Trying to Sleep

**

I told Dr. Smithfield about my little experiment, and how David showed up in my dream nevertheless. So, they really were just dreams after all," I said. I don't know why but I didn't tell Dr. Smithfield about the gift wrapped box.

"What do you think the dreams mean?" asked the good doctor

"I thought it's you who is supposed to tell me what they mean!" I replied, a little frustration showing in my voice.

"Do you want your brother to see you naked?"

"I don't know. Do I?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say yes."

"Well then, I guess maybe I do. I can easily arrange for him to get little peeks you know."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, you know, wardrobe mishaps and all. He's always trying to get a peek, anyway. Hey, do you think I can get him to pay for a peek, I mean a good peek?"

"Do you really want to involve money? Incest isn't enough?"

"Is flashing him incest, doctor?" Dr. Smithfield mumbled a reply which I couldn't make out exactly. I think he said it depends. Yes, that's the kind of answer he'd give. He never says anything definitive.

"How can I get these dreams to stop, doctor?"

"Do you want them to stop?"

"Yes, I do. I'm tired all the time from these dreams wrecking my deep sleep. I have too much REM cycle sleep, or at least that's what I think. Help me to stop these dreams, please!"

"We could try ... "

"I've already tried everything I can think of. So far nothing has worked."

"Well, I've been reluctant to suggest this; it's unethical to do so."

"Pray tell!" Suddenly I had hope, triggered by my therapist's reluctance to suggest whatever it was he was reluctant to suggest.

"Give him what he wants in your dreams," Dr. Smithfield said, to my great shock. I don't know why, but I didn't ask the good doctor what he thought that David -- in my dreams -- actually wanted from me.

Occam's razor, I had learned in my science classes, means the simplest explanation is the best. Occam's razor says I want David to see my naked body. I'm sure he wants to, as well. Indeed, that's a no-brainer: He's a guy, only 19 years old, almost 20, and I'm a girl, 20, almost 21, and with a "hot body" according to David himself.

Of course, it's not really what David wants. They're my dreams, and not his, after all. It's what I, Joanie Bernstein, apparently want. What do I want? Damned if I know! Maybe I should let my dreams speak for me. It's simple: I want David to stand still while he gazes at my naked body.

It's too dangerous, too close to being incest, to do it in my bedroom. We could drive to the country and find a lonely spot? Yeah, right. Maybe the rec room in the basement? No, he might ask me to expose myself on one of the machines, and no way am I doing that! How about the attic? No, our parents might hear our footsteps. How do I explain to David what's going on, and why?

I figured if I was going to expose myself to David, I should practice. Our family's home has two floors, with the bedrooms upstairs. Mine faces the street, so I have blinds for privacy. Usually the trees between the house and the street give me plenty of privacy, but not in the winter when the leaves are gone. In the winter I lower the blinds.

To overcome my shyness, which is rather fierce, I raised the blinds. Anyone could see me from the street; luckily however almost nobody was ever on the street. After dark, my room was like a yellow tinged movie screen. Daylight Savings Time had ended and it got dark early. By 5 PM it was pitch black when there was a new moon.

I raised the blinds, turned on the lights, and undressed down to my bra and panties. I did this every night. The first time I did it, I was a wreck and shivering afterwards; however it got easier and easier to do. I walked around in my bra and panties, showing off to nobody. Nobody that is, until one evening a car interrupted my serene illusions of mild exhibitionism.

There I was, in my black lace underwear, when a car pulled into our driveway, its headlights lighting up everything, or so it seemed. The car stopped. I figured maybe its driver had seen me and had stopped to enjoy the view? I was so accustomed to doing this that I felt relaxed and stood there on display. Then I upped the ante and slowly, and sexily I hoped, removed my bra. My back was to the window as I removed the bra due to some kind of instinctual modesty. I realized my mistake and turned to face the window, smiling like a fool while not looking ever at the headlights of the car.

Finally the driver of the car had enjoyed the view enough I guess, because the car continued up our long driveway. I quickly dressed and went downstairs to greet our mystery visitor or visitors, whoever they might be! I had to face my demons. I was shaking with fear, but also aroused by what I had just done. Bizarrely, I was proud of myself. I had overcome my fears, even if -- at the moment -- I was terrified!

