All Comments on 'Tom Prentice Ch. 01'

Great story! I look forward to more from you.

Roger

Your writing style is excellent and captures the reader. Believe this story has a lot of potential and look forward to what really happen here and how the son over comes his fears and thoughts of his parents.

Interesting to see where the waitress fits in here.

Great work.

A sad story brought on by a spouse who needed more than she deserved at the expense of the one that she said she loved and her child.

Well woven with word pictures that brought home her selfish actions and his fathers considered and unconsidered actions driven by the pain of loss.

I am pleased that you chose the theme of marital consequence where planned infidelity and reality can collide caused by heightened feelings and emotions throw amok by rejection without forewarning.

The reactive intensity described here isn't as isolated as one might like to believe and it was realistically portrayed as a possible action by one who felt destroyed by the others intended actions. Real life has delivered actions as bad or worse than this in the emotions of the moment.

You are appreciated Author with thanks for your time and efforts in this your first effort.

With High Regard

subtitled, "Consequences."

It's a heavy burden for the son but that's the hand life dealt him.

Writing is good, nice flow. I would suggest slightly shorter paragraphs for online stories.

Regards, DJ

Very powerful. Instead of wondering why you wrote something this way or wishing it had happened that way, I was feeling bad for the kid as he was remembering the letter. Im not saying it was an admirable thing to do, but I also was able to feel for the father. You wrote his mindset and devistation very well and it dragged me in instead leaving me looking at the story from outside and hoping things werent going the way they appeared to be.

Thanks very much for writing. Cant wait for your next stories.

Your telling of this tale from the son's perspective is unique. The sad thing is that the father should have gotten a good lawyer and fought it out. Actually, just shooting the perp's dick and balls followed by throwing the whore out would have been good enough revenge. Sad story.

First of all, this is a great story. Yes, it's depressing, but sometimes life is a downer, and this story was well-told and very memorable.

I sincerely hope there is more coming on this story, both because the character of Tom seems to be one that we can come to like, and because there are so many questions that the author left unanswered.

Tom seems like a decent, level-headed young man who has had to deal with an awful blow, yet he doesn't seem consumed by bitterness.

As to the questions, I have quite a few:

1. The $64 question: Why did Mary cheat? Based on what little we learn of her character, she seems to be a decent person who loves her husband, and she dies professing that love to her husband. And yet she's naked in a sleazy motel room with the dregs of an adulterous affair oozing from her body.

2. Who was her lover? Was he a co-worker, a casual friend, or was he someone who coerced her into an affair then blackmailed her into continuing? His role in this affair is critical, yet we know nothing about him except that he drives a Beemer.

3. Who was the anonymous woman who dropped the dime on Mary's affair to Jack? Was she simply doing "her duty" as she put it, or did she have more sinister motives? Obviously, she was someone who was in a position to know what was going on.

4. Why was Ralph so eager to let Jack borrow his car that fateful day, and why did he volunteer the information about the pistol? It sounds like he suspected something was going on, and was pushing Jack toward a confrontation with Mary.

5. What do we really know about the character of Jack? In his letter to Tom, he seems to take on the character of the distraught husband who snapped, and yet there are moments when he seems awfully lucid and very composed for someone who just learned that his wife was screwing around on him, and killed her and her lover in response.

6. Finally, what are some of the "unrevealed details" that Laney alludes to when she sits down with Tom? He seems to think that the papers got it all, but does he know for sure? He would have had to have kept up with the local news to know with certainty that there were things they didn't pick up, and that wouldn't be the case if he was in Omaha.

