Trinal

It was the end of the day and this was casual Carter I was looking at. Sleeves rolled up, collar opened at the neck, hair a bit disheveled. "Why don't we go into the compartment? We'll be more comfortable." He picked up the phone. "Regina, you can go home now; Shelby is my last meeting. We'll be gone from here in about an hour. Thank you, have a good evening."

He got to his feet. "I've poured wine; we can sit and talk. I know you have a lot of questions." I moved behind the panel that hid the entrance with Carter behind me and opened the door to the compartment. This was a spacious two-bedroom apartment with a view to the city. We travelled through the foyer, kitchen, and into the living room. Two glasses of wine sat on a sideboard. He caught my hand and pulled me to him, kissing me while his fingers played in my hair. I held onto him; his cock was already semi-hard through the fabric. He broke off. "I've wanted to kiss you for the longest time." His sigh was deep.

And all I wanted to do was reverse time before the hearings. My hands were on his chest, the warm muscles underneath my palms. My fingers began to unbutton him, an automatic habit I performed when we were alone. He caught my hands. "No, I'll have you under me in the bedroom if you keep this up. I'm too horny; you'd have it a bit rough."

I kissed his chest. "Still want to fuck me all night?"

He ran his hand over my behind. "Always, God, I love to watch you. The look in your eyes when you come."

"Do you still love me, Carter? Have I lost you?" I hadn't planned to ask. I know I sounded desperate, but he knew how much I needed him.

He pulled me back into his embrace, his face in my hair. "No, never. Nothing has changed between us. I said those things to protect you."

"Then if it was just words, let's just—"

"There's more, Shelby. We have to talk. Let me get your glass."

He picked up the two glasses and handed me one. "To changes," he said.

I sipped but didn't return his toast. "What's happening?"

He frowned. "I'm leaving the company; you know Brian takes over as the new CEO."

"Why did you decide to leave without telling me first?"

"There was no time. Events were moving too fast. Your boss's wife naming you in a divorce action would ruin your career, among other things. The only way I could protect you was to deny the affair and leave."

"I get that. She wanted to hurt you by destroying me, two for one."

"There's something else. California is a no-fault state. She doesn't need to provide evidence of infidelity for a judge to grant her a divorce. We have children under twenty-one and assets. She wanted to prevent me from giving any assets to you before the divorce was final."

Now I understood; we couldn't have a relationship until the divorce was final. I didn't know how much Carter was worth, but with his company, I'm sure the two had built up considerable assets. It might take time to come to an agreement. No, that wasn't right. "But you said Cecile rescinded the divorce, and you were going into couples counseling, or did I hear that correctly?"

He took my hand and led me to the couch. "I've been going over this in my head a million times and none of the scenarios I've looked at will make this any easier." I sat, not wanting to hear his explanation. I felt like a child sitting there waiting for the parent to give me bad news. Telling me I had to be brave. The knot in my gut told me everything was about to change. "Yes, I'm back with Cecile, but I never left her. This pains me, I love you, I truly love you, Shelby, but what we have is over."

I wanted to dissolve into nothing. He was talking, but I couldn't concentrate on his words.

"The truth is, I'm in love with two women. I didn't deserve either of you. Cecile knew about you and tolerated our relationship because she loved me. She gave me children and stood by me. You gave me the best years of your life. I was selfish with both of you. I should've made a choice, but I couldn't and in the end I didn't."

"Until Cecile ended it for you. If you love me, just pay her the money."

He sat back, looking around the room. "I wish I'd known you when I was younger. If we were both about the same age. We could've explored life together. But because you're with me you're missing out."

His old fear was cropping up again. "Is this about the age difference? I told you, Carter, it means nothing. I want you."

"I know you want to have children. I don't want to start again."

"It doesn't matter. I don't want kids."

"Shelby, you're not a very good liar. You dote over every child an employee brings into the building. You try to spend as much time as you can with Jordan's kids. You need your own."

"We can have a baby. We could get married."

"No!"

It stunned me. We never had this conversation, but I thought surely we might have a child together. That he would leave Cecile and we would marry.

"Shelby, I don't want to marry. I'm sorry but that's the truth."

"What was this? You just wanted to use me for ten years?"

