All Comments on 'Twins in Exile'

Actually, given how much pages the plot was, I'd like to see a follow up chapter, because them having sex shouldn't be the end with a situation like this.

Twincest is absolute godtier of incest

I think you should rename this chapter 1, plenty of scope for more development. A great start but please do not end it there.

Don't leave us hanging. Do they come back from exile?

22k words is nearly a third of a short story, if you don't have a hook by the third page here (9,000 words in) you will have lost a sizable readership. Waiting to the end of page six (nearly 18,000+ words in) for any significant erotica you will lose nearly 2/3rds of your readers. This is an erotica site you are casting your words to, not a pedestrian luke warm novel with a little hope that something might develop.

That was a pretty good effort. The one critique that I will give you is this: you introduce elements, then don't do anything with them. The substance abuse issues for both of them is an example. You talk about them, you even talk about the pending withdrawal symptoms, but then the withdrawal symptoms never came for either of them. If you're going to introduce that element to the story, and even go as far as you did to develop that element, you need to finish what you started. Otherwise there's no point in introducing the elements in the first place. That's not the only time you did that, but my point is made.

Other than that it's an enjoyable story and a good effort, so do be discouraged by my comments. I'm simply trying to help you improve your craft.

I agree with grlj below. This has a lot of potential for growth and adventure! Please keep writing!

Don't end it here. Move on with more parts. I'm waiting. Good luck

Interesting effort, but it feels a little overwritten (e.g., "chest-nut coloured hair dancing in the wind past his face and shoulders") and haphazardly constructed. A lot of the details serve no real purpose in the story: the aphrodisiac drug, for example, could have been eliminated without any impact on events, since the twins were already fully on the way to incest without it.

If this is the first part of an ongoing saga, perhaps some of these elements will tie in later. If so, that should be clearly stated.

This storyline really has potential. I'd really love to see a multi chapter story on this.

Maybe chapter 1/2 focus on their fall from grace

Chapter 2 or 3 (depending) focus on survival in their new life (work thru the withdrawals and how it helps start to bring them together.

Later chapters can deal with them using the elven powder, Their official first time, the storm and aftermath, living as a husband/wife. Maybe even a partial reconsilation with their parents.

I really dont know. As i can't write a lick of good story telling, i couldn't give more than that.

Enjoyed it - where do you go from here? 5*

Everyone is a critic...I tell my students, "Write to tell a story, read to enjoy.". You did that...and I enjoyed it. We have professional editors for those who decide to publish. This hosting site is for fun first...

Add another proponent to add further to this tale. There seems to be no lack of threads to explore.

What happened to her impending drug withdrawal? Him caring for her would have been a better basis for their eventual commingling.

Please continue with this story and make it a series. There's a lot of good "threads" that could be utilized to emphasize the concerns and challenges of their "exile". Nice read that had a lengthy build up without seeming to drag along without purpose other than creating length. I look forward to additional works from you and trust that more stories will find their way to be read by others!!

Very enjoyable!! Did the magic of their finally admitting their love magically repair the lighthouse? Were they meant to find the elven gifts to bring out their true feelings and awaken the magic of the lighthouse island again?

Would love to see a follow up chapter to this enchanting tale! Thank you.

We need more to this story

Excellent so far, but, where is the end to this story. That was only the beginning. You need a few more chapters.