Trouble on Home Soil

Trouble on home soil.

We were due home Monday, but the three of us managed to hitch a ride to Kings Lynne on a transport plane Saturday, 2am. The short two-hour flight went quickly, we were in the car heading home by 5am. It would be nice be in my own bed again after being stuck on a base in Germany for the last week for debriefing.

We all had leave for a month unless a call came, so I had planned to hit surf on the beaches of Cornwall before the bad weather of winter arrived just to blow off steam.

The ride back down the M11 heading back towards the smoke through my old stomping grounds bought back some happy, some sad memories of my childhood. I grew up in this part of Essex with my grandparents, they are gone now much like my mum and dad, they were killed when I was young. It's just me left from my family now, I don't have kids yet, but we hope we will soon.

Mandy is my family now, we married four years ago after a whirlwind romance in Ibiza, a small Spanish island in the med.

I am entering my last six months of duty, we have decided that I would retire from active duty and settle down, hopefully somewhere quiet near the sea.

"OOOOFFF!"

I got a sharp dig from my right side,

"Oi Chump, what are you smiling at?"

It was Horn, he had given me a sharp elbow to my ribcage just as I was nodding off.

"Fuck you, Horn!" I hissed.

"Fuck me? Yeah, in yer dreams."

He was an asshole sometimes and hard to keep in line if he was in an aggressive mood.

The glow from London lit the dark sky on the horizon as we got closer.

"Nice to be home after that shit-hole innit boss." Archie said from the front.

"It's just nice to be home." I replied.

Our driver looked across to Archie saying, "Shit-hole, what shit-hole you lot been to then?"

Archie didn't have to reply, just the look was enough for the cabby to know he needed to stop talking.

"M25 coming up, are we dropping in London or Orpington first?" the driver asked.

"Orpington please mate, me first" I replied.

The cab dropped me in the high street outside McDonalds, I needed to get some food inside me before I went home.

"Cheers mate, have a safe journey home fella's. Horn, be good. Arch, I'll contact you next week ok. Now fuck off home and make your wives scream in ecstasy."

I had known Horn since his early training days, he had that look about him that said he was a nasty fucker, just the type that fits with us. To this day he never let me know why his nickname is horn. I am his C.O. He calls all commanding officers chumps, he has the personality that allows him certain privileges, this is one of them that I allow.

It was cold and wet, the pavements were shiny with water slowly draining into the kerbsides. McDonalds was empty, it was nice sitting there alone in my thoughts. I had missed this.

A couple of young lads came in and sat at a table across the way from me, they looked like builders on the way to work. The younger one kept glancing my way, commenting to his buddy. I wondered if I was the topic of their conversation. After fifteen minutes with their brekky done they rose to leave, on his way past my table the younger of the two dropped a five pound note in front of me onto my empty plate.

"Here mate, take it. Good luck."

I tilted my head towards him and looked at him puzzled.

"Take it." he smiled down at me with a kind face.

"Thank you sir." I said. "thank you."

It was then I realised he must have thought I was a tramp keeping warm in the shop. I went into the toilets for a pee and a quick wash up. looking in the mirror I could understand his mistake. I badly needed to shave and clean up.

I pulled my collar up and made the short walk home, it was daylight now. The day didn't seem so dank now the rain had stopped.

It would be good to see Mandy, she would still be in bed, it was the weekend and only 8am and she was not expecting me home for another two days.

I made the turn into my road, nothing had changed. Still the same safe suburban street, rosebushes overhanging the garden walls, the odd cat sitting on pathways leading to safe semi-detached houses.

I had been away seventeen weeks this time, it was nice to see my home.

My front lawn needed a trim, "I would do that tomorrow." I thought to myself as I walked up my pathway to the front door.

I travelled home light, just a small duffel bag, I had stowed my kit in Norfolk, it would follow on in a couple of days. I turned my key in the lock, the house smelled the same, my old green fishing coat still on the hook. God it was good to be home.

I chucked my bag at the foot of the stairs and made my way to the kitchen, my plan was to take coffee and toast up to my wife and surprise her. The kitchen was a bit of a mess, "unlike her," I thought.

The kettle was still hot, she must be up and had one already. An ashtray on the table? She doesn't smoke. Two half drunk glasses of wine next to the ashtray?

