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Click hereSo anyway, almost all of that hatred has been replaced by something else. Somehow, instead of hating him, I... care about what happens to him. I'm worried about him. Instead of just plain hatred, there's a mix of emotions now. Lust is definitely in there, of course. But also sympathy, and understanding. Compassion I guess you could say, but that makes me sound too superior, which I'm definitely not. Hope that the new Dusty I saw sticks with him for longer than just one night. Hope that he figures himself out so that he's... happy. I can honestly hope that, now that I know him a little better. Even if his happiness has nothing to do with you? that voice inside of me whispers. Why should it have anything to do with me? I think to myself angrily. Now that all the stuff with the video has been settled and the bullying is gonna stop, why do I even need to see him again?
Because you like him, that nagging voice says.
Fuck, what kind of Stockholm syndrome bullshit are you talking about?? Having sex with him would be bad enough, being friendly with him would be bad enough, but actually liking him? What, you want to date the guy who bullied you, the guy you were going to knife just yesterday afternoon? You want to go around town holding hands? Of course. Makes perfect sense. He's not even fucking gay. At most what you're feeling is just lust and we might just have fucked up kinky sex, and that's not what you want anyway, right? Whatever happened to your romantic dreams of sex with someone you actually like, or even love?
"Are you sad?" Lissa asks, interrupting my thoughts and looking up at me with her wide hazel eyes, same as mine and same as momma's.
"No," I say immediately, loudly and firmly. I smooth her wavy blonde bedhead hair down flat a couple of times and then pat her briskly on the shoulder. "Let's get the others up and get some breakfast ready before I have to get to work. Go on, now."
Lissa gives me a sweet hug and kiss on the cheek and runs off, but I'm still wrapped up in my thoughts. What's the point in regretting something that should never have happened in the first place, and was never going to turn into anything else? Whatever "it" was that happened last night, it sure as heck is as dead as a doornail now. I was alone before, I'm alone now, everything's exactly the same as it was before, except now I don't have to worry about getting beaten up anymore. Things are going to be better now. I should just enjoy it. I should be happy. I should be really, really happy.
...
Then how come I feel so fucking sad? Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?
- COMMENTS
armplasmaover 2 years agoThis is sad. Jesse has to settle with having the "feel" for Dusty because Dusty is the only other gay he knows beside Will (who is boring and whom he hasn't met for some time). Surely Jesse deserved to have more choices.
htaustenabout 4 years agoAuthorThanks for the feedback! The premise of having a story where the bully is one of the main characters is definitely challenging to the reader, but thanks for sticking with it! There's definitely a lot more in store for these two.
Re: them talking, they're not yet in a place where they could or would want to, but their relationship has definitely changed a lot. We'll just have to wait and see how much... :)
lonelyheartVAabout 4 years agoI still say they need to have a heart to heart talk. They both like each other. The difference will come when the kids come into play: will Dusty be able to deal with a family situation?
Anonymousabout 4 years agoI really have not enjoyed this Bully story much until the last couple of chapters. What a tough sad life Jesse has had! But what a decent person he has become with his trials and adversity!
Not sure where the author is taking this, but I find myself wanting things to work out for both of these characters! Was what Jesse saw and felt with Dusty even real, or just an act to save his ass? It felt genuine, but is he still dangerous to Jesse?
Is there any chance these two can become something more, maybe even just good friends?
I have never read anything this intense, with someone capable of physically hurting someone else because of there own personal Demons! Give us an idea of how Dusty is feeling about all of it now! He could certainly help Jesse in a financial way if nothing else, if they could even become friends! Is it possible to hope for a possible HEA for them both? Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
