All Comments on 'Unlikely Cheerleader Boyfriend Ch. 01'

Well done - great start but not really a romance.

I agree with AnnaValley11. Great start-it needs more. More build-up? More character background...why is Tom not popular, other than shy? Why did Jill not do what she did when they met, and bravely plop her perfect rear end next to Tom at the lunch table? Why, suddenly, did she just stop talking to him? She seemed to not give two hoots about the opinions of her friends. For a romance, I believe, you need more plot and character development. We need the "why" behind the story, not just the "what, when, where."

Develop the idea more. Round it out with different perspectives. Be more descriptive. These are some things required in a romance, if you don't desire to do all that, which is fine, maybe change the category to 'Erotic Couplings'. Who wouldn't enjoy having two cheerleaders fighting over them? In a fantasy world, anyway.

Why would a shy, socially ignored boy be at the richest kid's party? What's the connection? Are they friends? I know for a fact you don't just "go" to a wealthy person's party. Even in fiction, there needs to be a nugget of truth. Bad fiction expects the reader to suspend disbelief regardless of the plausibility of the situation, especially in erotica. For example, a man with a 12 inch penis that ejaculates a gallon of sperm. Or a woman who has EEE sized breasts. It'd be a more plausible fiction if, instead, he had an 8 inch cock, and she had a firm C cup. It's easier to allow a reader to immerse themselves in the story.

Develop this deeper. Lead us through a tale of love, lust, loss, redemption. Requirements for a romance. Leave it as it is, and give us a hot read about 2 hot cheerleaders, but please, change the category. You'll end up with better feedback, and have fun turning on a whole bunch of people.

As it is, this isn't a romance.

I'll rate this as 4 stars, because I liked it, for what it is.

Good luck :)

Great job.

Thanks for your feedback, will take it onboard.

Learn how to use apostrophes, please.

Good start to a story, but only 1/2 way there

Hey! That was a great start... But why haven't you been uploading the next chapters? Or are you writing on some other platform now?

I.W

you should finish this