All Comments on 'Trades'

Shades of grey galore with just a tinge of O. Henry. Full marks. *****

Thanks for sharing.

Not a very fun tale. Also a little unreal for me.

no rating

ending up in a swap. TK U MLJ LV NV

kinda forced ending

The basic premise is a fine idea for a story, but it needs to be sold better than this. Some of these points that took paragraphs could have been covered by a line or two of dialog, leaving more room for the key events and follow up.

"He seems like a real nice guy," Jeanie said.

"He is," Jack acknowledged, "although he had a wild side in college. I doubt it's gone completely, so let me know if he causes any trouble."

Jeanie thought of her one truly wild college memory and made a sour face. "Maybe he regrets those choices," she suggested. "People do grow up."

Jack was quiet for a moment. "I guess so," he said at last.

That's all we would need to establish a few minor points about each character. Jack is straight laced, his wife is capable of getting caught up in things she doesn't necessarily want, and the friend is a wild card. It wouldn't take a thousand words of backstory we don't need to do it. And then you would have had more time to fill out the chief conflict of the tale at hand.

3*, but I think the same as some comments: The idea was curious, even different, but a very difficult one to develop inside logic and acceptable parameters!!! 1st - He cheated, but confessed; The wife cheated all the way several times and didn't talked with him or confessed! Just assumed he was doing the same!!! She prefered to believe what the friend told her, instead of clear things with the husband before something happen!!! It was the other wife that told him!!! 2nd - It was easier for their marriage to end than the other one, because their friends had an open marriage (or so they told). 3rd - Wasn't simple that the friend asked his wife to try to save the marriage he had broken? All these aspects had weaken the story...

But the ending was wrong. It didn't fit the character you gave Jack. He wasn't really happy with his own actions getting a handjob. He was embarrassed at having to listen to Cheryl and her husband having sex. And now you expect us to believe he's okay fucking both women at the same time? That was just too much of a leap for his character and it ruined the story from my point of view.

I was trying to do rewrites, but every time I hit "preview" I get a screen that says "DB not available" and all of the changes are lost, it goes back to the text I was trying to correct.?? Any NEW tales I try are lost completely, have been for weeks now. Beats me as to why, tried on two different systems with the same result so it ain't mine.

Then I was at this point and had done some changes, hit preview as a test to see if it would fuck up AGAIN, it didn't for a change so I submitted and left it.

Bet I lost 5-6 hours of work with this problem, plus several other beginnings.

Not my best, needed to change some personality types a bit, I know.

Thanks,

MGM

Oh God. Another threesome ending. *Groan*

NOT up to your usual standards. The way you built Jack's character, he wouldn't have done the threesome AND he would have dumped his wife for what she did. Something was "off" about this whole story. It didn't make sense for the two men to just switch houses either. Why not take their wives with them and use the other's house? Of course then you wouldn't have had the opportunity...Oh, well, I generally like your submissions and I am looking forward to the next one. We can't always hit a home run.

Seemed a bit matter of fact, I know you discussed the Jack's emotions, but didnt really let us into Cheryl, Dale or Jeanie in any depth.

Sounds like Jeanie and Cheryl came up with the initial idea to swap, but only Dale took the bait.

I love your "true" stories, and wonder if this is a version of that, or just complete fiction. Looking fwd to more of you stuff.

Now what . Three ways in. A marriage. Ending to where . Story is just beginning , as this marriage is done.

has gone down hill with his stories to the point where he is a joke.

Too many comma splices and odd word choices; but you lost me at 'Shrevesport'. Only one 's' in the name, and that's at the beginning.

Sloppy, careless, not worth the effort.

First, I liked the story. It was fun and enough character development to make it interesting. I do find that some of the more thoughtful criticism,especially about tightening some parts and expanding others, to be valid.Initially I found Jeanie's seduction a bit improbable, but then realized similar miscommunication led to similar situations early in my marriage-- twice actually. No threesome for me though. Oh well. Anyway, thanks for the enjoyable story.

The two sluts can go right back out the door to the airport. This was a setup and our dickless protagonist missed mention of it. Dale had been nailing Jeanie all along.

One ☆ to express my disdain for your story. Trailer park white trash.

The good guys win, story is plausible, no dick smoking cuck. And I don't give a rats ass about run on sentence or comma splices or anonymous Grammer nazis.

You may not care about good writing vs shitty writing.

You are therefore a shitweed who gives not a fuck about English.

KEWL!

Just don't attack those of us who do.

wife cheats, he's upset, she suggests a threesome and hubby is now happy. By the way, wife is still having sex with others (namely, Cheryl). I didn't care for the ending because it seemed to fall back on a common Literotica cliche: give the cheated on hubby some extra pussy and all is well.

Can't tell if this is simply a fun flash or if you wanted the reader to take it seriously. The ending and size would seem to suggest the former, but the quality of your writing and character development seemed to suggest the latter. She falls into two group sex opportunities in her younger years, and regrets each. And yet, she seems to embrace cheating and this new group sex opportunity quite easily and enthusiastically.

Especially since the ending makes it sound like Dale and Jeanie we're getting it on for months--since before his "massage"--not the week she confessed to. Too much back story and not enough resolution.

Interesting idea, well developed. I just do not see any salvation in threesomes. This would not solve anything except a flash story.

Sounded fun in the end for him but his wife was fucking dale all along and we're making a fool of him. He should of left her because the two wives talked so she knew her hubby didn't do anything and the proved it at the end when she came to stay with them . He should take advantage of the situation for a little and than dump his slut cheating wife

and plot and character development, but you jammed the ending together too quickly.

The ending you chose is fine and so would several others be fitting. But, you should take as much care with the ending as the rest of the story.

I really like your writing but this was a stinker!

She starts fucking another man without ever discussing it with her husband and cheating her ass off and he just comes home and sighs?

What a goddamned pussy!!

Dumb ending!

Clever premise and peak of drama ... but a commercial handjob from a pro does not equal fucking a live-in friend four or more times. Kick her dafuq out.

Well perhaps ending up with two sluts rather than one?

Jeanie would have been gone after finding out she was screwing their friend. One handjob does not equal screwing 4-5 times in one week. Sorry Jeanie but I would of ended the marriage.

Not one of your best. Maybe your worst.

Commenters generally think things went too far. I think it did not go far enough. We come to the crux of the story when the two hotties pull him off to the culmination. Then what do we get? Three asterisks instead of the climax....uh, climaxes.

Why, so many complaints? IRL, this old man has had sex with one woman. But I'm reading Literotica on Loving Wives street. Literotica's description of Loving Wives category includes "married extra-marital fun." Why are people reading a category whose description promises them the very thing they are complaining about?

Paul in Oklahoma

This is a well written story for the most part. Jack and Jeanie shared their past histories, suggesting they continued to communicate. Things looked like they were headed for some fair and balanced fun and games.

Then the story took a wrong turn to DUMB City. Jeanie talked to Dale and Cheryl and bought their line of crap.

"Why didn't you just ask me?"

"I don't know."

The logic (or lack thereof) that would allow a woman to equate a guilty, confessed massage parlor hand job with fucking someone else without telling me would be a deal breaker before I ever got married.

WTF is with Cheryl anyway? She can't go cross country with her husband because of family/friends/church. When they split up, she hits the West coast. More dumbs.

I've vomited better stuff than this.

Even the best authors miss the mark occasionally. Bad miss this time.

After reading "Bitch Took The Dog" and then this one, I don't think I will bother with any more of your stories.

Had the makings of a good story, but the author then messed it up at the end, very poor

Yuck…good story till the last three paras…then it went to shit!