Ungrateful

JESSICA

It's almost time. Phase I of my life is almost over. Phase II is about to begin. My feelings are mixed and intense. I just have to hold on a little longer and then it will be too late for me to back out.

Phase I of my life had two parts: Pre-Ray and Post-Ray. In Pre-Ray life I was absolutely miserable. I was ugly: unmanageable mousy-brown hair, acne ravaged face, glasses, double chin, small breasts, rolls of tummy fat, and a BIG bottom. I survived through self-deprecation. When someone made fun of my looks, I agreed with them and laughed with them. And then I cried on the inside. I had several acquaintances and no friends. Dating? Hah! Then Ray came along.

It was a typical day in the school cafeteria. Some of my female acquaintances were teasing me about how I would never have a date because of how I looked, and I was laughing along with them. Ray was a student who was well-respected. He was athletic, smart, and good looking. We knew who each other was, but we were not close.

"Stop it! There is no reason for treating her that way unless you deliberately want to be mean and cruel. I will personally beat up every guy you sluts try to date if you don't stop your harassment."

I was totally shocked. No one had ever defended me before. The girls looked shamed and went somewhere else to sit. Ray sat down across from me. I had no idea what to say.

My happy feelings about what happened disappeared quickly. "Jessica, you're as bad as they are. How can anyone respect you if you don't respect yourself? You are a good person and I think you look just fine the way you are." I started crying out loud.

"They were teasing you about never having a date. Let's put that insult to rest. Jessica, would you go out with me for dinner and a movie this Friday?"

I'm not sure what I said in response as my mind was in a fog from what he said. Evidently, I said 'yes' because we went out that Friday and many times after. When I was with him, I always felt pretty, valued, and respected. We talked about many things but my feelings about myself was a common topic. Sometimes I would have a date with someone else, but I was only excited when Ray asked me. By the time we graduated, two things had been settled. I had a modicum of self-respect and I was in love with Ray. We went to college together and soon shared an apartment. He was my first and only. I enjoyed the sex we shared every time. There wasn't a big proposal moment. We both just knew we would be getting married.

Within a couple of months after graduation, we both had jobs. We picked a house that would accommodate us and a couple of kids. Several years later, our son arrived. He was sort of planned and sort of a surprise. We were ready to have kids and just took no precautions for me not to get pregnant.

My pregnancy was horrible. I gained almost 50 pounds. My acne covered face looked like I had moon craters. The last three months of pregnancy, my son seemed to know how to hit every nerve in my pelvic area just as I was falling asleep. I thought I was miserable, but I found out things could get worse. I had toxemia and almost died before Ray got me to the hospital. Luckily, the baby and I both lived. I begged Ray to let me have my tubes tied. I did not want to go through this ever again. He agreed.

Nathan, our son, was a clone of Ray. They bonded at first which was good as I was in pain and I was not feeling very maternal. Ray was and is a great father. When they are together, I feel more like a maid than a wife or mother. I was not that unhappy. It was just the way things were.

What drove me into a depression was how I saw myself in the mirror. I looked even worse than I had as a teenager. Ray never complained or stop telling me I was still beautiful to him. No diet or exercise routine worked for very long. Two incidents gave me the motivation to change: One of Nathan's friends, who was about age four, was pointing me out to his parents. "She's the fat one." I laughed but it hurt. It hurt really bad. Secondly, my parents were killed in a car accident. Although that added to my depression, it gave me a large amount of money to use however I wanted.

It seemed every commercial on TV at that time was about face lifts, acne treatment, double chin reduction, removal of tummy fat, etc. I went to Ray and told him that I wanted to use my inheritance to pay for various treatments to improve my appearance. I was crying when I asked. Ray said that it was my money to use as I wanted. He said that he was fine with how I looked now, but if it would make her happy, it was okay with him.

That's when I began to change. It took two years of surgery including breast implants, liposuction, and fanny tuck. I also attended fat camps to help get me where I wanted to be. I had to be away from home a lot during this time. Ray and Nathan seemed to manage well without me. Nathan even joked when my face was wrapped in bandages, "Look, my mommy is a mummy."

