Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereI smiled and moved towards there door. I saw the satisfying green light appear whenever I inserted the card into the lock. It's almost too easy. I went straight for the fridge. Opening it and then immediately becoming overwhelmed by the amount of options I now had at my fingertips.
Most of it is wine. Which I have zero knowledge of. There was also some unopened liquor, but I don't think that it would be a good idea to open anything new. That would be easier to spot that something they already have been drinking from. I decided to go with a red wine they had been drinking out of already. Merlot sounds fancy.
All of a sudden, I heard the shrill sound of the door unlocking and I froze in fear.
"What the fuck!" Emily Shouted.
I'm so fucked.
Comments to the contrary not withstanding, your writing is really, really bad. Like not even high school level writing bad. I think your story has possibilities, but you need to show you care about your work by writing in complete sentences and proofreading your work before submitting. Hopefully, you can find an editor to help you improve. You may have the greatest ideas, but if you can't communicate them clearly and succinctly, no one is going to keep reading.
a nice tease so far. agree with the comment it's a little short.
sheesh, people, this is a story, you know? entertainment?. this is not English class, get over it.
Almost every paragraph held at least one to two partial sentences that consistently interrupted the flow of what would otherwise be a fairly interesting beginning! Erk!
I didn't realize I had a distracting amount of spelling errors in this one! I'll be sure to do a better job checking my work when I release the next part. Hopefully, the story only improves from here!
Dreadful anon is a moron. There were a couple mistakes, but far from enough to distract from the story. Only a grammar nazi wielding a red pen would be distracted from this tale. No, your real, and only, problem here is it's too short. Try not to cut yourself off so abruptly. Cliffhangers are fine, but stopping just for the sake of stopping is not. If your muse quit, wait until she returns to finish. Otherwise great job. I foresee mucho sexual combos here, including Mom stuffed full of cock with a face full of muff parked on her face. I look forward to many chapters. 5*
Jedd
That is a great first part and I hope you do continue writing it. I thought the writing was fine and since I actually speak English I had no problem understanding anything you saying in the story.
There are so many spelling mistakes that I had to spend far too much time trying to work out what you intended to say that I lost the drift of the story!!
Find someone who is able to spell to rewrite it for you!!