Trust

Blake was a junior in college, doing well, as expected. Sally had started in the same school that fall.

Larry and Will, her business partners, wanted to ease up at work. They were both rich, and wanted to enjoy it. The three of them decided to hire an executive manager, to replace the two. They interviewed several people, and hired James Street. He was thirty-five, and had impressive credentials. He was also very good-looking, tall, blond, blue-eyed and built lean. Ann noticed this, of course. But he was single. Ann thought that he might be gay, since she sensed no interest from him during the interview process.

That piqued her. Her self-image was as an attractive woman, even at forty-four. That was borne out by the attention she got from men, and the continued intense sex she had in her marriage. So, James had to be gay, she thought.

She mentioned that to Joe, when they were discussing the new hire. Joe took it in. He thought Ann was sincere, but possibly misguided. He kept that to himself, and asked her to invite James over for dinner. He said that since the Ann and James would be working together, he believed he should meet James.

James came over that next Friday evening. Joe had made a lasagna and a salad. Home baked bread. They had a chianti, and all seemed to enjoy the meal. Joe did note that James was quite the specimen. He and James talked about baseball. And James and Ann spoke about work. All in all, the evening went well, Ann thought.

Joe, on the other hand, got a bad vibe from James. He tried, at first, to put it down to his suspicious nature. But.....no go. He decided to monitor the entire situation.

Ann and James were essentially running the business. They saw each other every day. And she noticed that James was decidedly not gay. He had women friends - several. And he was making an effort to get Ann into bed. Not an overt one, but there.

She found herself tempted by James. He was, she thought, validation that she was still attractive. When she thought it out, she discounted Joe's still obvious desire for her. She had him hooked. She wondered what it would be like - with James.

Joe did monitor Ann's work situation. He had friends at her workplace, from when he was part owner. He spoke to one - Ellen Smythe - about the situation. She said she'd let him know if anything seemed off.

It was about six months after the dinner with James that Ellen called him one Monday.

She said, "Joe, maybe you have a problem."

"What?"

"I....well...Ann and James keep having lunches. And now they're talking about making a trip to New York - ostensibly on business.

"What business?"

'We don't have any business with NYC. James is from there, though."

"Okay. Do you think they've....."

"No. Probably not. Just....it seems like something's about to kick off."

"Okay, thanks. Keep me posted."

Joe was truly shaken by this. Despite his basic mistrust and cynicism, he truly thought of Ann as his solid rock. It had taken such a long time for this to happen. Now? Well, he should have known.

He decided to see what developed. He had long ago planned for a betrayal, and hired a law firm to react. He made a call to them, just to alert them to the possibility that the plan would be needed.

Ann was now sure that she wanted a sexual relationship with James. Not long term. A fling. So she spoke to James about it. They were in her office one afternoon.

Ann said, "James, I know you've been after me since you came here."

James looked at her. He said, "So?"

"I believe I'm going to allow you to catch me. Not for long. Just a short thing."

"Huh. I'm gratified. What about Joe?" James had a low regard for Joe, from what he'd seen. When he went to dinner, Joe seemed more like a house husband. He cooked, and worked from home. The pair had been in the same house all their married life, and raised their children there. He thought of Joe as an appendage of Ann.

"Joe must not get wind of it. He's....I don't want him to be bothered."

"Well, I'm sure that people around here have seen us....you know...lunches and all."

"Maybe, but they haven't seen much. There hasn't been much to see. But I guess we have been getting closer."

"We could take a work trip. I have a small apartment in New York. We could have a business trip. A few days."

"Hmm. When?"

"Next week. Go up on Monday, come back.....Thursday?"

"Too long. Wednesday. I have to have some explanation of what business we have there."

"Meet with a potential new client. Maybe Stevenson Company."

"That works. Can you set up the travel - maybe a train?"

"Sure. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too. But, James. It has to be a secret. I absolutely don't want anyone knowing. No one. Certainly not Joe."

"Why are you...I mean...you have some right to your own pleasure. And what could he do?"

"James, he could do me great harm. We've been together so long. I'm used to him, and we get on very well."

"Then why stray?"

She smiled at him. "You know why, studly. I want to see what you've got. Lust and curiosity."

