To Walk a Mile

Ed leaned over the seat and grabbed the thick book of puzzles. He flipped through the pages and saw a series of different games.

"There's a pencil in the bag as well," she said.

Ed got the pencil and looked at the first page. It was a square box containing rows of letters. Next to this was a list of words. "It's a search word. I've never done one of these. What do I do?"

Stephanie glanced at him. He'd never done a word search puzzle? "Inside the grid of letters are all of the words in the list. You have to circle them."

"Oh! That's it?" he asked, surprised.

She smiled. "Yes, that's the challenge."

Ed looked at the list of words to be found then looked at the rows. In a moment the words rose from the grid and he saw some of them were diagonal and some were backwards. He quickly circled all of the matches.

"What do you do with the leftover letters?" he asked.

Stephanie looked over and saw he'd finished the first one already. She glanced in surprise at his curious expression and shook her head. Those damned puzzles took her forever. "Uh, sometimes the letters are used to answer a question. The puzzle will tell you if that's the case."

Ed looked and this one didn't have a question. He moved on to the next page.

It took another hour and a bit to finally reach the exit for her home town. Stephanie had a sudden desperate thought. Keep driving. Don't stop until you reach the ocean. She gripped the wheel and gave her head a shake. No. She had to face this. She'd already run once. It was time to stop running.

She glanced at Ed and saw the look of concentration on his face as he worked on one of the crossword puzzles. He only had four of the words in place. She smiled. He found them a struggle too.

She set the turn signal and moved onto the exit ramp and Ed looked up with interest to see where they were.

"Are we here?"

"Yup. We are nowhere."

Ed looked at her in confusion. She caught the expression and sighed.

"Sorry Ed. I used to think of this place as nowhere. As in there was nothing to do, no future for me here, no reason to stay, and plenty of reason to leave. Nowhere. I couldn't escape fast enough."

Ed looked back out the window at the inevitable signs of civilization you find at every interstate offramp. Gas station, a cluster of fast food restaurants, and maybe if you were lucky a local restaurant trying to squeeze in as well. A gift shop or two and a row of motels for weary travellers. This interchange was no different.

"What do we do first?" Ed asked.

"We get a room for the night. If you don't mind Ed, we'll share one. I don't think I'm going to sleep well here otherwise," she said, pleading with her eyes.

"Oh, sure that's fine," he said with a nod.

He looked up the road. "Which one?"

Stephanie's expression was bleak as she took in their choices. She'd worked in a number of these motels as a chambermaid, changing sheets, cleaning other people's messes, envious of those who were just passing through. She spotted a newer building, a two story motel which looked relatively... well cared for. It hadn't existed when she was here so she aimed the car in that direction.

They parked, Ed collected their bags from the trunk, and he followed her inside. The lobby was clean and had a nice display of flowers on a table across from the reception desk by the window. Ed stopped to smell one of the orchids and smiled at Stephanie as she watched him.

She walked up to the counter and a young woman approached her with a smile.

"Welcome to Daystar Motel. How may I help you?" the girl said with a practiced smile.

Stephanie smiled at her recalling her own limited experience working the reception desk. "Hello, we'd like a room for the next two nights. Do you have a room with a king size bed?"

The girl nodded, her eyes going wide as she glanced between Stephanie and Ed, and handed her a form to fill in. Stephanie gave her a credit card and began filling out the form. The girl was repeatedly glancing at Ed from the corner of her eye.

He finally noticed her eyes on him and smiled at her. "I like your flowers! They're very pretty and they smell lovely!" Ed said with a smile. Now the girl turned to him and her face lit up with a smile.

"Thank you!" she replied and there was definitely some pride involved.

"I've heard orchids are difficult to grow. These are really beautiful!" Ed remarked gesturing back towards the table.

"Thank you very much! Yes, they do require a delicate touch and a lot of care," she said, glowing under his praise and appreciation.

Stephanie handed her the complete form and she jumped as she was drawn back to her job. The girl blushed at Ed and moved to program two keys for the room.

"Room 212. Second floor, North side of the building. Enjoy your stay," she said but she was looking at Ed.

Stephanie smiled and headed outside and up the stairs, Ed following.

