All Comments on 'Truth or Deception'

Needs a sequel... Her bitch mother and step father need to be put down.

Don't leave us hanging... please finish the story....

I'd love to see more of an ending with some measure of revenge for his and daughter's lost years and her possessions.

The POV changes mid-paragraph are killing me!! The story concept is terrific, and your writing is good, but your editor is failing you. Really, please stand back and take a look at it, then finish the story. It has awesome promise!

JR

but he who doesnt lie last wins finally. TK U MLJ LV NV

all the elements are here for a sequel or epilog. TK U MLJ LV NV

but as I read the story, the score went higher and higher until I left a 4. It hurt to read. Not because of the editing, I figured that out easily enough, but for the story and the horrible bitch that he had been married to.

I would like to see a sequel or epilog also.

The theft of the laptop and especially the cruise? could be prosecuted.

The false claims of the origin of the gifts also amounts to theft, although proof would be problematic, given the total lack of ethics of the lawyer and proven willingness of the mother to purger herself. Although if the shyster or his firm was the lawyer in the original divorce case, it might be some plot possibilities for getting him disbarred...

I would like to see at least the lawyer prosecuted as I suspect most readers would.

Also, I would like to see some sort of flagging on POV changes. An otherwise empty line with the name of the new "viewer" followed by a colon would probably be

sufficient.

This was obvious from the beginning and to a certain degree is a feel good

fantasy. In real---- life the recovery would be more difficult if not impossible.

These lady judges who decide against the husband all the time are probably part of the fantasy!

Does anyone do a statistical analysis to see if there is some sort of deviation from normal?

Holy shit, fire that editor. Learn to differentiate POV and tenses.

Add to that the fact it was overwrought as all hell, plus the legalities are simply wrong.

This was fucking painful.

that I did not like about the story (I'm not for criminal acts or real bloody revenge) is that that fucked up couple came away free.

It had a realistic ending. Nice premise "I hate my dad because he hit my mom," turned into a plausible story.

i enjoyed this story from start to finish, but, I too, would like to see another chapter, or, at least, a epilogue, to satisfy our quest for a happy ending, vis-a-vis, to see Janine and Thomas punished for their heinous misdeeds; I am a sucker for a happy ending!

The POV lines could have been clearer, but, it did NOT ruin the story. I doubt the comment from Anonymous about this could have done any better, given his propensity for the language he used here... I guess that is why he remained Anonymous.

your handle.

....but a good start..

Cant wait for the Retaliation of Father and Daughter and see Mom and Thomas get it.

Excelent start that leaves a need for revenge. Even if it is simply living well.

would like to see more of this - but then again it is already perfect.

Good to come across such stories. Thanks for sharing.

There is a father and a daughter and they love each other! Strange isn't it, DQS1? Can you try and write something like this instead of big titted slut, imagined or encountered? Craft is acquired; Not Art!

put it in incest. Because we all know that's where you're going. And excuse me, but for a stright man with two sons and three daughters, if I came across you in the street I'd hurt you. 2* because they'd sweep a one.

It is very disconcerting that a mother would lie repeatedly to her daughter. While Janine had 8 'blissful' years, it certainly looks like she will never have a good relationship with her daughter again. Sad.

I also have a difficult time with the circumstances of the assault and felt as though Mr. Conner was never allowed to testify in court of the mitigating issues leading up to said assault.

That aside, it was a wonderful piece of writing and I was not bothered by the perception changes. I liked knowing how each was thinking.

One of the best! Please continue

You wrote another great one, though I wouldn't be opposed to a sequel, Hint Hint.

To start, this story was confusing as hell. The POV changes were hard to follow and the grammar wasn't very good. It really didn't help that the story was rushed.

Next, it was repetitive and therefore boring. When one character tells us something, we really don't need to hear the exact same thing from another character. If you are going to retell part of the story from a different POV, make sure something consequential is added.