All in all, this has the makings of a really good series of stories, and I'm looking forward to future installments.

but one with a different twist,,,

a couple years ago, while I was still teaching in the public schools, there's a teacher-administrator. she was having an affair with another colleague (both had been "promoted" to being adminstrators at the district headquarters).

her husband was a dentist, and he was out of town.

it seemed like the woman and her lover's "romance" was starting to wilt a bit; so she, according to "close friends," was likely wanting to end it; but she went to the lover's place to end it,,, very much like these fictional stories here, in which the fictional wife keep saying she had to go personally to an abusive lover to end it personally, to make sure he understands it is "the end", what-not,,,,

anyway, the LOVER (who was one of the few African American administrators there at the district office) shot both the cheating woman and he himself dead at HIS house,,, knowing she was going to break off their "romance",,,,

when the dead woman's husband returned from his doctor conference, he was totally clueless, like this man here, as to why his supposefly loving wife was not only having an affair but also dead at her lover's place,,,, leaving some kids behind,,,

very sad, like this story here, yes,,,, alas!, the secrets that we create and try to keep,,, they almost always have a way of coming to light, ruining our lives in unimaginable ways,,,

so,, life DOES immitate arts, yes!

Not that far in the past the husband could have called the police. They would have taken him in for questioning and then released him. I know this because 30 years ago while stationed at Fort Hood Texas I lived off base with my wife. A neighbor I didn't know came home and found his wife in bed with another man. He shot and killed both of them called the police and the next day I saw him outside mowing his lawn. He was never prosecuted. I heard later if he had shot one or the other and left one alive they would have charged him. When he shot both he was assumed to have snapped.

This is enough. No more needed.

Definitely leaves you wanting more, much more in this case.

Yes, but it leaves so many questions. Life is like that, but I hate it in fiction. Generally, I end up "writing" my own ending and wondering how close I was to what the author intended.

I take heart that you said this is a series. I'll be looking for more. This was a well written story, and very well told. There are subtle undertones and the author's talent is evident in that subtlety. Why does English use such strange spelling?

Well Done

Joesephus

Jake,

This is a very good story and the potential for followups is huge. I look forward to reading more of your work

Since Tom has to get his mother's ashes it appears that he hasn't had her funeral yet. Maybe he will spread her ashes over her lovers grave since the father doesn't wan't her anywhere around him. He still has to get her belongs from where she worked. Is it possible that the answers are there? Again please hurry with the continuation of the story.

we need to read more, please post part 2

Very good writing and an intriguing story leave me wanting more! You're obviously new to this site but you are definitely on my favorites list.

who was the women who call the hubby and what was her motive?why the wife was fooling around and who was the lover.a lot to tell and you don't tell it.

You know its a good story when people get impatient for the continuation. I hope you continue soon and we get to learn more about what happened. As others have mentioned, there is lots to still learn about the parents. Since the story is named after the kid, I assume he will have his own story as well. Thanks much for writing.<p><p>

PS - your other stories are very good as well. I dont mean to say that you should continue this one if you dont have any more to say. Your other stories are just as good any new stuff would be appreciated.

The story could do with a reason why his mother cheated. Also you imply she had a deep loving relationship with her husband and he couldn't pick up on her involvement with another man?

I like all the unanswered questions. A lot more like real life. The story stands firmly on its own without them being answered (except by the readers' conjecture), but it leaves the possibility open that we well learn more in future stories. Great job.

Again (as in reading backward after the most recent: “The Small Brass Key” ), a great read with warm approach to characters whose life circumstance have encountered some most terrifying and damaging exposure to events which include loss, violence and a great deal of mystery.

<P> Speaking of mystery - I love it, but with the necessary proviso, that at some later point, at least key relevant elements to the main themes of the story – would be resolved. This does not happen here. Were in the “Brass Key” we have a relatively simple case of a weak person being seduced (and we get to read the mental notes of the reluctant, yet cooperating wife – literally, step by step), here there is no hint to the transition (or the jump – or any explanation for that matter). All we get are more clues about other people knowing more than we - but that’s it. <P>

Is that enough? It a good question. It all depends on the set of expectations the story itself builds. I believe that the story’s strength (in fact - the author’s strength) - life like characters who search for meaning and explanation - here in the form of the son (but also the waitress), set the readers for higher expectations than the average drive by shooting revenge and death (and who cares why) story. Interestingly, the father also asks ‘why’ but he too does not get his well deserving answer from his straying wife…<P>

As it stands, what we have is a compelling read by a very talented author. But as a story, it felt to me too much like an unfinished draft...For once I would not mind an updated version or a second part…

The setting for this story months after the event fits well with the thoughtful, dispassionate writing style of the author, jake60. Like any good singer/songwriter he has written a song that fits the strengths of his voice well.

