tagSci-Fi & FantasyUrban Oddballs: 15

Urban Oddballs: 15


Urban Oddballs: Asspectations

Edited by Thegreat_pretender

"Ah shit, well this is what I get for making myself so short I guess," Tahlri muttered as she waved her hand above her head, trying to reach the cupboard above her.

"Welp, this is a hairy situation...okay, that was a bad pun. Good thing I'm by myself, haha," Tahlri snickered, using her long, flowing mane of platinum hair to give her a boost.

"Oh, the joys of prehensile hair...oh, bitchin', got some chocolate chip cookies left!" Tahlri giggled, munching on the snack as she used her hair to scuttle out of her kitchen.

"Whew, man. Girl, you know you really can fuck," Zeeks wheezed, sprawled out on Tahlri's couch.

"Well, you're not so bad yourself! Kind of despicable that you come over here after fucking your baby's mama, though," Tahlri hissed, licking her fingers.

"Aye, don't guilt trip me," Zeeks hissed back.

"Okay, you've bored me now, man slut. Get out," Tahlri yawned.

"Psst fine, whatever, I'm out. Get a shave though, you hairy ass bitch," Zeeks snorted. This was met with Zeeks being lifted up into the air by a strong tentacle of platinum hair. Tahlri gazed up at him with menacing intent as she nibbled on a cookie from her bag.

"Funny, you weren't complaining when you were pounding me raw," Tahlri snickered as she bit off a bite of her cookie.

"Hey, now, put me down!" Zeeks pleaded.

"Alright..." Tahlri obliged, slamming the flop goblin against the hardwood floor of her home.

"Ah, shit, you stupid..." before the insult could be completed, Zeeks was slammed again.

"You should watch your mouth when speaking to a lady, fufufuf," Tahlri giggled.

"Please...let me go..." Zeeks' plea was answered with another slam against the floor.

"Hmm, well this is getting boring. Ahh well, out you go!" Tahlri giggled as she opened the door and threw her former sex partner out.

As Tahlri was dusting off her hair from touching such a dirty varmint, her phone began to ring.

"Oh, the call of duty, time to get busy!" She giggled, using her hair to swing to the second floor of her house. She then went to her phone that rested on a side table near the stairs.



"Whew, man, all this milking equipment is heavy. Though, a lady shouldn't have to carry things long distances, right girl?" Rupert said to Poppy, who walked in front of him.

"Hey, Rupert, Rupert!" Said a familiar voice from far away.

"Oh, who? Helga?" Rupert questioned, adjusting the backpack on his back.

"Hey there! We haven't teamed up for mission in a while, and Mazz said you've been MIA for a second, so what's up?" Said the deer woman as she buried her hands into her fleshy hips.

"Well, um, I got a dog recently, so that's been taking up a lot of my time," Rupert said, embarrassed and gesturing to Poppy.

"Oh, how cute. It's a girl, right? She's adorable," Said Helga as she bent down in a suggestive way, making sure that Rupert noticed her huge rear end that made child's play out of the mint green leotard she was wearing.

"Oh, uh yeah, she's a girl," Rupert mumbled.

"Oh, you still seem to have that wandering eye huh?" Helga giggled, smacking her own ass in a playful tease.

"What?" Rupert questioned, trying to keep the situation cool.

"Oh, don't be like that. I know you've always had an eye for my ass," Helga giggled, spanking herself again.

"Well hmm..." Rupert paused, looking pensive now.

"Haha, well I've been taking fat distribution pills and doing some corset training. As you can see, the results are marvelous," Helga giggled, running her four fingered hands down her tampered wasp-like waist, which ran into the corpulence of her hips, ass, and thighs, tampering into petite hooves.

Rupert was mesmerized by Helga's spoon shaped figure. Though he remained stiff, his member stood at attention.

"Haha, you're so easy to tease. Listen, if you get a moment away from your new daughter, give me a call, okay? I haven't changed my number," Helga giggled, blowing Rupert and his dog a kiss as she went on her way.

