Holiday Return

I don't have time to work with an editor, I do spell / grammar checks and proof read but bound to miss some. If that bothers you too much maybe think about reading something else; otherwise hope you enjoy it!

The four of them left for a week-long trip to Corfu. By four of them I mean my wife Kirsty and her three best friends since school, Laura, Jane and Shona. They were as thick as thieves and always tried for a couple of short breaks together each year. I didn't mind, as I traded that off against a couple of golfing weekends. A full week was unusual but it was a last minute bargain and cheaper than some of their weekends away. With short notice time off arranged they flew out on Monday and would fly back the following Sunday.

That left me 'Mark' in charge of our 15 year old son Jake and our 8 year old Chloe. It's not that I can't cook but Kirsty left pre-prepared meals for the week just in case I poisoned the kids. The week started off well with help from both sets of parents; I juggled work with the school runs, sports and dance clubs. Making a pretty good stab at being a domestic goddess; thanks in part to Kirsty's post it note instructions for the washing machine. Kirsty called a few times, mainly to check I hadn't caused any permanent damage but to remind the kids she was missing them and loved us all.

So we survived the week and I was waiting for the girls at the airport with John and Tony, Shona and Jane's husbands, Laura was still single. The kids had remained buried in their tech at home and I was at the stage of trusting Jake to look after Chloe for short spells.

I saw Shona and Jane trundle through arrivals looking tired, shortly followed by Laura, but no sign of Kirsty. The greetings from the other girls seemed at bit muted whilst I was still looking out for her.

It was Laura who asked if I had received Kirsty's email. I had no idea what she was talking about. The girls looked warily at each other as Laura said Kirsty was sending an email that I needed to read, it would explain why Kirsty wasn't on the flight home!

I immediately thought she must be ill or had an accident and asked if she was ok. They assured me she was fine but had decided to stay on a couple of days with some friends. I never received any clear answers to my following barrage of questions.

I left the airport feeling both concerned and humiliated. Getting home I impatiently started up the computer; the email had arrived just after I left for the airport. It didn't say much more than Laura. Just that she had met friends, had the chance of short sailing trip and stayed on a few days to do that. She hoped everything was ok and the kids had got used to my cooking, finishing with saying she loved us and would be home soon.

I couldn't understand the email, why not call and mention the extra stay, then I realised she hadn't called over the last couple of days. And which friends, I couldn't think who they could possibly be.

I called her mobile and it went to voice mail, my message was short and terse, "Try picking up your phone."

Maybe she was out sailing and had no service but I had a very uneasy feeling about things. I tried repeated calls but still no response. Then I started calling her three friends, they had to know more.

It was Shona's husband John who said I should come over to their house at 9pm. When I arrived all the other girls and Tony were there and things seemed tense. John started the conversation:

"Mark needs to know what happened, spit it out Shona."

"We met some guys at a pool party in the harbour on the last night and went to their place for a few drinks. It was just a party; Kirsty got talking to the owner a guy called Samuel."

Tony interrupted, "According to the version Jane gave me it was more than that, there was kissing and making out, they were all having a grand old time on some rich fucker's yacht.

Shona looked daggers at Jane as Laura spoke up.

"It wasn't like that, a couple of the guys tried it on but we knocked them back, when they got a bit too persistent, we left... well we left but Kirsty stayed."

"Fuck", it was me that uttered the word even though I hadn't realised it.

"I tried to convince her to come with us but she was determined to stay."

Shona butted in, "They weren't doing anything Mark, just talking."

"I presume she didn't make it back to your rooms."

Silence gave me the answer.

"She came back at lunch time today and announced she was staying on for a few days, picked up her stuff and left."

"We all shouted and screamed at her but she was determined to go. We don't understand what happened with her but she wouldn't be talked out of it."

"So she is staying out there with some millionaire?"

"I guess so" was the most useful response I received. More was said but we went around and around in circles. The guys were furious whilst I was totally bemused, this was so unlike her, it just didn't make sense.

I went home on auto pilot, sorted the kids out and collapsed into bed exhausted but unable to sleep... my world shattered.