The unanswered questions in the story only add strength to the impact, being this describes a crime of passion. My only possible criticism is that the letter to his son, like the diary entries of the cheating wife in "Small Brass Key" are a bit dry, wordy and extensive to be believable considering the situations they cover.

The only criticism by other commentors I've read here I feel I have to specifically disagree with is the one concerning the co-worker who traded cars and supplied the gun. I've know that kind of person. If they feel the need to ride along with a (itty-bitty) gun shoved under their car seat to bolster their self-confidence, they would indeed be the type to brag about it to a co-worker.

All in all, great effort, tightly plotted, well written.

I haven't read one of these types of stories from the childs pov. It was very interesting, normaly I get frustrated at not getting the whole picture. Mostly because I can't understand cheating, and want some good explanation for the cheaters action even though their can be no good reason. This story didnt leave me wanting, mostly because I saw it as reflecting that you dont always fully know the people nearest and dearest, not as well as you would like to think.

Good story.

Thank you for a great start on your series. I really like the detail and the charactier build-up. I have a great picture of the secnes in my mind, and they are so vivid. Looking forward to the contiuation. . .

Keep it comming please

Excellent start and good writing. Why did you take so long to write chapter 2?

Thorughly enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to reading more of your stories

Thanks for sharing.

How many lives will her whore cunt and his fucking another mans woman cost?

Don't bother reading this, it is not finished and has been sitting for 2 years.

Chapter 5 does not end the story. Read on at your peril. . .

this is a fantastic story , extremely well written , lovingly told.

BUT ch.01 was posted in 2006 , & ch.02 - ch.05 was posted in 2010 .

the parts of the story that are here are only the Beginning of the tale .

so if you read it , your gonna be left with a HUGE lot of ?????????

having said that , in my opinion its worth reading .

it was 4 years between ch.01 & the other chapters , so send feedback to the Author & maybe we can get the story continued .

godbless & be well

its the start of a good story and would have gotten higher scores if it hadn't ended so abruptly

well developed. Started with a bit too much description of tedious details. Once the letter kicked in I was fully engaged. Five stars.

This was a great story that followed the course of many cheating relationships. Murder-suicide happens all the time, it is surprising that more women do not take this into account before they cheat. Occasionally, a woman will commit murder-suicide, but it seems to be more likely when it comes to men. Considering the risk, why the fuck would they cheat?

A nice letter to leave to a son. It didn't seem realistic at all, given the situation. You should have found another way to explain the facts. Badly conceived.

It’s well written, and seems like the plot has a strong plan.... but I can’t see where it’s headed.

I WISH THE AUTHOR WOULD COME BACK AND CONTINUE TO WRITE FOR US!

Looks like a good start to a good story. Looking foward to reading the rest of it.

Pretty harsh story, at least for Tom. Too bad the father didn’t just stop with shooting the lover’s balls off and dump the cheating bitch. Sting story from a really good LW author.

Incomplete.

Incomplete

This story was not finished before the author passed.

A well written story, unfortunately the violence doesn't work for me. While this is only a "story", I hope that no reader is subconsciously influenced to see this story as an answer to the discovery of infidelity in real life.

except for not knowing why the mom/wife cheated, i see nothing terribly wrong w/ the violence inflicted here, seems appropriate to the situation. Altho, for me, i want the cheating male to live long while suffering pain from my crippling him and be unable to ever fuck anyone(sexually) again, but still i wld face prison and death is preferable to that. I often agree w/ 26thNC but a possible long term jai;l sentence for shooting someone wld still have me choosing death, cuz life is so great, right?lol. rk