U-N-I Ch. 21

"Just pretend it didn't happen, I know that's what I'll do!" he responded.

"In the club, Rob, seriously? Didn't anybody see you?"

"I don't know, I wasn't looking at anyone. If they did, then they didn't give a damn."

I shook my head in exasperation,

"You're lucky I didn't find out about it from the media, I would have fucking killed you!"

"Yeah, that would've been bad," he said, thinking about it, his eyes staring into space.

"Just a bad headline waiting to happen!" I said, looking at him judgmentally.

He chuckled,

"I think I've learned my lesson."

"Yeah? Are you saying that I can finally stop worrying about you?" I asked.

He gave a small shrug,

We grew quiet and finished our breakfast. Then he picked up his phone and scrolled though it for a brief moment. I stood up to clear the table and he said, standing up as well,

"How do you fancy going to this restaurant for dinner?" he asked, showing me the webpage of a gourmet restaurant on his phone.

"Are you taking me out on a date?" I asked flirtatiously.

"I sure am...future husband," he grinned.

I smiled at the sound of that,

"Mmh, doesn't sound so bad. I probably can get used to this," I said.

"You'd better," he said and slapped my ass before wrapping his arms around my chest and kissing the side of my face.

-----------

We left the center the following week but stayed in the States for over a month after that. Rob wanted to stay to shoot the carpool karaoke with James Corden that Claire had arranged. Although he had told me all about it, I couldn't wait to watch it.

Then, we drove to Las Vegas, and although we could have, we didn't get married there... but... we decided to get a matching finger tattoo, something small that we could hide under the band. We got a star and then on our inner wrist, we got the notes from our song Yellow, 'Look at the stars' tattooed.

Then we took a road trip through the canyons, which was a trip we had already taken before with our friends, but that we felt like taking again before going back home. Firstly, because the American West was fascinating and so breathtakingly beautiful, and secondly, because we badly needed to spend alone time together and find each other again. It felt like it had been so long since we were really alone together, just the two of us, for days on end... no fans, no friends, no press, no radio or TV people, no label, no manager, no security guard, no reporters, no paparazzi, just us.

During the trip, we began to share pictures or videos on Instagram again, delighting the fans.

We mostly used ephemeral Instagram stories and shared quick, off the cuff moment of the stuff we were doing, until one evening, Rob decided to go live to answer their questions.

"Hello people...," he said as he sat on the sofa in our hotel room, his laptop on the coffee table.

"Is anyone there?" he asked as he waited for the fans to send their messages and questions. I didn't join him at first, busy fixing us something to eat with food we had just bought, and I wanted him to start the stream without me anyway.

After saying hello to all the fans who kept joining the live stream, he said,

"I can't believe there's already 85,000 people watching me doing nothing right now," he said to me jokingly.

Who you talkin'to?" he read.

"Wo d'you think I'm talkin to?" he responded with a wink.

"Alright...so yeah, we're in the States at the moment," he said, answering a question "we're lost in the middle of nowhere, don't try to find us," he joked, faking being scared.

"Hey mate, are you coming back to Australia?" he read.

"Yes, sure. We love Australia. Australia's awesome!"

"Hello Mexico, hello Sweden...," he kept naming countries. "Hello Japan, oh my god, I love Japan, it's like no other place in the world."

Then, he kept thanking people for a long moment because he was getting a lot of compliments.

Are you recording in L.A?" he read.

"No, no, not recording. Actually, we have recorded songs but we just don't think that they're good enough! So, yeah, we're gonna need more time. But don't worry, I'm sure the wait will be worth it. We're taking a break now, because we need to live a little and yeah... find inspiration in our everyday lives; But we want you all to know that we'll get back into the studio, soon ... and put an amazing album out, that hopefully you will like, yeah, probably some time next year!"

The questions were pouring in and he tried to select the ones he wanted to give an answer to. For a long moment, I just listened.

"Why did you postpone the release?" he read.

"Because... like I said...look, we don't want to sound ungrateful for what we have, because we are so grateful and I think we're the luckiest people in the world, but you know, there's moments in life when it feels like it's too much and... we just need more time because we don't wanna release a record that we're not 100% proud of."