Rupert watched her walk away, each overflowing bubble of ass flesh slapping into the other as her wide hips shifted from side to side.

Poppy tugged on the leash, now a bit annoyed by his lustful gazes.

"Oh, oh so sorry, baby, I didn't mean to do all of that in front of you."

Poppy remained unresponsive for the rest of the couple's trip.


"Okay, so I'll be having my burger rare, please, with a side of fried green tomatoes," Etchiko said, looking at the menu over her bottle cap glasses.

"A small salad for me, thanks," smiled Kassie as she fed one of her fairies a droplet of ketchup from her finger tip.

"Yeah, and I will have, like...um, shit, I guess coffee and some blue velvet cake?" Tahlri requested, confused by the name of the dish.

As the waitress steeped away, the women began to discuss their plans for the day's mission.

"Alright girl, so we're after a woman named 'Queen Bogus'. She's been reported of selling counterfeit phones in up-town," Etchiko stated, flipping through the quest specs on her phone.

"Question!" Tahlri blurted.

"Yeah, T, what's up?" Etchiko responded.

"Why did you order your burger all bloody?" Tahlri squirmed.

"I like my burgers bloody, I'm a vampire bat. Why is this a pressing matter?" Ethiko sighed.

"Cuz it's gross," Tahlri huffed.

"Well, it's the middle of the day and you ordered cake..." Ethiko pressed.

"Pssst, so?" Tahlri fired back.

"You know what, I'm not doing this with you. Did you have any questions, Kassie?" Etchiko asked, ignoring Tahlri.

"Nah. But wait, who's leading the team this time? Did Puvi say anything?" Kassie asked.

"Well, no, she didn't say anything so I guess it's up to us," Etchiko shrugged.

"I'm it!" Tahlri blurted out.

"Ah, umm, hmm," Kassie mumbled.

"Alright, are you sure you've got this, though?" Etchiko cautioned.

"Yea, yea, yea!" Tahlri replied, pumping her arms.

"Alright, you've got the wheel on this one, then, and your cake's here."


"You okay, Onion?" Annry asked Oeno, who was bed bound at the moment.

"Yeah, but they must have grown five times during the night, I can't even stand up." Oeno said as she wiggled around to no avail.

"Sorry, I couldn't suck out any more. I feel like I'm gonna pop," Annry burped as she rubbed her taut belly.

"No, I understand, though I think I'm more cow than cleric now," Oeno giggled.

"Well, I mean that's not a bad thing. Once Poppy and that fat guy bring the milker by, we'll have you lighter in no time," Annry assured her.

"I hope I won't need a wheelchair or anything like that when I'm out and about," Oeno worried.

"Nah. Though a staff could be cool," Annry pondered.

"That's just a glorified cane, though," Oeno sighed.

"Wait, have you tried to drink from yourself?" Annry asked.

"I can't lift them, how am I supposed to put my nipple in my mouth?" Oeno questioned.

"Ah shit, that's a good point. Umm...shoot," Annry thought, scratching her head.

'Ding dong'

"Oh, that must be them. We'll get you all set up in a flash!" Annry assured Oeno.


"Man, goon #1, what's up with this sports team, they suck...?" Queen Bogus yawned, scratching her crotch.

"Umm, boss, could you please put something on besides your jacket?" The goon pleaded, trying not to look at her.

"Ah shut up, who cares about that?" Queen Bogus yawned.

"I just say..." The goon paused.

"Well out with it! Wait, are you okay?"

The goon shook and hit the floor. As he lay there bleeding out, Queen Bogus' eye caught something most unsettling.

"Fuck, he's dead. What happened, was he shot? Wait, what is that?"

A tiny, muscular fairy climbed out of the hole in the goon's back and flexed, showing off its strength.

"What in the fuck?" Queen Bogus murmured, only to hide behind her couch away from the large bullet proof window to her left.

"Jeez, all of her rich ass neighbors are watching us," Etchiko moaned, flapping her arms to keep Kassie and herself afloat.