I woke up late the next morning and flew around frantically trying to sort the kids for school, made pack lunches and do both school drop offs. Getting to work late I missed the start of a client meeting much to my manager's displeasure. I still hadn't heard anything from Kirsty. Work was manic all day and I was late going to pick Chloe up. Thankfully Shona, Jane and their kids had stayed with her in the school yard. They saw how flustered I was and offered to help with pickups for the rest of the week. They asked about Kirsty's email and I told them how little it said, I was still completely in the dark.

I finally got a call from Kirsty on Monday evening, she launched into apologising about not phoning saying that she had no signal. Without pausing for breath she explained the opportunity of a sailing trip with friends and feeling it was too good an opportunity to turn down. I let her ramble on before saying:

"So you are staying with Samuel on his yacht then?"

The silence was deafening.

"Mark, it's not what you think."

"What I think is that you're living it up with a millionaire, discarded your husband, humiliated me front of our friends and didn't have the decency to stay in touch with your kids."

"It's just a few days; I'll be back on Thursday."

"Don't bother, in fact don't bother coming back at all."

I hung up, what a complete bitch.

The phone rang repeatedly and I ignored it.

A text came through, "I am sorry, first flight back is tomorrow 3pm, we need to talk. Tell kids I love them."

My anger hit new heights, we need to talk and tell kids I love them after she had ignored them... she had to be joking.

The next day I got her parents to look after the kids; they were shocked by her actions but asked me to hear her side of the story before deciding anything. The kids were starting to ask questions as well.

I had no intention of picking her up; she dragged her case through the door at 8pm. I said nothing and just looked at her.

"I'm sorry Mark, I wasn't thinking, it was an opportunity to have break from everything and I took it. I never thought about how it would look."

"You must think I'm a moron. You stayed over on his yacht even though the others begged you to go back to the hotel with them."

"He was nice, we just talked."

"Fuck off Kirsty; you don't abandon your family to just talk to someone who is nice. Did you 'just talk' for the whole 3 days?"

"Yes mostly, I didn't have sex with him."

"I don't believe you, even if I did you still left me for another man."

"I didn't abandon you. I just had the chance of free trip, other people were there. Samuel was a total gentleman, a really generous host and a good listener."

"And I suppose I don't listen to you."

"No it wasn't that, you do. It felt like such an escape from out normal lives, like I could chose anything and be free. Our lives are a bit stuck... a bit well... dull."

"You have got to be kidding, this is the life you wanted... children and the house. You are the one who stopped us traveling and give up most of our activities. You wanted the bigger house and to save up; the kids were too young to travel, couldn't get time off work, there was always some excuse. Is it really about that or that you had the chance to fuck a millionaire?"

"I don't know Mark, I just felt different there, we got on so well and I think we had a... a connection."

"Oh just fucking brilliant! Are you in love with him or was it just lust?"

God damn it, "I never had sex with him!"

I noticed the wording of her comment, "Never had sex with him... but did sleep with him I presume?"

She eventually nodded tears forming.

"How charming... and kissed, touched?"

Another nod and more tears.

I had to get out before my head exploded, "You need to go see you children, they are at your mums. I hope you make a better job of explaining what you are up to that what I did."

I stormed out; hearing Kirsty calling me from behind.

I'd been in the pub an hour before Tony found me; he got the beers in and sat beside me.

"Sorry mate, there's a full hunt out for you, Kirsty called Laura and people are out looking. He made a couple of calls to say he found me, John arrived shortly afterward.

"If it's any consolation the girls are furious with her as well. Her actions have dumped them in the shit. We aren't happy with our wives and are still asking questions and comparing answers to see if there's anything more to it."

I asked if there was anything new but they didn't think so.

"What do you want to do?"

"I have no idea, sounds like she is in love with the arsehole and has disappeared into some romantic fantasy."

Just then my phone rang: "Please come home, we need to talk..."

"Nope, just like you I don't feel like coming back", I ended the call.

It rang again and I switched it off.