"I fell in love with you the first time I met you. I've been faithful to Cecile our whole marriage until you came to the company. You were young. I thought you would get bored and eventually leave me. But you never did. I tried to end it several times. I'm an imperfect man, Shelby; I couldn't leave you."

"Imperfect man?" I got up and placed my drink on the end table. It was time to leave. "An imperfect man is someone who drinks a little too much on Saturday night. You, Carter, are foursquare in asshole territory."

"You're angry. I'm sorry, but I can't change this. Cecile has already left for Montreal. She wants us to live where she grew up. She still has family there. I'll follow her in a few days after I tie up things here."

I'd seen this look in meetings before. There was no leeway. He had decided. He couldn't have loved me. I know it felt like love for me. "You can leave, Carter, but I'll follow you. I'll stay close until you come back to me."

"No, you won't." The tiredness returned to his face. "You know what I'm saying is true. I'm leaving because I love you. It would be easy to ask you to live in Montreal. But I can't. Even if you came to the city, I won't see you. This has to be the end."

My tears were bottled up, I was so angry. I couldn't sort out if the anger was from him dumping me or that I was so stupid not to see this coming. He had to see that I loved him more than Cecile. Would do anything for him. I was staring at the unapproachable Carter. He stood, ready to walk me out. "Then if this is truly over, I want to be with you one last time. Your birthday is in two days. Cecile is gone; we can celebrate it together."

Carter shook his head and looked away. "What is this, a honey trap? Do you think if we sleep together that I'll change my mind?"

"I'm thinking I want to be with the man I love one last time. And I want to make him happy on his birthday. I know we can't go anywhere in public after that announcement you made to the press. But we can celebrate in the compartment. I asked you to send me your birthday list. You still haven't done it. Fine, part of our deal is I only need to choose one of the items on your list. And I choose number three."

To say there was a war going on behind his eyes would be an understatement. Seeing surprise, lust, and wanting all rolled into one was almost laughable. "I can't—--."

I cut off his protest. "Think about it, Carter, I know your dick will. You've been asking me to do a threesome for the last five years and you're going to pass that up? If I remember the listing, you said it would be up to you to choose the third person. My God, you've been trying to get me prepped for this for years. You know how I feel. I told you I didn't want to, that allowing another woman in our bed was the limit. I've done everything else you've asked. Every dirty, nasty fantasy except for this. What was your logic for me to go along? That 'all cats look grey in the dark.' Or my favorite, 'When you're in a sexual fever, it doesn't matter who's touching you.'" I did a Carter imitation using that Tennessee twang, "'I want to watch you make love, baby, I want to watch you come.'"

He caught me by the shoulders. "Stop it Shelby, this isn't you."

"The hell it is." I pushed his hands away. "You know Cecile will never give you this and I will. I'll be here in two days waiting for you at 8 o'clock. And you will stay with me the whole night." I headed towards the door. "I almost forgot. Part of the listing says you will choose my outfit. Make sure it's somewhere in the bedroom before I get here."

"I won't be here, Shelby," Carter called after me. I turned. "Oh, I think you will. You'd never miss the best fuck of your life."

# # #

I drove around the city for a while. The faint scent of Sagan's aftershave reminded me I was driving his car. I wasn't ready to go back to his place. I didn't want to face him and I sure as hell didn't want to talk about my meeting with Carter.

What was I thinking, offering him a night he'd never forget as my revenge? I pulled the car over to the side of the road. I was in Main Street Cupertino, watching people strolling through the area, slipping into restaurants, meeting friends for dinner. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. Carter made me so freaking mad, sex was the only thing I could use to lash out at him. I knew him. I knew him so well. He would not pass this up.

"Shelby," I said to myself, "woman up. Do what you promised; walk away and never look back... Then miss him for the rest your life." I crossed my arms on the steering wheel, leaned my head against them, and cried.