"So, what was Tahlri's plan again?" Kassie asked.

No sooner had she said that when Tahlri busted through the door on the top floor.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Tahlri shouted

"What, no oh ga!!!" Queen Bogus blurted as she was punched in the face by a huge fist composed of platinum hair.

"Yeah, what up, bitch! I beat up all yo people and just took you downtown!" Tahlri yelled, pelvic thrusting the unconscious woman.

"Could you stop?" Etchiko wheezed, coming through the door.

"You were supposed to break the window so we could fly in!" Kassie huffed.

"Yeah, but, no, but, I'll tell you what...I beat her ass, though!" Tahlri laughed.

"Yeah, and all the goons down stairs have been wounded or murdered, so...I guess we'll take the group shot and upload the pic..." Etchiko trailed off before disappearing and reappearing behind an arisen Queen Bogus.

"What the fuck?" Tahlri swore.

"I felt her killing intent, so I jabbed her in the gut a little," Etchiko said as she powered her signal blade down, causing the generated blade of static to whir as it retreated back into her phone.

"Ahh shit, shouldn't have checked before gloating..." Tahlri thought aloud.

"Oh really? Who would have thought?" Etchiko laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever, bitch, let's get the picture shit!" Tahlri said, rolling her eyes as well.


"So, like, I'm thinking of calling you 'Scaleling!'" Said Gaxi with obnoxious enthusiasm.

"So, what's her name going to be?" Quiz asked, thumbing back to Sarah.

"I want to be 'Sarah Slaughter'!" Sarah clapped.

"That's super dark and edgy, let's not do that," Quiz coughed, fanning Sarah off.

"Yeah, we don't want people thinking we're meanies," Gaxi pointed out.

"Hmm, I'm gonna think about it, then," Sarah muttered, a little upset.

"So, Boss Booty, what's the mission for today?" Quiz asked as the three of them lounged on Quiz's couch.

"Hmmm, let's fight this guy!" Gaxi giggled, pointing at her phone.

"Twice Tornado? What a try hard name..." Quiz scoffed, looking at the criminal's discerption.

"I like it!" Sarah giggled.

"Yeah, I figured you would," Quiz snorted.

"So, he's terrorizing the freeway pass over the edge of mid-town," Gaxi said as she read the mission details.

"Alright, let's go!" Sarah said, licking her lips in a menacing fashion.


Meanwhile, back at Annry's studio apartment.

"Okay, so I think we're all set up if I did this correctly. Did I set up right, babe?" Rupert called out to Poppy, who was still a dog but didn't really budge from her spot near Annry's kitchen room divider.

"Oh man, she's still upset at me," Rupert sighed.

"Wait, what did you do?" Oeno asked with relief in her voice as the milking machine tugged at her swollen breasts, the tubes filling with white hot milk and sending it into the large bags sat on the side of the bed.

"Well, on the way here I kind of met up with a teammate of mine, and she kind of came on to me...and I didn't do much to shoo her off," Rupert sighed.

"Well way to go, lard ass!" Annry scoffed.

"Oh don't be rude, Annry, but yeah, that was messed up, Rupert..." Oeno commented with tiny gasps as the machine sucked.

"Yeah, I know, I know okay but what do I do to make it up to her?" Rupert whispered.

"Well, you could take her out for dinner?" Annry offered.

"Like a regular one, or do I put a steak in her bowl?" Rupert asked.

"Well...hmmm..." Oeno mumbled, a bit stumped.

"I can't believe you two. Look, take her out for a fancy dinner and buy her something, what does she like?" Annry asked.

"Well she likes chokers, so maybe a fancy choker thing?" Rupert thought.

"Yeah, that's a thought," Annry agreed.

"Well, you could take her to a doggy spa..." Oeno pondered.

"Do you think that'll be insulting?" Rupert asked, scratching his head.

"Well...nah, she's right, a spa is a spa. I know I would like a spa day...we should talk to Gaxi or Shawky about that," Annry pointed out after giving the idea some thought.

