All Comments on 'Tom and Crystal'

2 electronic nerds with direct opposite wives. TK U MLJ LV NV

A really nice story. Thanks.

This story is nice, but the plot is a lot like a Marx brothers movie, a lot of rambling but funny gags strung together In no defined order, and then it just kind of ends... But then again, I couldn’t even do this, so my qualifications to criticize are admittedly weak...

Good story and appreciate the effort. Could of been put in 6 or 7 pages. Need to infuse cute humor if your going to write them this long. Characters were fair. Spice them up. You have literary license to do so. Keep writing.

I can't believe I actually waded through 15 pages of ??? I don't know what. It seems to be a series of vignettes involving Tom and Crystal, but also gets into Mary and Tony and Juana (who gets dumped from the story in the middle without adequate resolution). The three primary ingredients for me weren't met in any way, shape or form. Plot (there was none), character development (so shallow as to be meaningless) and dialog (endless trivial chatter). I found it amazing that Tom was able to find an extraterrestrial being to shack up with: someone who couldn't cook, couldn't do basic car care, didn't have a doctor or dentist or healthcare, but could fuck like a bunny and had extensive sexual experience. Crystal was a genuine loser and Tom got what he deserved. Two losers together, Tom's technical cleverness and ability to make money doesn't deny the fact that he really wasn't much of a human being. I'm glad I got into the skimming rhythm so I didn't waste too much time on the drivel dialog or stupid plot ploys. I don't know how this got rated so highly, but I thought i was being generous with my 2* rating. I'll have to keep my eye out for this author and make sure I don't make the mistake of reading him again.

Very Pleasant

Thank you for yet another pleasant story. I’ve enjoyed your other writings and glad you like to expound at some length. I find 15 pages to be a quick read for me so my perspective is probably a bit different than most readers on this site. About your writing process, I’m curious whether you map out your plot lines in advance or if you tend to let your characters find their own way, so to speak. I hope you aren’t done with Crystal, Tom and their friends. I think the previous comments were much more harsh than they needed to be.

I usually start with a situation—something from real life in some way that has left me with questions. (OK, that's if Ask Amy is "real life" (referring to Let's Make a Deal).)

From that, I think about it for quite a while, trying to come up with answers. This gets me a definite endpoint and some definite ideas as to how that will come about; but in particular, what gets developed is the main characters. They have to be clear enough for me to have a good idea how they would act in different circumstances.

Certainly in something as long and complex as The Humper Game, things don't always go as planned. For example, most of part seven, after the wedding, seemed necessary as things developed, but only a few bits were in view when I started writing. Possibly the clearest example, though, is Bella Lanigan. The hands-on sex ed week was foreseen from the very start, but Bella marched in with no forethought at all. She just turned up out of the blue, at the girls' wing monitor station, reminding Phil of his grandmother; the effect this had on Phil (which flowed very directly from his character, note) made him request her as instructor. This probably at least doubled the length of that week; I knew (of course) that Phil would develop affection for his instructrix—again, that aspect of his character is basic to the story. The degree of his passion, and the way she returned it, was a big surprise.

[For everyone else: from her previous comments, I know nthusiastic read at least a lot of The Humper Game. Hence my use of that story as an example.]