James moved to where she was seated. She looked up at him. Then she looked at his obvious bulge. He pulled her up into a hug, and kissed her, rubbing her ass.

When they broke the kiss, he said, "I'll make it well worth your while."

"I bet you will." She shooed him out. She had her little smile as he left.

When she got home, Joe had pizza ready to go into the oven. She marveled at his cooking, which had long ago surpassed her own.

As they finished dinner, Ann said, "I have a business trip to New York next week. Monday to Wednesday."

"Oh." A flat voice. Joe stared at Ann. "What business in New York?"

"I meet with Stevenson, to see if we can get their business."

Joe grunted. He got up and took his plate to the sink, rinsed it and put it into the dishwasher.

Ann said, "It would be a big deal, Joe."

He spoke in a flat voice. "I'm sure it will be a big deal, Ann."

Ann was not reassured by Joe's reaction. She thought he'd be a little more....animated. The flat tone was something he lapsed into when he was more than annoyed. She'd seldom heard it from him, and not for years.

She said, "What?"

He looked at her. He said, "It's your business, Ann." Then he strolled outside to the patio.

Ann was unsettled. But she decided to treat the matter as decided. And she decided that she needed to get some marital satisfaction. So, when the two of them went up to bed, Ann put on a full court press. And she got a big score out of it. The two of them went at it hard and for a long time. No loving sex. Joe was at her, and she came right back at him.

When it was over, Ann was reassured. She shouldn't have been.

Ann left for work early the next morning. As soon as she did, Joe made contact with the bank where he had his exit plan set. Then he packed up and headed for the hills.

Ann spoke to James at work, and found out the travel plans for the next week. Monday train to NYC. Wednesday train back. Two nights. He'd arranged it all. He smiled at her when he told her. He also had tickets to a show. They had another sexy hug in her office.

Ann was excited as she drove home that day. She came inside the house, but there was no smell of cooking. There was, in fact, no one home. When she realized that, a feeling of dread came over her.

She jogged upstairs to find that Joe's duffle was gone, his razor, his toothbrush, and some clothing. His laptop was not in the office. She sat right down at his desk when she saw that. She picked up the phone and dialed his cell. It was in his desk drawer. She stumbled out and downstairs.

She sat at the empty kitchen table, staring at his empty place. And she found that she was silently crying. Tears dripped down onto her blouse. She was fucked and she knew it. That SOB had read her mind. Read her mind!

He was gone.

At the mountain cabin, Joe sat and sipped a beer. He activated his laptop and emailed his two kids, telling them he'd be out of touch for a while, but not to worry. A banker would be in touch with them soon.

He sipped more beer. Sam Adams IPA. Then the darkness came down on him.

He was gone.

Joe came back from his private hell Thursday at dawn. He found himself drenched, on the couch, shivering. It wasn't cold. He rolled off the couch, slipped his shoes off, and laboriously undressed. Then he staggered into the shower and stayed there until the hot water turned tepid. When he stepped out, he felt better.

He dressed and took the futon mattress off the couch and left it outside to dry out. Then he raided the fridge and ate eggs and toast. He made very strong coffee, and drank lots of it while pacing the floor. He looked out the door and saw a pile of wood sliced up from an oak that had been cut by the tree guys about three months before. He got his adze.

Joe chopped wood for four hours straight, with only water breaks. He was good at it. His pile of firewood was huge at the end. At the end he simply sat down on one of the larger rounds. He put his head in his hands. He fought to keep the darkness away. He went inside, because he felt that he might lose that fight.

It had been many years since Joe had succumbed to the darkness. Not since he met Ann. But he knew how it felt. He made more coffee. He thought about his children - not kids any more. They'd been the center of his life since they came on the scene. Maybe even more than Ann. Maybe not. Now that Ann was in his past, he still had the kids. He looked at their photos on the wall. He paced. He took another shower. But, dusk was upon him. He turned on all the lights. He fell asleep. Not a darkness sleep. He slept through until morning.

And things were better. He activated his laptop, looked at his emails. There were a few from the kids. There were several from Ann. The first one had a heading in bold: I DIDN'T DO IT!

The next one had: I FIRED HIM. I'M SORRY.

