All Comments on 'Valentine’s Day Card - Another View'

This story is a good look at how a free pass might play out without being a disaster. Tx Tall Tales's story was somewhat light-hearted and not nearly so dark as "Beth's Birthday Pass" by texxman, which did not have a happy ending and dealt realistically with the first two years of aftermath.

Interesting take on an old favourite of mine by TTT .

The original resonated with me and was one of the reasons I began writing again. (Even to the point of attempting my own ‘get out of jail’ story.) The original was a story that seemed to polarise readers opinions into either love or hate it camps. Oddly, although i didn’t want to, I almost enjoyed reading this version. It was a good attempt at an alternative perspective. But it has its faults, it is far too clinical and has none of the over the top odd ball spontaneity of the original. I felt this version could happen in real live, while the original was a symphony of fantasy.

I hope that you keep on writing, I suggest you get an editor, there are several grammatical and spelling mistakes that interfere with the flow of the storyline.

A good story with a nice ending.

If I could give stories a minus star this would get it like minus 10 stars. I cant see any man or woman giving a get out of jail card. Nobody loves someone that much that they would willingly that that person hurt or destroy them and if they give one card then they dont really care anyway....

wow. Really really good. 5⭐.

I really liked your story and especially your spirit.

I have absolutely the same approach, choices and decisions define us as a person and feed our "soul/conscience/spirit..."

These decisions or choices, whether big or small such as being respectful, honest, friendly, loving, kind...make us the person in front of the mirror.

Listen to Charles Aznavour's song in French version "The faces of love". She is simply wonderful.

I thank you for your effort.

I can see that you really tried your best to visualize for us the situation through those dialogues.

I know how hard it is to write something so emotionally introspective.

That is why I would like to convey to you my deep appreciation of your effort.

If Alex had at least tried to reclaim his own manhood by getting to into a fight with John for having an emotional affair with Shari instead of the every one happy and showing cheap praises on one another final scene I would have scored a little higher.

For turning this into a quick reconciliation and using someone else’s story without permission instead of writing something that was only yours, 1 star

Was a solid 4 star but voted a 3 . Anytime a cheater is forgiven it costs a star, She was a cheater.

I thought the premise of the original story was ridiculous. I think public proposals ridiculous and get out of jail free cards simply crazy. It is hard to have sympathy for this husband as it was his own insane stupidity that brought on his problem. It doesn't seem to me to fit such a romantic man, particularly if he has any intelligence at all.

The writer probably did as well as could be expected if he was going to continue such a horrible plot line, but the choice to continue with the impossible task of resurrecting this story was in my view not a good one.

Sometimes it's good to have an outside perspective.

Good story.

Obviously the person who didn't get a medal for throwing somebody else on a grenade went on to management.

At the level of that relationship, I do not think therapy would work that well.

They could go on, but it would never be the same.

And really I think the valentine day tradition would be dead.

In the original story. no question, divorce. There was no reasonable other ending, well unless the husband had latent cuck leanings.

Sometimes stories can have a out there ending and it still matches the story.

But for most tales the story needs to give a reader groundwork to believe the ending, at best the reader is hoping and invested in a particular ending.

This story I liked better then the original.

Well done.

I always have two issues with these get out of jail free stories.

Right or wrong he gave her the card. As the shrink told him at the hotel. Hand written, in it's own jewelry box and she questioned him about it when he gave it to her. She has every reason to believe it's legitimate and that he'll keep his promise. The pain he feels when she wants to cash it in is his own fault. If he wasn't sure he could keep his promise he shouldn't have given her the card.

The other issue is why is it that the wife takes their get out of jail card to mean they can at a minimum spend the night with a guy and come back sometime the next day? Frequently they take it to mean they can spend and entire weekend. If a husband is loving enough and strong willed enough to give her that kind of gift why does a supposedly loving wife abuse the hell out of the gift?

Sheri was very lucky she had some really great friends that kept her from making a huge mistake and still managed to help John get his head on straight before he left.

Good alternate treatment of the original story.

So some tips from an anonymous no one.

1. The bold words are very jarring. Italics for emphasis works better.

2. Your style is less story, more book report. Long monologues that feel like soliloquies make this feel like you just really want to hammer a reader with your ideas, not engage and entertain.