Kirsty:

It was passed midnight when Tony helped Mark back into the house; I had never seen him so drunk.

I tried to help and Mark gave me a look of pure contempt. Tony managed to get him into bed and he fell asleep immediately. I was just starting to thank Tony for the help when he interrupted.

"What are you doing to him Kirsty? Not coming back was bad enough but now he thinks you're in love with some guy. He deserves better, this is just cruel. Work out what the fuck you want and stop torturing him with the other guy."

With that Tony stormed out.

I looked at Mark and got really upset. Tony was right he didn't deserve this, I was being selfish. He barely moved as I undressed him and tucked him in, leaving a bowl, a drink of water and two aspirin.

I was so confused, Mark was such a good man and a great father and I was the one hurting him. I still loved him and couldn't explain my actions with Samuel. Maybe it was because Samuel saw and talked to me; not Kirsty the wife or mum, he made me feel special. Either way I needed to forget all of that and get back to being a good wife and mum.

Just then I received a text, "Are you Ok?

It was from Samuel, I ignored it.

The truth was I was far from OK. I was hurting the people I loved. As well as Mark I had to make it up to Jake and Chloe, they knew something was wrong. Then there were my friends who I put in an awkward situation. The looks of disappointment I got from my mum and dad when I went to pick the kids up were devastating.

I tried to talk to Mark the next morning but he wasn't interested and seemed annoyed I had seen him drunk. His only words were:

"Don't worry that won't be happening again!"

He went to work looking very rough and I started sorting the kids for school. That was the beginning of trying to get back to my normal life.

Over the next few days, I got more texts from Samuel saying he was worried and was I ok. I resisted the urge to answer them.

Days passed, I couldn't seem to reach Mark. We only talked about practical things and trying to keep a pleasant facade up for the kids, but it felt terrible. I was having another bout of tears when the phone rang. I answered without looking, it was Samuel.

When he heard how things were and how upset I was, it was all I could do to stop him coming to find me. I repeated the conversation I had on the day I travelled back, how much I loved my husband and children and that I had to go back. Then I explained all the pain we had caused. He said he was lonely and missed me; I felt exactly the same way, despite living in a house full of people. He asked if he could see me to check I was ok. I refused but he kept asking saying he would book a local hotel and begged me to meet up.

Samuel kept texting and calling, in the end I went to meet him for lunch when the kids were at school and Mark was at work. He hadn't changed and was so concerned about me; it was relief to have someone I could speak to. We talked easily and I felt better for the first time in weeks. I agreed to meet him again the following week.

The further away Mark felt the closer Samuel became. He was so caring and concerned, apologising for the problems he caused me. It was so good to see him, he felt like my only friend.

It was on the 4th lunch date that I went back to his hotel room and we made love for the first time. My emotions were overwhelming, it felt amazing. It wasn't that Samuel was better than Mark, but it was new and exciting. And I hadn't had sex since before the girls trips away which heightened everything. Samuel was delighted, describing being with me as an honour. We cuddled afterward and made love again, it wasn't like with Mark I felt free and able to open up.

I was late home and found Mark asleep in Chloe's room on top of covers; they had both fallen asleep when reading a bed time story. I felt absolutely dreadful. I gently woke him up and ushered him into are bed, he quickly fell asleep again. I got in beside him and cried myself to sleep.

I so wanted to care for Mark, but thought I was falling in love with Samuel. It was all such a confusing mess and I was in the worst dilemma. I tried to think about what would be best for Mark. It would be kinder to just leave, if I really loved him. Was I trying to protect Mark or just being a coward? I missed being able to ask him advice, he always knew the right thing to do.

I arranged to meet Samuel again, this time for dinner and wanted to make it special, the kids were at my mums and Mark was away on an overnight trip with the guys. I found my little black dress, sling back heels and bought some stockings. The dinner was lovely; we talked about running away and a potential divorce. He had money so that wasn't an issue and he could help with custody lawyers. When I said I couldn't move away due to the kids and school, he immediately suggested finding somewhere close so we could be together. The sex was amazing; Samuel couldn't strip my dress off quickly enough and loved my lingerie and stockings. It was a complete escape from my normal and now depressing life.