"Are you saying that all the songs you've already recorded will never see the light of day?"

"Probably not, no. I don't know. But you see, we really need to be in a good place to write music... and I don't think that we were, so yeah, we need to be in a better place and really give it our all and challenge ourselves, so that when we're done, we can feel proud of the record we're giving up to the world! I think that the songs we've recorded so far, we played it safe... and I don't feel passionate enough about those songs to enjoy singing them live, 'cause I'm like, asking myself... how the hell am I gonna sing this live? So to me, that just means that they're not good enough and we need to do it again, if that makes any sense!"

He was silent for a moment and scrolled through the comments.

"Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself -- that is true!" he said.

"Are you going to collaborate with other artists again?" he read.

"Yeah, we'd love to!" the fans named a few of the artists they'd like to see us work with and he talked with them about each one of them, then concluded,

"There are so many people we'd like to write with, so yeah, it might happen with a few of them!"

"Do you get nervous before you walk on stage?" he read.

"Yes, of course I do. I get very nervous. But I do think that nerves are important, and they just mean that I care. They motivate me to practice more, and get better, and make sure you enjoy yourself and get the best gig possible....You know being famous brings a lot of anxiety and it's easy to stress about everything and freak out for no reason, which I did many times during our last tour."

He continued talking about that and reading their comments and then he read,

"Is it true that you and Mark broke up over the summer?"

He looked at me and let out a laugh, then he tried to answer without saying too much,

"Well, the media thinks we've split up, like, all the time, you know, either me and Mark, or the whole band, and it's never true. So, yeah don't worry about us, we're fine," he paused and added over dramatically, "but you know, there's drama in gay relationships, like you wouldn't believe!" he joked, rolling his eyes.

"So glad to know you guys are ok, you make me believe in love. I knew you'd work through your issues"

"Aw, yeah, we're good, don't worry. We actually don't know how to stay mad at each other. Thank you for all the support and concern though, you guys are the best!"

He smiled as he read a comment,

"You've made an impact on all of our lives, in some way or another. It looks like you're having so much fun, please never stop!"

"No, we don't plan on giving up, we just want to enjoy the ride!" he said.

After reading a few more comments, he turned to me with a laugh and then, began reading,

"What do you say to people who think Shawn Mendes is a younger and straighter version of you."

"See!" I exclaimed with a laugh as I had compared Shawn to him a few months back in an interview.

There was just something about Shawn Mendes that reminded me of Rob back when we were nineteen and at the start of our career.

He laughed and the fans commented on that,

"Who says that? I think you're the one who started that comparison," he said to me.

"I think I did, yeah!" I joked.

He began answering,

"Well, I'd say yeah, he's definitely younger -- definitely straighter, I think. And from what I see, probably a lot less dangerous to hang out with!"

"Definitely!" I said louder.

"That's right! I am dangerous!" he said, chomping his teeth like Iceman in Top Gun.

I eventually sat down next to him so the fans could see me as well and there were hundreds of 'hello', or 'I love you' messages or comments about Rob and I and the fact that we looked good, happy and a bit different since they hadn't seen pictures or videos of us in a while.

"Hey, hello, love you guys, I'm doing great, thank you," I repeated as I read their messages. They began asking me many music related questions that I answered.

"What kind of album are you going to make this time?" I read.

"Well, you know, like Rob said, I think we'll probably start from scratch, so it's hard to tell. But we've always been the kind of band that tries to write universal music, using our own personal experiences, so since you guys love trying to figure out what our lyrics really mean, I'm sure you'll be happy with the record!" I grinned at Rob because we had already started to find great ideas and lyrics for new songs.

"Can't wait to hear the new songs live," I read.

"Yeah, and we can't wait to play them to you and see your reactions ... and see if we've done it again or not! We'll definitely try to be genuine on this record and put it all out there. Everything that's happened in our lives, all the experiences we've had since the last album...because every new album is, like, about a new chapter in our lives," I said, looking at Rob, who nodded at that.