I hoped Sagan would be out when I arrived, but the garlic drifting from the kitchen, soft music, and pots banging told me he was in. The Hazmat crew must have visited while I was gone. The place was spotless. I headed for my room, treading softly, but I would have to pass the kitchen and I wasn't in a mood to face him. I reached the kitchen. Sagan was bent at the waist, two enormous oven mitts covering his hands, pulling out a pan from the oven. The counter was set for dinner, a carafe of wine and two glasses sitting out. It looked achingly homey. A handsome guy in a waist apron waiting for me to come back home, after the day I had... it made me want to cry again. I stayed too long in the doorway watching him. He caught sight of me, a smile drifting across his face. "You're here. I'd hoped you'd be home soon. I wasn't sure. How was your day? Did everything go okay?"

He asked about my day. Who does that? "Work was fine, other things could have been better..."

"Want to talk?"

"No." I passed by him and headed for the guest room. He followed.

"I made dinner. I thought we could..."

I threw my jacket on the chair and kicked off my heels. Mia had dropped off another package. It was sitting in the corner. This one had to contain some casual wear. "That sounds good, but I'm not hungry." Maybe he would get the hint that I wanted to be alone.

He lingered in the doorway. "I was hoping for more than Eugene's company. I won't even have that; he's at a sleepover."

"Dogs have sleepovers?"

"Eugene is very popular. His BFF is a standard French Poodle two doors down." He stepped inside the room and took my hand. "Come on, I've been slaving over a hot stove, you've at least got to taste it." He pulled me along before I could protest, set me on a stool, poured a glass of wine, and moved it in my direction. Picking up a wooden spoon, he scooped a little from the dish and held it to my lips. "Here, have a taste."

I dutifully ate. "That's really good; what is it?" I wasn't much of a cook, but I was a whiz with the microwave.

"It's something I put together. It's a casserole kind of. Sample the wine."

I drank. "Yummy too." I started to push off the stool.

"Don't leave," he said with concern in his eyes. "I'm guessing you talked to Carter and it didn't go well." It came out in a rush.

"I don't want to talk about it." I got to my feet. "I'm sorry that you cooked on my account, but I've had a rough day..."

He raked frustrated fingers through his hair. "Look, what you tell me is off the record. In fact, everything is off the record until you say it isn't, so talk to me. You've got to talk to someone."

"I can't." It came out as a frustrated moan. What part of 'I can't' did he not understand?

He exhaled. "I'm not a bad person, Shelby. I want to help if I can. Whatever you need. Let me help you." He moved closer, gathering me in his arms. His big body surrounded me. I wanted to rage -- there were so many emotions that needed to get out -- but he kept me tight to his body. I held onto him, needing the closeness. Carter had rejected me; hollow didn't begin to cover how unloved I felt. Sagan's hand stroked my hair. "You're so beautiful. He's a fool not to keep you," he murmured into my hair.

I wanted to get back to my house and grieve alone. I'd been waiting forever for Carter to make this right. After holding it together these last days, I was tired and crashing. "Help me," I sobbed into his chest. "Take this goddamn pain away, before I die from it." I looked up at him. "I don't want to hurt anymore." He squeezed me then kissed me on the forehead. His fingers were in my hair, tightening his grip, pulling my head back. His lips were demanding, kiss consuming, and I held on, gasping for air. He walked me backwards toward my room, and we stopped when my back hit the wall. I was tugging at his T-shirt, trying to get it off. He pushed my hands away to pull free of his shirt and yanked mine over my head. I was kissing him, tongue probing, needing to taste him. His hand was searching underneath my skirt, the fabric inching up along my hip, his fingers under the lace of my panties, slipping them down. His fingers were playing with me, opening me.

"You're so wet," came the hoarse whisper. "You want this." I fumbled for his cock, his bulge hard underneath his jeans. "Unzip me and take me out."

My fingers found his cock, hard and erect. I stroked its thick length. I was sliding down, dropping to my knees, wanting badly to suck him, but his strong hands held me up. His body pinned me to the wall, unfastening my skirt, the fabric falling to the floor. His fingers playing with my clit, my pussy aching for him to be inside me. He moaned in my ear when my hand stroked his cock. He kissed me again hard, not giving me time. His hands rubbed my hips, slipping under my thighs, pulling me up, my legs wrapped around his hips. "Remember you wanted this."

"I need it," I whispered.

