Under the Sky

Hannah called quietly to Karolina and passed up mugs of coffee. The two girls chatted through the evening, occupying their long dark hours with word games and quietly singing songs, until they each forgot words and just laughed instead.

Karolina was a first year undergraduate in the same department where Hannah had studied. She'd been living in the UK for five years. She was a little shorter than Hannah, with naturally lush eyelashes and high cheekbones that distinguished her from the oval faces of English people. Dark brown eyes too, darker still against her pale complexion.

Hannah loved her Polish intonation and told her so.

"You have such a sexy accent, Karolina. I'm sure you must have a string of men chasing you."

"Oh, not so much you know. And please, my friends call me Kay or KN - my initials. My full name have too many symbols."

"Okay, Kay." She laughed at the rhyme. "You can call me Han or Hans or Hannah, which ever." Hannah turned to her with a smile in the darkness. In the night there is always some light at sea, but the hood of Kay's jacket had transformed her into a black silhouette, so that Hannah could not make out her face.

With Hannah busy checking the course, Kay had a chance to study her companion without embarrassment. Kay saw the soft shimmer of moonlight making a halo of Hannah's hair and the few brushstrokes of her beauty shone in the darkness. Kay kept looking but the other girl didn't notice. She dismissed a whimsical thought from her mind, tucked her hands into her fleece-lined pockets for warmth, and studied the sea instead.

The time passed soon enough in each other's company, and three hot drinks later, it was nearly midnight. They heard the men's voices and doors opening and closing. Steve face appeared in companionway, with the dim glow of the cabin lights behind him. He enquired if there was anything to report.

"We're making good progress," he remarked. "Two minutes and we'll relieve you. Are you about set, Paul?"

Once off duty and back in the cabin, Hannah fought her way out of her thick jacket and salopettes and after a quick wash in cold water, crawled into the lingering warmth of Paul's sleeping bag in their cabin.

She could hear Steve's voice issuing instructions to Paul, the clock-like rasp of winches being adjusted and the thump-thump of sheets being eased. A smile grew on her face and she snuggled deeper into the down bag. Steve was never happy until he'd fiddled with the set of the sails but Hannah was comforted to know that he was in charge and she could fully relax. The men would now watch over them and keep them safe. With her nose full of Paul's comforting scent, she was completely at ease and soon fell asleep.

* * * *

"Hannah. Hannah!" Kay had set her clock ahead of time and was shaking Hannah's foot from the end of the bunk. Hannah awoke with a start.

"Shit, what time is it? Are we late?" Hannah blurted in an immediate panic. She planned to be first awake, but it now seemed Kay had beaten her to it.

"No, it okay. Not panic. Here, I made us coffee. I hope is right -- coffee, not tea? You seem a coffee person. White, not sugar," Kay swung herself to sit on the end of the bunk, the motion of the boat making it tricky to stand upright with a mug.

"Oh bless you, Kay. Coffee -- that's great, thanks. I think my nose will be too cold to smell it. What's the time?" Hannah replied, taking the offered mug carefully.

"It's plenty time. I think already ten before four, so we have time. I am ready, so you only need to put on your clothes and we can stand by our watch." Kay smiled, and as she spoke, steam from her coffee made her puff like a dragon.

Kay appeared cheerful if a little tired. Four in the morning is a horrible time -- neither one thing or another, neither night nor morning, but the novelty of being on board meant Hannah didn't mind. They would be able to see the dawn spill into day and the forecast promised clear skies. She quickly slurped her coffee, grateful that it was not too hot.

"We should make a move, Kay. Give Steve a call to let him know we're awake or he'll get grumpy," said Hannah. She wriggled out of her sleeping bag and stepped straight into her 'oilies'. She ran through her personal check list: jacket, boots, hat, gloves, lifejacket buckled.

From the foot of the companionway, she called up to Steve and Paul.

"Permission to come up, skipper?" she called.

"You may indeed. Lets have a quick chat," Steve replied. Hannah noted he'd pulled on a woolly hat.

Hannah stood alongside Steve at the wheel as he brought her up to speed with wind strength and how she should set 'his' sails for him. He mentioned some radio traffic and pointed out the relevant lights on the horizon so she had some visual bearings to match the information on the electronic chart plotter.

Paul stood to one side, smiling at how serious Hannah became when she was working -- she almost seemed a different person to her off-duty self. He reflected that only the faintest hint remained of the tentative person he'd first known as a young adult.