Still, pretty decent. Held my interest at least.

much better but the way it ended it appears they easily resolved everything. You do state they will go to counslling but it would be a long long road to any intimacy and trust. I mean she is the ice queen yet John was so easily in her heart?

1 star - not just NO, but hell no.

This story is just a really bad idea, especially using bribery to try and convince a woman to marry someone - HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?. The first version of this story got a one star rating and so will this one, after the first 1/2 page. This pathetic cuck should never have married anyone. His kind should live in a free love commune back in the hills above LA.

So well written, in a vein of reality that is often times missing in so many stories on this site. Thanks for being rational and realistic. Well Done!

From the writer who wrote 'John will never know', a very good short and concise story about a wife cheating on her husband while he was dying in the WTC,with all the implied remorse that would follow; to this story. A story with NOTHING implied, everything spelled out and explained, then gone over from another perspective, exhaustively. A good premise, interesting story line, but man...... give the reader some credit for having the intelligence to get it the first time.

I wouldn't worry about hearing from TTT, he's been unreachable for some years now.

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The solution to showing things that occur out of the MC's view isn't to SWITCH to 3rd person, but to write the whole story in 3rd person. You can accomplish many of the same things as in 1st person. For example, instead of saying, "I felt sick at what I had to do," you could say, "John felt sick at what he had to do."

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I still don't think that most proposals are that much of a surprise.

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"Worse, will I someday feel I missed out? " - So don't get engaged. You don't have to break up, but don't be exclusive. Take a year, or however long it takes, to decide for sure that you HAVEN'T missed out on anything.

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Copied too much from the original. Provide a link to it if readers want more background.

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There a several of these "wife as sexual savior" stories, including nici's "Something We Have To Talk About/Between Two Lovers," where somehow, despite ALL the single women out there, it's ONLY the MC's wife that can save/heal the other guy.

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I agree with Dr. Gray that it's the strangers' compliments that shouldn't be believed because they have an agenda.

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"You can't help but be beautiful in every way." - Now if her husband told her that obvious lie, she'd write it off as him "having to say that," but she smiles at John's compliment as if it's sincere.

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Strange that John doesn't seem to be in any distress.

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Would Sheri want some other woman "comforting" Alex?

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I find it troubling that Sheri's upset and jealous that she's nobody special to John.

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"she waited for me to take her in his arms and when I did" - This is why you shouldn't mix POV. You were writing in 1st person, then slipped into 3rd: "waited for me...take her in HIS arms?" That should ne MY arms.

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Rather than not celebrating Valentine's Day, maybe for the next seven years SHE should go all out making them special for him, and after that, make it a normal Valentine's Day.

Nicely done. But I suggest that the bolding of certain phrases gilded the lily. It seemed puerile, as well. 4 stars.

Enjoyed this version better than the original. Well thought out. Even with the "get out of jail", marriages evolve, people evolve. To attempt and use it and jeopardize the 7 years they built is ludicrous. Also with the original, with the 3 friends coming over for the husband, that would just cause a bigger division in the relationship. I know many authors capitalize on the "open marriage/sharing" storyline, statistically, 92-95% end in divorce. So the HIGH % of stories concentrate on the 5-8% of reality.

This story was able to stick to the spirit of the original storyline, add a dose of reality, and then end it with a creative answer to John's dilemma.

A much improved version!

Yep, definitely like the outcome of this version of the story better. A real wife would have to have clinical brain death to actually use a "free pass" given by her husband. Either at the time she received it, or moreso seven freaking years later! The husband who gave the pass is in danger of "Man Card revocation" as well! Gimmicks like this pass that feign a show of love and support for a spouse are in fact drops of potent poison for a marriage if ever administered. Even unused they are there, festering like an abcessed tumor. Gimmicks that end up killing love.

A RAAC is worse than the original, which happened to be one of that author's least palatable stories, and certainly not worth any attempt to 'fix' something that broken to begin with. You actually devolved it to a willing cuck story, in sheep's clothing. Truly pathetic.