"Can you play a tune?" I read.

"I would," I answered, "but I don't have a guitar with me. Can you believe that?" I said, turning to Rob, "I don't have a guitar with me!"

"Oh shit! Are you gonna start experiencing withdrawal symptoms?" he asked jokingly.

"Who the hell knows, I might! Never spent that much time without a guitar," I laughed.

"I'll buy you one," he offered.

I gasped,

"Oh, get me a 'Majesty Monarchy'!" I asked with a pleading grin, because it was one of the best guitars in the word.

"You really don't have a taste for luxury and perfection, baby!" he joked sarcastically because of the Ferrari I'd bought.

I grinned with a laugh,

"Which is why I've got you as a boyfriend, you're perfect!"

"That is true, he's not lying!" he said facing the webcam.

He told them about the Ferrari they had helped pay for, teasing me, and they commented on that for a moment.

"Do you like driving?" I read.

"Does he like driving?" Rob exclaimed, looking straight at the webcam, "He's a control freak," he said with a smile, "he needs to be in the driver seat with his hands firmly on the steering wheel."

I just stared at him until he looked at my eyes. When he did, I smiled and he said apologetically,

"I love you though!"

I gave a little chuckle and he leaned closer to me. He pretended he was going to kiss me a couple of times and I looked at him mischievously before actually pecking his lips with a smile,

"I love this boy," he said, squeezing my cheeks, "isn't he adorable?" he asked them.

We read a few more comments out loud and answered random questions for a moment until Rob read, smiling at me,

"Are you guys ever gonna get married, you're the best celebrity couple ever!" he read, although he had avoided reading similar messages aloud since the stream had begun.

"Aw, I'm working on it!" he replied with a nod and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

By this point, most of the comments were about our relationship so we answered a few more of their questions and then ended the stream, happy that we had reconnected with the fans a little.

----

Ten months later, we were in the studio, listening to the vocals Rob had just recorded. We had collaborated with the American rapper Big Sean on a song we called 'Miracles.'

The conversations we'd had with our respective dads had inspired us to write a song about them and the words of motivation they had whispered... or not... into our ears growing up... as well as the sound advice Rob had received from his dad during his times of self-doubt.

It was about the importance of believing in yourself to make it out there and succeed. The message was both sad and inspirational and the music was very easy on the ears and had an uplifting feel to it, which made it a great likeable tune.

We listened to those lyrics and softly sang along to them,

My father said never give up son

Just look how good Cassius become

Mohammed, Mahatma, and Nelson

Not scared to be strong

Now you could run and just say they're right

No I'll never be no one in my whole life

Or you could turn and see the way they're wrong

And get to keep on dancing all life long

"This is so fucking awesome, dude!" Jordan said as he grabbed Rob's shoulders and shook him, buzzing with excitement. Then he wrapped his arm around his shoulders and smashed his lips on his cheek.

"Now, I'm so glad we were dumb enough to do coke!"

Rob nodded his head and raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, it was all so worth it," he joked.

We continued listening and singing along to the song.

In you I see

Someone special

You've got bright in your brains

You can break through those chains

You'll go higher than we've ever gone

Just turn it on

----

Don't go to war with yourself

Just turn, just turn, just turn it on

And you can't go wrong

When the song ended, Jordan turned to me.

"Oh my god, this is so good, I fucking love it! I might just suck your dick after this, Mark!" he announced, sounding serious, as if it was a totally normal thing to say.

"What?!" I exclaimed.

Dylan was standing next to me and he laughed,

"Jord! Keep joking about this and one of these days, you'll really end up with a dick in your mouth!" he told him jokingly.

"And there's no coming back from that!" I said and Rob smirked at me.

"Yeah, I highly doubt it!" Jordan laughed and we started editing parts of the song again, totally pumped about it, totally pumped about all the songs we had written and recorded.

Indeed, there were a few more we couldn't wait to put out there.

Including a song with Beyonce!

After having been out a million times to a million different parties, Rob thought it'd be a good idea to write a song about that.

He wanted to write a feel-good song ... a song that you could dance to in your house instead of going out ... a song you could dance to making out in the kitchen while cooking dinner or something.

