Unicorn

"Read it" She instructed. I noticed she still held my hand. I wanted to pull away but couldn't bring myself to. This was just Mandy's way. Whenever she was super excited or happy she would find any reason to make contact. Which meant I had to start getting used to her way of expressing it.

I read through the text and found it mostly tedious, until it wasn't. Apparently Spartan soldiers would leave to train for months and years at a time and in their training camps they would take a younger Spartan under their wing. Not only that but they would, for lack of better words, take them on as lovers. I felt myself blush as I continued reading. I could see Mandy standing next to me, from the corner of my eye, trying to gauge my reaction. So, the Spartans would keep their mentees around and they would each take care of each other's needs while they were away from their wives. Then they would return home and go on about their business.

I felt my breath quicken a little. I knew what was happening. I read somewhere once, in a study that women were most likely to get turned on by straight, gay, and lesbian porn. I tested out this theory and it was pretty accurate. I knew my body was reacting to the image of these strong, dominating men, getting close and personal with other men. My breast felt heavier and I felt my nipples tightening up. I pressed my thighs together to stop the tingling. My hands started to get sweaty.

"Isn't that really interesting?" I heard Mandy ask. For a split second I forgot she was there with me. When I turned to look at her, she had a look on her face that I couldn't place.

I managed to nod. Her hand left mine and she went on to place it on my lower back. I felt an instant heat radiating from her touch. Again, I wanted to pull away but couldn't will my feet to move.

She stepped closer to me and whispered in my ear "I always believed sexuality was more of a spectrum. Some days you find guys more attractive, other days you can't stop admiring girls." She was getting into my bubble space, and where as before I would feel uncomfortable because I didn't particularly enjoy people touching me, I was uncomfortable for a completely different reason right now. Her breath in my ear seemed to be waking something inside of me that I had no idea existed. I felt the pressure of her breast against my arm becoming more pronounced. She wasn't wearing a bra. I had to fight my thoughts before they could get away from me.

"Sexuality is about being able to dabble," She continued to speak. "Why limit yourself to playing for one team when you do not know if playing with the other team is just as fun or even more so? It's all about finding the right balance for you."

I felt the blood rushing to my face again and stepped a little away from her. I brought my eyes to meet hers for the first time since she placed her hand on my lower back. Her eyes had the same mischievous glint that she had the first day of class, but also a bit of uncertainty in them. There was no doubt that she was also feeling a little of what I was. Her pink lips were slightly parted and her cheeks were a pretty rose color. Her breasts were moving up and down at a quick pace to match her breathing.

Was this her way of telling me she was bi?

My phone buzzed and I nearly jumped. It was a text from Derek. He wanted to know what I wanted to do this weekend. Before I replied, I looked up to see that Mandy had left.

******

I walked out of my last History class without a backwards glance. I really enjoyed the class but I also enjoyed leaving it in the past for good. My last final was complete and now I had the whole summer to relax. Well, relax as much as I could while still working.

An arm looped itself around my left arm and I already knew who it was.

"So glad this is done!" She dramatically leaned against my arm to emphasize how relieved she felt. We waved to some of our classmates as we walked out of the building. Usually the last classes of the semester were always the hardest for me because I made friends and wanted to believe we would keep in touch after, knowing full well it wasn't going to happen. This time, though, I had my friend hanging from my arm. Her invasion of my personal space was no longer as big of a deal as it used to be. I seemed to almost crave Mandy's invasion of my personal space. It made me feel special.

"How do you think you did?" I asked as I headed to her car. We began riding to and from school together, taking turns.

"Oh, I definitely passed, thanks to you!" Her giddiness was rubbing off on me. I giggled. "And this weekend will only get better when we head to my place for our sleepover! We get the whole place to ourselves since my parents are going to be out of town!"

"Oh, goodie!" I replied, mimicking her tone.

"Don't be a sour puss." She pouted. I got into the passenger side of her car and she took the wheel. The weather was definitely good enough to roll down the windows.

"Here we go again." I heard her say under her breath, before rolling down her window.

