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I smiled and moved towards there door. I saw the satisfying green light appear whenever I inserted the card into the lock. It's almost too easy. I went straight for the fridge. Opening it and then immediately becoming overwhelmed by the amount of options I now had at my fingertips.
Most of it is wine. Which I have zero knowledge of. There was also some unopened liquor, but I don't think that it would be a good idea to open anything new. That would be easier to spot that something they already have been drinking from. I decided to go with a red wine they had been drinking out of already. Merlot sounds fancy.
All of a sudden, I heard the shrill sound of the door unlocking and I froze in fear.
"What the fuck!" Emily Shouted.
I'm so fucked.
- COMMENTS
cma68over 4 years agoComments to the contrary not withstanding, your writing is really, really bad. Like not even high school level writing bad. I think your story has possibilities, but you need to show you care about your work by writing in complete sentences and proofreading your work before submitting. Hopefully, you can find an editor to help you improve. You may have the greatest ideas, but if you can't communicate them clearly and succinctly, no one is going to keep reading.
goducks111almost 5 years agoa nice tease so far. agree with the comment it's a little short.
lazarus402002almost 5 years agosheesh, people, this is a story, you know? entertainment?. this is not English class, get over it.
DoctorSpengleralmost 5 years agoAlmost every paragraph held at least one to two partial sentences that consistently interrupted the flow of what would otherwise be a fairly interesting beginning! Erk!