Enjoyed the story, the confusion of emotion, the discourse on the stupidity of such offer as a hall pass, the fact that no sane man or woman would share a spouse without destroying the fabric of a true marriage; your conclusion here is on point. Nice dialogue even if sometime repetitive.

Enjoyed the story, the confusion of emotion, the discourse on the stupidity of such offer as a hall pass, the fact that no sane man or woman would share a spouse without destroying the fabric of a true marriage; your conclusion here is on point. Nice dialogue even if sometime repetitive.

Not a bad story, but very repetitive. After going into detail with his response to his wife's request to fuck the other guy, you repeated those details again when he talked to the psych over dinner, then again when his wife talked to the female co-workers, ... in great detail all three times.

The fact he gave her the card before they married shows him to be weak and desperate. And the descriptions of how he lovingly cared for her were equally desperate, because the story doesn't go into any details of how or if she reciprocated. So, it makes her out to be an inconsiderate narcissist, until she finally decides to use the pass. Then she's a completely different person, worried about her marriage.

So, even though they are reconciling, this is more like a guy's fantasy of "the bitch realizes she's burned."

It could use some polish, but it's definitely more believable than the original.

One thing I will point out though is that it would be less ethical for Dr Gray to take Sheri as a patient after talking to Alex than to continue treating Alex as a patient. In fact, I really don't see anything unethical about her continuing to treat him.

Good story. But in reference to his card, and I quote: “Get Out of Jail Free" it said on one side. On the reverse I'd written these simple words. "Whatever you want. One Time. I won't say no." Nowhere does it say that he is not to be made aware of her using it, or when, or with who. She was under the impression that he should know who and when, and wouldn’t say NO.

Its way too much. A lot of restating what the reader already knows in dialogue. Other than that it was ok. Over all it was written well and I hope you continue writing, but get an editor.

Pointless and stupid. The original story is unbelievably stupid and appears to be written by somebody who is mentally retarded. It most certainly does not deserve a follow-up and any solution which attempts to fix The original incredibly stupid story… is also unbelievably stupid.

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if a husband has to give a get out of jail free card to a woman who wants to marry in order for her to say yes…. then he deserves everything that happens to him.

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Suppose a boyfriend proposes to his girlfriend and she says no but he promises to buy her a bigger house and a better neighborhood in order to get her to say yes?

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Suppose the guy says I will sign over all of my money and retirement if you agree to marry me?

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It's like the old Winston Churchill story or Churchill says I know what you are madam we're just arguing over the price

Another story about some dope looking for the meaning of life at he bottom of an alcohol bottle.

Just like TTT original 1 star

Good take on the original, but I actually enjoyed your own original story more.

Very well-written and thoughtful, but way too long. Despite my complaint, I gave this story 5 stars.

What idiot marries a woman who rejects his proposal? And what idiot gives a woman a hall pass to get her married?

Decent effort. Of course…as with so many LW stories…the premise was silly/dumb/nuts. That a supposedly happily married wife would even CONSIDER using a stupid Hall Pass to fuck another guy (no matter the stated “reason”) is just not believable.

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That said, I liked how hubby turned it around on her…and then I REALLY liked how her friends rattled her cage. Of course at the end of the day, hubby still has to deal with the FACT that wifey GENUINELY sought his OK to use the pass. That’s a HUGE indication that wifey is, at best, not a very serious person.

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4 ****

Soo, without completing the story yet. He gave her the card and when she wanted to use it threw a tantrum? Man, you have to be a person of a word

I agree with this author that the second half of the original story didn't really fit with the character Alex was built up to be.

I think this version better suited the character that Alex was built up to be.

Alex's offer of a "get out of Jail" card was a silly offer, but I understand it was meant to show his love for her.

A better idea would have been separate for say 3 yrs and meet at a set day and see how they feel, it would have been silly to continue either way if her heart wasn't in it.

With this version where she states she had a self look at herself and her feelings and decided she didn't need the card to marry him, in reality the smart thing would have been for Sheri to get a pen or texta and write void or "not needed" in her handwriting on the card, and maybe frame it and hang it somewhere as a reminder of their love

Enjoyed your story. My only complaint is there was a lot of repetitive lines.

Why should he stay with this dumb cow of a wife? She will develop other stupid ideas. Better thow her out now and have the chance to build another happier life.