We called it "Hymn for the weekend" and it went like this,

Oh, angel sent from up above

You know you make my world light up

When I was down, when I was hurt

You came to lift me up

Life is a drink and love's a drug

Oh, now I think I must be miles up

When I was a river dried up

You came to rain a flood

Ah-oh-ah-oh-ah

Got me feeling drunk and high

So high, so high

-----

As we were editing it one day, Rob turned to me and asked me with a grin,

"You know what would really help this song?"

I watched him and smiled broadly,

"Beyonce?"

We laughed at the fact that I was thinking it too, totally beaming.

"Beyonce!" he exclaimed, full of confidence, and with the spark of enthusiasm that was so intoxicating about him.

We all got totally excited about the idea but we tried to calm ourselves down because it was kind of crazy to ask her to collaborate with us, but since we had recorded with Rihanna, nothing really felt impossible anymore.

Therefore, we mastered the courage to ask her what she thought of the song. We sent it to her, saying that we wanted a female voice on it. We didn't say we wanted her on it, we didn't want to scare her off.

She didn't reply for a few days, her management saying that she needed time to sit on it so she could formulate how she felt about the song. And then she agreed. She recorded her vocals, sent them back to us and we included them into the song.

Boom! One more thing ticked off our list!

We were so stoked with the song, we couldn't wait for it to be the first single.

After this, we decided that this fourth album should be a collaborative album so we did a couple more collaborations including one with "The Chainsmokers" on a song we called, "Something like this" which had a deep emotional meaning. It was about all the Greek Gods and modern heroes and the fact that you didn't need to be a superhero in real life as long as you were one in the eyes of the person that you loved.

Then, everything that Rob had worked on in rehab, we tried to put it into a song that we called 'Adventure of a life time'. It felt important to write about it and hopefully, have people connect to what he had gone through and maybe help them get through a hard time with a very uplifting song. It went like this,

Turn your magic on, to me she'd say

Everything you want's a dream away

Under this pressure, under this weight

We are diamonds taking shape

Said I can't go on, not in this way

I'm a dream, I die by light of day

Gonna hold up half the sky and say

Only I own me

I feel my heart beating

I feel my heart beneath my skin

I feel my heart beating

Oh, you make me feel

Like I'm alive again

If we've only got this life

And this adventure,

oh then I wanna share it with you

...

There were many feel good songs on the album. It was an album about being happy, honest and truthful with our music. Once we had finished recording, we began working on the live shows and what we wanted them to look like.... Mind-blowing!

We knew our next tour would be amazing and we could hardly wait. Our minds were bubbling with ideas again, from what we wanted the stage to look like to what we wanted the audience to look like. Like we had done on our previous stadium tour, we were going to use fireworks and confetti again to highlight our performance with an explosion of sound and color.

We had also found a way to make our show evolve by making each member of the audience wear a wristband to create a stunning light show in the stadium. We wanted to synchronize the flashing of the bands to our music. We had always loved involving the fans completely by making them sing along or by talking to them. For us, any interaction with the audience was the most important part of our show and we just wanted everyone to feel part of it by wearing a little light on their wrist so that, hopefully, they'd be able to connect with us more and walk away from the show feeling really happy. It was going to cost us a lot of money and we weren't even sure that all the wristbands would work properly so we had to test the idea in an arena show first. We couldn't wait to see the whole place light up. We had even written a song specifically for our stadium shows called 'A Sky Full Of Stars'.

The album was to be released in October 2018 and we were about to release the first single in September. After having recorded an interview for a TV channel and performed the song on the set, we all went out to dinner together. We had to discuss the public announcement of our tour dates on the following day.

For the first fifteen minutes, we sat in the restaurant, totally aware that everyone was staring at us because as a five-piece band, we could never go unnoticed and there were always a few people who knew who we were.

Tom handed us the final tour schedule we had discussed with the label earlier during the week. We were to play a few arena shows in December but the real tour was to kick off in Singapore in March 2019 and end in December in Australia, which meant ten months of touring the world.