All Comments on 'True Lies - Redux Ch. 06'

It seems the religious aspect of this is important to you. It really takes away from the story. Not really interested in a debate around Judaism/Christian ethics.

This story is like spy/thriller RAAC, lol very unusual mix

But can't relate to the characters.

They are whores. Blow up the fucking world if you have to but nobody else is fucking my wife.

You have to be less than human to do it and allow it.

Certainly not sane enough to pretend normal human relations.

The main fault is that Grayson has not popped into consciousness as a memorable villain. So far we have a Gordon Gecko sybarite hedonist with scads of superficial charisma who for some abstract reason wants to wreak havoc on the United States on behalf of a morality stultified Iran. Rachel's up close and personal POV as his concubine could have answered at least on part that question.

Watch Michael Douglas in " Wall Street " for pointers on ungorgettable bad man how-tos that bring thrillers up a level. I enjoyed the Esther and Xerxes shout out. justbobkc is maintaining suspense very well in terms of 'stay or go ' issues.The reader is challenged a lot as events flow. The couple doesn't stay static in terms of roles played.

If the author has visions of going pro , he'd do well to give bad guy some stage time and memorable lines like " Greed is Good " , but many other necessary aspects of that ambition both ineffable and tangible are in place. I thank the author for sharing.

Full marks *****

It was going to be this long and convoluted, I would never have begun. Robert Ludlum, you ain't.

Long winded convoluted drivel with no end in sight.

Too long, too much chaff, not enough wheat. Seemingly endless crap that's irrelevant. The fact that the protagonist is surrounded by women, all women, all intent on pushing him back to the slut wife is disappointing. And that's all she is, and all she was before this whole story started. She had moved on, happy enough to trade up, and now she has buyer's remorse. So sad. Comparing his actions to hers is trickery and sophistry, and makes everyone unlikeable. Everyone. Not a single character worth investing in at this point.

I think I'm done. I'll go back to reading the ingredients on the boxes in the pantry. A lot more interesting.

Hope it comes soon. Plane crash, shoot it down, blow it up. Let's face it, he will be better off without her in his life.

Just the right mix of sex and drama to keep me egarly awaiting the next chapter.

Stupid , wimp and pathetic 1*

but this story stinks

Ignore the bitter BTB detractors. Surprised most of them have the capacity to keep on reading.

You write well but I feel a lack of emotion in your prose. This needs to be expressed better, especially in the interaction between Jim and Rachael. She did betray and disrespect him horribly and it just seems like he is looking at it from the outside, critical and hurt by her treachery but not truly torn and distraught. I think she is doing a better job of expressing to the reader her emotional upheaval, her regret and remorse but not really expressing it well to her husband with her somewhat clinical explanations of her behavior.

Amazing that so many people with their negative comments keeping reading the story. I think this is an excellent story idea and is being developed and expressed well. The main characters are being developed showing that in spite of their personal feelings and fears there is an important job that has to be done. I hope that you resolve everything as well as the original.

I am now at the stage that I just skim the text to see where it ends. Just too much needless details to make it into an interesting readable story.

a) Long winded with zero plot advancement. Everyone pontificates. Even Jennifer goes off on feminism and what you think it means to be female. Really? How about something actually happening other than Rachel giving Grayson a blowjob?

b) You know enough Jewish history to be dangerous. Rachel is not a Jewish heroine. Not even close. Wish you'd stop this line of thought.

c) Why does Rachel want to stay married to Jim? She didn't care for him. She wanted to leave him. She just picked the wrong man to leave him for. But all of a sudden she loves him and wants her marriage to work? If Grayson wasn't a Grade A super-villain she'd be happy fucking her new man. You didn't sell this well at all.

d) Jim's actions in the face of his wife's accusations are not plausible. Super spy guy is basically a mouse. Somehow you've tried to create a moral equivalency between the two. And Rachel demands what she needs and he goes along with it? After her being a whore of her own choosing for Grayson.

e) Key point - Rachel is not a spy. She had no obligation to go back to Grayson. If she truly valued Jim and her marriage, she would have turned them down consequences be damned. She would have told them that regardless of what she did in the past, and no matter what they threaten, she will not cheat on her husband again. It's not her job to save humanity. It is her job to save her marriage. But of course she didn't.

d) Jim has residual feelings for Rachel. Okay. But why in the world would he still want her. She wanted to leave him. Wanted another guy. She just chose poorly. And now he's going to be oh so happy taking her back knowing she was Grayson's plaything and did it willingly? I'm not talking about as a spy. I'm talking about the entire time she had an affair with him. She degraded herself for Grayson, all for a nicer lifestyle, and Jim wants this prostitute back? Again, you don't explain this and we readers are just expected to accept this.

I could keep going. You have talent. But you've let this get away from you and are way too focused on using the story as a medium to espouse certain political and religious beliefs. That's your perogative, but it makes for boring reading.

Final point. You are shoe horning the story to fit an ending you already envisioned instead of having the characters act true to their nature. Big mistake.

Is really undermining the pace and plot. I don't mind a little rational discourse concerning ethics. However, following a book does not make one ethically superior. Cheating is wrong. You can justify but that just adds mitigating circumstances. Going to temple may lessen the guilt or give you space to focus but this marriage is not going to be healed by an imaginary omnipotent spirit who stopped writing two millenia ago. (Maybe he was just a frustrated LW author )

The history of religion and the middle east is fascinating and terrible. Codified belief systems dont travel well and any system that disavows bacon is inherently cruel.

I like the general direction but wonder if Dr. Ruth is counterproductive. Looking forward to more.

I did like the plot to start with but it had devolved into too much verbiage and not enough movement in the story line. Finished the last page and 1/2 skimming. Please get back to the story.

