All Comments on 'True Lies - Redux Ch. 07'

this is pathetic b...... 0*

enjoying the hell out of this thanks 5

Non erotic and should be in non erotic plus this is just sick,,

no friends----no enemies-----no help------sounds like a great organization to not be associated with, TK U MLJ LV NV

I'm enjoying this adventure. I think most guys would like to see themselves as the James Bond type of guy that Jim is.

This is getting good. Love it,please disregard any negative comments. The suspense the international intrigue. James.f. bondurant indeed. I'm following to the conclusion.

swampchuck comments he is just another sick fuck the story is not bad but being drag out.

Great story, look forward to each chapter arriving. Have to laugh at one "Annonies" comments about this being sick. Unfortunately, this stuff and worse does go on, but you rarely get a hint of it. The various administrations around the world are really good at covering up what they don't want us to know. They are professionals after all.

They didn't kill the guards and let Grayson go. Exposed there team . Sorry it just doesn't compute. Now innocent people are getting killed and J im is arrested . These parts just weaken your story.

This isn't bad , but never gets VIVID after the enjoyable and credible Grayson takedown. If you read the very popular Jack Reacher series by Lee Child , mayhem is not described in the abstract.

Missed opportunities to raise adrenaline and tension include the meth head bikers getting taken out , Jim getting meekly and passively detained by DHS ( very wimpy, no way Jack Reacher complies like a sheep ) and Jen's kidnapping ( why not use her established POV ? ) .

Jim's character has gotten very robotic. He takes bad news about wife's kidnapping and inlaws' brutal assault with same amount of emotion that I display when my hometown Colorado Rockies go on 5 game losing streak. Now he is poised to go into Action Jackson mode to close out series, even the score and come to some kind of resolution with Rachel.

Good luck. I get the need for selective existentialist mode and Jim's need to be centered and calm eye of storm when things rage around him, but at right times he has to know when to discard the Spock Vulcan mindset and get passionate about something. I respect the work justbobkc has invested in getting series to this point ( relatively very easy to be critic ) and again wish him well in concluding series if indeed the next one is the closer.

My assessment of cartoon literature is its lack of depth, its silly contrived plots, and the unbelievable caricatures of the players. I guess escaping from reality is part of the purpose, since the whole story, plot, behaviors, and character motives are simply silly and unreal. Like a cartoon. Jim is the Roadrunner, Grayson is the coyote, the government flunkies are the sheriff and the deputies, and the plot is irrelevant. The whole story is just a setting for slapstick and Keystone Cop shenanigans. Isn't it funny?

No. Its also not suspenseful nor engaging. It is read only out of macabre curiosity about the author's purpose and goal in writing such shallow aimless fantasy. Ian Flemming is not being channeled here, but Benny Hill and Archie Bunker come to mind. Lets make Edith a whore fucking over Archie and we have completed the picture.

Keep your day job, if you ever get one. And maybe consider taking up the art of writing someday. It looks like you have the energy, if not the talent.

But thanks for trying.

I look for the continuation of this series each day. You have me hooked.

This plot was not easy to dream up. All the stuff about switches and parts was well done. The part that made little sense was how they handled the rich guy. If they were going to strong arm him, why not sooner? Why allow him to be free when he knows who they are? Your last story had the wife kidnapped and abused, did it not? Maybe time for something different?

Why are you writing a novel as just a long story? You keep skipping scenes that would add to the narrative or would be interesting / suspenseful in their own right.

1. How about the massacre in Kentucky? How did that go down, what were people's feelings as they turned around and murdered DHS agents? How did they bullshit the FBI's investigation into the Federal employee's deaths?

2. Why do you soft sell your political agenda? You've set up two groups, both of whom are convinced that they know what will protect the US's vital interests. Neither group has any limits to the actions that they are willing to take to get what they want, but one of them must be wrong. You should go for it.

3. How did the reconciliation with her parent's go? Since she was divorcing Jim had they felt correct in their original view of her marriage. how'd that work out? How did her father, a powerful lawyer, feel about being told that he was in danger from persons unknown? Had he hired protection or did he blow off the warning? How about writing the scene where Rachel's family was attacked in Chicago?

4. What had Rachel's thinking been as she had convinced herself that she was enough of the whole package to make herself Grayson's one and only? How does this conviction sustain her when she finds that he just wants to degrade her sexually? She kept coming back, certain that she could prevail. How long would she continue if Jim hadn't left?

5. You could have written the scenes of Jim's crawling back to her, as she had expected. Although she says she loves Jim again and again when she needs his support, how much contempt must she have been feeling for the pathetic man on his knees apologizing to her for having thought that he could live her?

