All Comments on 'Valentine's Day Pt. 01'

Page after page boasting of opulence. I got bored and gave up.

😞 I'm sorry, but I couldn't really get into this story. Brother/Sister with a girlfriend is my favorite. But this feels like it was written by a horny 14 year old male. 😳 I only managed to read to the halfway point when his sister arrived during brunch before I was starting to puke. This whole thing is too cheesy and the dialog is atrocious. I've read 9th grade and 10th grade essays that had been written with better punctuation and format.

I was also turned off by the "rich entitled brat" feeling from all of the over the top tipping. It was done in such a condescending manner that I was beginning to loose interest in the story early on. A few kind words added to the gratuity that expresses gratitude for the service means three times as much as the money. The only thing that I found pleasant was when Maryanne said, "That is OK, wifey has money on her own and doesn't need hubby's money." as she sticks her tongue out to him. She cares enough to share the expense of the experience.

This needs about 3 or 4 rewrites to get it correct. Again, it's way too cheesy to be enjoyable.