I looked at her confused. It was rare to hear her sound annoyed. But looking forward I could see why. Donald was approaching her side of the window. Poor Donald. He was one of the few guys who continued to do everything in his power to get Mandy to notice him, but she didn't even pretend. Don't get me wrong, Mandy is all sunshine and rainbows about life, but when she knows what she wants she does not waste her time focusing on anything else. She was most definitely not interested in any of the guys in our class.

"Hi Amanda!" Donald said, as he approached her window.

It took me a second to realize he was talking to Mandy. I never used her given name and neither did her parents or my family for that matter.

"Hi Danny" She replied, sweetly. I swatted her arm. She was intentionally torturing the poor kid by pretending not to remember his name.

"It's Donald" He corrected, for like the tenth time this semester. "I just wanted to wish you happy endeavors." He seemed slightly dejected after she butchered his name. He seemed to throw whatever he was about to say out the window.

"Well, bye" He replied when she made no other comment.

"Bye Donald!" I said, a little too enthusiastically. I felt so bad for him and wanted to throw him a bone. He looked at me as if he just noticed that I was sitting next to Mandy.

He gave a slight nod and walked towards his car.

"Poor guy." I sighed. "If only Mandy wasn't such a bitch." I laughed. She hated when I called her that but knew I was only kidding. She was far from being one.

"I just don't want to give him any false hope." She pulled out of the parking spot and we headed to her place. "It's better this way." She assured.

"Why don't you want to give him chance?" I almost whined. Any time I tried to play matchmaker with Mandy, she quickly shut me down. She explained how she wasn't looking for anything serious since she was moving before the end of the summer. I still had a lot to learn about her past romances but I did not push. She slowly opened up whenever she felt like it and I think that's best. Besides a couple of hookups with some guys in her past, I don't think she ever really dated for more than a couple of months.

"I mean, he's not the most gorgeous guy in the world but he seems like he would treat you right." I kept trying to work my matchmaking skills.

She laughed. "He dresses up like he's a politician all the time. Hello? It's just history class. No need for a three-piece suit"

I laughed too but didn't let her brush it off like she usually does. "Well I bet he doesn't wear that suit when he's in bed." I wiggled my eyebrows.

She scrunched her nose like she smelled something bad. "Kimberly Elizabeth Rodriguez! I will not sit here and listen to your naughty, Satan driven, talk any longer." With that she turned on her radio and shut me out.

I laughed because she rarely ever used my full name. Obviously this was a touchy subject and I, once again, backed down.

*********

Two wine bottles, four romantic-comedy movies, and two popcorn bowls later I sat on Mandy's couch in the living room. She laid next to me with her head on my lap. I was glad we finally switched to PJ's. The alcohol was getting to me and my cheeks were starting to turn bright red. My PJ shorts and short sleeve shirt allowed my body to cool down.

"I don't think I can take another corny movie." I wailed. I liked these movies as much as the next person but I couldn't sit through another movie that was so predictable. My phone vibrated. Derek was letting me know he was out with the guys and he missed me. I stared at my phone screen and exhaled out loud.

Mandy shifted and laid back so she looked up at me. "They're not that bad" She chided.

I shook my head. "It's not the movie." Like all the movies we just watched, I felt like I knew the ending to my current romance story. Derek was great and all, but I could tell that we were going our separate ways. He was nice, and had his life together. The sex was great but it wasn't enough for me anymore. We didn't talk about our future as much as we used to. It was like we both realized and silently agreed that we would probably not make it past this summer.

I didn't even realize until Mandy had gotten up, and return with a box of tissues, that I was crying. Alcohol and emotions don't mix well with me.

"What's wrong, Kimmy bear?" Mandy asked quietly. She only used that nickname when she knew I was really feeling down.

I told her what Derek and I were going through and she nodded and asked questions at the right time. She also just stayed quiet for most of it. She was an amazing listener. She let me cry on her shoulder for a while and ran her hands through my hair and my back to soothe my trembling. I don't remember crying so much in one sitting. I definitely don't think I ever cried in front of Mandy.

