Valentine's Day - The Whole Story

Then I started having doubts about myself. If Helen left me for an absolute loser like Chet, what did she think of me? A couple of weeks later I voiced my self-doubts to Erin and she told me I wasn't a loser. Helen was an idiot. Any woman would be very lucky to have me as a partner. Still, Erin joined me in my mourning. One Friday after work I was feeling exceptionally down and hit the bar. Drinking by yourself is never a good idea. By eight I had had several too many and the bartender made me find a ride home. I called Erin and she came and picked me up.

I don't remember a lot of what happened, but Erin got me into my house safe and sound. She humored me and sat with me as I poured my heart out to her. I don't remember any of it. She told me how I expressed my hurt and anger at Helen. She also told me how I professed my undying love for her and she thought I was funny.

*****

When Jacob had his first birthday, Erin and Simon threw a party. I gave the baby about ten books that I thought a little boy might enjoy. It was a nice gathering of family and friends. About half way through I saw Simon leave.

As the party wrapped up I was helping Erin clean up, "Where did Simon go off to?"

Erin was silent and kept her back to me as she cleaned up. I wasn't sure what was going on so I held my tongue. Erin turned to me. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Sometimes I am a social klutz, "What?"

She sat down at the kitchen table, "Simon left me three days ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You have enough pain in your life. You didn't need me throwing this at you."

"Erin, you're my friend. Of course you can throw it at me."

She stood and pressed herself into my chest. Once again I was comforting her.

That evening we sat on her back porch and she told me about her failed marriage. They had been on the rocks for quite a while. She hoped having a baby would bring them together again. She knew something was wrong about a month ago and she confronted Simon. He told her she was being ridiculous.

Three days ago she was doing laundry and she noticed his underwear smelled like sex. She confronted him. Simon told her that he would be leaving that evening. Erin could find him at his secretary's apartment. What a shithead!

The day before the party, Simon had filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. The only good thing was Simon wasn't contesting things and was going to give her the house and a nice alimony.

Over the next several months we became very close. We helped each other through a lot of difficult issues. Erin put me down as emergency contact at the day care. Even as we became close I was never able to move out of "the friend zone." I regularly professed my love and admiration, but I was never taken seriously.

*****

I tried getting Erin to go out on a date, but she always had a lot of reasons she couldn't go. I tried dating other women, but I kept comparing them to Erin. No one ever measured up.

After one date that didn't go very well, I was eating lunch with Erin. I was a bit dejected. She had asked me about the evening and I explained how self-centered the woman was. She didn't seem like she was interested in anything but herself.

Erin asked, "So let me play match maker here. Tell me what you are looking for."

I thought a moment, "I'm looking for someone to be my partner. Someone I can share my life with. Someone who I can have a comfortable conversation with. Someone that doesn't judge me. Someone who cares about me."

Erin nodded, "What else?"

I decided to take a chance, "Ideally she would be brilliant and beautiful. I could picture myself with a vivacious, petite redhead with amazing green eyes."

She got a puzzled look on her face, "Why would you want anything to do with someone like that?"

"Because there's a wonderful woman I know who exactly fits those parameters."

Erin turned a bright shade of red, "So, do you know how to fix a leaky sink?"

Looks like I blew that.

*****

Two years ago I was invited to accompany her on her regular hikes. I immediately accepted, but found that much of our conversation was about her various dates. Despite my efforts to the contrary, I felt like her girlfriend rather than a possible love interest. I was firmly in the 'friend zone'.

Toward the end of June, Erin invited me to go on a hike. Jacob was going to spend the day with his father and she was free of any child related responsibilities. Her plan was that we'd go into the state forest about four miles, have lunch at a rustic lodge with an incredible view, and then hike back out. I immediately said yes.

Saturday dawned a little overcast with the threat of rain, although it was supposed to clear off and be a lovely day. I ate a hearty breakfast and was ready when she picked me up at 8:30. Although it was overcast, it was warm so I wore a light shirt and shorts. As usual I had my broad brim hat. It was a half hour drive to the trailhead and she was her usual vivacious self, talking about everything and anything.

We both had a light drawstring tote that we could carry essentials in. I had some water, sunscreen, energy bars, and a box of Band-Aids in mine. As we started out there was a light drizzle. Being in the forest, we really only received an occasional drip. After about twenty minutes we heard some thunder.

Erin looked concerned, "What do we do if we're caught in a thunderstorm?"

"We'll need to find some place to shelter. Actually, it wouldn't be a bad idea if we did that now."

"I have a small umbrella if that helps."

"Sure. Break it out. We'll want to find either some ground based shelter like an outcropping or some small trees. We'll want to stay away from tall stuff."

Thunder cracked much closer.

Erin pointed to a spot off to the side, "How about that?"

"Yeah. Let's go for it."

It was a sheer bluff about twenty feet high. We pressed ourselves against it and Erin raised her small umbrella. I put my arm around her and pulled her close. Suddenly we were in a torrential downpour. Thunder cracked again and Erin jumped, clinging to me. She tried to keep us dry, but the rain came from multiple directions. Then as soon as the rain started, it was over. Thunder was still cracking, but the storm had passed.

