Tricks and No Treats

The Uber guy pulled up in front of my house. I'd waited to make my appearance until the party was already in full swing, about thirty minutes.

"Wait here," I instructed my driver. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes tops. I'm leaving my wallet in the back seat. Write down your name, and let's go write down the license plate too."

He didn't like my lack of trust, but it was Halloween after all. I wandered up to my front door.

The party was in full swing in the apartment downstairs. Eyeholes in the costume were above the fake bear eyes and were thin slits covered by the brown hair. It was very difficult to see where I was going.

Mia greeted me on the stairwell heading down.

"Hey," she said jovially. "Who are you?" I didn't answer and she chuckled. "Sorry, that was a dumb question.

"I'm Barry, the new guy at 'Signs R Us.'" I said, trying to disguise my voice. "Troy invited me."

Mia shook my hand. "Right," she replied. "Do you know if any of Troy's other co-workers are coming?"

I shook my head and went past her down into the apartment. After fixing a drink, I went over to a few of the ladies who worked with Mia at the bank and made small talk. It was just as well that they were boring as hell. I needed to get on with it.

Trying to be inconspicuous, I headed to the upstairs restroom. I spread a few of the paper slips on the sink and floor. Then I went out and did the same in the kitchen, where Mia had set up the snacks and appetizers. Tossing a few on the table, sink, and countertops, I headed back down the stairs.

There were about thirty or so people there. I knew Brian and Brianna because they always wore the same costumes. Quite a few of our neighbors were there, too. Mia was in for quite a night.

I made myself another mixed cocktail which I had no intention of enjoying. I dropped a few more slips of paper by the mixers and what was left in my pockets, I dropped on the floor as I headed upstairs.

By the time I got the costume head off, and into my Uber, I saw Mia standing at the door with the twins at her side, looking for the 'bear,' I presumed.

I went to my room, logged into her social media, and changed the passwords back, after adding a new post - "Party a big success. Don't forget to check me out at https://_____"

The call came at eleven-thirty. I'd turned my phone on in anticipation.

"Hello, Troy," she said bemused, with a tinge of bitterness. "Enjoy the party?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I told her.

"Sure, you don't," she replied quickly. "Nice costume by the way. I guess you thought you were the bigger bear."

I didn't answer that.

"So," she continued, "can you come home now so we can start repairing this, or do you have more revenge planned for me?"

"Oh," I said with a chuckle, "I'm done but I think you have bigger problems at the moment than me coming home."

"Probably," she said more quietly, consoling. "We'll see. I told everyone what you did for a living, and how we always play pranks on each other. I'm pretty sure I've got them all believing that those videos are fakes."

Well, she was clearly better at pranks and lies than I was. She forged onward.

"The problem is that you just pissed off Peter to the point where he's talking to the cops in the morning." She was quiet, letting that sink in, and then, "I need you home so we can present a united front and I can help you."

"Fuck off, Mia," I'd had enough. "I'll take my chances. Why not go up to the hospital, give him what you promised to give him and maybe change his mind?"

"I've thought about just that, most of the night," she paused, and finally with a long sigh, said, "Look, Troy, I've fucked up. This has turned into a mess of epic proportions. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see you in jail. This has been a horrible mistake!" I could hear crying.

"Of your own making, Mia," I told her somberly. "Listen to me. We're done. Don't spend a lot of time worrying about me. I've been to an attorney. You need to figure out what you want from the house because sooner than later, you'll be getting some visitors, paperwork, and an eviction."

"But I didn't do anything!" she cried out, sobbing.

"You might want to spend some time tomorrow watching those videos before I take the site down," I said firmly. "Then tell me you did nothing. As far as I'm concerned, you've been having sex with him long before I found out."

Mia gasped. "I have not! It was a... a prank. I can prove it."

"And my videos prove otherwise," I said, getting angrier by the moment. "So does yours. Pete's video camera proves exactly what mine does. You fight me on a divorce and I'll let everyone see the unedited versions of all your little rendezvous and the cute little conversations the two of you had, planning to make a complete fool of me."

Mia was done, and she knew it. In the silence that followed, I could almost hear her mind going over the details of their meetings, and what was said.

"I'm sorry, Troy," she told me, possibly even sincerely. "I never meant to hurt you. I need you to know that was never my intention."

"Whether you meant to, or not, that's exactly what you did." I ended the call and blocked her.

I sat there, drinking several beers, introspective over my situation. I still loved the crazy bitch but, in replaying everything, there was more unsaid than said.

Mia never said she loved me. That, alone, was telling and it made me feel empty. She never asked how I found out, either. Finally, she didn't tell me anything she discussed with her buddy at the hospital. I fell into a profound sorrow, losing my wife and probably my freedom all at once.

Sunday was filled with calls and texts from friends, workmates, and some family members. I didn't hear from Mia's parents and didn't expect to. They were probably elated. My mom called and after getting my side of the story, implored me to come spend some time with them when this was over. She and Dad offered to help me with any legal fees if it came to that.

My conversation with Brian and Bri went about how I expected. They'd seen the video clips and had heard Mia's side. Brianna admonished me, while Brian was more subdued.

"She screwed up, Troy," he said sorrowfully. "Isn't there any chance that the two of you could work this out? Go to counseling or something?"

When I told him there was no chance, he reminded me that in his book, we'd both played equally hurtful tricks. I agreed to disagree. We both offered respectful goodbyes, knowing it was unlikely we'd speak to each other again.

