All Comments on 'Vacation with the Family Ch. 01'

Good start but need to read about the vacation.

nothing new in this one,could have been copied from any of the thousands like it on the web.

It needs a lot of help! Find a willing editor and finish the story.

I'm currently writing another story for this series, this was simply a build up for the next, I was just trying to see what people thought of this before I continued.

BTW this is my first story so comments, and suggestions are encouraged.

I stayed neutral on the rating because i want honest feedback

Hmm, another Anony-mouse who thinks that stories suck just because they are similar to others' stories. Funny, these same people would criticize you if your idea was original because it would be "too unbelievable". I guess you can't win with some people.

Great introduction into this story. I do agree that you need to reread your story to catch the obvious errors and try using an editor to pick out the not-so-obvious ones ("green eye's" should be "green eyes" for instance). I hope that your next entry with this story will be great!

Ho hum. How about an original plot to get siblings together?

It needs an editor. It needs some inovation. All over America there are siblings jerking each other for the first time and almost getting caught. Maybe an innovation would be to use a peanut butter sandwich and eat it afterwards? Something new!

said this was his first story, so have a little decency people. Incest is a difficult genre to write; believe me, I know. It's a good start, and the second chapter is even better. Keep writing, Max. ~Chargergirl

no guy that was so uncomfortable with the way his sister dressed and acted around the house would ever let her put her head in his lap and would find a way to leave the room as soon as she entered he would also tell his parents in front of her that if he had to share a room with her he was going to bring a sleeping bag so he could sleep on the floor or he would sleep on the sofa keep it realistic and believable please this is not the twilight zone

Good set-up - let's have the rest of the tale (tail).

It's a good story. However, it's not "payed" - it's "paid". Plus, it's not "eye's" - it's "eyes".

NO ONE CAME FOR SPELLING CORRECTION``*S, WE CAME FUR POURN

Good storie dont listent to these retards its a good storie👍