Besides the bewildered look on her face when I first started crying, she gave no hint that this was weird. She was a caretaker.

After a good hour or so I had finally dried my tears and quieted my sobs. When I finally sat back and looked at her I could see her concern. Mandy could be the happiest person in the world, but she was also very compassionate. My pain was her pain, and she was letting me know. She was letting me know it was okay I was not alone. That made me feel safe.

The tips of my fingers were tingly. Whether from my inebriated state or the emotional roller coaster I was going through, I had no clue. Mandy's hazel eyes turned intense. They were no longer sad like mine were they seemed to be contemplating. I wondered if the alcohol had also gotten to her. Her lips parted slightly and my eyes focused on them. They were the same shade of light pink that they were the first time we met. Her bottom lip was slightly bigger and made it seem like she was always pouting. They looked so smooth and inviting. Her tongue slowly licked her lips. I felt my own lips part. Before I knew what came over me, I closed my eyes and leaned in. I heard her squeak when my lips brushed over hers.

I lightly ran my lips back and forth against her own and finally decided to deepen the kiss. Her lips fit perfectly against mine and my stomach fluttered. It felt right. Like finding the first two pieces' of a puzzle that fit together. The taste of red wine greeted me as I stuck my tongue out and let it run through her lips. I groaned. Her fingers dug into my scalp. I leaned in even more, to the point that I was practically sitting on her lap. All the thoughts in my head seemed to finally stop and all I could focus on was the taste of Mandy. My Mandy. I sucked on her bottom lip and felt her fingers in my hair become frantic. They pushed then pulled me closer to her face until she finally took a deep breath and pulled my face away from hers. Through my heavy lids I looked at her.

Her eyes on the other hand were as wide as a deer in the headlights. Her lips had turn a darker shade of pink and looked swollen. Her cheeks were also a brighter pink than earlier. Her breath was coming in and out in short gasps and her hands were still tangled in my hair. She looked drunk all right, but not because of the alcohol.

I continued to stare at her and waited for her to make the next move. A dull hunger settled in the pit of my stomach. Her hands slowly left my hair and moved to cup my face. She leaned in closer. She smelled like how she always smelled, vanilla. Safe and sweet. Her scent seemed intoxicating this time, though, and I felt myself getting dizzy taking it in. Her thumbs ran along my cheeks. Her thick brows pulled in confusion. It seemed like she was trying to find an answer to a hard question on my face.

"Are you okay?" She finally spoke.

At first I thought she was asking about what had just happened. Then I realized my face gave away something that I wasn't aware of at first, because I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. The wine was trying to make its way back up.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I managed to say before turning away from Mandy and spilling what we had for dinner on her hardwood floor.

*******

I woke to a buzzing sound coming from the nightstand on my side of the bed. My phone. From the light that came through the window, I guessed it was still pretty early. As I sat there and let myself slowly wake up I noticed that I wasn't alone. And by that I mean someone had me on the edge of the bed when the other side of the bed was completely open. And by someone I mean Mandy. I was used to her sometimes turning to me to cuddle when I would sleep over, this time though something was different. I laid on my back and tried to pinpoint what was different. Then I realized I was naked. And not only was I naked but Mandy was glued to my side and partially laying on me. Her right hand cupped my left breast. She used her left arm as a pillow. Her right leg was thrown across my lower body. I could tell she still had her PJs on. Phew! I also noticed her crotch was against my right hip and it was warm.

My body began to hum. Every inch of it was covered by Mandy. My breathing started to come in at a quicker speed. Why was I naked? And why was Mandy all over me? My brain was yelling at me to get up but my body was basking in the feel of another person's touch. It somehow could not decipher that this was my best friend's hand on my breast. I bit my lip as I tried to pull away from her. Her body shifted and her thumb brushed against my nipple. A moan escaped my lips.

I quickly sat up and in the process woke up poor Mandy from her deep slumber.

She sat up as well. "What happened? Are you going to be sick again?" Her hair covered her face and her eyes looked alert.

I got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. It was really convenient that it was located in her room. "Sorry, only need to pee." I closed the bathroom door behind me and leaned against it.

