U-N-I Ch. 21

I breathed out and let go of him.

He looked at me with saddened eyes.

"No," I said, shaking my head, "That's not fair. He's the one who came back as soon as he saw that we were having trouble."

His brows furrowed,

"You knew he would."

I remained silent for a second or two as I watched him,

"No, I didn't. I hadn't heard from him in over two years. I had no idea that he'd show up."

"But you wanted to see him again. 'Cause you were confused about our relationship and you were having doubts. You know, you can be honest with me about that."

"Oh, you want me to be honest with you?" I said, upset that he considered I hadn't been honest.

"Yes, please... Let's try that," he said with self-assurance and waited for me to say something.

I looked into his eyes and breathed in and out,

"Alright then, yes!" I exclaimed. "I did expect him to show up at Jimmy's party, and I stayed because I wanted to see him again. And yes, seeing him again was confusing... because he's still so hung up on me and all he wants is to be with me, when you," I said with a wave of my hand, "you had better things to do than to make time for me. You stopped prioritizing our relationship. And fuck, you even stopped prioritizing the band... and what for?" I asked, aggravated, "To see what's most important to me? Like that's a choice I should even have to make!" I snarled.

"Fuck, I didn't do that intentionally! I just had enough of having our lives revolve around the band!"

"Well, so did I!" I responded louder than I had intended, "What d'you think? I was under as much pressure as you were... C'mon, I'm not made from the songwriting gods! How was I supposed to do it all on my own? I needed you."

"Yeah, so it always comes back to the band. It's the band first and I come second," he said, confronting me.

I tried to breathe and refrain from crying,

"No, you don't come second... I don't want you to come second, but we've always made the band our main priority and it's always worked for us."

He shook his head,

"Well, it doesn't work for me anymore! I don't want the band to be more important than us. I want you to make me your priority, not the band. I don't want us to be together because we feel obligated to be," he said, his voice breaking with genuine emotion.

"Well, neither do I," I responded with a frown, "and I don't feel obligated to be with you," I reassured him, "Rob, I didn't leave because I loved you any less or because I wanted to protect the band," I said, choking back tears, "I left because I just... I just couldn't worry about you anymore," I said genuinely, louder than I'd intended.

He didn't respond but I could tell he understood that.

I paused and then softened my voice as I continued,

"And the only reason I saw Damien again was to tell him to move on with his life. I don't want a relationship with him. I only want to make sure we don't fuck up ours."

He took a deep breath,

"What happened with him?" he asked worriedly, demanding a straight answer.

"Well, I didn't fuck him!" I blurted out, still mad about the fact that he had fucked Sam.

He rolled his eyes slightly,

"But . . . you said you had something to tell me."

"Yeah, I do. He comes on strong, he tried," I confessed.

He grimaced,

"So what happened?" he asked.

I fidgeted and shifted my weight from one foot to the other because even though I didn't really consider what had happened with Damien as cheating, I knew Rob would and I didn't want Damien to come between us again. I cautiously began telling him what had happened with him. I told him about some of the stuff that I had told him and that he had told me and how he had tried to have sex with me and he listened, avoiding making eye contact with me. And then, since it didn't seem to cause any reaction, I began telling him about the twink at the party and the fact that I had stupidly allowed him to blow me.

He pursed his lips disapprovingly,

"So, Damien got you so horned up that you had to find another guy to get you off?" he said with a mix of disappointment and exasperation.

I let out an anxious huff,

"No, it wasn't like that... I dunno, I was drunk!"

"You were drunk?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah, I was! I may have a pretty high tolerance to alcohol but I drank a lot more than usual."

His brows furrowed,

"Don't steal my line, that's my excuse."

I raised my shoulders slightly,

"Yeah, I guess I thought I should give it a try," I said sarcastically.

He took a deep breath in. "You know what, I can't...," he began saying and walked away from me.

"Where you going?" I exclaimed and watched him head to the terrace door. "We're in the middle of an argument here."

"Yeah, well, I need a fuckin' break from it," he said, showing his frustration.

He opened the terrace door and walked outside.