The hairs on the back of my neck rose and my training kicked in. something was off here.

I quietly looked around surveying the kitchen, a few things out of place but nothing really wrong other than what I had seen previously.

I went into my lounge, it was much the same as the kitchen. A bit messy, two cups of cold coffee on the side, and one that was half full and still warm. But what was really unusual, a bra and panties on the carpet. This was not like her.

I stood and listened to the silence around me, my heartrate had risen slightly. I could feel the blood flow in my ears, it sounded like a drum. The house was eerily quiet. I walked through the hallway and up the stairs avoiding the creaky steps, again I stood silently praying I wouldn't hear what I thought I might. Did she have someone here? It would explain the mess.

The bedroom door has a slight squeak so I just opened it enough to poke my head around. She was sleeping alone. The relief washed over me like a tidal wave, I was just about to enter the bedroom when the front doorbell chimed. I backed away looking over the banister to the door.

"Hang on John, I'll be right there!" came the call from the bedroom.

John?

I quickly retreated to the spare room hiding behind the door watching as she emerged naked from our bedroom. She made her way down the stairs but stopped in her tracks on the third step from the bottom. I know it was the third one because it creaks.

"Shit." I heard.

"Shit, shit, oh fucking shit!"

The bell chimed again, I made my way to the banister and peered over. She had seen my bag at the bottom, she ran to the door, still naked and I heard a man's voice.

"I have croissants and fresh cream."

She whispered something I could not make out and quietly closed the door. Mandy then made her way into the lounge, then the kitchen. I made use of the time by pulling the covers from our bed and smelling the sheets. There was no doubt in my mind now as I laid them back into place.

"Barry, are you home?" she shouted from the base of the stairs.

I stayed silent.

The familiar sound of the creaks invaded the silence like bombs going off, a real bomb would surely go off in the next few minutes.

I heard her tentatively walk alone the landing and stop outside of our bedroom door, she opened the door and slowly entered.

"Barry?"

Again I kept silent.

I stood behind the opened door and let her enter the room by a few feet before I slammed the door shut behind her. She screamed and turned.

She looked petrified, she was visibly shaking. Her arm came up to her breasts and the other covered her snatch.

"For fuck's sake Barry. You scared the shit outta me!"

She backed off a little before saying,

"Why are you home? I thought you was back Monday?"

I still stayed totally silent and just looked at her standing there naked. The silence between us was not broken for a few seconds.

"Who is he?" I calmly asked.

"What?"

"Don't fuck with me Mandy, who is he?"

I said in a very menacing tone that I had developed over the years in service.

I stayed as calm as I could and just stared at her standing before me. It obviously un-nerved her and she collapsed onto the bed.

The woman I loved, the woman I was to spend my whole life with, the woman I would've died for was fucking some lowlife fuckpig while I was away protecting her country and lifestyle.

I wanted to kill her there and then on that bed she had so recently been fucking her lover in, MY bed.

Again, my training kicked in and I kept calm. I turned and walked from the bedroom leaving her sobbing into her sex-stained sheets.

I was for once glad that we had had down time in Germany before coming home, it usually takes at least a week to come down after deployment. Sometimes I bring it home with me, I try not to but things that happen tend to follow you home, until you get chance to lock them away in your head. If I had come straight home to this I was in no doubt she would be lying dead upstairs now.

I took a big sigh and a gulp of air before pouring myself a very large brandy. It didn't hit the sides and I poured another. I noticed the bra and panties had gone from the carpet as I sat in my chair and looked for the remote.

The news was bleak as usual, war in Afghanistan, famine in Africa, politics all over the fucking place. I smiled to myself as I thought,

"Fuck, I was better off staying in a fucking warzone."

I heard the familiar creak of the stairs and knew she was going to make an appearance; I was not disappointed. Mandy stood cautiously holding onto the doorframe not daring to approach. She looked at me, her eyes pleading with me to say something. I stared back at her till her eyes hit the floor.

"Barry." She sheepishly said, so quietly I hardly heard.

"Barry?" slightly louder. Looking up from the floor.

I put my finger to my lips not replying a word, my stare was enough.

She started to sob again.

"I.....am.......sorry, it meant........nothing!"

She was gasping between breaths trying to get the words out.

