All Comments on 'Valentine's Day Storm'

You know, to let the story evolve some more and to give us some more of this uber cute couple you created. Damn if I didn't almost cry as well when the transfer request came up. Of course this gets a 5* with fingers crossed for more.

Well written, and a fun read. The endpoint was a bit predictable from the start, but some nice twists and turns kept things interesting.

Very good story and well written. Like the old saying; “All she needed was a good fuck!” I give this story five stars and hope you follow up with more details as their relationship moves forward.

Lovely story. Thanks!

Four stars, but could have been five, if you had made the story a bit longer and more developed. The characters and plot you created are great and have a lot of potential, so I hope you might consider a continuation to the story soon. Thanks, for your efforts!

The Romance Genre is over half the books purchased of any fiction type. Half. So this is the genre you want to write in for the money. That being said, this setup concept ( What if the office hero got stuck with the mean manager in a snowstorm?) was pulled off.

How? By arranging the scene through narration and dialogue to get us to feel the character's emotions. The sex in the story ends up being a plot point to break through the mean bosses shell, once and for all--and setup the final scene as for whether or not a man will double-cross her again.

The humor works, and the scenes are very realistic.

Write more my friend!

This was a well written short that could easily be expanded. Currently perfectly acceptable as it is, I would prefer more depth to your characters which I'm sure wouldn't be difficult for you.

Example: on her return to work, her attitude doesn't have to be a complete 180° turnaround a la Scrooge but perhaps a gradual thawing with the response from her office becoming increasingly positive. Just a thought. Thank you for sharing your creativity.

You nailed this story, now keep writing. Please

add at least another chapter! There are so many things that you could do with this story. They can date and build a relationship. David can help her mend things with her Dad. His Mother calling and wanting to talk to him could also be another chapter where he takes her home to meet his parents. There are so many possibilities. Please again consider adding some more chapters to this great story! 5's all day my friend.....

Really liked the story, although as others have mentioned it could have been longer. Of course when you are enjoying a read it always ends too soon. I particularly liked the fact that she wasn't shaved bare and he liked her the way she was. So many stories are diminished with that shaving fetish just because someone says everyone does it from age sixteen to seventy.

Fucking incredible! One could make a hell of a movie outta this! Loved it! Really brightened up my day! Thanks so much!

This is my new favorite. And Yeah, I agree you should do a few more chapters of this one. Perfectly done.

Why did you write the female lead to be terrible at her department's focus, terrible at being a manager in general, and completely lacking in judgment about who should decide what's safe to do in a snowstorm? You have one perfect character and one completely inept character. It didn't work for me.

I liked this story a lot.

One tidbit that you have probably been notified about: .."commiserate with the sheer size ..." That would be commensurate, instead. Commiserate about the "before" time is what the employees will be doing at the wedding reception.

Very good indeed! Thank you!

You have a great story with even greater potential for further chapters. David Martin does a good job softening Laura to the point where she enjoyed their sexual weekend, even if that was the last thing she imagined. She can see that David is a gentleman, and they can have a future together.

If Dvid is regarded as the "catch" of the office men, please give a description: when he strips off his shirt, does he have a nice coating of hair for that chest and those abs? And is his cock an impressive size and girth to make Laura swoon? I think David is "all man"and a wonderful catch for Laura. More writing please!

O.M.G. you stopped there. Wheres the frigging rest of it, it is one of the best short stories I have ever read, I give it 4 outta 5 stars, couldve been 5 stars if it had been longer, please write more chapters to see how they get on,

Liked it a lot...esp her softer side as story progressed...

and ESP that you gave her a full bush...so rare in most all stories on here...lucky lucky David...I too would have down on her in a NY second...

pity it's not one of the story tags...her large girls made it....

Could have been a little more drama, intrigue, what ever you want to call it. I would like to see her be a bitch a little longer before she succumbed to him, is what I’m trying to say. I really enjoyed it still. 5 stars.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and would like to see another chapter. Turning the tech department around. Inter office politics and gossip. Possibly where they continue a relationship with growing pains and each parties parents gets introduced to each other. Laura Reconciling with her father. Maybe an attempt at children.

A little more detail about the office morale issues, possibly talking about transferring out ot another department, or someone saying they've accepted an offer from another company, would heighten the realism. The lead-up to the boinkage portion of the story would have benefited from a few more paragraphs, as would as David's reaction to discovering Laura is wearing sexy underwear at odds with her Dragon Lady public persona, inspiring fantasies in his head that just might not be so fantastic. A couple of lines, possibly David's picking up the company personnel manual and opening it to the section dealing with dating rules and interpersonal behavior, would have set up the finish more precisely, as would a line about Laura's heart bounding as she looked at him and realized his intentions, while perhaps not unselfish, are serious, that he does not see her as a one night stand. It would help set you up for a second story leading, as several other commenters said, to a long lasting happy ending for the couple.

Those are critique comments. But you need a refresher course on punctuation, the correct use of ellipses, and how to use synonyms, particularly sexual synonyms. A little more work would make this a five star story and maybe a contest winner. A good read that could become a great one. Enjoyed reading it and look forward to the sequel.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/taut

I think Sir Galahad was a bit severe. The only thing that I really noticed was one of my pet peeves. Few people seem to know how to spell words like taut.

Also I liked the flow, you had a great start and ended just right.

Great story, I’ll be looking at more if your creations.

Tc

Well written and I enjoyed your story very much.

...with golfbum 13 and SirGalahad; both make excellent constructive comments. I'll add one of my pet peeves: "to lie" (meaning "to recline") versus "to lay" (meaning "to place"). Past tense versions: "lay" versus "laid". Example of correct usage: "Last night I laid the book on the table, then lay on the bed to sleep."

Overall, quite well written and enjoyable. With a bit of proof reading/editing this is an easy "5".

Keep 'em comin'.

(1/4/2022) Nice; this was an enjoyable read. Well written. Thank you for submitting. 5 stars.

Very Cute und Romantic!

[Aging myself here] I find it humourus that she's named 'Laura Spencer' and is like 6 feet tall...when the 'Laura Spencer' I remember is the one from General Hospital in the early 1980's played by Genie Francis and stands like 5 foot 4.

11/10!!!!!

Enjoyed the story, just a few notes…it’s “white board” not wipe board; the following sentence needs a comma in it or to be split into multiple sentences: “Her lips were full and soft looking the kind that seemed almost made for kissing on a cold night. Those are just a couple of examples…still, I enjoyed the read&

I gave it four stars....it would have been five if you had carried it on a bit further.

I think this would make a great episode on "Love American Style -- 2000s." There are many fine short stories in LIT and SOL.

Darn I feel like I am checking out at Walmart at the self checkout.......

Now I have think how your story continues/ends.

I would love to see more of Laura and David story it has so much potential to be even better.

This was great.