The visitor was Tom Jones. When I finally got downstairs, Tom was showing David some pictures he had taken, despite it being nighttime. I knew they were of me, standing topless in my bedroom window. David was seeing the pictures and it made me wet. I totally forgot that Tom had also seen me.

I wondered if the next night David would venture out into the freezing cold to see if I would flash the empty street a second time. He never did, however. I was surprised to find myself disappointed!

As it turns out, the problem of exposing myself to David solved itself!

David and I each got invited to a Winter Solstice party at the old Jones mansion. Old Man Jones was letting his two grandchildren, Lord and Tom, use the place for a party. He always absents himself by visiting the home of his mistress for the night. The party was to be held on the shortest day of the year. This was typically THE social event of the Christmas season in all of mid-north-central Indiana.

I got out my three best outfits. My plan was to try on each one of them and see which looked best and most appropriate for the party.

"David, will you come help me, please?" I asked, in my sweetest voice, which sounds fake (because it is fake) and which I use only on the rare occasion.

"Sure honeybabe," he replied, and he came to my room. He saw the three outfits on the bed.

"Which one should I wear for the party, David?" I asked, while batting my eyelashes a little. (I had already applied some eyeliner and mascara. Eye shadow would wait until after my outfit was chosen.) In a surprise move, I had also dyed half of my hair blue. You know: solidarity with Ukraine and all that. The other half is a (somewhat) natural blonde.

"I don't know. How about you model them for me?" David asked, as I knew -- and hoped -- he would.

"Okay."

I removed my skirt and blouse, showing off my bra and panties to my brother. He stood perfectly still, just as he had done those many times in my dreams. A part of his body wasn't perfectly still: there was a growing lump in his pants. I suppressed a giggle. I was wearing a boring beige bra and standard white cotton panties that Mom had bought for me.

I chose the dressiest outfit to model first. David stared at me as I put it on.

"Your bra straps are showing."

"Couldn't that be thought of as sexy?"

"I suppose, but not with that bra. The straps look as if they're holding up the Golden Gate Bridge."

"I think the Golden Gate Bridge is graceful; and pretty, but I get the point. Okay, just a minute, I'll change bras." I saw David trying to suppress a smile.

I'm sure David thought I'd go to the bathroom or ask him to leave the room for a minute. Those ideas were not part of my plan.

"I'll just turn around, big brother," and I did, so all David got to see was my naked back. Unless, of course, he looked into the mirror I was facing as I turned my back to him. Then he would have seen me dressed only in my panties. I forced myself not to look into the mirror to see if David was studying my naked boobs, or not. My peripheral vision however could not be denied. He was staring full bore at the reflection of my boobs. I turned around now wearing my sexy, black, lace bra and my boring white, cotton panties.

"Very nice. Great bra, little sister. You need matching panties, however."

"Why? Nobody sees my panties."

"You'll know you have sexy panties on and it'll make you feel sexier. That in turn will help you to act sexier, and thus have more fun at the party," David said, in one of his longer sentences. Typically, David is quite taciturn.

"I'm modeling my three outfits for you David, not my underwear."

"The whole package is important. What happens if Maury comes to the party? He may take you to a bedroom and you may lose your clothes, you know?"

"I told you already, David. Maury is history. Nobody at the party is going to undress me!"

"Not even Tom's older brother Lord Jones?"

"He's going to be there?" I had long had an adolescent crush on Lord Jones, ever since age 14 or so.

"Tom said he might be coming, he wasn't sure. . Now do you want to change your panties?"

If Maury comes (and of course he will) then getting Lord Jones interested in me in some obvious way should drive Maury nuts. Unless of course Maury is so wrapped up in Zoe's evil clutches that he can't see beyond her mammoth tits. Huge tits can blind a man. Still, it would be great revenge on Maury, while also fulfilling a long-held fantasy of mine about Lord Jones.

"Okay, hang on," I said, while I looked for and found my matching black lace panties. They had cost a pretty penny and were my most expensive panties. This time I did not bother to turn around and just quickly slipped off my white, plain panties and pulled on my black lace panties. David's mouth fell open as he watched me change.

"Happy now?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah. Most definitely!"

I put on my outfit and got wolf whistles from my brother David. I gave him my halogen smile. I turned around, faked a curtsy, and I even -- at David's request -- bent forward and touched my toes. I could have put my palms flat on the ground but David didn't think to ask for that.