The room was pretty standard fare but it looked clean and better yet, smelled clean. Stephanie did a walk through. The shower was in a smallish tub so no shower play for them on this trip! The bed wasn't too firm and the sheets were clean so she looked around and pronounced it acceptable.

It was almost dinner hour and Stephanie couldn't stomach the idea of fast food. There was a Chinese food place in town or the local restaurant just across the street. She looked at Ed who was sitting in the room's chair working on the crossword puzzle.

"Hungry?" she asked.

He grimaced and dropped the book on the table with a smack. "I don't like crossword puzzles."

She smiled at his frustration. "When we get back you can do another word search."

He looked at her. "I did them all. The word jumbles too."

Stephanie blinked at him. The book had one hundred and fifty pages. Three kinds of puzzles with two puzzles per page. Even if he didn't do the crosswords that was, what, two hundred puzzles? "You did them all?"

He looked concerned. "I'm sorry. I should have left some for you! It just occupied my mind so well I got on a roll and we were here before I knew it."

"No, it's ok Ed. I- I'm just amazed you did so many so quickly," she explained.

"Oh! Well the word search wasn't hard at all. The jumbles were a little trickier but there are only so many combinations for the letters shown. Crosswords though, I don't get some of these clues at all! Do you think there's a place in town where I could pick up another book of puzzles for the drive back?"

She nodded and smiled at Ed. "We'll keep our eyes open for one. For now though why don't we go get some dinner."

He nodded so they went back to the car and Stephanie drove them across the four lane road to the parking lot on the other side.

As they got out of the car Ed looked back across the street at their motel. "Couldn't we have walked?"

She grinned as she saw his flustered look. "We'll drive in town after dinner to look for the puzzle book. This will save us a little time."

He held the door for her and she walked in. This restaurant was 'new' as well. It was by no means a new building but it wasn't part of her memories so she felt safe for the moment. As they looked for a table she saw no familiar faces and allowed herself to relax. A harried waitress pointed them to the back and they made their way to the last empty table in the back corner. They took their seats and Ed looked around.

There was a long bar along the south wall with tall chairs arranged before the brass foot rail running along its length. The chairs were currently occupied by older men wearing denim, leather riding chaps, and worn black t-shirts advertising their favorite brand of motorcycle. Leather jackets hanging from the backs of their chairs had some kind of riding club emblem on them. These must be the gents who owned the choppers Ed spotted in the parking lot.

Five booths were arranged along the north wall across from the bar and were occupied by families and couples. Between booths and bar was a scattering of tables for four all occupied by people enjoying their meals and talking. There were just two tables for two on the back wall. Up front by the window there was a small stage for live entertainment. There was a dart board and a community bulletin board by the door. There was no cohesive design to the place but it looked comfortable enough and from the capacity crowd it was obviously popular.

The busy waitress dropped off menus, glasses of water and cutlery on her way to the kitchen. Ed had spotted someone eating a big steak so he was going to have one of those.

A group of three people entered the restaurant carrying large cases and immediately went to the small stage. The night's live entertainment had arrived. They began to set up.

"What can I getcha?" the waitress said as she stopped by the table on her whirlwind tour of the place.

Stephanie glanced up then put her nose in the menu. "The quarter chicken dinner please with salad," she said stiffly.

The woman nodded and looked to Ed. "The t-bone please. Medium with a baked potato. Just butter."

With another nod the woman collected the menus and scurried on her way.

"What's wrong?" Ed asked as Stephanie's face was a little red.

She shook her head as the waitress was only one table away. Ed looked to see who Stephanie was discreetly watching.

"Do you know her?" Ed asked quietly and Stephanie nodded.

Two pretty young women rushed into the restaurant and apologized to the waitress who stared daggers at them. They rushed into the back looking very contrite. Moments later they came out wearing aprons identical to the waitress and delivered food to a couple of the tables.

Stephanie's eyes were wide as she noted how similar the young ladies looked to the older waitress. Her kids? She'd had them young then.

"Do you want to say hello?" Ed asked.

Stephanie's eyes shot to Ed's and she shook her head. She wouldn't know what to say to her friend from so long ago.

Ed saw the headshake and nodded in return. He wasn't going to push. "What's the plan for tomorrow?" he asked instead.