I stood again; she flinched back as I stood. I think she thought I would hurt her or worse. Again, I calmly poured another brandy. I turned and said,

"You have one chance, just one. Who is he?"

Her eyes hit the floor again and she stood one foot on the other holding onto the door for support.

"Please Barry."

"Shhhhhh," I said, "You have the one chance, use it well. You tell me now, or you leave......now."

"It is John." She said softly

"John?"

"John, from work, John."

"Aha, John from work, John." I said as calmly as I possibly could.

"Well that is ok then, as long as it is just John from work, John!"

She started to shake again, if the door had not have been there she would've fell.

"And John, John from work, John. Was he just at my front door with croissants?....you should have invited him in. He could've finished the coffee he had made before he left you in bed this morning!"

"Please Barry, don't hurt him, please."

I smiled at the thought of killing him with my bare hands slowly over a few days.

"Barry! Please Barry, talk to me."

I put my glass down on the sideboard and walked the few paces toward her, she jumped back into the hallway. I bent and picked up my duffel bag, I went and chucked in a shirt, joggers and underwear that were to hand in the bedroom. I put my house keys into my fishing coat pocket putting it on and left the house.

I spent two days in a local hotel wondering where I went wrong, why had she wronged me this way. I could not turn my damned phone off because of work and it buzzed every ten minutes.

I had seen it happen to many of my men but this was Amanda, my wife, we were solid.

I didn't sleep or eat well, I stayed in the same trampy clothes unwashed since arriving at Norfolk, not even brushing my teeth.

I rang Tommy,

"Hey Horn, I need to talk, you got five?"

"Sure Chump, what is it?"

I sighed audibly,

".........Mandy."

There was silence from the other end, "Horn?"

His solemn tones said, "Yes mate, I heard you. I assume it's the same old shit we get after a long deployment, Did you catch her?"

"I might as well have, lets say she had that freshly fucked look."

"ah boss, I am sorry. Are you at home?"

"No, local Travelodge."

"You wanna come around? Its only me and Sandra here. Kids are at grannies giving us some alone time."

"No Tom, I just wanted a friendly voice,"

"Boss, don't do anything silly, you know we all have your back. We can sort any problem, you know that......where are you? Ping over your location and we will be there in an hour."

I felt a little better talking with him and I decided to freshen up a bit. I took off most of the beard and cut my hair, bathed, put on a fresh shirt and joggers.

I flicked through over 100 text and voice messages, mostly from Mandy pleading with me for forgiveness and to come home, a couple pleading for John not to be hurt.

Three hours later in hotel I had four of my men sitting on the bed giving me their opinions on how to deal with John.

They ranged from a beating every other week for a year to keep him reminded of what he had done, to torturing to death. To be honest I wanted it all but mostly I wanted this never to have happened.

"Boss, we have to be careful with whatever we do. Does he know what you do? Who you are?"

"No, I don't think so. Mandy only knows what I tell her, I am sure she would not say too much."

Bob chipped in, "Boss, you can't be sure, you didn't think she would fuck anyone else, did you?"

With that, Horn stood with anger in his face and threw a strong backhand at Bob knocking him from the bed,

"Shut the fuck up shithead!"

Bob sprang to his feet and flew across the bed at Horn, the fight that ensued broke the TV and a side table. When it was eventually broken up and settled down they sat well apart.

Bob said a bit nervously,

"Sorry Boss, it wasn't meant the way it came out,"

"I know Bob, but it was true. I had no idea she was screwing around on me, and to be honest, how do I know what she has said."

The mood in the room was not good so I thanked them and sent them all away.

I slept better that night after getting it off my chest and the next morning sent Mandy a text saying I would be home that evening.

The text was replied to immediately, just one word. "Please."

It was Wednesday by now, I had not spoken to her in four days. I walked the couple of miles going over and over what to say in my head. It was pissing down again and I got soaked.

The house was dark apart from one light on in the lounge that I could see. I knocked on the door which felt really strange.

The curtains twitched and I saw her face looking out, the beautiful face that I had fell in love with. The hallway light flickered into life and through the door window I saw her walking down the hall towards me.

The door opened, she stood looking wonderful. I was half hoping she looked a dishevelled mess but she looked amazing.

"Barry, it's your house. You don't need to knock."

"Hello Amanda."