I got back home at midnight, distraught to see Mark's car in the drive. When I went in, he had the stocking package in his hand.

"Is it him?"

I couldn't deny it, nodding through my tears.

"So hardly plutonic, you're dressing for sex. That's nice something for him that you never offered to me. Let's see what did you always say: that you should be enough for me, without fancy makeup and lingerie and that you needed to feel comfortable. So he gets more from you than I ever did."

I couldn't think of a reply, I had no idea why I hadn't done that for Mark. Maybe it was power or control thing within a marriage or the fact I was a wife and mum rather than a lover.

"Do you think our whole marriage is boring or just our sex life. Do you do other things with him you wouldn't do for me?"

"It's not like that Mark, I... I can't explain it; you're not boring in any way."

I really couldn't explain it. Mark always wanted to be more sexually adventurous but I held back and rejected the things he suggested.

"Does that sum up the difference, we are comfortable and he is exciting. Now you are putting effort in but it's not for us. How much effort have you put into the flirting and dinners?"

I didn't like the truth of what he said. It seemed so complacent and stupid now, if I had put more effort in maybe I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. There wasn't much difference between Mark and Samuel, the difference was me and how I acted with them.

I stammered that I was sorry and ran for the bedroom locking the door. I expected Mark to kick the door in and throw me out but he didn't. This was a total disaster, panicking I called Samuel; after checking I was safe he asked me to leave and go to him. I decided my life was now purgatory and Samuel was my only way out.

The next morning I found Mark in the kitchen, he had slept in the spare room.

"I'm so sorry Mark I broke us and can't fix it; I think we should try separating. I need time to find myself, work out what I need."

Mark saw straight through me, "It's him isn't it, you're going to him. Have you been in touch with him all this time?"

I took a breath "Yes, for a while now, I need to work out my feelings for him, and for you... for you both."

"Yeah but you're going to work that out in his bed so the decision is already made."

"It's not like that, I love you but I've messed up and I'm really confused by everything, by all the emotions. I need to see if it's real with him."

"Well you can tell the kids, I've no idea how to explain your actions."

"I'll tell them it's a short holiday."

"Don't be stupid they will expect you to return."

"But I might come back."

Mark looked incredulous, "What on earth makes you think that is your decision! There's not a chance in hell, I want you out tomorrow and you won't ever be coming back."

"What about the kids and school?"

"Are you serious you destroy our lives and decide that's important now, I'll sort something as usual, so you piss off on another jolly... go find yourself, you'll likely find it on the end of his dick."

I was distraught; it didn't cross my mind Mark would take the decision out of my hands.

His parting shot was, "Tell your family and friends the truth as well; I am not lying for you."

I left the next day, packing was horrific. It felt wrong, like a mistake but I had burned my bridges with Mark and Samuel was so excited I was going to him. I had a final look around the house; Mark was right it was all my idea and I loved the place, even if I got it back in a divorce I had destroyed our happy home.

I'd told the kids it was a trial separation, it didn't seem to be a shock, they knew something was up. Telling my mum and dad was much harder, Mum just kept crying and asking me not to do it, Dad could barely look at me shaking his head.

I went to Samuel's hotel, I usually felt better once I was with him but not this time, we stayed for a couple of days before he suggested getting away. We went back to his yacht in Corfu for a couple of weeks. The sex was great but I missed the kids and home. I wasn't sleeping well and certainly felt guilty. I often found myself wondering what Mark would be up to and how he was coping.

We made plans for my divorce, Samuel sorted lawyers who contacted Mark and we found a plush apartment to rent close to the schools until the divorce and house were sorted.

I tried calling my friends but they weren't interested. Jane and Shona were still on shaky ground with their husbands and had no interest in meeting Samuel or socialising.

Shona summed it up, "We will be supporting Mark and the kids through this, it might be better if you stayed away from the group for a while."

I was furious they were my life-long friends not Marks. Laura my best friend was even worse, she couldn't get over the fact I had left a man like Mark.