All Comments on 'Truman High Ch. 01'

Build up to no action the next chapter most be real hot

what a way to leave me hanging...you did a good job pls keep the good work...cant till the next one

this one had me throbbing.. i dont read any story unless it has me thumping and this one was getting to humming.. the you zipped me up and didnt even tell me if there was gonna be a later yo! tease... next chapter when?

Wow. I was Really impressed by your style of writting. had me intrested in the story and characters. put me right into the plot. I cant wait to see what happens next. One of, if not the best written story on this site!

The delineation of both

characters and situation

is vivid and open-ended.

Lots of possibilities...

good first chapter although i wish she wasn't soooo excited when Matt invited her.

I can't comment on the quality of your story if it is spelled so poorly that the meanings are lost. FIND AN EDITOR!!

Seriously.... get an editor to at least read over it for spelling errors. Other than that, one big thing jumps out at me... the people at this party don't know who she is? I haven't been in high school in a very long time, and I could *still* identify every person in my graduating class. One of the guy's teammates is going to know who his twin sister is, whether she's come to parties or not. A little reality goes a long way, even in these fantasy stories.

You lost me when I realized you couldn't spell commonly accepted words. You should have paid more attention in school. Or are you still in the 7th grade?

they just graduated and everyone saw both of them get their diplomas and heard their names called yet you expect us to believe that noone knows they are related. BULLSHIT add the piss poor spelling and you have a waste of time. delete the series and don't post any thing else until you grow up and graduate grade school.

The misspelling of common words like "razor" and "torture" really pulled me out of the story. Spellcheck is a great tool to use, or you can recruit an editor. I think there's a way to do that on this site.

Needs a serious edit. Misspelled words and HE instead of SHE.