All Comments on 'Two Lesbian Teens Have a Little Fun'

I enjoyed this story & I hope you will continue with it.

But it would read much better and easier if written in the first person. I like to read (and hear) "I/me" and "she/her" rather than Amanda and Ashley. It would feel more personal to the reader and, like I said, easier to read as well.

Decent. Definitely keep writing. Figure out verb tenses. It was kind of annoying to read it like that. You'll get better at it the more you write.

a very good story you have talent but the constent changing of past tense to present tense was kind of distracting as well as some other gramatical errors but over all nothing an editor cant fix. So keep writing and i really hope to see more of this story.

Thank you all for the advice. This is my first time writing erotic fiction and so I am still learning. I will work on using I/Me instead of the names of the character. I will also post more on these two girls. I just posted the second chapter to my other series "Vampire Michael" but the I/Me thing might be off there as well. I will see if I can edit all of these posts and change that but my future writings will use the advice better :-)

i stopped reading when they got all horny over shrek.

This made my pussy tingle, you should write more .. What does it feel like to have someone like you out?

Damn I'm setting here thinking about it and

DAMN!!! I'm soo wet

I'm thinking about a girl right now

And muumm yess I'm goin over her house

Tomorrow and we r gonna get it INNN!!!

Mumm yess I'm soooo wet thinking about it

Mumm I am going to fuck myself and get ready

Weeeettt!!! Mumm shit got to go 💦

Uhhhhh! That made my pussy wet! Damn I need a girlfriend! Errrr!

The story is good, but there are many problems with verb tense, a little clean up is in order.

uber good story of stuff

Made me so wet

i wish i was one of them im lesbian