Finally, the legalities confused me. He lost everything due to being an abusive husband, and supposedly habitually abusive at that, but didn't go to jail for domestic violence? And then at the end, he really thought that going and getting his daughter would turn out well? Last I checked, that's legally kidnapping since he doesn't have any custody rights.

Overall, the premise was okay. The execution was absolutely terrible.

Firstly in response to a comment by anonymous the daughter is over 18 and so this is not kidnapping.

The ‘parents’ are in legal trouble.

Please note that I am not in the US and that based on the Law in the UK if she paid board then the parents cannot just go into the room and take stuff.

Also the things brought with her own money (work or allowance) and gifts i.e. the computer are her stuff and the parents can be prosecuted for theft – even if it was ‘left’ in their house. (The case can be made stronger is board was paid) if she can prove that it was paid for with her funds.

Finally the car – In the UK if it was registered in the new husbands name and then subsequently insured by him in his name then he is guilty of insurance fraud (especially if a claim had been made) as she was the main driver. She can call on friends who will state that she drove it for the majority of the time, Facebook photos and of course the documentation that it was switched from her name to his. – The question would be asked Why the switch? Could witnesses be called on to substansiate the claim? i.e her mates who she mentioned it to in passing?

Once convicted of insurance fraud and theft then he would be disbarred. Now would be the time to file a suit for wilful affliction of emotional distress by wilfully withholding information/ deceiving her about her biological father. During this trial you would bring up the domestic violence charge and mention that she had admitted to the exact circumstances. – Then depending on this he could see about seeking a retrial based on her testimony – ‘statement against interest and exited utterance’

He did not mean to hit mom he was aiming for Loverboy. Please note that during these trials they would have a conviction for fraud and perhaps theft to be used in impeaching their character.

The Father and daughter can prove a pattern of lying about the Fathers behaviour by mom and lover with the birthday presents. With a conviction for domestic violence these might seem reasonable but these can be used to challenge the conviction itself! - They have a history of dishonesty!

Also I would investigate her billing info. If he was told to pay legal fees then he can access them. How did she contact the legal firm at the beginning?

Not to mention possibly seeking to reclaim a percentage of child support as false evidence was provided at the divorce proceedings.

I would conduct an investigation into proving that at the time of the trial, lawyer and client were sleeping together. – a hard thing to do but it would provide an advantage in these vengence proceedings.

So plenty of potential for a vengeance laden sequel that I look forward to reading soon!

Though the format was a little confusing, the story was GREAT and deserves a solid followup story!

Even if the father had a crappy lawyer the judge would never get away with the terms here...for one thing they would at the very least grant supervised visitation with the daughter and unless his lawyer was totally a moron the allegations of him being abusive would need to be proven, you can't just claim that and have it stand, plus her cheating with Thomas would be taken into consideration as to what happened.

You could write a pretty good sequel to this story with the bitch wife and hump head the lawyer getting it (the description of Thomas is perfect, they must breed out decent and honest out of people who become lawyers, I work in a building with a major law firm that has several floors below the one I work on, and they are some of the creepiest people I have ever had the misfortune to ride an elevator with). Among other things, the fraud with the car and also taking the gifts he gave to her, especially the cash on her birthdays could be considered theft.

BTW if she went to live with him it wouldn't be kidnapping as she is 18 and has reached the age of majority.

I think you may want to find better editing help, the one negative on the story is it was difficult to read. When you switch from viewpoint to viewpoint you should delineate it in some fashion, for example

Me:

ya ya ya

You:

Ho hum fi fum

Without that, when you write in first person it is hard to see who is talking.

to finish last when the books are opened., TK U MLJ LV NV

This is a very different and great story and begs a follow up.... retribution demanded!

But unfortunately poorly written...

this story needs a follow up.

However, having said that, I can see the point of view some have expressed about it needing revision. I would enjoy reading a follow-up.

Thanks for sharing looking forward to future installments.

What a great tale. Where is the continuation? Surely it can't end like this?

