Touchy Subjects

The crimson of my blood dries on the white paper spread before me, I insisted on signing your contract this way, and I stare down at the document and all it portends, dumbly awaiting my fate. I dare not look at you, you the fantasy now become reality, and you are larger in life than I had imagined, already I feel the first pangs of fear, and wonder just what it is I have really done this time. I am a mess of ragged nerves, I hear your every move and breath, sensing you too are exited at this long awaited conclusion to our pledges of faith.

You pace behind me your foot falls heavy on the hollow wooden floors, a resounding ominous sound behind my back. You drink this moment in for you have waited long, your mind working overtime dreaming of this day. You take in your acquisition and you are pleased, a rare feeling of satisfaction rises in you and the feeling of masterful power courses through your veins at the sight of my back as I sit quietly still as stone before your scrutiny.

I swallow reflexively as you close the distance behind me, and jump as your hand falls possessively on my shoulder, the sound of my chains and your footsteps the only ones in the world at this moment. You have dwelt long on this event, and you have an unexpected surprise for me in store. You know what I want, but I must learn it is you who calls the shots in this arrangement, and you have decided to teach me this, right from the start.

You lean over me I do not look up your hand still on my shoulder, heavy, possessive, proclaiming me yours, and with the other hand you place the beauty of your bull whip, neatly coiled, down for me to sight on the table next to the contract. I am entranced and lured by its sight, your very reason for showing it to me, to give me a glimmer of the reward I have craved incessantly real time at your hands for months.

The instinctive creature that I am I take the bait, the sight of the whip making me careless, and eager to get what I so crave, I can already feel its bite and I want it with a passion. So when you command me to submit to having my hands chained tightly behind my back I let you, no struggle at all this time, I am eager for this and do not want to wait. You chuckle at this and my skin prickles, uneasy with your attitude towards me. You bid me to stand, I do so, and I wait my heart racing with excitement.

Still I do not meet your eyes or dare to glance around at you behind me, but I can sense something is not as it seems, and perhaps I am not privy to the real agenda on your mind this day. You are close behind me again I can feel your breath, the heat of your body, and smell your scent you are so close. My skin crawls, and I would love nothing more than to run, but I am shackled ankle and wrist, and the option is not there.

You reach for a clump of my hair and pull my head back as far as it will go almost unbalancing me such is your force, I am confused now and do not understand what it is you wish. My nerves raw edged and excruciatingly tense as I wait for your next move. You catch me by surprise as you force a ball gag into my mouth, telling me this is for my own good and I will see the reason behind it soon enough. Then comes the hood and my world is one of voiceless, darkness, unfortunately for me the intensity of touch is further amplified as it is now my major sense. I do not like where this is leading to, one little bit.

You command me forward to the foot of the stairs, your presence ever behind me goading me on, to where it is you want me to be. Gingerly, barefooted, I make my way up the stair case you guiding me all the way, there is no escape. You lead me to your bedroom, my ears straining for the slightest sound, any hint as to my fate, resigned already to the simple fact I will not get this day that which I most crave, you are punishing me already I know it.

You order me to stand, as I hear you rummage in a nearby cupboard for something, I do not know what. Again you approach me I lean away ever so slightly sensing your advance, my breathing already heavy, again you laugh softly at my fear. You would not have believed it at first but it is delighting you now, yes you are going to enjoy this slave's unusual reactions that you can plainly see. This has been worth the long and at times trying wait.

You grab a handful of my shirt, I jump violently, this is like Christmas to you and I the ultimate present, and you are eager to sight what it is you have bought and longed for, for such a seeming eternity. The keen blade in your hand is small, but easily slices through the fabric, the rending sound sharp in the quiet. My shirt falls away exposing my spare muscular torso, and you take an inward breath delighting in what you see, knowing it is yours and yours alone.

Already you can see the light sheen of sweat on my skin, due to my fear of your touch. You run your hand over my chest your fingers lingering on my nipple rings and I shiver wanting your hand to go away. I hunch forward wanting to curl on the floor to make your touch cease, anything to make it stop as the shivering begins, and my fear mounts.

You slap me hard with the flat of your hand, telling me to stand straight as you continue with your inspection, nothing escapes your roving hands or keen eyes. Your fingers trace the crisscrossed scars of my old injuries, and the artwork of my tattoos you adore. Admiring this slave's taste for fine living art.

But you are keen to see more and you have waited long, you reach your hand between my legs and yes you are delighted as you feel nothing, nothing there at all. It is true then just as I had said and you are delighted at your rare slave. I recoil violently from your touch, daring to back away from the unwanted hand on me. It is the wrong move on my behalf, as you grab me forcefully pushing me up hard against the wall, as you begin to cut my jeans from my body.

The shivering becomes unbridled shaking now, the true fear beginning to take me as the remainder of my clothes fall away, my shame laid bare for you at last. I am losing control now, though I am powerless to do anything to alter my ordeal at your hands. At this moment if I could have spoken I would have disgraced myself utterly with my fear. I would have begged, pleaded, agreed to anything to make this stop, and you realizing this took away that option thus saving my pride.

I feel you touch me, looking at the mess that is me, looking at what is left, taking all of it in in its ugliness, my disgrace the horror of what I have to live with every day. My torment and my ugly secret no one can know, except my Master and you want to know it all.

I am barely coherent now, but I cannot yell, scream or beg, I cannot fight or run, my muscles bunch and strain twisting in the tight chains, but it is a futile gesture. You push me toward the bed, I do not register what is happening I am in my own little world everything else is incidental and far away.

I feel the soft mattress under me, I lie there shuddering, trying to escape mutilating my wrists until they bleed and my ankles as well. You have undressed and lie next to me, against my nakedness I feel yours and your warmth as you draw me to you, my back to you. Gently you remove the hood, my face is hot and the cool air feels good to me, you caress my hair telling me that this is how it will be every night until I accept you and your love.

Still I shake in your encircling, possessive embrace knowing I will have to suffer this many times over. I feel confused and agitated not knowing how to feel, how to receive your love for I have never had to deal with this before and I am afraid.

The emotion is too much for me to bear and you are taken aback as you caress my face to feel the wet of my silent tears on my cheeks. You had never thought you would see one such as myself cry these tears of pain, you answer by holding me patiently close through out the long dark night. A night that I will never forget as long as I shall live.