"Did my panties show when I touched my toes for you?" I asked.

"Just a tantalizing smidgen of a bit. Sexy, sexy, Sis."

I smiled. "Now for outfit number two," I said. "I'll need my strapless bra." This was the big moment. I removed my (gorgeous, or at least I thought) cocktail dress, standing in my black lace bra and panty set. The set had cost a little over $300. Then I removed my bra and my panties! I stood before David, wearing only mascara. (Eye shadow, eyeliner, rouge, concealer, and perfume could wait until I had chosen my outfit.)

David again stood perfectly still, apparently worried if he moved, or whistled, I'd wake up to what I was flashing. I smiled at him, and to show him I knew what I was doing I bounced my boobs as I walked to my lingerie chest. David now had a tent in his pants. It was quite a big tent, at that. Maury's tents were always smaller. Hmmm.

I was now having lascivious thoughts. I wondered if Dr. Smithfield thought it would become like this? David is my brother! He would never try anything. Just to see, I dropped my strapless bra while looking for the right panties, and then I bent over, knees locked as if I were touching my toes, in order to pick up my bra. I slipped my panties on and -- still braless -- went over to the bed and scooped up my miniskirt.

"Want to zip me up, big brother?" I asked.

"I'm much better at zipping things down, and undressing women, you know."

"Is that a fact? Done it a lot, have you?"

"Enough."

"Want a test?"

"Sure."

Still without a bra, I got my skinny jeans and slithered into them, my boobs going all over the place as I did so. Holding in my tummy, I zipped up and snapped closed the jeans. "Okay, macho man, try to remove these jeans," I said.

David smiled, almost a smirk. He was getting quite an eyeful of my boobs and really enjoying it. He unsnapped, unzipped, and then roughly pushed me onto the bed, on my back. He lifted up my ass and pulled. He got the jeans past my ass and took a rest.

"You having a delicious bubble butt makes it harder, you know," he said. I giggled. He resumed his task, and after a good and solid three minutes of effort he managed to get them off, "inadvertently" collecting my panties along the way.

I was naked, on my back on my bed, with my feet over the edge. David fell on me and began to kiss me. I responded and we quickly progressed to French kissing.

"You're right, David. You are excellent at undressing a girl, but we're losing focus here," I said. David ignored me, falling again on top of me and resuming our kissing.

"I could kiss you forever, Joanie, but I simply have to taste your boobs. His head went down to my boobs and he kissed each one. My nipples were already hard. The astute observer would have realized I was turned on. No need to check my erotic nerve center further south. My nipples revealed the entire story, since they become embarrassingly long when I'm aroused.

The other clue to my arousal was that my breathing had changed. I was now breathing heavily and my chest was rising up with each inhalation. You had to be astute to notice, however. Just how astute was David? He was astute enough to pause for a minute and remove his own clothes.

"David, brother dear, you kiss well, and this was enjoyable, and now you've seen me naked. We need to focus, though. We're choosing my outfit for the party, remember? Please get off of me and let me continue -- there's still two outfits to model for you!" I squirmed to get away. My struggles were fruitless. I was beginning to understand how Marsha must have felt with Tom Jones, except I wasn't drunk.

This is the moment that gives every woman pause. You're kissing a man while naked, you're turned on and it's obvious, and the man becomes naked. Unless you do something, or say something, the next moves are choreographed by evolutionary forces, and you both know what will happen.

Well, to be honest there are four possibilities. You give the man a hand job, you give him a blowjob, you let him fuck you, or you "just say no" and the sex session ends. Right? I had never employed the Nancy Reagan technique of birth control by just saying no. It might have worked on Ronald, who was older than Methuselah, but it most definitely would not have worked with Maury. That's why I was on the pill.

To paraphrase Ecclesiastes, boyfriends come and go, but brothers abide. Brothers are family, and family is forever. Having sex now will remain as a bond between us, David and me, forever. What will happen when we're forty and visit one another, without spouses and children? Will David find a way to get me alone and lay me? If I give in now, will I ever again be able to refuse him? No, this is much too big a step to take, and we couldn't .... We couldn't possibly, and I ...

"Oh my God, David, you're inside me!!"