What was wrong with me? I was such an awful person. I couldn't believe what I did last night and what I almost did this morning. Poor Mandy. I couldn't stop all these thoughts from running through my head over and over again. A small knock on the door snapped me back to the moment. I hid my body behind the door and opened it.

Mandy was in the middle of yawning behind her hand when she brought up a set of clothes with her other one. "Here, they were in your bag. I couldn't find your underwear so I gave you a pair of mine." I took the clothes, thanked her, and closed the door.

On top of the pile of clothes was a bright pink thong. I almost groaned out loud at the thought that Mandy wore this under her clothes. Although other best friends were used to changing in front of each other, I was not and Mandy completely understood. She respected my need to keep some things private, even if she didn't believe in personal space. I always imagined she had an amazing body but I pictured her in cotton underwear. Seeing this pink thong made me see Mandy in a different light than I had before.

I sat on the toilet and put my head in my hands. What was going on? Why was I all of a sudden so taken with the thought of Mandy? Was it because I was still on my emotional rollercoaster? I knew my relationship was not over officially but it seemed like admitting it last night placed me past a threshold that I didn't know even existed. I was no longer solely focusing on Derek's wants and needs. My body was starting to almost scream their wants and needs. I knew I needed to be alone for a while. Mandy was not going to like it but I couldn't imagine being here for a second longer. I needed to think. Being around Mandy right now was not going to help. I quickly changed.

I found her in the kitchen leaning against the counter with cup of coffee in her hand. She seemed to be in deep thought before she heard me come in. "Good morning, sunshine." She smiled brightly.

I stayed near the kitchen entrance and leaned against the wall. "Mandy, I am so sorry-".

"Don't." She said very quietly, her bright mood turning somber. She bit her bottom lip and ran a hand through her hair. "It's okay. You were drunk, and I was drunk, and emotions were all over the place. It's okay" she repeated. I could tell she was trying really hard to play it off but there was tension in the air. I had officially ruined the best friendship I ever had.

"I think I'm going to go home." I went to hug her goodbye but she turned around and nodded. She didn't want me to see her reaction but I could already guess what it was. "I'll text you when I get there." This was going to suck.

She stared out the window and waved a hand, indicating that she heard. She heard what I didn't have to say loud and clear

*******

Three weeks. In just three weeks I had managed to avoid Mandy, break up with my boyfriend, and work my ass off at the restaurant. I felt awful. I didn't know how involved Mandy was in my life and vice versa until I found myself wanting to call her every night, drive to her house after work, or text her to come over on the weekends. I picked up more hours to avoid any temptations and always got home too exhausted to want to do anything but sleep. Mandy didn't make it easier. She called and texted and messaged me through social media asking me what was wrong. I felt like an ass for replying only once saying that I needed some time alone. She gave up trying to get in touch with me when she came over my house one day and I got my mom to lie for me. My car was in the driveway so Mandy knew I was home. If that wasn't enough to break off any remaining pieces of our friendship, I didn't know what was.

My breakup with Derek went as I expected. He seemed surprised that I was okay about it but he understood that I felt the same way. His baby blue eyes did get misty here and there when we started talking about the good old days, and his big hands kept rubbing against one another. I was going to miss us hanging out and knew no matter how many times he said we could be friends, we wouldn't be the same. He let me cry on his shoulder and rubbed my back. Don't think I didn't get a sense of déjà vu. I wasn't only crying because we would no longer be together, after two years, but I also felt myself mourning my friendship with Mandy.

The day I left her house, I got home and sat down in front of my laptop. I approached my crisis the way I would approach a hard problem in any class. I did a lot of research, made a pro and cons list, and tried to come to a conclusion. Unfortunately, none of that helped. The more I read about sexual orientation, the more confused I became. I didn't think I was bisexual. I never looked a girl and felt anything towards her. I think Mandy's personality and our constant need to be around one another influenced the way I felt about her. I adored Mandy. But the way my body reacted at the thought of her in her in her pink thong told me there was something else. But was lust and liking someone the same thing?