I stood there for a few seconds, kind of motionless. I tried to breathe and calm myself down so I plopped myself down on the couch. I rested my head back against the couch cushion and let my emotions overtake me. I didn't feel like crying anymore but I felt hurt, confused, sad and worried all at the same time.

I thought about everything that had been said for a moment. I'd known we'd argue. I hated it but we had to express our doubts and worries and to confront our problems once and for all because it was the only way to return to a point of clarity in our relationship. I didn't want us to keep entertaining doubts about the strength of our bond because I didn't have any doubts anymore.

Our problems were not insurmountable and I so wanted to put them behind us now. I didn't want him to doubt the fact that I loved him as much I said I did. I knew we belonged together. Because I knew him better than I knew anyone else... because I had always felt a passion for him that few people experiences... because we were two halves of a whole.

I didn't want us to split up. I was the kind of person who believed in moving forward and I only wanted to move forward with him. I loved him, no matter what, and I had never been more sure of that. I truly believed that all we needed to do was to communicate more and to reassure each other that we still shared the same feelings. We had somehow managed to make our love last from adolescence through to adulthood, and yes, the band had probably played an important role in keeping our relationship stable as we'dq changed, evolved and grown over the years, but that wasn't why we were still together ten years later. I began thinking that after being a couple for this long, we were now faced with two options... either break up and let go of everything or take the relationship to the next level and really make it work long-term. To me, there was only one option.

After a long moment, I figured that we'd given each other enough time to cool off and sort things out in our heads so I joined him outside. The night air was chilly on my bare chest but I didn't care. He turned and rested his back on the balcony rail. I could tell that he wasn't mad and that he was ready to start talking again so I stepped closer to him.

We didn't say a word. The look in our eyes spoke volumes. We embraced each other and a familiar flutter returned inside my heart. I rested my lips on the skin just below his ear and gave it a few soft kisses.

"I love you," I murmured, "I'm so sorry."

He breathed and drew me closer,

"I know. I'm sorry too."

"I don't want us to keep hurting each other. I love you so much," I said and kissed his skin again, "all that Damien achieved was to make me even more certain of that. I don't want to be with him. I don't care about him. He can try as hard as he wants...," I began saying and pulled back to look into his eyes, I placed my hand on the back of his head. "he's not you," I said lovingly and reassuringly, "he may believe that he's in love with me, but he'll never love me like you do."

I placed a soft kiss on his lips,

"And I don't want you to think that I don't love you as much as you love me... because I do. Every time I think about you, I can't believe how much I love you and that was never the issue."

He nodded, his breath was warm against my lips,

"Babe, I know how much you love me but...," he paused, "but sometimes, I think about the fact that I'm the one who started everything between us," he said and then looked straight into my eyes, "I don't want to lose you or be without you... but I need you to be honest with me about what you want and how you really feel. 'Cause I can't even imagine being with anyone else, and I want you to feel the same. I can't bear the thought that you're staying with me for the wrong reason."

I frowned lightly, unable to take my eyes from his,

"You didn't start everything between us..."

He looked confused.

"You didn't," I said resolutely, "I did."

My hand traveled down from his face to his arm,

"I wasn't quite willing to voice it so I let you take the lead but you didn't force me into anything. I wanted to have sex with you even though I was too afraid to ask for it."

He smiled slightly.

"I didn't know if it meant that I was gay, and yeah, I didn't want to admit it to myself at first but I kept coming back for more and it didn't take me very long to decide you were the only one I wanted to be with. You were all I could think about. I didn't just go along with it because you were in love with me, or to make you happy, or because it was fun and exciting and you were giving me amazing blowjobs," I said with a small chuckle.

He relaxed and let out a laugh and I continued,

"I knew that I loved you. I had no idea where it'd take us, but I was willing to question everything in my life. I wanted you just as bad as you wanted me. And I still do." I said.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and gave him a loving kiss before looking into his eyes again,

"Even more than I did back then. And what happened since then, everything we've experienced together, I wouldn't change it for the world, and I wouldn't want it any other way, but I'd love you just the same if it hadn't happened."

The expression on his face showed relief and contentment where there'd been only confusion and anxiety before.