Along the way, I got makeup and clothing advice. New blonde hair color and style were added along with manicure and pedicure. Blue tinted contact lens replaced my glasses. I knew I had reached my goal when I was modeling a LBD at the clothing store and the clerk said, "Honey, you look so good you could cure Erectile Dysfunction."

My attitude changed as well. I started making friends with other gorgeous women, sort of a MILF club. Now, instead of talking about childcare and housework, I was talking about sexual techniques and affairs. Affairs, to these women, were not something to feel guilty about -- they were deserved. The idea of an affair became an exciting fantasy to me. The danger of sneaking around and maybe getting caught. The chance to have sex with a different man.

Ray was the only man I had ever had sex with. I blamed life's unfairness for having missed out on being with other men. I had overcome life's unfairness, so now it was time I got reparations for those miserable years of my life as the Ugly Duckling.

I was owed.

My affair started when I was to meet my friend, Mary Jo, at the new Mediterranean restaurant downtown. She had recommended it highly. I got there early which was good because the place filled up quickly. I sat at a round table outside with an umbrella overhead. After waiting a while, I got a text from Mary Jo. Something had come up at her work and she could not join me.

I was in the process of deciding whether to stay or not when he came over. He was Gregor. He was a Greek god. I fell in lust immediately. I think he asked if he could join me for lunch as there were no empty seats. He sat down although I don't think I said anything. My affair had begun.

He was everything the New Jessica wanted. Handsome, dark, swarthy, rich, and somewhat a bad boy -- just about everything Ray wasn't. It didn't many more meetings for us to wind up in bed. It was wonderful. I had not been multi-orgasmic before. I did not hesitate to try anything he wanted to do, things I had denied Ray as 'too dirty.' In a few months, I decided that I wanted Gregor all the time. He agreed. We planned for me to go to Greece with him and leave my old life behind. He offered the New Jessica exactly what she wanted: a NEW life.

Although I loved Ray still, I was IN love with Gregor. I was thankful to Ray for what he had done for me, but he was not my soul mate. Nathan was a good kid, but he was and always would be 'Daddy's boy.' During my surgeries, they had proved they could get along without me. I had suffered a great deal during my 'old' life. Starting over in a foreign country with the love of my life became my focused goal.

Gregor asked me to start transferring my money to a bank account in Greece. He tried to help me get it set up, but the transfer of funds was such a hassle, I just let him have access to my accounts to do it for me. We waited for the perfect time for me to just leave. Ray could file for divorce because of abandonment. There would be no divorce papers from me to give him warning.

Our chance came when Ray was scheduled for a week-long seminar in San Francisco. Gregor and I were scheduled for a quick 'honeymoon' in the Bahamas before heading to Greece. It has been hard to keep it together knowing what was within my reach. Any misgivings about what I was doing were blanked out by thinking of my time in bed with Gregor and our future together. I was finally going to get what I was due from life.

***

AT THE HOUSE

Ray came into the house at 6:00 PM, more than a half hour later than normal. His tie was off, and he looked terrible. Uncharacteristically, he threw his suit jacket on the couch and headed for the refrigerator. He took down a glass from the cabinet next to the fridge and filled it half full with ice from the ice maker. Next, he went to the liquor cabinet and got the Knob Creek bourbon. Once the glass was liberally splashed with bourbon, he picked up a ginger ale and finished off filling the glass. Immediately, he took a big swig and said, "Ahhhh."

He went over to his recliner and fell back into it making sure not to spill his drink. His wife, Jessica, came out of the laundry room, down the hallway, and into the living room.

"You're late. I'll have to warm up dinner since you didn't bother to let me know you were going to be late." The only response from her husband was a look from his dead eyes. She decided to be nicer. This was not the time to make waves.

"You look worn out. Bad day at the office, huh? It's a good thing you've got your big trip to San Francisco tomorrow. You'll be able to get away from all the craziness of the office. By the way, are you all packed yet?" She was having trouble acting sad that he would be gone for a week while actually being glad for the planned getaway with her lover to the Bahamas.

Jessica was about to mention how much she would miss him when he interjected. "Don't need to pack."

"What do you mean?"