This car is out of gas and is coasting to a stop. Just moralizing and nothing more. Time to wrap it up. You might want to think about not writing 50,000 words next time or getting an editor who will use some red ink and cut all the excess verbiage.

It is long, but necessarily so, to get your points across. I am enjoying the journey.

I find it hard to believe u never wrote before, other than professional/occupational memos and reports. You are a fine writer and your details ring true like Tom Clancy's. Keeep up the good work

Still developing the characters and the action...The problem for the next part? His wife will be going in the 707 with the "SNL" and "neutristor"...That should not reach Iran...Will they explode the 707 with her inside? I still like this story...3*

As we entered the bedroom I slipped my hand into her panties to finger her pussy. Her pussy was already soaked with natural lube. She was definitely ready and started to disrobe.

I couldn’t wait to get started, but first I needed to take a piss. I went into the bathroom attached to the bedroom and closed the door. I almost locked it out of force of habit, but didn’t. Ever notice how we do things automatically without thinking?

While opening my zipper I noticed that the metal parts were silver colored. Wow, I’ve seen zippers with brass colored metal pars too. I wonder why that is. Maybe there is a price difference. It’s amazing that zippers work at all. I wonder who invented the zipper. I’ll have to remember to google it.

I took my cock out and aimed it at the toilet bowl. My piss stream was faint yellow so I must be fairly well hydrated. My piss is very yellow when I’m dehydrated, and clear when I have been drinking lots of beer. I wonder what the ideal color of piss is. But I digress…………………….

Ever heard the phrase "Putting lipstick on a pig"? Attempting to "influence" your readers into feeling sympathy for Rachel and forgiving her for her past, present and most certainly future "missteps" is a poor strategy for winning over or keeping your audience. While noble, it seems rather fruitless this late in the game to be trying to save Rachel's honor! Besides ... whores like Rachel have no honor!

Don't believe me ... take a look at your scores for this series:

True Lies Redux - 4.40

True Lies Redux Ch. 02 - 4.42

True Lies Redux Ch. 03 - 4.23

True Lies Redux Ch. 04 - 4.33

True Lies Redux Ch. 05 - 4.15

True Lies Redux Ch. 06 - ***3.64***

Rather telling don't you think?

Seems to me your readers are trying to tell you something which is don't attempt to salvage what is unsalvageable and don't force reconciliation when none is clearly merited.

Scores may not be what motivates you but the fact is, fair or not, many readers look to them first when determining if a story is worth their time and a downward turn (Ch. 06) doesn't bode well for any writer.

Food for thought as you round out what up till now has been a pretty good tale.

Hope you take this in the spirit it was meant even with this rather obvious and poor attempt to "influence" you.

Regards,

Anon

But its just too wordy, full of distracting pointless digressions, and tedious mental meandering. I might read more, if I can remember what has come before. At this point I think its just an apology for compassion, weakness, sympathy, and forgiveness. What wrong with that? It overlooks the requirements of sorrow, guilt, regret, confession, penance, and restitution, all requirements for true forgiveness and absolution in the Judaeo/Christian theology. Rachael's only regret is that Grayson turned out to be an inferior replacement for her husband. If Grayson had been just nice, courteous, and respectful, and very rich, Rachael would have abandoned her husband without a second thought of guilt or regret. Her remorse is externally driven by the adverse conditions and circumstances resulting from her choosing Grayson over her husband. Until she demonstrates a true change of character and values, she's just one more whore who wants her guilt absolved and forgotten. She'll make a perfect mate for a loser like Jim.

I just submitted chapter 7. It was pretty much finished last Monday but I was stuck just a bit and also wanted some feedback from my readers on Chapter 6.

I absolutely LOVE the comment from Affecteffect. Made me LOL.

I really appreciate the time and effort put into that.

But alas, I guess I AM a wordy bastard and it is what it is.

I'm thinking one more chapter after 7 to wrap this tale up.

Thanks to everyone hanging in there and continuing reading. Could be several more days before 7 actually gets posted.

that there's too much fluff. Good detailed background information (as long as it's mostly accurate) is what makes a good story great. I too was afraid that this was going to turn into a soapbox but it hasn't. I must say, I had never thought about the loss of the SEAL team 6 chopper post OBL as possibly a 'sacrifice'. That's a scary thought.......

Blah blah blah....

Just divorce the fucking whore end of story..she cheated on her marriage, broke her wedding vows .n disrespect him..

Those r a one strike n out..situation.

Jim is such a pussy. Did he really want a whore as his wife,?

Kick the slut to curb.

Better be crew like hand her divorce paper in front of her patents n tell them congratulation your daughter is a cheating whore...

This story should end in divorce, or wifes untimely death...

Love this story..... I also hope this is heading to reconciliation! He is almost as guilty as her! I love the use of their faith in telling the story! Great detail and a good understanding of global politics

The angst and pure tension between the parties is palpable

Well done.

I do not know how anyone could come back from this and that includes Elaine now.

4/5

Good story.

But how could ANYONE want or expect this shit show of a marriage to reconcile at some point?

Ummm...they are stuck in what is going on now. I get that.

But after it settles? Assuming they all survive? Exactly how does a normal, well adjusted man just accept that his wife became a depraved whore with another man just because she got a little bored with her admittedly exceptional husband. She really loved him. Just wanted him to be more "alpha" than she thought he was. And life got a bit mundane. So...she decided she'd fuck the powerful billionaire. And life would turn out as a fairy tale.

And she turned into the skankiest whore ever. And this was before she even knew he was a highly trained agent/spy.

But the MC is just supposed accept that she really now doesn't want to be a whore...but must continue to save mankind.

But afterwards...theybwill settle back into married life and start having babies together?

Right. Sure that'll happen.

A sane man would really start procreating with the opportunistic lying whore. Gotcha.