Unworthy...No More!

I was never so alive. His penis touched me there and I prayed that I could take him in easily. After a bit of hand-held poking, he slid in - all the way. Tim has seven inches - one more than me. All of him was now mine to enjoy...and boy, did I ever!. "Be more quiet, will you?!" Why? "The place has thin walls and I have nosy neighbors." I just smiled and kept right on moaning. Every inward thrust, every sensation of that wonderful fullness and I moaned like a bitch in heat. So, okay...I was one. It was wonderful and I never wanted it to end. Hey - no matter what, I was fuckable!. Me. I was wanted-needed-fuckable. Life was good.

He pulled out and tore off the condom. I went down on his dick and it tasted a bit like ass...not that I would know. He grabbed his cock and stroked it with great fury. When I reached out to him, he pushed my hand away and then his orgasm took over. Squirts of white cream pooled on his belly. Can I taste you? "If you want to." I gazed at the cum. I wanted to, but I didn't. I just couldn't. So he got up and took the towel off the bed to wipe down and as he strode to the bathroom said: "You don't have to cum every time to have fun." That was it. Over and out. At least one of us got off. We got dressed and went out to eat. He was congenial and we had a good time for the rest of my visit. We bed down that night together. He wore pajamas. I stayed gloriously naked all night long. When once I reached out to cuddle and spoon, he raised his hand in a 'stay away' motion, so I did. It did not matter, not at the time. I was euphoric and nothing would change that. He took up all the covers. I shivered. I smiled myself to sleep; we had breakfast and I left.

When at home, my email to Tim was lengthy and full of good feelings. Nine days later I got a response. Nine days! "Had a crazy busy week - do you want to catch up?" I decided to trash what I had written and not respond at all - which was really the appropriate non-answer to his totally inadequate message. Then I quit the dating site.

So now I have 'me' figured out and all I have to do is stand tall and go out and find a man. Finding a good man for me is what occupies my thoughts these days. I know that he is out there. I will join another dating site - this time one for senior gay men. I want the rest of my days to be spent in relative comfort and harmony with a guy who wants me in his life as much as I want him. I will restart my gym workouts to get toned and to put on a few pounds of needed muscle. I spend my free time viewing videos of happy gay couples; and have gotten past the tears to a place of longing and of hope. Oh, I had a memory return with great force recently. I could see what I was wearing that day of the school meeting all those years ago: shorts and a collarless pullover shirt! The roots of self-rebellion!

Thank you, Corjix, for this opportunity to share my story with you and those who may read this. We have become fast friends despite the great distance between our home worlds. Your time spent on Earth with me was wonderful on so many levels. You and I share some common traits that have bound us together in friendship. I treasure you, and long to see you again (and your family) on Rorga. Live in peace, my friend. Live in peace.