It started out just great. Then the author started screwing around with Point Of View and it got just awful. When it said "I", I had to read forward and backward to try and figure out just who "I" was. Sometimes, it switched POV from one sentence to the next, and in one instance, in mid-sentence.

I can not understand how readers could rate this story highly. It was poorly written and obviously not edited. I'm sorry I wasted my time reading it.

Dude this shit was just plain fucking retarded. Try reading it yourself and see if the gazillion POV switches make any fucking sense to you.

Very interesting story. The frequent change in first-person point of view without some sort of sign was difficult at first, but you did seem to be fairly consistent by doing every other paragraph toward the end. However, that made for some constraints, as some sentences should have been separated for better clarity.

I'm happy you had an editor, but found the first two or three paragraphs poorly edited. Dropped words can cause problems. For example, "How could she afford an attorney of that caliber is beyond." The word ME begs to be seen at the rhetorical end. Fortunately, most of the errors fell away after that rocky start. My own work is replete with errors, but I have struggled in vain to find an editor -- that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

I concur that Bradley had a shit lawyer if they got away with hiding the affair, and one suspects her divorce lawyer might have been a partner or associate at Thomas' firm. With photos from the one physical contact, and with the ex willing to perjure herself -- no doubt weaving a tale of emotional and sexual abuse, Bradley would be hard pressed to defend himself. The fact that there was an affair going on should have been easy to prove though, so he really must have had an awful attorney and didn't make use of an investigator. However, if he was young and didn't have the funds, that result plausible.

For those outside the US, divorces are Civil court (sometimes called Family Court), not Criminal court; there is a big difference, and judges do have a lot more leeway; furthermore, depending on the state and county, unless they are caught blatantly violating the law, can be akin to barons ruling their own personal fiefdoms. Some are appointed, but others are elected, and the political connections can have impressive repercussions. No doubt Thomas advised Janine against pressing criminal (battery) charges for fear the actual situation would have been revealed; more, it could have put the divorce proceedings on hold pending resolution of criminal charges.

Bradley should be able to prove some of his purchases by revealing a credit card or checking account history. And since Celia got a decent computer, one would expect Bradley to be passingly literate, and to keep some of his letters on his own machine. While there is software to alter date and time stamps for computer files, it's not usually something everyone has easy access to, and the files can go to show history.

One would hope that Bradley, owning his own business, would have finally found himself a decent lawyer of his own. The expensive electronics and dolls may or may not be worthwhile recovering, but the car certainly is, and now that the minor is adult, she can sue for recovery for all items she claims as her own. As the victim, Celia can file complaints with the Bar Association. It depends on the girl's character, whether revenge is her motive, or if she prefers moving on and cutting her mother out of her life. Part of it depends on the size of the area; a public outing of her mother's misdeeds and Thomas' collusion may or may not have any social effect. People are pretty jaded these days.

Janine could be a nut case, but she may not. Many otherwise sane and thoughtful people will do something horrendous, and even if they secretly regret it, will lie to themselves, eventually doing more and more awful things to justify or hide their misdeeds. And some people are just assholes and are good at hiding the fact.

For those outside the US, and I suspect Canada, too, drivers are required to have at least liability insurance in case of an accident and the possibility of another person being injured. For teens, this insurance can be expensive, even for girls. No job for Celia was hinted at. Gas, car maintenance, and insurance can be expensive.

The commonly accepted practice is to put the car into the parents' name, and add the young driver as an add-on to the adult insurance policy. The savings on insurance payments are substantial and it's not fraud. If the child is still in school, some insurance companies will cover the child until age 21 under the adult policy.

Some states do the same for child support -- keep it in effect until age 21 if the child is in school and living at home.

I gave you a 2 because the plot was good but that's as far as I am willing to go. Seeing this at the beginning 'Thanks to "Alpineskier" for editing' and then reading the story I had to wonder, is your editor simply an incompetent fool or is he as retarded as you? Him for missing all the gazillion mistakes and pov shifts, or you for writing up those gazillion mistakes and convoluted pov shifts. Just look at this shit:

"Hi dad, thanks for coming." I had trepidations about what I needed to ask him.