She patted my chest, "Sorry I got clingy."

"It's perfectly fine."

We were both soaked to the skin. Erin's shirt clung to her breasts, her bra clearly visible.

I peeled off my shirt, "Gotta get some of this water out of the shirt. Let me move off to give you some privacy."

"I don't need privacy. This is like wearing a bikini."

She peeled off her shirt and we both wrung them out.

A ray of sunshine fell on us and Erin turned to face the sun. She threw her head back, eyes closed, and arms out stretched. "Oh this feels heavenly."

I had to check her out. Her breasts were average sized, but still high on her chest. I could detect erect nipples in her bra. She had a couple of stretch marks on her stomach, but it was taut, nothing extra. Her pale skin had freckles everywhere. I was mesmerized by her beautiful body.

Erin said, "I hope you are taking this opportunity to check me out."

Busted! I came clean, "I am."

"Do you like what you see?"

"I do. You're a beautiful woman in fabulous shape."

"Thank you. You're pretty good looking yourself."

"Would you mind if I wrung out this bra?"

"No. I'll give you privacy."

"Eric, I really don't mind if you see me. You're my best friend. You can see me naked. I'm seeing you naked."

"Yes, but a man going topless is not the same."

"I like what I see though."

She stayed facing the sun, and took off her bra, exposing her breasts. Her pink nipples were at attention. Her quarter-sized areolas were crinkled and cold.

"How do you like me now?"

"Stunningly beautiful."

If it wasn't for the wet shorts I would have been sporting a serious erection by this point.

Erin wrung out the water and put her bra back on followed by her shirt, "Damn! That's cold."

I put mine back on, "You're right!"

We returned to the trail and headed out again. We walked about ten minutes in companionable silence.

Erin finally said, "You know what I really like about our friendship?"

"What?"

"We're comfortable with each other."

"There is a lot to be said about comfort."

"Back there I felt completely comfortable stripping down with you. I knew I was safe with you. We've been walking and either of us has said a word. We've nothing to prove to one another. We know all about each other."

"It's nice. Erin ..." I suddenly didn't want to break the spell.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"No. Tell me."

"You know I don't have many friends right?"

"Sure you do."

"Not many I trust. I fact I think you're it. You are absolutely my best friend. I love you dearly."

"I love you too Eric. You're a terrific friend."

There! She loves me as a friend, but not anything more. I thought my expression of love was more heart-felt. Erin was telling me she loves me like she would tell one of her girlfriends. How do I show her?

"Erin, do you have any idea how much today means to me?"

She was nodded, "Being with you means a lot to me."

"Getting to spend the entire day with you is a dream come true for me."

"Really?"

"I think the most valuable thing we can give another person is our time. Spending today with you means the world to me."

"I can't think of a nicer person to give my time to. You're the best."

We hiked on in silence for a bit. I feared I had somehow been too forthright in telling Erin how I felt. She certainly didn't seem to take me seriously.

We crossed a small stream. I jumped across first and looked back. Erin was hesitant to jump. I stood on the edge and held out my hand. She jumped and reached for me at the same time. I caught her hand and pulled. She landed with a foot to spare.

"Eric?"

"Yes, my dear."

"Do you have any dreams?"

"Not a lot." I didn't want to tell her about how I dreamed of being her lover and partner.

"But some?"

"Yeah."

"Do they involve me?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

It felt like she was done prying. "How about you?"

"Most of my dreams are dead."

She was quiet for a hundred yards or so, "Like Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables." She sang in a beautiful, powerful voice:

"I had a dream my life would be.

So different from this hell I'm living.

So different now from what it seemed.

Now life has killed

The dream I dreamed."

That snippet of song was heartbreaking. I let the silence reign for a moment.

I said, "Perhaps the finest song from the world's finest musical." I looked over at her and tears were streaming down her cheeks. I put my arm around her.

"Simon destroyed my dreams."

She turned to me and buried her face in my still damp shirt. I hugged her to me and she sobbed. I thought, how many times have I comforted her like this over the years? I kissed the top of her head.

Erin tilted her head back and looked up at me, "Thanks for being my friend. I don't know how I could have gotten through these past couple of years without you."

"You're welcome. You've supported me too."

We began walking again.

*****

Erin was quiet for the remainder of the hike to the lodge. When we got there, it wasn't crowded. We got a table on the patio with an incredible view. The sky was crystal clear.

The waitress came over and asked, "Can I start you two off with something?"

I held up two fingers, "Two IPAs if you have them."

"Be right back."

I said, "I assumed that's what you would like."

"You know me so well."

The waitress returned with our drinks.

I raised my glass, "To friendship."

Erin smiled, and touched my glass, "To precious friends."

The toast knocked Erin out of her funk. The rest of the day was amazing. We both had cheeseburgers and a second IPA. The hike back was fun and carefree. She told me some stories of her undergraduate days that I had heard before, but I loved hearing again. She was joking and making funny observations of the world around us.