The third one had a heading: PLEASE COME HOME.

Ann had indeed withdrawn from the plan to go to New York and fuck James. She had also fired him.

When she realized that Joe had left, she knew that she wanted him back. That surprised her a little - how much that meant to her.

She also knew that she'd have absolutely no shot at a return to some sort of marriage if she actually had sex with James. She still wanted to do that. But she was not going to do it. She wondered, briefly, how she had let things get that far. She decided not to think about that right then.

So, Wednesday, when she went to work, she called James into her office and said,

"I'm cancelling the trip. I'm also cancelling you. Sorry. Joe left me. Somehow, he knew about....us. He left. I have no idea where he is. I want him back. So, you're fired."

That entire passage was spit out quickly. Then she sat down.

James was stunned. He also sat down. He eventually spoke. "I...maybe if I just lay off, we could still work together."

"No. James, that's impossible. I have to let Joe know that the threat is gone. You're the threat. So, you have to go. I'll give you good references. Move somewhere else."

James sat there for a few more seconds. Then he nodded. He said, "Send my severance to my Truist account. I'm sorry to leave this job, and you. But, it's mostly my fault." He got up and walked out. She never saw him again.

Then she considered how to get to Joe. And she sent the emails. The last one was followed up with a very long one, trying to explain what she really couldn't explain, even to herself. She never sent that one. After a few hours, she sent a fourth. It was headed: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

That was it. Lame excuses were eliminated, and pithy emotion was put out there.

Joe, of course, got the fourth email soon after the other three. A combination approach. He shut down his computer and thought about it all. The first thing he thought about was whether Ann was telling the truth. He knew that she hadn't gone to New York. She'd be an idiot to say she didn't when it could be so easily checked. Same for firing James. Joe knew he was gone. But he didn't know, not for sure, whether she had screwed James during their courtship phase. He thought not, but..... He might never be sure.

And, what if she didn't? So what. She was going to do it. She lied. Only his abrupt departure had prevented her from completing her betrayal. For that's what it was - a betrayal.

In his life before Ann, Joe had always tried to see why the people who broke their promises had done it. Usually, the answer was money. Sometimes addiction - like his mom. Sometimes some idiosyncratic personality trait. Like Mrs. Greene, who just went nuts and left her house and husband, leaving him high and dry, and in another placement.

But Ann? Why? Because, this question was the key to whether he could go back. He found that he wanted to go back. And he found that he also hated the idea. That was because he knew that he might never trust her again. Not a life he wanted to live. He'd have to sleep on it. So, he chopped the rest of the oak, and started on a maple down the hill. He ate, he slept.

Ann had sent the emails on Wednesday morning, and had no reply by Friday. She was filled with dread. She understood what Joe might have gone through. She understood that he might have cut himself off forever, or worse. But there didn't seem to be much she could do, now that the emails were sent. She was fairly sure that Joe got them, if he was alive and aware. She'd spoken to the kids and knew that they had an email from him. But after that, nothing.

Ann called an IT guy she knew and asked if it was possible to see where an email came from. He said, not really. There were some methods he could try to narrow down a geographic area. She told him to do it. A day went by with no word from Joe. The IT guy called and said the emails Joe sent to the children likely originated in state. That was about all he could say.

Joe decided that he needed to see Ann. That was Sunday morning. He had no basis for a decision about the marriage, unless he was able to see her, and assess the entire situation. Since she basically was the entire situation, he felt as if he'd be a fool to act without speaking to her. But he didn't want to let her off easy. He waited. Monday, he called the law firm, and was assured that the financials were in place, and that someone had watched his house and wife. A report had it that she had gone to work Wednesday, left early, and had been at home since, with a trip to the grocery.

Tuesday morning, he had a report that Ann had gone to her office. He got into his truck and drove there. It took two hours. When he pulled into the lot outside her office, he saw her car there. He went up to the fourth floor, walked into the main office, through it and directly into her private office. Ann was there, on the telephone.

She looked at him and said - to the phone - "He's here. I'll call you back."

The two of them stared at each other. Neither moved for some time. Ann started crying. She got up, came around her desk and went to Joe. Joe hugged her. And she cried herself out. Then she stepped back, looked at him and asked, "Are we still married?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Are we? Because, you left, not me."