It was difficult to make out anyone's figure under so many clothes, but her body language remained the same as it had always been. She always put a hand out to touch a person's arm when she spoke and was doing just that with Steve as they conferred. The observation brought a smile to his face.

"Hi big fella," she smiled up to Paul once Steve had disappeared below. "Are you having fun yet?"

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world. It's amazing what conversations you have on a boat in the middle of the night. Steve's a really interesting guy. I like him." Paul replied, rubbing her arms through the stiffness of her jacket.

"Rub noses, honey? Too cold for kisses, I think!" Hannah looked up to him and had shuffled forward so their booted feet were touching.

"Mwah!" Paul gave her a peck on the lips, then put his cold hands to her face, to make her squeal.

"You bastard!" she laughed, turning her face away. "Go on -- grab the sleeping bag while it's warm. Sweet dreams. Love ya."

Kay had waited at the foot of the steps until Paul descended, giving the two of them a moment alone. She huddled herself into the shelter of the cockpit while Hannah got her bearings and checked the sails. She looked again at Hannah, her face lit by the dim glow of the instruments at the wheel. Hannah smiled as she came to sit next to her, where she could keep half an eye on the sea ahead.

Kay noted Hannah's movements and the concentration in her face, now that she carried the responsibility for the boat. Kay admired people with such confidence, especially other women working in what is often a male environment. Despite those responsibilities, she was discovering that Hannah still had time for fun and conversation.

"You and Paul -- have you been together long?" Kay asked, once Hannah had settled.

"Oh, we go back a way -- a long time, I mean. It's difficult to explain, but we were together one holiday ten years ago, then I found him again recently. We still liked each other and here we are." Hannah was happy to confide in Kay as people often do during the small hours on watch.

Kay nodded back to her, then studied her fingers for a minute before glancing at Hannah.

"So, Hannah. You must stop me if I am being incorrect or... or if... I ask something now I am not sure about, of you?" Kay spoke hesitantly and searched Hannah's face to gauge her reaction.

Hannah looked down and quietly sighed to herself. She already knew the question almost as soon as Kay spoke -- just by the tone of her voice.

Being asked if you're transgender was as awkward for the questioner as it was for her to respond. She'd had many discussions with friends about why people felt compelled to ask at all, but never came to a satisfactory conclusion. It vexed her when it happened, so instead of helping Kay, Hannah decided to let her wrestle with putting her question.

Kay could see from Hannah's subtle shift and the expression in her eyes that she was making a hash of phrasing an awkward question in English. She decided against finishing the question and chose a different, more honest approach instead.

"Sorry, Hannah. How to say this better? I think you are a beautiful woman. That is all -- you are very beautiful. I understand why Paul loves you very much. I see this. There, I hope you don't mind me for saying and..." Kay now laughed at her own awkwardness "... I hope much we can be friends always when we finish this voyage."

'That didn't go where I expected' Hannah thought to herself. She looked into Kay's face in the moonlight and saw the beauty in it. How could anyone be so gorgeous with a red nose, and wearing oilies, at four o'clock in the morning?

Hannah didn't say anything, but put her arms out to Kay and they hugged past politeness and into affection.

When they finally pulled away, Hannah wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and Kay, seeing that she was upset, leaned forward and, cradling her face, brushed the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs. Kay made a play of looking up into Hannah's downcast eyes to make a forced smile, as adults sometimes do with children they are trying to cheer up.

"Be best first mate now, Hannah. You must run the boat and tell me what to do!" Kay smiled, sliding her hand as a peace offering on the bench between them.

Hannah put her own hand to cover hers with a squeeze, then stood up on the pretence of checking their course. Kay was right -- she had a boat to run, lights to watch, instruments to check. Despite Hannah's attempt to present a professional appearance, Kay had managed to slip past her emotional armour with a tenderness that caught her off guard.

"It maybe too soon, but shall I make a hot drink now? I make Polish cocoa, unless you like something else?" Kay realised that Hannah needed a little time to herself, if only a few minutes. She was angry with herself for letting her idle curiosity wound Hannah so deeply. Despite the nuances of language, they both understood the significance of the question that never actually made it into words.

"That sounds great, thanks Kay. I'll be fine," Hannah called quietly, from behind the wheel.

