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Click hereI grinned at her, which really pissed her off, then said, "No that is not how it is going to work. I am not going to divorce you, I am just going to leave and you will never find me. You can have the house, we owe more than it is worth anyway, and your car, and all this crappy furniture you had to have that is not paid for yet. Thank God we did not have any children. If you want a divorce you will have to file yourself and good luck finding me to have me served. Of course you can divorce me for abandonment after a year or two, but I really do not give a shit about that either." I got up and went out into the garage and turned on the opener and drove off in my pickup. I do not know whether Sandy even left the bathroom, I could not see her in the mirrors as I drove down the street.
I wasn't sure where I was going but I was damn sure not going to tell anybody where I wound up. I had my fake drivers license and Social Security card and birth certificate and a shit ton of money and I can sell pork chops to vegetarians, so I won't have any trouble getting settled somewhere. In secret.
But there is one thing for sure, I am never getting married again. Marrying a virgin did not work and marrying the town bike did not work, I have learned my lesson.
- COMMENTS
jflindersover 1 year ago1. An editor would help immensely with the grammatical mistakes.
2. There wasn't much in the way of character development or feelings. It was hard to feel much sympathy for the main character, both because the reader doesn't really get to know him well and because we don't see anything but lust as his reason for marrying the second time, leaving him pretty much deserving what he got.
Anonymousover 1 year agoNot bad for a first effort. I agee with the comments below and would like to add one more.
Please don't lean into the absurd. No man is going to put with this "Girls Night Out", especially after being informed by his friend about her, the guy and the parking lot. That's enough right there to file. Even more realistic, his friend would have called him to comedown and see for himself.
This facit of your story is just to absurd to keep me interested. Point of fact, I'm a little tired, well more than a little, of to many writers portraying men as clueless idiots. So, do your writing a favor and don't do that.
On the truly plus side it was not a bad furst effort. Read a bit of Saddle Tramps work, not copy his style but to see how realistically he weaves the story line and characters.
Think about our comments and suggestions and give it another shot.
Do keep going😉
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoPretty well put together!
I will say you short changed yourself and your readers.
Here's what I mean. The end of this story is the BEGINNING of his journey. Develop him as a person and then add in other characters and develop them as well.
Really do your research on local background, the professions you talk about. Try very hard to be accurate and authentic. Here's a good example of a bad example. This notion, by the way, comes from another story on LE. Premise: Wife is pregnant. Sister needs a kidney transplant. Wife volunteers. Only problem the surgery will kill the baby. This is medical nonsense!
It took me 30 sec on Google to prove it!
Make it so the reader, if they fact check, and MANY here do, the reader will come away thinking, "Hey, this guy really knows about this." Doing that makes the entire story more real and believable. DON'T make the mistake of too often abusing the
"Willing suspension of disbelief.
Fact is often stranger than fixture. Harness the power of that.
Oh, yeah, good story for a first so keel writing!