"I didn't. Well, okay. I did. I never meant to end us, Joe."

"Then why? Because you had to know that I'd leave you in a flash. You knew that."

"I've tried to think it out, Joe. But I was so worried about you, I had no purchase to consider it. It was so stupid and selfish. But...."

"But you were going anyway, lying like a child. You almost killed me. I won't be able to risk that again unless I have some idea why."

They sat on chairs facing each other. Ann said, "I felt old and out of date. Like moldy bread. It wasn't your fault. And, James was good at getting to me. Magical thinking on my part."

"Yeah. Not like you at all. At least the you I had confidence in....before."

"Are you coming home? Where have you been?"

"I...well, I'm always prepared, you know, for anything. That's just me. I don't know about coming home. I mean, if it happened once, well...."

Ann said, "You'll never trust me. Never again. But, Joe, you didn't trust me before this, did you?"

"No and yes. More than anyone else in the world. But, shit happens. Like this. Always. We had a good run, and that makes it more...difficult."

"A good run! Hah! We made a family. Raised kids."

"And then you went haywire."

"I just...shit." She was now shedding more tears. "Shit, shit, shit. I'm so sorry. So sorry."

Joe was affected by her display. He got up and said, "Follow me home. We'll see."

They left the office, under the curious stares of many of the staff. Ann turned and addressed all of them. "Just carry on, all of you."

She drove behind Joe's truck, so as not to lose him - in traffic. Normally she wasn't a tailgater. But on that trip, she was. She felt as if Joe could go away at any time. What if a light separated them?

They got to their house all in one piece - both. And inside. Joe looked around, sniffed, paced. He went upstairs. Ann followed. The bed was made, no sex smells. He realized that he was being foolish. He turned to Ann, who knew what he was doing.

"Sorry. But it isn't paranoia. Well, maybe some."

Ann smiled at him. She said, "There's no one but you, Joe."

Joe paused. "I sorta believe that. But....there was gonna be. Another guy."

"It was obviously a big mistake. Huge and stupid."

"But, Ann, how...I mean, you must have known that I'd find out."

"No. It was only for the weekend. Then no more. So....I thought I was safe. I should have known better. You're so....so....alert."

"Yeah. But you lulled me...all this time and no betrayal. I was lulled. That'll never happen again."

"I....you knew before anything happened. As soon as I said I was going to New York. You weren't lulled."

"Emotionally. I wasn't ready for it. I actually trusted you. And...when it turned out that I was misguided, it almost killed me. A close thing."

"I would never again....shit. You have no reason to believe that, do you?"

"Nope. None."

Ann sagged into the nearby couch. She was despairing. No way back. None.

She asked, "Is there any way to save us?"

"I can't say. But I doubt it. Thing is, though, you're just like all the rest. Some situation changes, and you...do what you believe will make you feel good. Fuck everyone else. Just like all of them."

Ann looked up at Joe. She said, "There's only one thing to do. Fuck me. You have to fuck me. Do whatever you want with me."

Joe was surprised, initially. Then he said, "You're a slut, just trying to get off. It wouldn't be punishment for you. And I don't want to punish you anyway."

"Maybe I would enjoy it. So what? What do you have to lose? You can pound me into the mattress, fuck my face, whatever. Oh....Oh, please...."

Joe picked her up and carried her upstairs, tossed her onto the bed. Then he watched her strip and lost his own clothes. And he fucked her face, then he pounded her into the mattress, just like she wanted. He did it because he wanted it, too.

It was terrific for both of them. Maybe Ann got a little bruised. She never noticed until the next day. That was well after they'd almost ruined the bed.

At seven am the next morning, Ann was showering when she saw the bruising. She didn't care. She had to keep working on her marriage, which was still teetering on the brink, sex or no sex. She snuck downstairs (she thought) and made bacon and eggs. Joe, who woke when she was showering, pretended to sleep, until he smelled the bacon. Down he went. Bacon could always get him. Something like Ann. Bacon and Ann - a perfect duo.

They ate breakfast, not saying anything much. Ann kept sneaking looks at Joe.