"That's not a bad idea, but does Gaxi even know what that is?" Oeno questioned.

"Like I said, Shawky does, so no worries," Annry shrugged.

"Can I come?" Asked Rupert, pointing to himself.

"No, but you can go, like right now," Annry said, cutting Rupert with her words.

"Oh...um, are you sure you've got it?" Rupert asked.

"Yeah, yeah we got it. Now go cheer up your girl, okay? Get out of here," Oeno giggled.

"A-alright, um, Poppy come on. Uh, see ya, girls," Rupert waved as Poppy followed.

"Thanks for the machine, Poppy, you're the best!" Oeno giggled.

Poppy let out a bark in response and followed Rupert out of the apartment.

"He was staring at my chest the whole time, wasn't he...?" Oeno sighed.

"Oh yeah," Annry confirmed.


"Wow, this trip is taking longer than I thought," Quiz wheezed as the three walked.

"Well, judging from that big tornado I assume he's up there..." Sarah pointed at the swirling mass of cars trapped in a tornado.

"Step out of the way, fatties, let a real outter take this one," said a muscular man wearing a pink t-shirt.

"Who the fuck are you?" Quiz yelled.

"Pffft hah! Silly newt girl, you can't tell me you haven't heard of the magnificent Xavier 2nd?" The man yelled, posing in front of the girls and revealing the large black 'X2' on his pink t-shirt.

"No," The group said in a simultaneously exhausted fashion.

"Hah, no matter, watch me take on this no good criminal!" Xavier proclaimed.

As he flexed his muscles, a stray car from the tornado whipped out of the winds rotation and shot straight towards him.

"Amphibian: Emote Frog Throat!" Quiz shouted, jumping in front of Xavier and blocking the incoming car with her expanded, balloon-like throat.

The car bounced back and Quiz was applauded by her teammates.

"Now, why don't you stay out of our way, X man," Quiz scowled as she Gaxi, and Sarah made their way up to the highway.

"Woo, yeah, around and around they go, where they stop...uh, I don't care, I just want to drive up everyone's car insurance!" Cackled Twice Tornado.

"BAAAAAAH!" Sarah cried, rushing for the tornado.

"Ah shit, wait tiny baby!" Gaxi cried out.

Sarah dodged between the swirling cars and aimed for Twice Tornado, who lay in the epicenter of the vortex. As she closed in on him, her phone, which was attached in a compartment of her artificial arm, began to glow, emitting a small blade of crackling static.

"What's that?" Twice Tornado gasped as he dodged Sarah's blow, only to be made aware of the other two women who lay out of his cyclone's reach.

Landing on a nearby tree swirling in the cyclone, Sarah found her footing.

"Bah, stupid Mohawk man, BAAH!" She yelled.

"Eyyy those red eyes are creeping me out..." Twice Tornado replied, losing his concentration and canceling his cyclone, causing all of the captured debris to drop.

Sarah jumped, leaving her platform and landing on the asphalt of the highway as her teammates confronted the enemy before them.

"Good job at making him drop his guard!" Quiz smiled.

"Drop my guard? No, no, I just wanted that creepy thing out of my space..." Twice Tornado commented, pointing at Sarah in disgust.

"Green Missile!" Gaxi shouted, her ass flying towards Twice Tornado, who in turn dodged it by blowing air out of his mouth.

"Haha, your fat ass missed and now...GAH! Fucking ahhh!" Twice Tornado cried as Quiz bit down on his arm, her head now that of a crocodile.

"BAHH!" Sarah yelled, jumping over Twice Tornado and aiming her dagger down towards him.

"Urgh, get blown away, bitches!" Twice Tornado roared, summoning a giant cyclone by blowing air out of his mouth.

"Ahhhh, bahhhhh!" Quiz and Sarah yelled as they were flung down the highway.

"Amphibian: Emote Frog Tongue with Reptilian: Emote Frilled-Neck!" Quiz shouted, grabbing Sarah with her elongated tongue. Then, thanks to the loose umbrella-like skin around her neck, the pair's falling momentum was halted, making for a safe landing.

