All Comments on 'Trying to Build a Better Mousetrap'

And it was a fun change. Clever. Thank you for that.

Interesting twist....realize this is fiction and you have to suspend reality a bit, but, if you did this, you would fry more than just the mice (yea....I'm Captain Obvious :) ). Story is kind of a reversal of the wife being hit by a slut ray - more like getting hit by a BTB ray.

...enjoyable short story...5 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

Dude didn't really do anything, except for dealing with the mouse problem his wife was complaining.

The only one that could truly be blame for her current condition is Hillary herself - if she didn't play, she still would have had a marriage... and a functioning brain.

Karma's a bitch. Nice flash.

and only removed them the day before the inspection and put them back up to run until she moved out

Short and sweet but he did get rid of the mice. A couple of rats besides. I enjoyed your quiet sense of humor.

I like original! 5*

That was unique! 4*

Next to last paragraph gets reader leaning one way, for final two sentences. Well done.

That was weird and ... well ... entertaining.

Kind of an unintentional BTB.

Would that be Buzz The Bitch?

Top ratings from me.

5* just because it was different.

Oh, it was pretty entertaining too!

Your right, one never knows:)... Thanks again:)

Original, funny and a good read...Everything is said...4*

MightyHorny wrote the wife "didn't play, she still would have had a marriage... and a functioning brain."

I have to disagree. She was a cheater; so obviously she doesn't have functioning brain. ;)

Don't believe me? Look at Luedon's comments. I rest my case. :D jk

I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

Wished he could have cranked it up a bit more and tell her he knew of her affair.

I’ve been to that landfill - out east of 470. Always an unpleasant task driving out there. Now I’ll chuckle each time I go, and have an amusing anecdote to entertain the poor shmuck I’ve guilted into helping me unload! Thanks much

Rats don't always have four legs. He caught a couple of two legged ones. I think you have found the elusive new, different, and unusual way to BTB. Love the story.

The BTB Ray vs the Slut Ray? If it's the Martians who created the Slut Ray, where would the BTB ray emanate from? Mars? Venus? Uranus?

And who would be struck by it? We know that the Slut Ray is very selective and only effective against wives. (See PiperHamlin's treatise on the topic.) It turns the susceptible ones into rampaging adulterous sluts. So who is susceptible to the BTB Ray? What turns some authors and commenters into vengeful moralisers while others resist the BTB ray's effects?

So many possibilities.

Lue

"Honey I shrank your brain. Sorry, but you were supposed to be at work when I took care of the meeses."

Nice funny flash story.

what a way to catch two cheaters

A little dark, but I like them that way. Talk about instant karma! Very efficient story-telling.

i have limits, frying someones brains fuck no. i think its bc i love my brain so much, killing them would be more human. ew no thats just disgusting and evil

If you pick up a mouse, especially one in any kind of distress, you get bit.

Personal experience.

Lue, my dear friend, I believe that it would be in your best interests to avoid that BTB ray. As a great proponent of guilt free, happy , innocent cheating, you might be at risk. It might make you into a moralizer.

No worries, 26thNC. I shall do everything possible to avoid the dreaded BTB Ray. It's done enough damage already around these parts.

Lead undies are most effective. Try them, they protect the important bits.

Lue

I’d have thought he’d have told his wife early on about the Rodent Death Ray.

If cheating is stupid, doing it in your own home, in your marriage bed, is stupid squared.

It was well written and different. My only issue would be that he kept the ray going after he realized it was damaging his wife. I would think he would stop the ray and set up a simple video camera to catch her cheating. She deserves to be divorced, not brain damaged. Other than that, it was a new way to catch a wife cheating and that's a good thing here in LW.

5*

You know your landfills. My horse trainer rented a 1940s brick ranch near that landfill / racetrack. His tales of herding mice were always comical, especially after a day at the races!

Stellar.

Nothing quite as satisfying as finding new uses for for a common household device. Caught the rat too.

you must insure the DNA of your victims will be affected during the test. TK U MLJ LV NV

Beautiful. I think he should have cranked up the volume to produce more damage. The cheating whore and her fuck buddy should have a lifetime of suffering. This is one of the best.

He was to kind, she escaped with no punishment, probably moved in with her friend and lived happily ever after

Dear moreandmore, I have no problem with your “cruel streak”, or with your BTB attitude. Write on.

This.....explains why I slam some people on here...."He was to kind, she escaped with no punishment, probably moved in with her friend and lived happily ever after"

I would suggest some comprehension skill classes. Or try actually reading it, pretty sure she and her lover didnt get away without some punishment.

Got a kick out of Darwyn’s line about no one caring about the sex of a dead mouse except “some nameless anon”. Ouch! Good story, though, thoroughly enjoyable. Dee.

One of the reasons I am so addicted to LW is that there are ever more creative and original ways of exposing the cheats and visiting justice upon them. This one is completely peerless. what a pity only 5 stars can be awarded!

Nice story with a quite creative way to punish the cheating spouse. Too bad the damage isn't permanent. Hoped that it would fry her brain cells into <70 IQ mentally handicapped levels.

Second time I’ve read this, loved even more.

Pretty cool discovery method. The cheating wife already had brain damage, driving back to the house to have sex was just stupid. That's what cheap motels are for DUH!

Build a better mouse trap and the world will beat a path to your door, or maybe not. Maybe he should market his little project for getting rid of cheating wives? 5 stars

Genius

Good story! Thanks...

Good story! Thanks.

A VERY clever story. 5 stars. DMW aka

Amusingly clever plot line excellently written. BardnotBard

Sorry I had to laugh, great idea,