"I swear to you, the band is not what holds us together. It's not," I repeated, "of-course, I want to protect it because it's an amazing job and we're fucking good at it too but...," I stopped and sighed. I was feeling the need to apologise, "Babe, I'm so sorry if I put too much pressure on you..."

"No," he shook his head immediately, "No," he repeated, "you didn't. I like that you challenge me. You make me want to be the best version of myself. I don't expect anything less from you," he said.

I smiled and caressed his cheek with my thumb,

"I want you to shine, because I know that you can. You're beautiful and you're amazing and you deserve the best. I only want you to be happy. I'll do anything to make sure that you are. If it means dropping the band, then I will...I'd give up everything for you," I assured him.

He wrapped his arms around me and I nuzzled into his neck.

"I love you," I repeated with all the emotions that I was feeling, "I love you more than anyone else on this fucking earth."

He hugged me tighter.

"Oh god," he said with a mix of passion and desperation, "fucking marry me already!"

It only took me a second or two to take in what he'd just said and to realize what it meant for our future. I pulled my head back to look at him.

"Wow!" I exclaimed with a deep chuckle, "This third marriage proposal might just be the most romantic one to date!" I smiled playfully, "I mean, I might just say yes."

He gave a giggle and narrowed his brows,

"Do it," he pleaded, "Say yes, quit torturing me!" he teased.

I looked into his pleading eyes for a moment, wanting nothing more than to say yes and make him happy. He flashed me a cheeky grin,

"I promise you, we'll make it fun!"

I shrugged and pursed my lips playfully.

"I mean, c'mon!" he exclaimed, "you know I'm gonna slay this thing, right?"

I let out a laugh and rolled my eyes,

"Ok," I said simply.

He stared at me,

"Ok?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes," I nodded with a small shrug.

"Are you saying yes?" he asked, his face breaking out into a huge grin.

"I'm saying yes," I confirmed with a warm smile, not quite believing it myself but wanting to pledge myself to him forever, and if this was the way he needed me to do it, then so be it.

He let out a satisfied chuckle, kind of speechless, and smiled broadly as he stared at me. I lost myself in his beautiful, happy and slightly moist eyes and then I wrapped my arms around him. We hugged each other long and intensely. We didn't speak for a long moment. It seemed like no more words were needed.

He kissed my shoulder lightly and I whispered,

"Do not invite my mother though."

He let out a sweet chuckle, the kind you make when you laugh and cry at the same time.

"No, I'll just send her the most scandalous pictures!" he said in my ear devilishly.

"You really don't want her to like me!" I joked.

"I'm just saying, if she's naive enough to hope you're not sleeping with me or that you're still with Rachel, then we really need to make it official."

"I guess we do," I smiled.

Slowly, we broke the hug and looked deep into each other's eyes. Our smiles vanished. I took his face between my hands and he placed one hand on the back of my head to draw me closer to him. His other hand was on the small of my back. He applied pressure and pushed our crotches together. Our noses were touching and I brought my lips closer to his. When our mouths came together and we began kissing, I realized that I had been wrong before... This was the best kiss we had ever shared. It was tender, intimate, passionate and forgiving and it felt like a new beginning.

As we kissed, I thought that I had to accept the fact that being in love with him would not always be easy, given the pressures of our job, the fame, the public scrutiny and the fact that he was relentlessly hounded by fans, journalists and all kind of people in the industry.

We both knew we'd have to work on our relationship more than we had in the past to be stronger as a couple, and that it wouldn't always be easy... but if love was easy, it wouldn't be so damn hard to find, nurture or even let go of. Loving him was often painful and confounding and exhausting and frustrating, but also so overwhelmingly awesome.

It felt like we had only kissed each other for a short moment, when I felt him push me away gently, grabbing me by the biceps. I didn't want to stop kissing him so I tried to bring his lips to mine again but he resisted and stared into my eyes intensely, the light in them sending a shiver down my spine.

He wasn't letting go and he wasn't saying anything.

"What?" I asked with need.

His mouth turned into a smile as he continued to stare at me,

"Nothing," he was holding my arms and starting to breathe harder, I felt like we were going to stay like this forever until he said, "I just love you so damn much."