So here we are again with another brain-dead wife doing her free pass thing. Why oh why can't these female characters just do what cheater's do most successfully; just cheat and keep their mouths shut. Statistics indicate that more likely than not they will get away with it. In this case, with an oblivious husband, it's almost like betting on the numbers when you already know what the number for the day is going to be. But of course then you would have a different story. The characters are not really appealing; a weakling husband and a terminally dumb wife. Probably the most engaging of the bunch are the wife's friends who tell her how idiotic she has been, and who see the opportunity to sample John, now that Shari has perked him up a bit and who they have no doubt been wondering about since he became available. Pretty good look at intra-office machinations but the twice again recounting of the scene where Shari makes her request was a bit tiresome. Though I found the characters not likable, and the story overlong, you obviously put quite a lot of effort into it, and the writing was decent. 4 stars .

The compliment John gave her shows that he was making a play for her. I don’t believe that she’s an ice queen that sounds like something they’re telling my man to make him feel better. The ice queen would not be giving a little squeeze of an arm.

If my wife came to me with that idea, card or not, I would assume that an asshole is manipulating her. I might not kick his ass, but I would certainly let John know how excited I am that it’s dangerous over there. Maybe everybody can get lucky, and John gets offed in Afghanistan, just like in the original.

Finally, I think it would be well if you considered that real people have conversations. There’s no way that someone would sit through a lecture like he got from the doctor without interrupting, taking little side jaunts, etc. Would you? He was lectured, and I was lectured.

I admire your attempt to rework an unworkable premise. I think a lot of the comments here have been constructive. Keep at it, and thank you for giving me free shit that I can birch about.

This is possible the best "Hall Pass" story I have ever read. I never could understand the idea of a hall pass, or how anyone could offer, or accept the idea of a hall pass. To offer, it would be like saying or believing it was inevitable. To accept it would be the same as saying I probably will use it in the future. That's a guarantee for disaster. That said, it was a great story. 5-stars for my reading and enjoyment of your story. I remember reading your first story, (John will never know). This was so, so much better. Thanks.

It's obvious that you thought long and very deeply about the implications of the premise in this tale.

You have them an outcome that salvaged their relationship, but what you imply is true, damage was done and had to be resolved. No matter how the rest of their lives went together, that damage would still remain, in some small part, for all time, even if it was only the demise of the Valentine's Day tradition, that implies quite a lot.

Still, well done. Much, much better than the original.

The criticisms of this story are ridiculous. Especially you, robertl. A reinvention of a past story on here, after trying to contact the author and failing, is almost a staple of loving wives. I can't even begin to recount the number of times I have seen that happen.

Sure, you are technically correct, but after introducing the premise, Lyon796's version is a drastic departure and his own creation. Yes, he could have said 'my story starts at the end of page one' or something, but in a real sense, the end result would have been identical.

If Literotica had a real problem with this happening, they would have rejected this, and all of the other submissions I referred to on the grounds of plagiarism before they were published. Get over yourself. The intent of this author was to introduce the element of friction created by the original, and then resolve it to his own satisfaction, for a much better outcome.

And Harry in VA, your comments are always ridiculous. It's to be expected.

As to your complaint: whatever. Lyon796 could not change the original premise, so of course it had to contain the reason for the tension, but after reading it, he felt it needed addressing and did so as best he could with the story he presented.

If you can't see that, then you've provided the proper definition to explain your, and other commentators, short-sighted view.

Stupid.

I'm sorry for the low score, but that's all that this story deserves. Not one of your best efforts.

Almost the same as the original " That Damned Valentine's Day Card" Just with added phyco babble...

Well written, excellent version of the "hall pass"story line. But Shari is a thoroughly unsympathetic character. Her actions and reactions strongly demonstrate that she was coming on to John; the weekend of sex appears to be entirely her idea. I understand how much Alex thinks he loves her (or at least the Shari he thinks he married) but I don't see how this marriage is ever the same, even if they don't split up. If she had gotten a crush for John that she took to the point of telling her husband that she wanted to have sex with John and inflicted that deeply wounding act just after they had concluded a spectacular Valentine's Day, how could he truly trust that the same thing wouldn't happen in the future. And how could he continue to give the same level of devotion and intimacy to a person whom he cannot completely trust?