"Not going."

"What?" Jessica was struck with fear that her plans with Gregor might be shot. "Why aren't you going?"

"Got fired today."

"What? What in the world happened that got you fired?"

"Lost my security clearance."

"Good grief. Ray, talk to me! What happened for you to lose your security clearance?"

"You."

"Me? You're not making any sense. How could I have caused you to lose your security clearance?"

"Don't you remember when I first started working for Teledyne that we BOTH had to get security clearances because my with government agencies would be highly classsified? Well, your clearance has been revoked which made me suspect enough to get mine revoked. No Top Secret security clearance, no job."

"Why was my security clearance revoked? I haven't done anything wrong."

"I'm afraid Homeland Security disagrees. Having an affair with an ISIS terrorist is enough for them."

Jessica sat down abruptly on the couch. Denial was her first approach. "That's ridiculous. I haven't been having an affair with anyone much less a terrorist."

"Bitch, this is Homeland Security we're talking about. They can find out how many sheets of toilet paper you use per wipe if they want to. They showed me pictures and videos. Your boyfriend, Gregor, is not a Greek Importer like he told you. He is a high-level operative for ISIS. I can't believe how easily you were seduced. Now, I realize how little our marriage and my love meant to you."

"Ray, how can you say that? You know I love you and only you. Gregor is just a friend. It's all a big mistake. Show me the pictures."

"They would not give me a copy. It is part of the evidence they are compiling. You'll see them soon enough. By the way, a 'friend' does not get to have sex with your wife, especially when she allows him to have sex in ways she does not allow her husband."

Her pretense of no affair dissolved quickly. "I never let him do anything kinky with me. Are you saying you have pictures of us having anal sex? I know that is not true."

"I guess you were having 'doggie sex.' I couldn't tell which hole he was using to enter you."

"I can't believe the government was spying on me. What I do in my personal life is my own business. What about my right to privacy? I think I will sue."

"Sue the government? Hah! You cheating slut, you ought to be grateful."

"Grateful? Why should I be grateful? My future is ruined just because of your stupid security clearance."

"You need to be grateful that the FBI found out about him when they did. You thought you were going away with him to the Bahamas when in . . . "

"They know about that?"

"Yes. Gregor was planning on kidnapping you if you didn't come willingly. He was going to hold you ransom to make me divulge some secret information. Whether I gave him the info or not, you were going to be sold in the white slave trade in the Middle East."

Jessica thought for a couple of minutes. "You're lying. You found out about me and Gregor and you're making up lies to keep me from going with him. Well, it won't work. He's my soulmate. We were meant to be together. Your lie wasn't even that clever. Well, I'm not going to fall for it. I'm calling him right now."

Ray went over to her, knocked her cell phone out of her hand, and slapped her. Jessica started crying. "You will not call him. The feds arrested him several hours ago. Hopefully, they will get all the members of his cell. They are coming after you last. You will be charged as a co-conspirator."

"What? But I didn't know anything about this? I'm innocent."

"Innocent? You have an affair and you plan to run off with all my money. Do you have any clue what your lover was doing with all our money you let him have access to?"

"He only took my half. He . . . he was supposed to be setting up an account for us to live in Greece."

"You idiot. He took ALL our money. It was used to buy C-4 explosives and detonation devices. They have plans to bomb a pediatric hospital. Wouldn't that have been a gut-wrench? Can you imagine the headlines, 'Slut wife helps ISIS bomb babies.' Your name would become a household name. You would be in the history books as a bigger traitor than Benedict Arnold. No one would name their girl babies 'Jessica' ever again. Don't worry. You still might get some fame. The feds are praying they can get to Gregor's men before they can detonate the explosives. If not, you will be semi-famous at the least. Or is that 'infamous?'"

Jessica sobbed loudly. "That's too horrible to imagine. What have I done? Ray, I don't know what to do. I was so stupid. I can't believe I fell for his line of bullshit. Please, I don't want to go to prison. Can you help me?"

"Why in the world would I want to help you? I would not want to help a wife who 'forgets' to keep her vows to forsake all others. I would not want to help a wife who was so stupid to believe a rich importer would be attracted to a married secretary. I WOULD, however, want to help a whore who had AIDS, Leprosy, STDS and Ebola before I would want to help you."