"Anything for you." I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Anything?" I asked full of hope.

"Anything." I said firmly.

"Can I come live with you?" I said nervously.

I embraced her tightly and through my tears of joy, I responded with a heartfelt "Yes."

Really dude!

Who the fuck writes shit like this? And what kinda dumbass editor misses it?

stole more that a pig this time, TK U MLJ LV NV

No one seems to have caught the other big boo-boo Janine and Thomas committed, attorneys are not to have sex with clients, it is grounds for disbarment. (no more big lawyer bucks for you)

Possibly if the actual case was handled by others in the firm this would not be a conflict of interest.

You see he really _did_ steal the car. It's called theft by fraud. By asserting that he and the wife bought the car, and inducing the transfer... yeah, the truth of that can be documented. Which makes the title transfer suspect, especially as a minor. Which, given the value of the car, is a felony theft item. All the other stuff is the daughter's as well, and since she's over 18, it's absolute title, which again makes it theft. Aggregate value over $25K, that's another felony theft charge.

Which is another disbarment item.

so I gave you a 5 for your story and to help offset the asshole annony.'s score!!

and now its back to the future in the court system.. TK U MLJ LV NV

Hear comes the faith....a most powerful weapon. A great roll of a father in hear. He

has sacrificed his personal life for a daughter, hoping to see Her any time in future.

A word patience is very precisely adopted by a Father all the time. Great story. I

am really very impressed-thanks.

At times it was a bit confusing as to who was speaking, but only for the first sentence or so until I realized who was talking.

There is no such thing as justice in the USA. Judges can do whatever they choose, and the idea that an attorney would be punished is fantasy. And, only fools think that a ex-wife would be charged with perjury. That never happens.

The girl probably cannot recover her car and other items. However, like her father said, they are only material things and can be easily replaced. I see no need for a sequel. The girl is going to live with her father and nothing is going to happen to the ex-wife or her husband except the ex-wife will be unhappy that her daughter chooses her father over her.

And, perhaps the conditions are a bit severe but the father only got was would be expected of a violent person. Whether he hit the wife or her lover makes little difference. That is assault and battery. In the USA a husband is not allowed to hit a man that is fucking his wife. If he doesn't like it, he can divorce his wife, that and he and his wife going to therapy are the only acceptable options.

I feel that this story is in complete. One is left wondering what happened next. In short chapter two is needed.

Needs ending

You need to put a real ending to the story...

Too many loose ends. A finished story is a better story.

To own a car, you have to either buy a car (and sign for it) or have someone ELSE buy it (and you sign for it)... Or have someone ELSE buy it, sign for it, and then sign the title over to you (where you then upon sign it).

She didn't do the first, she'd have had to be with her father when he bought it to do the second, or HIS name would have had to be on the title that she signed for the third...

I'm pretty sure a valid company won't take your money, give you the car, and the unsigned title for you to sign later...

The mom seems like too much of a shit to ever give in, even with the loss of her relationship with her daughter. After all, she KNEW her daughter knew the truth but still tried to force the lie. Delusional Bitch if she really thought it would work.

She is 18 and an adult! Therefore her mother has to be careful about to have sticky fingers!!!

Sucks that he got cut out her life for so long, and it sounds like the mother was a evil vindictive psycho woulda been nice to see her get her's but other than that happy ending?

Digging through the old receipts- handy for IRS audits- he found the original receipt for the Mustang.

"Whatcha doing, Dad?"

"Gonna cunt punt your Mom, and bring a civil lawsuit against Thomas. You interested in helping?"

"Uh, how?"

"Well, I gave you the gift of the Mustang, right?" Well, yeah,,,,, "And are you aware there's law's against children receiving something, and then the parents taking it away? The law was written back in the 1950's to prevent the parents of Hollywood children from financial abuse. I fully intend to use this to drop the hammer on your mom and Thomas".