Hannah discovered long ago that the wheel of a yacht was a perfect place to zone out. In the past other crewmates would laugh and swap jokes, then make a remark to bring her into the conversation, only to find she was completely oblivious to what they'd been discussing. The person at the wheel of a boat stood alone and it was a role that suited her temperament well.

Kay, meanwhile, busied herself making the hot drinks. While the kettle slowly began to purr over the blue gas flame, she replayed her blundering conversation with Hannah. She realised Hannah had not said a single word in reply, but the subtleties of her response had told her so much more. She cursed herself quietly in Polish.

'Why am I such an idiot? She's a lovely person, no matter what,' she thought to herself, a scowl darkening her face. 'She has a boyfriend, she's obviously in love with him. Leave them alone. I'm pleased for her and maybe even jealous of her happiness too.'

She whisked the kettle off the heat before it began to whistle, and having poured the cocoa, added a handful of pianka that spun merrily in circles on the surface.

Kay passed up the mugs to Hannah, who cooed in appreciation.

"Like little baby icebergs! Aww, thanks Kay ...and thanks -- y'know," Hannah replied, realising they needed to clear the air between them. She could see Kay wasn't the sort to be unkind and people made slip-ups with language all the time.

Kay took Hannah's arm and squeezed it, looking up at her with a smile, relieved that they'd set the issue behind them.

"I've got something to show you, Kay, now the sky has cleared." Hannah pointed ahead of the boat to the west. "Can you see that, those two stars together? I've been watching them for a couple of weeks from home."

Kay had to step in front of Hannah to see past the sails where she was pointing.

"Oh yes, those two bright stars. I have not seen them before. What are they, Hannah?" Kay looked over her shoulder to Hannah as she stood with her eyes fixed to the sky. "So beautiful!"

Hannah didn't notice the significance of Kay's remark. She explained, "Well, they're not stars, they're planets and you'll have seen them before but not close together like that. It's called a conjunction. The one on the right is Jupiter and the other is Venus. They move through the sky at different speeds so eventually they catch each other up."

"Oh! So like you and Paul! Now you have catch each other up!" Kay exclaimed.

"Well yes, I suppose like that. I hadn't thought about it before, like that." Hannah laughed and pondered the idea.

"The bright one is Venus, so that is like you - shining bright," Kay said. "But wait! There must be, you know, a meaning for this, like in horoscope. Do we have internet here?"

Kay rummaged in her jacket and found her phone. As she woke it up, the screen was so bright it made them both wince.

"You can try. The boat does have an extra antenna so you might get a signal." Hannah came to sit beside Kay to enjoy the cocoa, with its marsh mallow decorations.

Kay's face was lit up by her mobile in one hand while she sipped her drink with the other.

"Yeay, I have internet. So..." Kay started thumbing through pages.

"Here -- I have found it." She looked up with a smile, she frowned in concentration at her phone, her lips gently miming the words as first she read silently.

"So, it says here 'Venus Jupiter conjunction -- is this the word, conjunction? Venus Jupiter conjunction is a kind of good omen for your social life as you can attract fantastic things around you. Ooo, this is wonderful! Your love life will flourish to its finest state under this conjunction. There! So I was right -- it must be you and Paul!" She looked up to Hannah with a delighted smile on her face.

They both laughed, but Hannah replied, "Does this mean we can only be together when those planets are so close? That's sounds a bad deal!"

"No, no!" Kay insisted. "I'm sure it means the start of something. Not like that girl in the Greek story -- argh, what her name. She ate the seeds of a pomegranate."

"Oh yes, I remember, but I'm not sure how to pronounce her name... Preseponie?"

"Yes, Persephone, with a 'ff'. She had to go back to Hell for six months every year, with that asshole, Hades," Kay replied, with indignation in her voice.

Hannah laughed. She loved hearing Kay speak and enjoyed her humour. "He was an asshole," Hannah agreed. "Typical man, huh?"

"Yes, like most men -- always want, then take. They do this with women too much, I think." Kay was still indignant, but then realised her faux pas. "But not Paul. I think Paul is a nice man and I like him."

"Oh, Paul can be an asshole too, Kay. But hopefully not for six months at a time."

They finished their drinks but there was no need to move. Hannah kept chuckling about their conversation and they discovered if their eyes met, they set each other off in giggles, for no good reason.