"I know, I love you," I smiled and leaned in to lightly brush my lips against his.

He sighed, his eyes dashing downward for a moment,

"I know what it feels like to lose you and I don't wanna feel like that ever again," he said, shaking his head.

"You won't," I said, "I promise."

He let go of my arms and one of his hands slid gently and slowly up and down my torso, noticing the lines of my abs, the sharp line dividing my chest.

"I don't know why," he said seriously, "but I've always loved you so much that it sometimes scared me that it wouldn't last..." he cast his eyes upwards, locking them with mine. "but I realise now that it will."

I smiled,

"I guess we can both stop worrying about losing each other," I said and hugged him tightly.

Before I knew it, he pulled back and brushed his nose against my ear and my cheek before crushing his lips against mine. He pushed his tongue between my teeth and pushed me up against the large terrace table. I realized instantly that we were going to have mind-blowing sex again. My cock was already hardening as I felt him lift me up onto the table with a moan.

While still kissing me, his hands caressed my chest. He paused for a second as his hand made its way to the back of my neck and then launched an oral assault on my neck, licking and sucking. I tilted my head back to enjoy his kisses and then placed my hands on his shoulders and eased him down a bit. He trailed his tongue down my chest and found my left nipple and licked and nipped at it with his teeth. I groaned with pleasure as I held myself up by putting my hands behind me on the table. He moved to the other nipple then stuck out his tongue and licked down the trail of fine hair that led to my navel. I let him take control again and was more than happy to wait until he decided that he wanted me to take control too.

When he got down to my joggers, he grabbed me by the ass and pulled me off the table.

We kissed again and only a few seconds later, we had stumbled back into the room, my lips never parting from his.

He slid his hand down my back and into my joggers until he had both his hands on my butt cheeks. He squeezed and caressed my ass as we stepped closer to the couch. I wrapped my arms around him and we continued kissing passionately until he pushed me down onto my back on the couch and yanked my joggers off, leaving me completely naked. Then he took off what he was wearing. Straddling me, his lips found my neck again and I tilted my head back with a moan as the feel of his lips on my skin made me tremble. I let out a soft sigh as his kisses became quicker and harder. My hands moved from the sides of his face, down his back, eternally exhilarated by the feel of his tight and smooth skin.

Then he bit lightly at my lower lip, then actually bit a little harder, causing me to make a noise. I responded by lunging forward with my head, attacking his mouth. I could hear his breath quickening, and I could feel it against my face

"I want you so much," he said.

"I want you more," I said, nipping at him, feeling how intense our feelings for each other were.

He started to slide down my body again, his hands roaming all over me, his lips and tongue following his hands. He sucked, licked and bit at my nipples eliciting soft cries of pleasure from me. Then he pushed my arms out and bringing his face into my armpit, he kissed my skin, inhaling my scent.

"Oh Rob," I sighed, rocking my hips against his crotch.

He slid back down me, making sure to leave no part of me dry. He moved with the singular purpose of pleasuring me. I closed my eyes and began to feel his nose moving through my trimmed pubes. His hands lightly tickled my scrotum, causing it to firm up. His tongue started to slide back and forth on my cock before I felt my entire shaft sinking into his mouth.

I concentrated on the sound of his breath, so heated, so full of energy. I raised my hands over my head, giving myself over to the pleasure and I wondered for a second if I'd ever be on top again.

After a moment, he pulled off and used his tongue to bath my balls in his mouth. Then he licked his way up my shaft and his lips returned to the tip of my cock. He dove back down, sucking my shaft deeper and deeper into his mouth as he tugged on my balls. It felt like he was sucking me for hours. Precum must have escaped my slit, which he began to tongue. I didn't want him to stop but I was beginning to wonder how much longer I could hold out. He must have noticed because he began to spread my legs and move them more toward me.

Suddenly his tongue pressed against my naturally smooth hole, and my eyes shot open, but only for a moment as I sighed in delight. My knees bent toward my chest, his hands on the underside of my thighs, his tongue began to explore my ass again. At first, he licked up and down, then side to side before beginning a circular motion, concentrating on the wrinkly ridges of my hole. As always, his tongue was firm and precise and I was loving it.