In real life, 7 years earlier when she basically rejected his marriage proposal, she told him that she felt not yet ready for marriage and that she had questions that she might feel a sexual attraction to some other guy, he probably should have taken her at her word and not gone ahead with engagement and marriage. That didn't mean splitting up necessarily, but it did mean that she would have to ask him to marry her after answering some tough questions about what was important to her with absolute fidelity being a big part of the understanding. In no sane world would any person, man or woman, give a potential spouse a free pass to have sex with someone else.

@robertl, it is common practice among the authors in LW to handle permission for sequels and variants in the manner Lyon796 described. You most certainly should be aware of that given how long you have been translating your cuckold/slut wife fantasies into submissions in this category. Many LW readers find cuckoldry and sluttery to be vile and repugnant. Nonetheless, they should not use to comments section of your submissions to attack you personally. Likewise, as a member of the LW community you have a responsibility to refrain from distortions of the truth or personal attacks on others here, such as baselessly accusing an author of theft. Having failed that responsibility, you owe a public apology to Lyon796.

GREAT story!!!! Congratulations!!!

Good story. Thank you.

I like it and in my head they find that the relationship is too damaged to continue and before they have children involved they divorce. No btb but they split.

Another case of I love you more than anything in the world ... except for myself ... as she kicks him in the balls (oops).

Good skimmer... skimmed to the last page

Better than the original!

There is saying” treat a woman like a queen, and she will treat you like a servant.”

Since I have been married to the same woman since 1986, my dating experiences reflect my younger days, from 16-25 years old. What I figured out was, trying to change yourself for a woman, wasn't worth the effort. If you are happy, and fill your life with worthwhile activities you enjoy, eventually you will meet someone special, to share your life with. If you have to “ bribe” someone to marry you, (like in this story) you will ultimately, not be happy. Although I tried to be a good date / boyfriend, I never put up with any shit. If I felt someone was playing games with me, I was out of there. I think telling your fiancée you will “ sweeten the deal” by giving her a pass to cheat, clearly shows you are not mature enough to be contemplating a life long commitment. A relationship, that is not sought out for its own merits by both people, is doomed to fail.

Superb

Far better than the original

5/5

Why write a sequel to a storyline that can't be saved. Too much shit already happened!!!

Wait

Time travel will do it?!!

Well thought out and interesting story. Thank you

Dang, OP, that intro even caused me to say, "Hunh?"

What remained unclear to me was this aspect: Why, after such a detailed conversation with her mother before the engagement and after all the notes about what she could and could not do after marrying Alex, Shari, anyway, mentioned "risks, uncertainties and temptations" that should certainly disappoint her a future husband? Do such thoughts have to be in the head of a bride who is head over heels in love?

The part that bothers me, is that he shared a bed with Shari before any counseling happened. He was clearly too raw to allow her very close, emotionally and physically.

Nope, divorce cometh. This narcissistic princess never knew what she had and NEVER valued him --- until her office mates pointed how rarely lucky she WAS.

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OK, she did not have sex with John but she had an emotional affair even if John did not know it. She springs her card on that day of all days with no thoughts of the affects.meaning - how crass but fitting of a princess. She took Alex's love for granted - one step too far.

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She damaged Alex's fantasy twice. She planted a seed of doubt by refusing his first proposal, now 7yrs later she germinates that rotten seed in Alex. Alex has a right to consider he trapped her into an unwanted marriage, no kids proves it.

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She started the slow spiral of doubt leading to a death of this marriage. Shrinks will never remove those two seeds. No kids after 7yrs just validates his doubts. Time for Alex to softly walk away - hell he has three willing lady's in that office.

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2** due to trying to make this a Hallmark faux-pas, hooyah

Ref: the photos will have EXIF or Metadata on them, which in some cases not only indicates the date/time of exposure but the GPS coordinates. If they were film/print photos, the processed film will often contain processing dates, as will many prints. Also, anyone who "witnessed" the abuse is guilty of a crime. If the witnesses were told about it, then it's hearsay evidence. Even perjured witnesses will be considered "hostile" to the defense. If his family is rich, think: a serious legal powerhouse will be brought to bear. That's a flimsy plot device.