By the time we got back to my house it was nearly dinner time, "Can I invite you in for some dinner?"

"I should be going. Thanks for a very fun day."

"Thank you for the best day I have had in a very long time."

Hugging her would have been awkward in the car and I felt a kiss was out of the question. I just took her hand and squeezed it. I climbed out, retrieved my stuff and walked across the drive.

I thought I heard something. As I turned to wave, Erin jumped into my arms and put her arms around my neck. I dropped my things and returned the hug. She squeezed me tight and whispered, "Thank you."

She quickly kissed me and ran back to her car. She tooted her horn as she drove off.

*****

We continued hiking together over the rest of the summer. On really warm days Erin would wear a halter top. It wasn't because she was trying to be sexy and alluring. She just felt very comfortable with me. Several times I tried to move out of the "friend zone", but my efforts were met with gentle rebuffs.

When the snow started flying we began snowshoeing together. During one of those outings, she told me about a guy she had met. How he was handsome and fun. How happy he made her. I tried very hard to be supportive, but her constant talk about this guy broke my heart. Why couldn't she see how much I loved her?

His name was Dan. All she talked about was Dan. Throughout the workday it was Dan. At lunch it was Dan. On our winter hikes it was Dan. They spent nearly every Friday and Saturday evening together. While Erin didn't specifically mention sex, she implied that they were intimate.

About a week before Valentine's Day, Erin came into work walking on air. Dan had told her that Saturday he was taking her to 'Floor 44', one of the fanciest restaurants in town. It was on the top of a building downtown and it was very expensive. While she didn't say so in so many words, I understood that she believed Dan would pop the question that evening.

On Thursday she left work early to go shopping. She started sending me pictures of her in some amazing dresses. She wanted to know what I thought of each one. Not only was I in the 'friend zone', I was now in the 'girlfriend zone'. I resigned myself that I would never be anything more for her. My heart ached for something that could never be. Even though I was working against my own interests, she was my best friend and I felt like I couldn't let her down.

I gave her my candid opinion on each dress. Finally, she sent me a picture of her wearing a stunning emerald green dress. It was perfect for her and I told her so. I told her that wearing that dress made her the most beautiful woman in the world. I meant every word.

Saturday afternoon, Erin asked my opinion on how she should wear her hair. I gave her my opinion and she gushed thankfulness. I made myself a lonesome dinner and settled in with a good book.

About 8:30 my phone rang, it was Erin.

"Shouldn't you be on your date?"

I could hear sobs through the phone, "He didn't show. I texted him and he said he forgot!"

That pissed me off, "Horseshit, he forgot!"

The sobbing increased, "What..." Sob. "Did..." Sob. "I do?" Sob.

"Erin, you didn't do a thing. This guy's a loser if he doesn't see how sweet and smart and funny you are. Did I mention how beautiful you are?"

The other end of the phone was quiet.

I let the silence hang for a moment, "You're not doing very well are you?"

"No."

"Hey, how about if I take you out. Nothing fancy. Just you and me. We'll go to Tony's."

"I wouldn't be very good company."

"Garbage! You're incredible company."

I drove over and picked her up, then to Tony's Bar & Grill for dinner. Erin had changed out of the fancy dress, but her hair was still done. The babysitter was still there and I told her we'd be back in a couple of hours.

At Tony's Erin barely ate and proceeded to have a couple of IPAs too many. All she did was put herself down all night long. I felt so badly for her. Afterward, I drove her home. I steadied her as she stumbled up the steps and through the front door. I made sure the babysitter was paid, saw her to bed, then left.

*****

We had planned on going snowshoeing on Sunday afternoon - Valentine's Day. I think she planned to celebrate her engagement, but obviously that wasn't going to happen. I also wondered how hungover she'd be. Around one o'clock I received a text:

Erin: Can we postpone till Saturday? I forgot to make red cupcakes for Jacob. It's a tradition.

Eric: Same time?

I received a thumbs up.

I wasn't up for a solo hike so I spent an hour and a half on my treadmill, exercising through my unrequited love.

When I was done, I took my sweaty body to the kitchen where I started to prepare dinner. I heard a loud banging from the back door. I opened the door and found Erin holding a single red cupcake on a plate. I was dumbfounded, just staring at her.

She smiled, "Can I come in? It's kind of cold."

"I'm sorry. How rude of me." I stepped back and Erin stepped in, tears flowing.

"Eric, I have been blind. I'm idiot." She handed me the plastic wrapped plate. "I have ignored the one man who has loved me unconditionally through thick and thin. Will you forgive me?"

I was dumbfounded. My heart was pounding as I set the plate down. Part of me wanted to believe this was real. Part of me was hesitant.

Finally, I said, "Can I give you a hug?"

She threw herself into my arms, "You can do more than that."

She kissed me as passionately as I have ever been kissed. She spoke into my mouth, "I need to get back to Jacob, but will you come over for dinner?"

Holding her felt heavenly, "Sure."

"Will you forgive me for being a dumbass all these years?"

"You're not a dumbass. You're brilliant."

"Yes, but sometimes the brain doesn't follow where the heart leads."