She opened the door fully and stood back to let me in, as I walked over the threshold, she leaned in to kiss me, I walked past. I saw her head drop.

I was praying shithead was not here, this time I might just kill him. Surely he would not be that stupid.

"Go in Barry, I have poured you your favourite brandy, please can we sit and talk."

"Hmph." Was all I could manage.

I knocked back the drink in one swift movement and sat.

"I am sorry Barry, I love you. Please come home. I will do anything to make it right."

She came towards me and I stood pushing her away.

"Sit down. Sit down now........why? just tell me why?"

"Barry, please believe me I love you, I would never.........."

I raised my finger to my lips as she spoke, she knew better than to say any more.

I sat for a moment, probably a minute or two contemplating what to say.

"Amanda, you know my job, you know what I do. You know I do whatever I am told to do whenever I am told to do it. Sometimes I am away for months at a time, sometimes longer."

She went to talk again, again I gave her a look to say shut it.

"I know you get lonely, but this?"

She started to cry again, I wanted to go and comfort her, I had loved her. I was not sure if I still did or not. I stayed in my chair.

"Can I speak?" she muttered between her sobs.

"Yes."

Blowing her snotty nose into a tissue and drying her eyes as best she could she managed to get out.

"Barry, you are the love of my life. I am so, so sorry you found out like that. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you."

The words from her mouth hurt me as much as the sights I saw when I arrived home. How could you love someone and do what she did, in our own home, in our own bed. My piece of safety and sanctuary in this shit world.

I was far calmer than I thought I would be, I know we are taught to be calm under stressful situations, but this was different. I had a calmness that scared me, I could tell it scared her too.

"I will do anything, ANYTHING, for you to come home. Please, please come home. I am so, so sorry."

"Is he married also?"

"Barry, please."

"I asked you a question........is he married also?"

Her eyes hit the floor again.

"Look at me...I said fucking look at me!"

Her head shot upright; her eyes showed fear. She clasped her hands into her lap and nodded.

"Is that a yes?"

She nodded again.

"Let us make this perfectly clear Amanda, you answer my questions, clear and succinct. No nods, no shakes of the head, clear and succinct or we are done, here and now we are done. Understand?"

She nodded her head, suddenly realising what she had done, "YES, YES, sorry yes."

"So I take it he is married then?"

"Yes."

Her tears began to well in her eyes again.

"No crocodile tears my dear, I fucking hate you right now. I will walk."

She blew her snotty nose again.

"Right, as for our friend John. You know I could kill him and his body would just disappear don't you?"

She nodded again, "yes."

"Why shouldn't I, do you love him also?"

"No, No, of course not!"

"Yet you fuck him, in my bed you fuck him. is there anyone else I should know about? You know I have the resources to find out, don't you?"

"Barry, please, no. There is no-one else, I am just so lonely and needed comfort while you were away."

I lost it a little,

"YOU! YOU needed comfort while I was risking my life to keep you safe, YOU needed comfort?"

"I am sorry."

"So you keep fucking saying!"

"Please, please I will do anything, anything you ask."

"Ok, so John is married. Kids?"

Her face dropped.

"Does his wife know he is fucking around on her?"

"Please Barry."

"Listen, fuck you, and fuck John. You have this one time to come clean. No more pleases, no more I am sorry. Own your fucking life and your mistakes or fuck off out of my life and MY house."

"He is married, he has three children. He and his wife have an open relationship."

"Oh lovely, so that allows him to fuck my wife does it!"

She winced as I spoke the spiteful words at her.

I need John's full name, his address and I need it now or you go upstairs and pack, no negotiation.

"Please,"

"GO! NOW, pack!"

She jumped from her chair and took the pen from the sideboard, she handed me a note with his name and address.

"I will not kill him."

I left her in a puddle of tears on the lounge floor and walked out.

Two days later I was in my hotel room and Horn called me, "All set?"

"Yes, all set."

John was picked up by an unmarked transit van and taken to an unknown location by a group of men. I was blissfully unaware of what was happening as I was on a airbase in Kent lecturing to a few students. I made sure I was seen by all the top brass that needed to see me.

I found out much later that he didn't have a good time. Interrogation tactics were used upon him and his body. He was not killed but hurt quite severely. He was left traumatized and with no illusion that it could happen again at any time in the future.