Monday, I found out later, that Mia was served at home. She initially refused to leave the domicile, but when the police arrived, she apparently had been wise enough to have a bag packed. I found out after the fact because, about the same time that she was being tossed, I was being arrested by some other nice law enforcement people. Peter, embarrassed, ruined for his part in playing with a married woman and causing a split, felt it was a move he had to make.

My one call didn't go well. Jonathan screamed at me through the phone. "I told you not to do anything crazy," he yelled. "And what do you do? You create an entirely new definition for crazy!"

Jon finally settled down. He told me he'd take care of the divorce but would not help me with my legal problems with the assault. He referred me to another attorney in his town and later that afternoon, I was sitting in a room with Bryce Walters. I'd seen his picture on a few billboards in town.

"Very clever," he began. "Playing a Halloween prank, describing a Halloween prank."

I didn't get his meaning. "So, how much did my wife pay you and Jonathan?"

I went to make him understand, and he waived me off. "Just a little joke," he chuckled. Then he got down to business. I would be arraigned in the morning, and I gave him my parents' number to discuss funding for bail. He wanted to view the website today, and then have it preemptively taken down. We'd meet again on Wednesday, and he'd also call my boss, Carl, for me.

Walking into my house late Tuesday afternoon, I took stock of what Mia had taken with her and plopped down hard on my sofa. Then I remembered Peter sitting right in that spot, buck-assed naked and I got up and went down to the apartment. Mia hadn't been vindictive. She'd taken a good amount of her clothing and all her personal items. All the furniture was in the house when it was given to me. All except our master bedroom set, and I didn't intend to sleep there until it was all replaced.

Mia had left a letter on the kitchen table. She was sorry. She'd said that a lot. She also said she didn't want a divorce - more than once. She didn't expect me to reply to her letter, not while everything was still so raw, but she felt that after some time we could find a way to reconciliation. She'd moved in with Brianna and had gotten a lawyer. Mia had told her attorney she wanted to fight for her marriage and was willing to do whatever it took. There was nothing unexpected in her letter, even when she asked me to take down the website. She said she wasn't in trouble at the bank but asked to relocate to a branch close to her sister's house. I knew she was embarrassed despite the geography issue.

The next two months were hectic but also things were returning to normal. Jon told Ms. Holmes, Mia's lawyer, that reconciliation wasn't in the cards. That wasn't acceptable so, Mia and I would end up in court.

On the other front, Mr. Walters was going back and forth with the district attorney on a settlement. After seeing the videos, the DA was reluctant to go all in, whereas a guy threw a vase in response to a stranger in his home screwing his wife. I think that smirk paid dividends, and Mr. Walters exploited that as well. We made the point again that I felt I was walking in on a rape. The DA pointed out that since I had previously recorded their trysts and conversations, he could easily make the case for premeditation.

I knew, and Bryce confirmed that it was mostly legal posturing. He'd countered to the DA that introducing the surveillance tapes would open the door for Walters to introduce the videos from that fateful day, and good luck trying to find a jury in our small town willing to convict me.

Peter still went forward and didn't drop the charges. I think, in the end, both attorneys were weary. I didn't think Pete had a choice other than to leave town. I didn't blame him. He'd been lured in by some nine-star pussy. He didn't go looking for it, although he never put a stop to it either. Then he paid the price.

Seeing him in court made me feel even worse. Pete had a three-inch gash in his head, and the hair didn't grow so good there. He also had a twitch in his right eye. My lawyer assured me he'd spoken to Peter's physician and that was only temporary.

With just some minimal facial make-up, Pete wouldn't need to buy a Halloween mask for quite a while.

In the end, I pleaded to a misdemeanor and got forty hours of community service.

Mia and her attorney were able to get the judge to order three counseling sessions. I explained the trust issues, and the respect issues, and the therapist seemed to want to opine about how we had pranked and hurt each other equally. So, I played my last trick - one prescribed by Jon.

"I understand what you're saying," I spoke directly to our counselor. "But the reality of the situation is, I've discovered that I just don't love Mia like I thought I did. I've come to realize that if I did, I would have taken one of the many other options available to stop what she was doing and try to save us."

The day our divorce was final, Mia caught up to me in the courthouse parking lot.

"Can I buy a stranger a cup of coffee?" she asked, hopefully. I nodded and we headed across the street to a little coffee shop. After ordering we sat down and I looked at her, waiting for her to get things started. She looked just as beautiful as always. Mia seemed at a loss for words.

"Can I come by tomorrow," she started. "Just to check and make sure I have everything?"

"Anytime," I said sincerely, and getting a bit worked up. I guessed she'd have that effect on me for some time.

"Did you really mean what you said at the therapist's office?" Well, there it was.

"Sorry, Mia," I told her, stifling back a tear. "I did. I hope you have a great life. See you tomorrow."

That was it. Mia moved home to Southern California. She was finally able to use her degree. She married some guy, got divorced after two years, and then married a daytime soap opera star. That one lasted four years.

>>>>

That was ten years ago. I'm sitting here reading what I wrote in my journal about the end of Mia and I, because my wife Hailey has just asked if we can have a Halloween party this year. I met her while doing that community service, and we've been together since. The most we've ever done on Halloween was take the kids to our church event, with games and candy. She knows my story with Mia, well mostly. I trust her, and I think I trust myself now. With two young children, my own print business, and a loving wife, I just don't want to screw it up. Maybe I'll agree to the party if we draw up a prenup that strictly prohibits any pranks!