer. Say nothing, a confession would have made the wife lose her seemingly not very bright mind (given how she was treating him) so zip it closed, resolve never to repeat it and take your secret to the grave. No Possible good would have come from a confession, not two him, not to his wife & certainly not to their children,

Carry that weight.

Thanks for the tale Reg

Weighty problem, but best result was to keep quiet. Enjoyable and readable account.

That’s BS that you give him a free pass, you wouldn’t have written that way if the roles were reversed. KS

Cheating scum. People forget on this site that more men have extramarital affairs (at least one) by their 50s (29%) than women (19%), contrary to the belief system of the incel crowd.

Amazing the difference in attitudes when it is the husband that skipped and cheated once. There's be a totally different reaction from most. They'd be looking for her to be strung up and left penniless and the guy she cheated with to have his balls crushed. No such attitudes when reversed.

I'm real life... I do think she should be told. He cheated. He got one over on her. Hard to believe it was a one time thing but maybe. Don't you all day once a cheater always a cheater.

I don't see this as just happening. A good husband would not have gone to dinner inn the first place. Wife is upset,... Why not drive out to be with her and the children instead of having dinner with a cute girl? That was weird to me...

Sigh cheating and lies auck regardless of gender. And thr husband gets away with it. No reckoning. No confession.