All Comments on 'Two Tickets to Paradise'

tale

Thank you.

However there was one line that I have to comment on,

Warp speed is only used in Star Trek, Hyperspace is used in Star Wars - any true fan of either (or in my case both) knows this fact.

Other than that it was a great read of karmic balancing.

5/5

I really enjoyed the story.

Kudos for a first rate romance story. I'm a bit disappointed most of it was a dream but the ending inferred it might still happen. Considering all the music mentioned, props for using my favorite Eddie Money song for the title. 5 stars

The key ingredient is a good plot. It must have well developed characters and must absolutely have good dialog written in vernacular English. (I'm all for immigration, but Literotica stories written in stilted english-is-my-second language doesn't do it for me at all). For a 5 page story this one has a marginally effective plot. (Just how many times do the have to repeat the "almost met her two years ago" story. The characters are shallow and unbelievable. The dialog is trite. Cute, but trite. The dream sequence is a throw-away at the end that doesn't do much for the story. I guess the fact that everyone is very young, but somehow falls madly in love is an excuse, but doesn't make the story any better. I'll be generous: 2*

But the truth that lives in this fictional story is that sometimes good things DO happen to good people! Call it fate or destiny or kismet, but my bride and I are a living example of two people who were lucky enough to meet and fall in love and rise together from the ashes of prior marriages. (Anyone who's interested can read about it on my page here on Lit.)

Thanks for this charming dose of feel-good! Gonna check out some of your other work for sure....

This was fun. Weirdly enough, I also believed the whole time that it really could happen.

Well done.

You did well with this one. Gives hope that good things do happen to good folks. Thank you.

Good luck with the contest.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, I love getting feedback on any of my stories. I'm not quite sure what language in the dialoge that "Overcritical" was speaking of, but I guess with a name like that they're not to be taken too seriously. There was no "English as a second language" in my dialogue. Perhaps they are not familiar with the term "boy-o" that is a favorite amongst some Irish friends of mine.

I see there was a bit of confusion at the dream scene at the end, I might add a line or two to that. It was meant to show that Don thought it was all a dream for a moment until he saw Ava, who was wearing a completely different outfit than the flight to Hawaii. This happened on the flight home from Hawaii.

@TheKrrak - Also a fan of both Star Wars and Star Trek, I didn't use "warp speed" in a Star Wars reference but the term being used did make the character ask the "Star Wars or Star Trek" question. Thanks for keeping me honest, though. I made a slip on a Dr. Who reference in a previous story and was called out. Just makes me check my work more and that is a good thing!

This story was different than any other I'd done so far. I wanted to do something in a romantic-comedy / fairytale vein for Valentine's Day. I wasn't shooting for hyper-realism but hope that the characters still came off as real and engaging. I love when people say characters in short-stories are shallow. To that I suggest writing some stories of your own or understanding that the medium has limitations. I wrote a series on here that went 13 chapters and is the length of a novel, those characters, I hope were a lot more fleshed out.

Thanks again to everyone for reading and also for voting as this is a Valentine's story. If you ever have any feedback please feel free to post a comment or drop me a line! Cheers!

This was really sweet. Your writing is excellent as is your editing. A very realistic story. Don wearing a suit was a good start. If I found myself in her same situation on a plane I would do everything she did. The story was great, not to short and not too long. Thanks for taking the time to write and share. I won't forget this one.

Love and kisses - Cindy

I wondered if this author was ever going to post another story after he finished Ashley. This current story is a darn good yarn.

Really liked this one!

One of the best stories I've ever read on here

A great story with really good characters. This was fun and exciting right up to the perfect ending. Thank you.

Five stars for this great story, good enough for another chapter.

I loved this story but I am a sucker for fate

Thank you for all of the positive comments, I truly appreciate them. I am glad so many people liked this story. The characters were fun to write and I hope they have a shot to place in the Valentine's Day contest.

Sometimes fate and destiny win without a whole lot of drama. Thanks to everyone for reading the story!

I LOVED it! You couldn't have written a better story for Valentine's Day. I hope you win, I felt it was that good. You even got a little BDSM in there! Please, please keep writing!!

Out of all the submissions to date for the Valentine's Day Contest, IMHO, this is the top story by far. You did everything right. The reader was captured on the first page. The bad drama was short but very effective. Hooters was a hoot. Characters were excellent. Scene descriptions were well done so that a picture was easy to see. Even the airline employees characters were very close to real.