They took turns to keep a look-out ahead, as their duty demanded -- not that they could see much. At one point they studied a cross-channel ferry, its light ablaze, slowly crossing ahead of their course, making for Plymouth. They talked about who might be on the ferry, where they were going, how tired they must be.

The wind blew steadily from the south, so the boat was inclined to starboard. Hannah made a couple of adjustments to the main sheet, asking Kay to hold the ropes clear of the winch. To adjust the rope for the fore sail they had to venture down to its winch, close to the rushing water. Although they both wore safety lines, the proximity of the water made Hannah nervous, so she had Kay hold the waistband of her lifejacket for security. Kay clung so tightly the other girl could hardly breathe.

Kay watched with interest over Hannah's shoulder, as she pointed out why she was making adjustments and how it altered the great curve of the sail arcing up to the mast.

Hannah cautioned Kay about the power of the wind and what care was needed to avoid injuries. Hannah was also aware that Steve, lying in his bunk, would have heard everything she'd been doing and felt the change in the boat's movement.

"There! We were heeling too much and that makes the steering heavy. Look -- we're going half a knot faster," Hannah explained to Kay, who nodded back with a frown of concentration.

"Look, Hannah! I think I see the dawn is coming," Kay said, holding her wind-blown hair out of her face.

Hannah looked and sure enough, the once black sky was now deepest indigo on the horizon behind them. Stars still pierced the velvet above them, making bright needle holes in the roof of the sky. The mast nodded and swayed, its own light waving like a wand from the sea.

"It's so, so beautiful," Hannah spoke, hugging Kay's shoulder into her. They both searched the sky that was tranquil and untouched by the wind that busied itself with the water and found its way into the gaps in their clothing.

"Look, Hannah. There is comet, like firework," Kay exclaimed, pointing into the sky.

"Oh, I missed it. A shooting star -- you must make a wish, Kay!"

"Yes, yes, I must!" Kay replied excitedly. "I already have a wish and now..." She closed her eyes tightly.

"I make it." She threw her wish into the sky with her hand. "Go wish! Be best wish for Kay and Hannah. But this is a secret, Hannah and I must not tell anyone -- especially you!"

Hannah laughed with her. "You're a proper comedian, Kay! Oh, what time is it? I should make an entry in the log book. Keep your eyes open. I'll only be a minute."

"I keep them peeled. Peeled like potatoes!" Kay sang after her, as Hannah disappeared into the shelter and warmth below.

With duties done, they both sat once more in the lee of the cockpit, hugging knees into their chests for warmth and watching the growing light make dark blues, pale. The hidden sun washed the horizon with a cummerbund of yellow until even the most westerly sky had changed from velvet to cotton.

They were both surprised when Steve appeared in the companionway, wearing only his customary t-shirt and shorts.

"Morning ladies! " he exclaimed. "It's just an idea, call it a whim if you will, but does anyone fancy a pub lunch?"

Hannah was puzzled, "But I thought we needed to keep going."

"Yup, understood, Hannah, but we've made great time and we're actually ahead of schedule. If we carry on at this rate we'll have a couple of knots of tide against us at Lands End -- I've just been looking. So, unless anyone objects? Pub lunch in Falmouth!" Steve grinned smugly to them both.

"This has nothing to do with your alcohol problem, does it, Steve?" Hannah teased with mock suspicion.

"Darling, this has everything to do with alcohol, but I won't be drinking myself. Well! Maybe a pint? Out of politeness." Steve laughed with a splutter of indignation.

"And since you've doubted my altogether wise decision, you can do the pilotage and take us in. It'll be good experience. You are being paid to be here after all! I'll take over from you now and you can do some planning. You girls can make breakfast in a while, but if you wouldn't mind making me a coffee, I would be forever in your debt. Filter coffee, industrial strength please!"

"I am relieved," Hannah announced in military fashion.

"Well I hope you have a change of underwear. Let Paul sleep on for an hour." Steve stood to one side to let Hannah through. She was happy he seemed in good spirits and made her way across the sloping saloon floor to the cooker. Behind her she heard Steve encouraging Kay, who he set to grinding the winches.

Hannah flicked on the light over the chart table and pulled out the reference books she needed for her plan. It was all basic maths, but she often got herself in a muddle. Sitting in the enveloping warmth of the saloon made her eyes heavy and her task more challenging. She persevered, checking and double checking her calculations. She liked old-fashioned paper charts with marks drawn in pencil, but in the end she compared her plan to the electronic plotter to confirm her workings.