More detail, please.

Second to the last line of previous post should have read "live without her". Sorry about that

A lot more action, but I think the story should have ended after they killed the traitor Grayson!! As some comment said why did they let him live so he could disappear? 3*

just another way to make it a RAAC story!!

You don't learn. You know where you want this story to go and you will twist as many pretzel like coincidences as possible to ensure it happens. I don't mind reconciliation stories. Most of the great authors here whom you are trying to emulate (although far from successfully) have them. The key is their ability to sell that reconciliation. Think Boston to Birmingham for example. There is true remorse and character growth. Selflessness. Actual change. You've done none of that. Rachel just chose poorly. Yet you're trying to sell a reconciliation. Problem is it's not believable. And no, you can't have your cake by them getting divorced first. They only did that for her safety and Jim already went back to her and had sex. Even in a real reconciliation story that wouldn't have happened here.

What's really telling us that Rachel's cheating has consequences for everyone except for Rachel. Jim's family is in danger, Jennifer kidnapped, Rachel's mom is dead, her father is a widower in a coma, and Rachel? Oh, wait. She got "kidnapped" and will now be "rescued" by Jim. Grow a pair and tell a real story. Seriously. Shock us. Gave Jim be too late to save her. Throw a curveball. Something!

Last thing is I'll reiterate what another commentator wrote. You have all this detail on switches etc., but none on actual story telling. Everything that happens we are told that it hapoens. We don't experience it. It's just a few sentences. It's like writing a high school essay. This happened. That happened. How about writing the scenes so we, the readers, can experience the a story?

So much lost potential. Shame.

Good story, don't get bothered by negative comments. You never please all people all the time. I like RAAC-stories

Decent espionage thriller. But the girls shoulda reemed Graysons ass with a busted off chair leg.

Are BTB readers so bitter? This is only a story not their cheating wife trying to make up for her betrayal. Get a life you losers and just read the damn story for what it is. If not there are plenty of badly written BTB stories and the rare good one.

Ok, I agree that reconciliation needs to be perhaps more meaningful than this with more genuine remorse but that is the criticism here, not that it actually eventually takes place.

5* from me.

Just wish like some others did that you had fleshed out the Paducah and Chicago scenes. 5×

That's the ideal for each installment and that quota for great scenes can be hard to remember when you're working towards a conclusion where the plot has many running parts to keep an eye on. Besides the troubled marriage angle, this story spans continents, governments and multiple United States security bureaus and agencies. I give a lot of credit to justbobkc for doing as well as he has.

I see the core of a great story here , but it's like an auto with a backfiring cylinder in parts. Major props for bring a newbie author and daring to take all this on. How will it end ? I don't know but I see a novice author sometimes hitting and not infrequently hitting big , sometimes missing with each submission and freely admit " I'm a little envious that you are in the arena. Good luck.

Hurry with the next one please.

...to do a lot more work to keep it plausible.

I personally think your suggestion that DHS is more a watchdog and separate policing agency of the American people, with a directed agenda, than one working to maintain a peaceful, prosperous America, is far closer to reality than most people suspect. Broad, far reaching powers...little or no real oversight, one of the largest budgets of its kind in the world...nope, these folks are not our friends or protectors. Best we keep an eye on them.

The story seems to be slipping a bit...just saying.

I still have really enjoyed it, but for this somewhat unsettling feeling that you're about to jump your own rails.

Thank you.

I am working diligently on the next Chapter - which may not be the last after all - be forewarned. I was really caught off guard how quickly this chapter was approved and posted. Basically just one day. I am now 12 pages into Ch. 8 with 17 or 18 being sort of the goal for each chapter in this tale for now.

Again there have been several excellent and thought provoking comments. Some I am trying to incorporate as seemlessly as possible. I am thinking of presenting the Rachel abduction when her voice returns in first person.

Several previous comments mentioned the ridiculousness of "Iran working with ISIS"...

hmmm. I merely suggest one Google "Iran and ISIS" and read several articles about it that will pop up. Iran supported Assad and "his" Syria definitely for a long time - and Assad is a Sunni Arab Baathist. And even WITH Iran's "help" Assad couldn't defeat the ISIS uprising in his own country? Just some things to think about, maybe...

Thanks again to ALL my readers. It's the only reason I publish here on Literotica.

I read it as a delightful fantasy. But if it isn't, watch your back!

Hopefully will be live before the weekend.

Now things are really heating up. Good!!

5/5