I couldn't believe David and I were committing incest. Even more important, why was I letting David fuck me? He's my brother, for the Lord's sake! Well, the good Dr. Smithfield said it was not that rare an event. Does that make it okay?

"Yes, I know, and trust me, this is Heaven come to earth," David said. "My God, you feel good!" David began to pump with a force Maury never achieved, and damn it all, I was rising up to meet his every fabulous thrust.

I couldn't resist. I long had the suspicion, anyway. "Am I as good as Marsha, umph!" I managed to grunt out.

"Oh yeah. Woman, you are the best!"

"Umph!" I managed as his thrust had the full force of his fullback style body. My brother was all muscles and now -- for the first time -- I was reaping the benefits in a most intimate way.

"Am I as good as Amy?" I had long suspected David had laid Amy but I wasn't sure, so this was a trick question. David didn't answer, he just kept thrusting!

"Oh my Lord, oh God, oh God," I managed to spurt out as my climax approached. This was going to be the fastest climax I had ever had. "Yesssssss!" I screamed as it overtook me. My body was shaking and vibrating, just a little, an obvious consequence of the serotonin storm. I opened my eyes and they were filled with the smiling face of my brother. I managed a weak smile right back. I hoped Mom hadn't heard me scream. Dad never hears anything.

This was unlike anything I had ever experienced with Maury. This was spectacular.

David wasn't through with me. He pulled out and presented his surprisingly long cock to my mouth. Really? He wanted me to suck him to completion? I had never done something like that! I mean, I had given a blowjob once before, to that guy in Florida during Spring break, as a way to avoid having him fuck me. It worked, too. He was disappointed I didn't swallow, but too bad for him! I had been shocked when he ejaculated into my mouth; talk about being inconsiderate. He should have asked. I would have said yes.

I did it. Even though David's cock was covered with my juices, I took him into my mouth. I wasn't crazy about the taste of myself but I wanted to please David. It didn't take long to finish him off. I caressed the big, purple head with my tongue, then slowly took as much as I could into my mouth (I had no idea how to "deep throat," being so inexperienced with blowjobs).

Unlike the Florida guy, David asked if he could cum in my mouth. I stayed silent and just sucked harder, while my hands caressed his lovely balls. I was amazed at the force of his ejaculation! It crashed into my tonsils with the force of a fire hose. Wow. My brother was strong everywhere! I had no choice but to swallow, or so it felt like.

Unlike the Florida guy, David tasted nice. It was like salt and pepper shrimp at the local Chinese. The Florida guy, in contrast, tasted like pure salt. There's something to be said for purity, but not so much when it's salt.

David collapsed and fell onto the bed alongside my still heaving body. Neither of us spoke. The moment was too full of meaning for either of us to ruin it with words, spoken or even privately thought.

Ten minutes later David fucked me again. Twenty minutes after that he put me on my hands and knees and took me from behind. I began to realize how disappointing my times with Maury were, at least when compared to my brother David.

**

Two days later came the party at the old Jones Mansion. My brother and I decided to play it cool. We wanted to keep the fact we were incestuous under wraps. The best way to do that would be to involve ourselves with other people. Besides, I wanted Maury to regret losing me.

The party was in full swing when David and I arrived. I headed straight for the bar and got a Drambuie, a wonderful drink I had learned about at college. I had to take the edge off. A lot of couples were dancing, but nobody asked me to dance. No guys even talked to me.

It really looked as if no guy was even going to try to seduce me; it was up to me. I had never seduced anyone before, because Maury was always there, being my one and only, until he wasn't. I didn't really know how to seduce a guy, but I figured, how hard can it be?

Maury, who had betrayed the trust and the love I had showered upon him, was at the party, with Zoe hanging all over him. It annoyed me to see the two of them together. Zoe's large boobs made me feel inadequate. They were dancing crushed together, with Zoe's boobs practically spilling out of her top as they were smashed against Maury's chest. I got myself another drink.

I needed a man to be all over me, really into me, in order to make Maury jealous. I wanted him to realize what he lost. He had traded my love and devotion for a sleazy fling with Zoe the big-boobed man-stealing slut. I wanted him to see what he lost. I wanted him to be sick to his stomach too. Hanging out with my brother David just made me seem pathetic. I needed a man to be all over me, and I needed it right away.