"Whew, that was close. You okay, wild thing?" Quiz asked Sarah, dusting her off.

"Yes, I am okay!" Sarah said, ready to go at the villain once more.

"Whew, okay, okay give me a minute. That was a slow landing but I landed on my tail," Quiz moaned, rubbing her tail.

"No, I go now!" Sarah bleated, rushing towards the villain.

"Ekkk, not this lamb girl again. Shoo, fly away!" Twice Tornado blew.

"Nooo, bahhh!" Sarah roared, jamming her dagger into the asphalt as to not to be blown away by Twice's gust.

"Argh, those red eyes are so creepy! Blast off already!" Twice cried, blowing harder.

"Bahhh!" Sarah bleated, jamming her metal fingers into the asphalt before flying away.

"No, shit, shit, shit!" Quiz yelled, running after her as she flew through the sky.

"Whew, thank the gods she's gone. Now...ah shit, the green one again," Twice exclaimed as he saw Gaxi running towards him.

"Here I go, Green Missile again!" Gaxi said, jumping towards Twice Tornado ass first.

"Foolish, thinking you can break my wind with your crack? Pffft, have air for that derriere!" Twice Tornado laughed, flinging a little cyclone at Gaxi causing her to spin out of control.

"Ahhhh, no!" She cried as she began to swirl off course, encased in the cyclone.

"Haha, I'll show you the power of...Wha? Kuuuu!" Xavier yelled as Gaxi crashed into his chest foot first while he marched up the highway.

However, when she crashed she managed to gain some footing and by accident, spun around. Using the air current to her advantage, she flung the remains of the cyclone in the form of a compression air blast towards Twice Tornado.

"Haha, wait, what's...gack!" Twice Tornado cried as the incoming air blast plowed into his stomach, knocking all the air out of his lungs. This resulted in him propelling himself around in the air like a wayward balloon that was losing helium. He made all sorts of loops and turns before crashing into the asphalt, knocking himself unconscious.


"So, what are you guys planning to do for the rest of the day?" Kassie asked.

"I'm, mmm, gonna go home and sleep," Etchiko said, yawning.

"Ah, same, all that ass beating tuckered me out," Tahlri exclaimed, stretching her arms.

"Well I guess see you girls tomorrow, then," Kassie said as she waved the two goodbye.


"Form Copy: Hippo!" Wesrnas cried, becoming a blue hippo and charging at her target.

"Shit, gah, this is harder than I thought, ehhh!" Screamed a male spear ogre as he grabbed Wesrnas's huge jaws.

"You should be watching for me..." Zlipney said as a black hand picked up the spear ogre and threw him against a building.

Wesrnas shrank back to her original shape and sighed. "Thanks Z."

"...Be more careful..." Zlipney nodded.

"Okay girls, let's wrap this up!" Puvi signaled, knocking another spear ogre goon with her ass.

"Stupid bitches, you've maned and injured all of my men!" Yelled a human male in leopard coat.

"I mean, they're all kind of bad to be honest," Wesrnas shrugged.

"Wait, what was his name again, Zlipney?" Puvi asked.

"... Pond Jovbe...boss...." Zilpney answered, looking it up on her phone.

"You don't even know my name? What is this?" Jovbe howled.

"Okay, so are you coming quietly or am I gonna have to sit on you?" Puvi asked, smacking her ass.

"That does sound enticing, and I do like yours, but...I gotta jet! Jet bang go!" Jovbe yelled, pointing his palms to the ground as he rocketed through the air.

"So, who's up?" Puvi asked her two teammates.

The two of them looked at her with vacant, expecting expressions.

"Really? Whatever," Puvi sighed as she began to spin in place at a rapid pace, becoming a tiny brown tornado.

"PUVI PISTOL!" Puvi shouted as she swung her hip, launching a large blast of compressed air into the sky. The resulting blast sounded like a plane breaking the sound barrier.

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