His cock rammed into me; my back slammed against the wall. I gasped, accepting him inside me. My arms around his neck, I held on tight, my back meeting the wall with each hard thrust. "I want more," I whispered. "Use me." His fingers dug into my flesh, muscles flexing, keeping me in place. His face at my neck breathing me in, grunting with the effort to keep me where he needed me, until he was done. I came first, my body spent. He followed a few thrusts later. He released me, and I sank to the floor.

Sagan towered over me, uncertain. I looked past him to the kitchen. Everything ordinary and unchanged. Our meal untouched on the counter. He held out his hand. I couldn't look at him. I gathered my clothes and scrambled to my feet. "I need to be alone," I mumbled. I walked to my room and closed the door.

# # #

I walked out of my room the next morning ready to apologize to Sagan, but he was gone. I found a note on the kitchen counter next to orange juice and chocolate muffins. Shelby, Eugene and I are staying with a friend. I'm giving you space if that's what you want. I'll come back if you need me. Call me anytime. I'll come. Sagan.

I sat in my office staring at a coffee mug, thinking how pathetic my life was right now. I was too much of a coward to call Sagan and apologize. There would be time enough to talk after Carter's birthday. I spent the night alone at Sagan's using the time to prepare for my gift to Carter.

It was Friday, Carter's last day with the company and his birthday. The all-hands meeting was live-streamed to all Folio facilities across the US and around the world. It was a mixture of his good-bye to a company he founded and built and a birthday celebration. I endured it all with a smile, apprehensive that later we would be together in a kinky threesome sex romp.

Regina walked into my office with a you-are-such-a-loser-smirk on her face to deliver an envelope from Carter. I didn't care what that witch thought of me, Carter would be gone soon and this made-up competition in her head would be over.

Shelby, you don't have to do this. But if you're determined, and I know how stubborn you can be once you get something into your head, you need to know I can't get to the compartment until 8:30. We can spend as much time as you like together, but it won't change my mind. Carter

I know one night with Carter wouldn't fix everything. He'd been a big part of my life for the last ten years. He was the only man I'd ever been with, except that quickie with Sagan. I needed time to get used to the idea that Carter wouldn't be in my life anymore.

I arrived at Carter's office at 7 p.m., pulling my overnight bag behind me. Regina was not at her desk. I couldn't figure out if she was gone for the day or if she had just stepped away. Carter and I were the only people who had access to his office. I swiped my badge, entered, and quickly move behind the panel. I traveled through the foyer, kitchen, and stopped in the living room. The night was clear with a pale moon and stars and the twinkling city below. Many nights we sat here enjoying the view and making love.

I walked into the master bedroom and flipped on the light. A dress and a pair of stilettos were arranged on the bed. No panties or bra. I picked up the dress. A long drapey fabric in midnight blue, Carter's favorite color. The Grecian style, with a single seam down the front, would cling to my body. The low neckline would enhance my breasts, and the slits on both sides of the dress would reveal long lengths of my legs. I wondered if the other woman would be dressed in something as elegant or if Carter would prefer to dress her in something slutty. I didn't have time to worry about that. I needed to take a shower and dress. I pulled out my phone and called up a playlist. The music rose around me from the synced-up speakers. I needed to relax. I pulled off my shirt and noticed a note on the dresser. Shelby, please wear your hair up tonight and what is contained in these boxes. This is my gift to you. Carter. This was the second note I'd received from him today and neither was signed with love. It hurt; a lot.

Three boxes sat next to the note. I opened the first and largest box. A white gold necklace studded with diamonds and sapphires spread out in a triangle pattern. In the second box sat a cuff bracelet, also diamonds and sapphires. The third contained matching earrings. They were gorgeous, expensive, and probably one of a kind.

I spent more time than usual dressing. It was important I exceed Carter's expectations tonight. Once I fastened the last piece of jewelry, there was a knock, and the front door opened. "Shelby?" Carter called from the living room.

"Sorry, I'm running a little late." The playlist had hit a love song from the early 90s, and I checked the mirror one last time. I walked into the living room. Carter was there in a custom suit, looking like male perfection. He leaned back against the wall and gave me a long, appreciative look. "I don't think I've ever seen you looking so exquisite." My heart quivered and for a moment; I'd forgotten this would be our last time together.

"Thank you. You look very handsome, Mr. Morrison." I had to play my part. I threw the party, but it would be Carter calling the shots tonight. He would direct the play.