All Comments on 'Unknown'

I enjoyed your story very much; looking forward to chapter 2.

Keep writing, us writers need to stick together.

I am enjoying your story very much. Good character development, grammar, etc. Try getting an editor for spelling and some strangely worded sentences. Looking forward to Chapter 2. Good work.

Love it so far, but I echo the suggestion that you get an editor. There are MANY times when you use apostrophe S ('s) to denote a plural, when just the S would be correct. There are also several times when you use the incorrect word (perhaps an auto-correct issue?), such as"

1. " a delegate, wooden pipe" (should be "a delicate, wooden pipe")

2. "at her back and call" (should be "at her beck and call")

3. "the cat was out the back" (should be "the cat was out of the bag")

It seems that you are more interested in writing about f6dbsmoking than telling an actual story

Great start! Definitely has my attention!!!

Post the next chapter soon please.

You have a fine touch on a storyline. So far, so good, and do continue.

Het yprse

Get a good editor....if you have one now, tell that person to take a few ( or refresh)

the lesson(s) of English Comp. Numerous lines in one paragraph without a

comma or period forces the reader to repeat to understand.

Take heed, and do not stop writing.

'Crept' ?? for 'creeped out'?? Look up Russian roulette on Google, please.

Get an editor. You're too good to let the little things distract us from a nice style.