All Comments on 'Twin Union Pt. 01'

Please have her do his ass.

Not exactly sure what I just read but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't mind some more....

different but great dude a job well done and a easily deserved five stars.

I'd like to offer you some constructive criticism. This is not meant to be insulting or argumentative, I'm just trying to give you some advice on how to improve your writing.

The dialogue is too clinical. As I'm sure you know, people normally speak using contractions and slang. At least when it isn't a formal/business related conversation. Try speaking the words out loud to yourself and see if it feels natural.

When he describes his sister, it reads more like a description of a used car he was thinking of buying. It gave me the impression that he was completely disconnected from any feelings or emotions when it came to his twin sister.

There was a line in the beginning that made me chuckle. "Twenty years of age we are...". The first thing that popped into my head was "Yoda!" Yes, I'm a Star Wars geek.

Solid effort for a first submission.

Now that was a fine beginning. Do carry on. Keep it realistic because these things DO happen.

It was going well until the pee fetish started. That's when I lost all interest.

It could have been a far better story. It may help in the future if a warning regarding pee lapping is attached to the story line.

Why did you write this in present tense? That's just bad.

Is drinking another person's urine an erotic act or a sign of a mental disorder? I lean toward the mental side.

no one speaks like that. pretty lame effort.

1 star.

English is not your first language and I think you are underage also cos you dnt have a bio As a bro of twins this just doesn"t happen like that

Brother needs to fuck her in the pussy and hard in her ass.

Can't wait until Chapter 2...

Just a bit of advice that I think will be positive, unlike some of the other comments I've come across.

It reads as it would some Dickensian novel rather than a present day conversation between two people, especially siblings. Use more contractions like "don't," "can't," "didn't," etc and perhaps someone to proof read for you. You can't always read your own work objectively.

I am not into water sports, although I am sure that many are. I found the interaction between the twins intelligent and sexy, which prompts my 5* rating. I always write longer segments before posting - and I would have enjoyed reading more of your first chapter. Without making any suggestions of how it will progress, I hope you will continue.

Jane Marwood

I believe this tale. That is something. Many stories here are fun, some arousing, but many you feel cannot really have happened. Vitavie says some/ most of this has happened. Well, maybe, but to me it could have.

Others have commented on the dialogue. It does not bother me. I have seen a lot worse.

Now what will happen in Part 2? I am curious.

A bit too literary for me. Prefer porn

I want to say that I was happy with some of your choices. I find one pice bathing suits very sexy, more mystery. More to take off. I also love girls with small tits. More realistic. I am not into water sports, but it is your story and your fantasy. I will read another chapter to see where this is going. I hate when people think that the comment section is there so they can direct the following chapters. Good job so far. Kepp going.

To be continued ............. please.. DON'T..... total utter rubbish..

Why is intercourse between brother and sister a taboo? It is a problem when the sister gets pregnant, so that should not happen. What else?

This series of two is my most read but amongst my lowest rated. May I conclude that ‘incest’ is interesting, but I am not satisfying the general taste?