"We go to the lawyer's office tomorrow at 11AM to hear the reading." She frowned staring at the table surface. "I should let you know, I have a brother. He's going to be there and it may get ugly. He- he didn't like me very much before I left and his opinion has probably just gotten worse."

"Younger or older brother?" Ed asked.

"Older. Two years older. Always the dependable one. Always pointing out my failings and ready to give me a good wallop when my parents weren't looking. Beating some sense into me, he'd say." Her eyes focused on nothing as her mind took her back.

Ed's big hand enveloped her smaller one and she looked up into his compassionate eyes. "No one will be beating you on this visit," he said firmly.

Stephanie flashed a brilliant smile at Ed.

There was a sudden clatter of dishes and the older waitress rushed into the kitchen clutching the tub of dirty dishes.

Ed noticed a nervous look on Stephanie's face. "Do you want to make a break for it?" he said in his best gangster impression which, honestly, was poor at best. It was enough however to break through Stephanie's flee response and she shook her head with a grin.

"Oh that was terrible!" she grinned across the table at him. He sat there smiling back at her. Solid, dependable Ed, who never ran from anything. She steeled herself and pulled her shoulders back. "No. I'm done running from this place and my past."

One of the young waitresses arrived with their meals and set the plates down on the table in front of them. Ed smiled at her but she was staring at Stephanie. Finally she left and they began to eat.

"This is very good!" Ed gushed as he chewed the piece of steak.

Stephanie did her best to enjoy her meal as well. They ate and watched the band set up.

They were pushing back from their plates and the band had just begun to play their first tune when the second young waitress approached them tentatively. "Excuse me?"

Stephanie looked up into a face she hadn't seen in twenty years. The girl bore a striking resemblance to someone she once called her best friend.

"Are you by any chance Stephanie Norris?" she asked quietly.

"This is Stephanie Matthews," Ed offered helpfully before he felt a hand on his.

Stephanie nodded to the young woman. "I was Stephanie Norris a long time ago." Ed blinked at her. "Norris is my maiden name."

"I- I think you know my mama-"

"Nancy Dulane."

"She's Nancy McAllister now." She looked over her shoulder at her sister who nodded. "Could you come talk to mama? She's pretty shook up from seeing you."

"Where is she?" Stephanie asked.

"Out back at the picnic table," she replied then left to serve another customer.

"Ed, give me a minute?"

"Sure. I'll be here," he said and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

Stephanie left Ed listening to the band and followed one of Nancy's daughters through the kitchen to the back door. She went through and walked across a gravel parking lot to a small grassy area with a picnic table on it. She could see Nancy sitting at the table smoking with her back to the restaurant. The woman's head twitched as she heard Stephanie get closer.

"You promised me."

Stephanie stopped walking and looked at the woman's back.

"You promised me if you ever made it out you'd never come back." There was a tremor in Nancy's voice.

"They died. I had to come back-"

"YOU PROMISED!" Nancy yelled.

"It wasn't a promise I could keep. I'm sorry." Stephanie said quietly.

"Fuck." As fast as it spiked the rage was gone. Stephanie felt it was safe to approach the table. That said, she moved to the other side and didn't tuck her legs under the table when she sat down upwind from the cigarette smoke. She knew Nancy was a woman of strong emotions.

Nancy Dulane, now McAllister, was the same age as Stephanie but on her being close to forty looked more like being close to fifty. She was carrying an extra twenty pounds and her skin showed a weathering Stephanie's had avoided. Aside from the defeated look in her eye she was a nice enough looking woman. Sandy blonde hair to her shoulders, now tied up in a loose bun, pale green eyes, freckles across a small nose with just a hint of an upturn. Naturally smiling lips with just a slight overbite on her otherwise healthy looking teeth. Some of that extra weight was being stored in her tits and ass so her figure definitely had curves under that apron.

She noticed Stephanie avoiding her cigarette smoke so with a scowl she stubbed it out.

"I heard about the fire. Hell of a thing. I'm sorry they went that way," Nancy said gruffly.

Stephanie couldn't put words to the emotions she was feeling yet so she just nodded.

"Did you- did you keep in touch with anyone?" the woman asked cautiously.

"No, I completely broke away. Began a fresh new life." Stephanie said with a small smile as she remembered the fear and thrill she'd held in her heart as she boarded that Greyhound bus twenty years ago.

