All Comments on 'Two Sisters Seduce Brother'

Add in the friends

This is written like a 12 year old's wet dream. It's so bad I couldn't finish reading it. I got to the part where he stole the panties and that was it for me. How un sexy. I've never been sure if stealing a girl's panties is just theft, a fetish, or slightly less perverted and unappealing than child porn. 1 star, and only because I couldn't rate it lower.

And find yourself a fucking editor

I enjoyed it, though I think it'd really help if you had someone edit it.

It could have been but it's full of mistakes.

WTF does this mean: "There's some tea in a thermostat for you,......" ?

One biggie; the contraction of YOU ARE is YOU'RE not YOUR!

I really like the general ploy and set up, this could be a great story with lots of potential for a series, but you need to get someone to proofread asap. I had to stop halfway through page 2 because of all the minor errors that kept annoying me. Lots of your/you’re errors, POV changing back and forth almost mid-sentence that just makes it confusing, plural forms missing, to/too-errors, and so on.

But you have the plot and story, and that’s the important bits, this other stuff is just details, but it is what makes it good rather than mediocre...

As others have said needs proof reading. I gave up when he put tea in a thermostat. And was confused a girl with one breast suddenly had tits (two is usual) there were others and it killed the pleasure of reading for me.

Lots of potential there but you need to use either grammarly or something to check you grammar before you post just so that little mistakes can be ironed out (as a commenter who has published something with shit grammar, I know that lots of people take it seriously)

Also less use of the names, in one paragraph you use Kate sixteen times and split up the paragraphs too. Anything longer than four lines is a bit much for someone wanking off!

Sorry if i'm sounding harsh and picky, I'm trying to give you honest feedback

I definitely want those friends to get involved.

Dominated by the sisters and bred by the brother. That little redhead belly swelled with a baby sounds so good.

Enjoyed the whole story. One dominant sister one submissive sister and the love of both.

Thanks everyone that gave me some honest feedback. I know little mistakes can really put someone off reading a story. I know I need an editor and proof reader for mistakes that slip though and I will try to get one. I do understand that the story might not be what you looking for as well, most of my stories will be involving kink that I thought would be interesting.

I’m always upset when these perfectionists criticize. I have a couple questions. Are you a professional writer...NO Have you been paid for this essay.....NO . It is my opinion that yes there are flaws but that’s what makes it special.

Keep writing and improve with time . I love what you have written because I had a semi all throughout at the least. Yes I would like you to expand the S/M to include the domination of the sisters and the friends. Maybe even bring in your boss with another male worker. SO MANY POSSIBILITIES

Thank you for your effort KEEP GOING I LOVED IT

Definitely keep this going. Add in the two friends as well.

Thank you for the kind words and letting me know you will like the girls getting involved, after reading the other comments I am glad some people enjoyed reading it.

Great story man! I vote for:

- Way, waaay more anal

- Lots more ass to mouth (sisters sharing the ass cock would be A+)

- Squirting in mouth was great

- Less PIV (gets old quick)

Thanks!

Sorry, but this needs to be proofread and edited. I stopped reading on the 2nd page. You have big blocks of text with missing punctuation. It's horrible to read and I kept having to re-read to work out where the sentences should finish. If you don't have (or don't want) an editor, please try proofreading it yourself, ideally reading some of it 'out loud'.

I like your equality of enjoyment. All participate. My fantasy would include both male and female genital as well as ass spanking, and prostate massage. Of course, include the two friends.

Good story but you need to be careful about whether you are narrating in the first or third person. Really jarring when it changes between Mark and I in the same sentence.

I would love to have Meg's friends join in.

I got to page 2 and had to stop. I didn't rate your story, because I couldn't finish it. It had to do with verb tense, sentence structue, who was speaking, and runons. The premise was intriguing and promising. However, it has often been played before in the themes of the stories on this site. The lesbian BDSM was a positive twist as far as I was concerned. The grammar lost me, though, as there were times when I had to correct it myself to understand the story. There seemed to be too much work for me to do to enjoy the story. I aologize for what seems to be an extremely critical review. DON'T stop the attempts at writing, just get an editor.