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The hubby's reaction was a typical LW over-the-top frothing, puking, crying, screaming characterization. These create 2D, flimsy, unlikeable man-children. The ALL CAPS treatment is like using ghost peppers in your Granny's taco salad: too much too soon to the point of ruination. Seriously, a stoic, beaten but unbowed male character beats the whiny, shrill, emotional ones every day of the week that ends in a Y. (Imagine Burt Lancaster in 'Valdez if Coming' based on Elmore Leonard's great book.)

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I didn't like the original, and I feel like you fell into the same pitfalls as that one. 3/5

Although I liked the way your story ended and gave it a solid 4 /5; my overloading thought was "What a large ego she possessed". I would love to hear the results/conversation she has with the therapist... Also this could have gone in several other direction if she tried to have sex with John or if Alex hadn't]t met Dr Gray. An alternative ending would have been John being approached and propositioned and rejecting her with: I could not conceive sleeping with a married woman as that would make me as slutty as my ex wife. Also how could I look in the morrow after inflicting such pain on Alex? It would make me disgusted with myself to create the same scenario as my cheating ex-wife... Shame on you. Finally I think it is very unhealthy to blindly love someone so much they cheat and shit all over you///

Overwrought Femdom agitprop melodrama.

Really hardly any significant difference to the original story.

The re-worked second story is much better. This one, gets 2 stars. Took 1 star off for gratuitous, misandrist offensive disclaimers at the start. Won't bother explaining why they are bad and wrong, not worth my time and the author clearly wouldn't care. Took 1.5 star off for the garbage princess treatment, like he's worthless and she's precious, that the author channeled through the story AND through the main character's inner thoughts. Don't forget, if you treat her like a Queen, she will likely start treating you like a peasant. Which is EXACTLY what happened to main character here. And took 0.5 stars off for the fact that the garbage dynamics clearly continues. How about SHE spoils him with love on birthdays, anniversaries, and other 364 days of the year, instead of vice versa? As it is, she brings literally nothing to the figurative marriage table; aside from being good looking and supposedly high IQ (which didn't help her make good decisions when it counted)

Didn't care for this one. It feels unfinished, and the state it was left in was unenjoyable. 3* because you're a good writer, but it's badly paced / plotted.

Two Things

Struck me the most about this story: the wife who at least emotionally was already cheating had three friends who didn't accept and support her adultery which is rather rare in LW stories and the line "They don't give you the Medal of Honor for throwing someone else on a live grenade. Alex is the one you threw." Signed: BTW

I enjoyed the realism of the characters, flaws and all.

I like it much better than the original. Thank you.

The wife never fully loved her man to do the shit she pulled on him. And he was very happy. So he shouldn't worry about never being able to love her like he used to.

They switched roles. She can pamper and spoil him rotten, and he can accept that pampering and offer 90 percent commitment. He's the weak link now, able to be swayed into an emotional affair like she was. Only time will tell if she can be like he was, and love him to the point of exhaustion.

He should pull back some. She gave him trauma. He shouldn't trust her 100% ever again. That's self love and normal.

I felt this was pretty good. Different from the original, perhaps more serious. Liked the office girlfriends that read the riot act to Sheri. Liked the revised plan for helping John; girlfriends showed their respect for Alex. I think Sheri bringing up "using the card" right after love making on Valentines was over the top. Perhaps it should have been discussed on Feb 15th. However, I realize the timing as used in the story heightens the dramatic effect and sense of betrayal; just don't think the additional drama is needed.

Think the story ended too abruptly for me (although I respect the ending is the author's prerogative. Perhaps there could be a sequel of a year of counseling, both individual and couples counseling followed with a "welcome home" party for John with Alex, Sheri and the office girlfriends.

The original story was actually a quite fun fantasy with all the office girlfriends taking care of Alex. This story was perhaps more realistic and not quite as much fun.

Nope, she had already started an emotional affair. Her presenting her demand for the free pass after they had an evening out on Valentines Day was beyond cruel and evil. They may stay together but, she has destroyed the foundation of the marriage.