The story flows well without dead spots. The length was right and the ending was perfect. Editing was excellent. Stories don't get any better than this one. You picked an excellent title for the story.

Thank you for a wonderful Valentine's Day story.

This story you made was just perfect!! The story development, the humor, the references! It was all amazing! I couldn't stop reading it and now it's 3 in the morning XD I'm too much of a hopeless romantic that this story just checked all the boxes for me and gave me some more hope after my bad long term relationship breakup that just so happened to go downhill after Valentines day last year :') Keep up the amazing work!

Also thanks for all the smooth hypothetical pick up lines. They're great!

This definitely deserved 1st place! I really enjoyed this story. Continue it, please

Great story but not realistic--the sox over the Cubs? No way!

Great story all around! The Star Wars and Doctor Who references were just icing on the cake. Should’ve won first place, please continue writing.

I'm a guy, I've been deeply in love with my eife of 37 years. Yet i don't understand why there's this trend in romance stories where the man has to hurt the love of his life? I mean, what do you call pulling hair and hard spanking, love? Not in my day.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Many of your readers might think the premise of two people almost meeting at an anti-Valentines party and then finally meeting as they did two years later is unrealistic.

My wife and I are examples that Cupid and Fate sometimes work together. So never claim it was plain dumb luck when it should be properly attributed to Fate.

By the way, congratulations on your win in the Valentine's Day contest.

nice story-well written and well paced- hard to read for a lonely old man like me,, but it reminds me of fond memories .

For me, Valentine's Day is something special between a man and woman, so I didn't read the first place story. I did read yours and number two, and I thought yours was better, so you win the Valentine's Day contest in my mind. Very good and mostly believable story. Great job!

A worthy winner - really nicely done and absorbing and sexy. Am I jealous? Yes!

Can I cheer myself up by being a little picky though? One thing that did take me out of the story a little was your possible over-use of the word "smiled" as a modifier after dialogue. Once I started seeing it, it seemed to be everywhere. (I suffer from this myself - "gently" is one word I reach for far too often and always have to be on my guard against.)

Well done!

Very good story line and lead in, BELIEVABLE!!! I could tell a similar one....

Plot, characters, humor, passion, writing skill all delightful. Deserving of more than 5 stars. Thanks!

If anyone tried the number did it go through? 😐😕

Definitly needs another chapter.

What a delightful story. Anyone having a bad day should read it to cheer them up. You must have a fantasy area in your mind to write this story. You certainly put it to great story telling use. One other thing - I really liked your smooth “telling”. The story flowed very well with no interruptions. Top marks. Thanks!

Gave me a warm glow, this.

Charming tale. There must be a lot of dust in the air today, it is making my eyes all misty.

Please write more.

Easily 5 out of 5 stars. Would give 6 if I could.

Diabetic romance at its finest. I especially like how your writing "style" doesn't slide from your other stories to this one, apart from the Dr who references ;)

A problem that most of the greats on this website have is what I call the Matthew McConaughey effect, same characters in different situations. That doesn't happen here, and that's excellent.

5*

While a sequel would be most appreciated, it's not needed. The story ended just fine

I am still up in the clouds after reading this story, or is it the universe? A fantastic tale and so romantic. Your description of Ava was stunning and oh how you wrote the story. Great part with Don and Uncle Patrick, he has a friend there as long as he keeps her happy!! You write a wonderful tale and I hope to read more of your stories as this was my first one from you. Well written, sir!!

RIP Eddie.

Thank you for writing it!!!!!

Would have given you five, but your obsession with brands is disturbing. At some instances, the story reads like a glamorous catalogue of an outfitter. If the girl a guy wants to bed is concentrating on the brand of his underwear, something has gone terribly wrong. And it is equally irrelevant whether you check out your Hawaiian Holiday on an Apple product or an HP or you name it. Just was surprised that there wasn‘t a trademark sign after each of those labels (which I think is most grotesque in a piece of fiction). Remove some of that shallowness and you have a most wonderful story.

Sorry, this may be the dumbest comment I've ever received. I suppose I should make up brands and say my Colven Kleen underwear? Or maybe my PH laptop? Using brand names just adds to the realism. Can't believe it bothered anyone enough to take the time to complain about it.