*****************Tempts Fugit*************************

(Courtroom, contains one very pissed off Judge, One very pissed off Mr. Thomas, one extremely pissed off Mom, one smiling Dad, and one smiling daughter. Also, Mr Thomas's boss- a Senior Partner in the law firm- had arms crossed and glaring at his employee)

The Judge cleared his throat: "After careful and due process of reviewing of all the receipts Mr. Conner has provided, it is obvious that gross negligence against Mr. Conners' rights as a parent has been violated. This planned abuse by both her Mother who is to protect her, and Mr. Thomas's caviler attitude of selfishness is heart wrenching and illegal. Perhaps 4 months in the local jail for each one of you will give you sufficient time to review the errors of your ways. (Banging his gavel) Court is dismissed. Bailiff, book them".

As the cuff's were put on, the former Ms. Conner and Mr. Thomas were in shock at the thought of going to jail for 4 months. "This can't be happening! We're ATTORNEYS!"

Thomas's boss stepped forward. "You mean former attorneys. As of right now, you are both fired for gross negligence. The shame you have brought on our company? You still expect to be employed? Not happening. Also, it is my intention to have your law license's revoked by the Bar Association". Muttering under his breath "I hope I can put enough spin on this to save the company" as he left the room.

Mr. Conner just smiled,,,,,payback is a bitch, this time with interest.

****The story didn't end there****

Six months later, once they were out of jail and had blown through their life savings, sold off the Jag and Mercedes, downsized from the 6 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom apartment, both the former Ms. Conner, and her husband came hat in hand, looking for a job......from Mr. Conner. "Well, we can always use "go-fers" for supplies, and a filed clerk for the blueprints and drawings. The wages are $17.50 and hour, and $12 for the file clerk. Take it or leave it". With tears in their eyes, both the former Ms. Conner and Thomas the asshole were employed by their worst enemy.

But it seems to lack something. Like... uh... oh, yeah, a definitive ending. I mean, this is a good stopping point for chapter one. But chapter two absolutely needs to have a detailed description of the punishment meted out to the ex-wife and good old Thomas. It seems like it should be required.

-- then NOTHING!? That's just wrong -- AAARGH! Why start a tale and leave readers hanging!

There is no clear idea of who is 'I'. At one point it seems like the father, the next it seems like the daughter. Confusing as hell and not even bothered that the ending sucks since the rest of it sucks too.

narritive shifted from character to character with out clear notifications

No resolution

Far too many stories on this site leave the reader hanging. This is another one of those stories.

It's a good story and well written, but............................

I thought it was a pretty good story. But as Sooo many others have said, it needs to be finished.

I really liked it but seriously needs finishing

You've left us with an annoying cliffhanger and done nothing about it all these years. Going to give you only two stars.

It is so close to my own story that it is almost bringing tears to my eyes.

Thank you. It hurts but maybe someone else understands.

Great start that got left hanging. No real conclusion and no justice. /There should be another chapter to this. ***

No ending earns you 1 star

Feels very incomplete and thus unsatisfying despite the happy ending. It's extremely rushed, poorly formatted to be almost unreadable and sloppy. The only reason you managed the score is the theme. That's cheap

your defrauding my of my time with this ending

Jesus, you aren't one of those Cucks that calls this not only a complete story but a BTB as well???

You had a solid 4 and possibly a 5 Star story going until the 1 Star ending.

good, but a little simple

I've read a some of the comments about this story. Like me they probably thought it should have been in a different category. However, this is a wonderful heartwarming tale. Great storyline,but I could have been a bit longer for the purpose of really getting to know each other again and maybe a bit of revenge on the ex wife by rubbing their faces in the reconnecting of the father and daughter.

It jumped POV back and forth too many times; the narrator was calling, and then suddenly the narrator was running out to their truck going to pick up their daughter.

.

And the horrible people suffer nothing.

.

Technically inelegant and unsatisfying from a plot standpoint.