"Doesn't eleven good years of marriage and a child mean anything to you?"

"Yes, it means I was fooled for a lot longer than I thought possible. It means I have to become a single father without having a job. It means I have to explain to my son why he will not see his mommy anymore. It means he and I will have to experience years of misery when we did nothing wrong."

"I didn't want to hurt you and Nathan. I know you would have felt bad at first. Oh God, I don't know what to do. Do you want me to take some of my things and leave?"

"You don't have to worry about that. The feds will be here soon. You won't have to worry about food, clothes, shelter, toiletries, or activities for a long time."

"But I didn't know what Gregor was doing. Surely you see that. Surely the government will see that."

"You were willing to give up your current family to take a chance on your whole future to be with a man who you did not know what he was doing. Maybe you will escape severe punishment as long as they believe you could be that stupid or that much in lust. If you are lucky, I would imagine they would place you in a program that would conceal your identity. In fact, I think my son and I would have to be involved also. The bad guys might want revenge on all of us."

"Oh my God! Do you really think our lives would be in danger? I can't believe this is happening."

"Of course, we're not in danger, ISIS loves to be merciful to people who kill their Jihad warriors. Sarc."

"So, we would all be in hiding together?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

'Ding-dong.'

"You might as well answer the door, dear. It will be Homeland Security coming to arrest you."

"No, no, no. Please Ray, help me. I'm sorry. I was duped. I never meant to hurt anyone."

"You didn't have any problem planning to leave me and our son alone, hurting our feelings and taking our money. I see no reason not to return the favor. Answer the door before they break it down."

Jessica stumbled towards the door while still crying. She opened the door to see a man in a dark blue suit and a hat on. He said, "Jessica Sellers?"

"Yes."

"You've been served." He handed her an envelope with a petition for Dissolution of Marriage inside.

Jessica looked over at Ray with a big question mark on her face. Ray was smiling.

"You bastard! You did make up that story about Gregor. He's no terrorist."

"Well, I needed proof of your affair. I have suspected for a while. I knew some things, but you have filled in the details for me. Our whole exchange was recorded this evening. Gregor is not a terrorist, but he is a liar, a cheat and a gigolo. He is in debt and was planning on taking our money and running. When you got to the airport for your trip to the Bahamas, you would not find him. He and our money would be out of the country. You would be standing at the airport feeling very, very foolish."

"How do you know that's what he was going to do?"

"The police actually arrested him this afternoon for theft, conspiracy, and, from me, alienation of affection. It is likely the IRS will add a charge or two. He confessed with no pressure at all. He was not very nice in his description of you and your sexual abilities."

In Jessica's search of her brain for a way out, she came up with, "Ray, sweetheart. You rescued me once. Do you have enough love left that you can give me a second chance?"

"What do you think?"

"Do I have any options in the divorce?"

"Few. Leave now and I will pay for a motel room for two weeks. In exchange for not telling the world of your betrayal, I will give you half of my assets and your car. I will have primary custody of our child with liberal visitation especially given your willingness to desert him. No alimony. No child support."

"That's still harsh."

"I can't believe you. After what you've done to your family? I should just . . . I can't say what I'd like to do. Just get out. I have to prepare to tell MY son about his cheating mother."

YEARS LATER

Ray and Nathan did get along well as Jessica had predicted. Along with his work, being a good father was enough to keep Ray busy. Nathan became active in sports: soccer in the fall, basketball in the winter, and baseball in the spring. It was rare for Ray to miss a game, miss a parents' meeting, or participate in the many fundraisers.

On the social scene, Ray did find a couple of friends with benefits to keep the horns trimmed. None of the friends came close to being in what could be called a relationship with Ray. Soon Nathan would be driving, and Ray's obligations of time would be reduced. He speculated that maybe then he could think about a serious relationship.

One day the doorbell rang. He answered the door to see Jessica -- the old Jessica. It was evident that she had undone most of the surgeries she had had. She looked almost like the Jessica he had first fell in love with.