Confess that i find it disconcerting to see

some gay guy's name conspicuously displayed on my underwear.

I'm a sucker for a fated romance story and these two characters are just too adorable not to be happy for. I enjoyed the early portrayal of his break up with Jenny and the little encounters leading up to his meeting with Ava on the plane. It was established that Don was a good guy without prosing on and on, just little scenes to show he deserved happiness and not the crap he'd been getting until his trip. I thought pretty much all of the side characters were well done. Just enough detail was given to them to differentiate them without giving us their entire life story and descriptions.

As for the story itself, yes, it was a fairy tale romance but who cares? It was fun, it was sweet, it was sexy, and it had a happy ending. Sometimes it's nice to read a story about two incredibly compatible people meeting through fate and falling in love without stupid amounts of misunderstandings and drama. It put a big old smile on my face and made me feel hopeful and that's what's important. Both characters were awesome and their romance was both adorable and very hot. By the end I was just plain happy for the both of them. Really well done.

The interrogation was actually hilarious. Well done

If Ava is that outstanding,why would her boy friend cheat on her.?

Great story kind of rom com out there but it worked very well. Plus who doesn't like Eddie Money references.

Just ruined the mood for me.

Took off and he carried them?!

Details details!

Sorry CPA detail oriented.

jtwheels

Meh.

Great story.

Nice, but what about all the hair tugging? I was with women who appeared to be wanting to experience their guy being physically stronger. So they started little wrestling games in bed etcetera. I never did more than giving them a little taste. I seldomly initiated anything like that. I was always the physically much stronger one, from working mostly, not sports. But despite or because of it, I never felt the need to be bodily domineering. I'm glad I never sensed the need in a woman to be handled roughly or been outright asked to do so, I'm simply not made that way. So, yeah, call me a pussycat, if you must.

Anyway, this is a very satisfying and not overly drawn out feel good story, I'm gladly granting 5 stars!

Fun story. Thank you

5* from me.

It is fun to have a story were the falls hard and it seems right. This just doesn't happen....right....in your world it did. Thanks for the effort.

DP

So he dreamed up their time in Hawaii?!? What would have been fun would be to hear from Cupid on this story. Thanks for sharing.

Cliched but very Cute!

Plus I love all the Sci-Fi references...particularly the Doctor Who (from a guy in the U.S. - no less!).

10/10!!!!!

A really beautiful and very enticing love story that touched our hearts and souls❤️❤️

It should give everyone who wants and needs a lifetime of forever and ever, best-friend, soul mate, friend, and lover; hope for tomorrow and their future……..

Thank for sharing and touching us.

SW

The type of story worth many reads.

Hallmark stole the plot, but I'll bet that don't do it any better than this.

5*

Tc

Damn. 6 Star!

[25.07.22]

Loved this exchange too:

"I want the royal scepter in my royal honeypot," she said then we both burst out laughing. "A little too far?" she asked as I released her foot and got on to the big bed next to her.

"You had me at royal scepter," I smiled. "But the royal honeypot thing just made me think of Winnie the Pooh and it kind of broke down from there."

11/10!!!!!

Outstanding story!!!

"Disney is absolutely destroying Star Wars," no greater truth has been uttered in a literotica story great job I enjoyed the story, and it all held together well heck i want more dunno how ya would work it though that story is told but ya could go so many other places with it

Entitled fantasy.

Great story, but does a woman really orgasm from a foot massage?

So no payback on Jenny and Matt....no photos, fuck all.

This MC is a stupid bastard right from the outset when he asked Hannah about what to buy then he was so clueless on the skanks cheating

Happy endings are so much fun. 5*

Very good story. But it ends without tie it up in a nice bow they're just coming back to Chicago 4.9 stars

Would like to see a pt. 2

That was lovely and sweet. It was nice to read about the universe being nice to two people.

Oh I liked it, nice plot and you made it flow really well, if only the real world was as good

5⭐️ Top class! Thoroughly enjoyed it, no I didn’t notice the brands, yes I noticed the heels on the beach, but tbh it’s fiction and it’s free, so if you’ve got a problem - write your own story, put it up on here and if you ask nicely we’ll compare your story to this one…..

Many thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

nuff said.