"Then how did-"

"My parent's lawyer found me when he ran a search for references to 'Stephanie Norris' and found it on my divorce papers that went through the system recently. He tracked me down from that."

"Huh. Fucking lawyers. So you were married?"

"Yes. Stephanie Matthews. He cheated on me. Multiple times so I divorced him. I have four kids. William's eleven, Katie's ten, and eight year old twins, Franklin and Gina."

"Fuck off you have four kids! No one who looks as good as you has four kids!" Nancy growled.

"I have pictures," she said and flashed a brilliant smile.

Nancy closed her eyes and turned away as she shivered. "Geezus."

Stephanie looked at her friend from the past in concern. "How- how did you recognize me?"

"It was that smile." She shook her head. "You were smiling at the big fella in the restaurant and it went through me like a knife. You used to smile at me that way," Nancy said with pain in her eyes. "I'd finally forgotten it. Put all of that life behind me and built a new life for myself. Found a man from town I could tolerate. Got married. Had two kids. I'm still carrying the weight from that, damn your skinny bones. Kenneth is handy in the kitchen. We started up this restaurant and it's a family affair. We do well enough. I thought I was happy enough." She bounced the pack of smokes against her hand thinking about giving in but held firm and put the pack down.

"Then you come back with that smile of yours and I realize enough isn't enough."

Stephanie stared at Nancy in dismay. "What- what are you talking about? It sounds like you have a great life here!"

"Yes, from outside it does sound like that doesn't it? The only ingredient that's missing is love! I mean I love my daughters but my relationship with Kenneth? He's a friend with benefits. I don't love Kenneth. There's no spark or passion. Deep down, he knows. He's willing to settle as it's enough for him." She frowned at her cigarettes and pitched them across the parking lot. She turned that glare at Stephanie. "I want more."

"Don't throw away-"

"NO! You don't get to tell me that! You followed your dream! You didn't settle! Why should I?"

"Your kids-"

"Are adults now. It's time their mother was honest with them. I'm gay. There I said it. It's time they knew it as well."

"You know I'm straight. We had our time when we were young and lonely but even then you knew I wasn't gay. We talked about it. I thought you were just experimenting and searching for a little human compassion like I was. You never told me otherwise!" Stephanie said desperately.

"I knew you were straight the first night we were together. I also knew that maybe I wasn't but I didn't understand what that meant. It wasn't until I heard you'd left on that bus that it hit me that I'd fallen in love with you and what it meant to be in love. Those were hard times for me. NO! I don't hold you responsible for that. Like you said, you were honest with me. Just bad timing is all."

Nancy took in the distraught look on Stephanie's face and her expression softened. "Aww honey, please don't look like that. This isn't your doing. I've been restless for as long as I can remember. Seeing you again... it was just the wakeup call I needed. The kick in the ass to finally realize I've been denying who I really am for too long. I'm grateful, I really am. I should have been honest with myself a long time ago. I don't think it's too late to start. This may be the best time to do it."

"What- what are you going to do?" Stephanie asked nervously.

"I'm going to go visit my cousin who lives in New York City. She's been after me to visit for a long time. I'm going to go see what it means to live as a gay woman."

"Mama?"

Nancy looked over her shoulder and saw her daughters standing by the back door. The big man stepped out the door and began walking towards them with a pleasant smile on his face.

"What's his story?" Nancy asked.

"Ed? He's a wonderful, gentle soul who loves me," Stephanie said quietly with a smile. Nancy looked at her closely. "Yes, I love him too."

"He's young... not that I'm judging," Nancy said with a twisted smile.

Ed walked up to them. "Sorry to intrude but your daughters are worried about you and asked me to see if everything was alright," he finished looking at Nancy. "Ed Walters." He held out his hand and Nancy shook it.

"Nancy McAllister. Take good care of this one. She's very special to me."

"I will," Ed assured the woman.

Nancy and Stephanie stood and once she came around the table Stephanie gave Nancy a tight hug.

"Good luck Nancy." She pulled a card and a pen from her purse and jotted down her phone number and address. "Please keep in touch."

"I can't make any promises," Nancy said tucking the paper into her apron. "After all it's my turn to begin a fresh new life." She gave Stephanie a crooked grin and headed for the back door of the restaurant to presumably speak with her daughters.