You absolutely must have him insist Kate throw out the birth Control pills. Then he demands that they get pregnant for him so he can savor their milky breasts when they finally give birth.

Add friends. Watch grammar.

This is one of the hottest stories I have ever read and I've been reading them for 40+ years. These 3 siblings sure know how to create hot / arousing sessions. That would be something to see and experience. I sure hope you write more as this story has so much additional potential. The 2 babes that are his sister's friends would create a real interesting addition; as they could bring other options to a brother and his 2 sisters. Can hardly wait for more and thank you for your great imagination and writing style.

Story showed a lot of promise, but you need to decide if you really want to be a better writer. The story—inside a single paragraph—went from being told in the third person to being told in the first person, and then back again to the third person. I was getting dizzy reading it. And your grammar and spell-checking need a real overhaul. Sorry for the critique but you do have promise as a story teller. You just need to concentrate more on the technical aspects of writing

no don't have the friends join in. Every story on here acts like it has to be an orgy. You made it out to be the sisters are in love with their brother . Let them have that. It doesn't have to be slut fest.

with Paladin 1954. However, when non-female acknowledged being half-queer, I stopped. Even reading such makes me nauseated.

I will not read anything else from this one.

Some minor grammar/tense errors but not too many for the length of the story.

I have read all your comments and took it all into account. I wrote this story first and I tried writing in the third person then switched to first, I thought I cleaned that up but I must've missed a lot. I am bad with spelling and grammar and I have looked for an editor/proof reader with no luck. I do intend to repost this if I can get and editor/proof reader to go through it.

I would also like to thank everyone who has given me honest feedback and the people who have supported me.

Switching back and forth between first and third persons confused me also. Your editor, if you really had one, did you a dis-service. The wrong use of the words to and too and misspellings and incorrect words. I enjoyed the first part of the story, but I couldn't wait to finish the story because it was like a run-away train. You do have promise, don't give up. I don't plan on reading the second chapter. Good luck.

No waiter in any restaurant in the UK is going to be so casual, ever; Brits don't like their servers being pally-pally and casual, dining out with table service is an experience, not a night of burgers and fries in the local Grease Pit. If you're going to set a story in the UK, at least have the grace to either visit, or research thoroughly, speaking and behaving like casual Americans yet claiming the story is set in the UK is both jarring and phony. Do your research

I have a huge pet peeve about people starting in 3rd or 1st person, and then switching to the other one. Like, how do you not pick up on that? What's even worse is you didn't even make it past the second paragraph.

But now, for the stupid Anonymous fucked... Nobody gives a shit about what UK waiting staff does. The writer is clearly from America, so it doesn't matter what UK does.

I get tunnel vision when I proofread my stories so a lot of mistakes will still slip though and I don't have an editor or proof reader to help me with it. However I live in the UK and actually work in a restaurant so I have used my life to help with writing these stories.

The 3rd/1st person thing is a real pain that I had tried to correct, I was writing in 3rd person to start with then switched it because I didn't like it my next stories will not have that problem. This is the first story I started writing (even thought it was published second) so I aim to improve my writing skills and stories.

I live in the UK but use american idiolect in these stories to make it sound better, for example I write ass instead of arse because the British way makes it sound weird which is just my preference but thanks for the feedback

I liked it. Great read

If you're going to write in a first-person view point, what happens to his sister's while he isn't there the character would know nothing about, hence why it's first-person, given how Mat is the MC in this story. He, along with the readers, would only know what happens in his life from his point of view no one else's. Just an Fyi.

I like the story. I would agree with some of the other comments about getting at least Kate pregnant until Meg gets out of college.

Rlly good concept and story. My only complaint is that whenever you have one of the ppl start talking, you have them go too much into detail. If that came off kind of mean, it wasn't supposed to. It's meant to be constructive criticism.

I liked it, but threw me for a loop when it went from standard talking to straight on "everyone wants each other now" with a snap of a finger. Bit more build up and teasing early on to make it seem more natural either with the sisters or the friends would make it even better I believe.